The Accidental Hero Slayer

My name is Lu Ren. I’m an assassin, eking out a living in Newbie Village. I had always believed my life was quite ordinary, quite peaceful… until, that is, I inadvertently killed the Hero!

It was a beautiful morning, though the sun was nowhere to be seen. Ah, no, the sky… wait, what am I saying? It was clearly night at the time!

That day, just like any other, I was busy setting traps on the vast prairie near Newbie Village. And let me tell you, I was immensely proud of that particular trap!

You see, wild boars typically don’t roam the open prairie; they mostly forage deep within the forest. To effectively ensnare them on the grassland, I first dug a cunning pit near the forest’s edge, lining it with sharp wooden spikes. Only then did I venture into the woods myself.

“One gold coin for the toll,” the guard announced.

“Oh…” I groaned inwardly. ‘My heart bled at the cost. And wouldn’t you know it, the blasted guard spotted me entering again!’

Once the toll was paid, I retrieved my dagger, its blade coated in potent venom, and meticulously harvested a full basket of the wild boars’ most coveted greens. Returning to my trap, I carefully arranged the bait. My masterpiece was complete! Truly a stroke of genius, wouldn’t you agree?

Observe! In this boundless expanse of prairie, this is the only place where the wild boars’ most beloved delicacy can be found. Any boar spotting it would surely charge over excitedly, only to plummet headfirst into my cleverly concealed pit. (Of course, the forest itself teemed with an endless supply of such greens…)

Thus, I settled into my hiding spot and waited… and waited…

‘What? Are you implying that I, an assassin, am dabbling in the work of a mere hunter? Let me enlighten you: this profession of mine is far from simple. Assignments arrive sequentially, and there are days when not a single contract comes my way. What’s a man to do? One must eat, after all. So, yes, I take on a bit of hunting to keep body and soul together.’

“Grrr-grrr!” A wild boar! The sound rumbled from the depths of the forest! ‘It must have spotted my trap and is now waddling excitedly towards it! My trap is absolutely brilliant!’

With a sudden shhk, a flash of steel sliced through the air, and the boar was cleaved neatly in two at the waist…

‘What in the world just happened?’

Another “grrr-grrr” suddenly erupted as a second boar burst from the treeline. It seemed utterly terrified by the flash of the blade, scrambling frantically towards my position, only to plunge squarely into my trap, impaling itself on the wooden spikes!

‘Oh, yes! My trap truly is perfect! To think it snared its first wild boar so swiftly!’

“Huh? Where did that wild boar go?” A strange figure emerged from the depths of the forest. Clad in light armor and gripping a gleaming greatsword, their gender was indiscernible beneath the confines of a full-face helmet.

“Why, it’s right here.” The figure approached, using the glowing blade of their sword to illuminate the depths of the pit. “Remarkable, there’s actually a trap here.”

“Hey! Hold on! That’s mine!” I lunged forward, a surge of panic propelling me, terrified they would claim my precious 100-gold wild boar!

“Hmm? And who might you be?”

“I’m… well…” ‘I couldn’t possibly reveal myself as an assassin. What if this person blabbed about my hunting endeavors, leading the local trappers to believe I was poaching their livelihood?’

“I’m a local hunter. Is there a problem?”

“Oh, a hunter, then.” The figure slid their glowing sword into its sheath and then, with a fluid motion, removed their helmet. In that precise moment, I felt as though I’d witnessed an angel descend—yes, an angel! She was, in fact, a woman! With golden hair and sapphire eyes, her beauty was truly breathtaking, capable of captivating kingdoms. She was the very image of a goddess many men yearned for. Alas… my gaze drifted to her utterly flat breastplate… an A-cup, if you catch my drift.

“But I clearly drove this wild boar out of the forest.”

“Yet it plummeted into my trap.”

“You’re being utterly unreasonable!”

“No, you’re the one being unreasonable!” I retorted, my voice rising. “Who exactly are you? I’ve certainly never seen you in these parts.”

“I am the Hero.” The moment those words left her lips, I froze. The Hero? The fabled champion capable of challenging the Demon King single-handedly! It was said that over a decade ago, she had brandished her Holy Sword, ultimately plunging it into the Demon King’s very heart, thereby bringing an end to an age of darkness! And now, such a monumental figure stood directly before me… I was utterly dumbfounded! But what truly perplexed me was… why was this Hero a woman?

“You’re the Hero? But… you’re a woman?”

“Oh? Is there some rule against a Hero being a woman?”

‘She had a point. I sounded like I was being entirely sexist.’

“Very well then. The boar you struck down is yours, and the one that fell into my trap is mine.”

“Alright, I don’t particularly mind. I merely got lost in the forest and decided to hunt some game.”

“You’re foraging for game; I, however, need to sell it for coin.” With that, I began to wrestle the wild boar from the depths of the trap.

“This trap is quite professionally crafted; the wild boar died instantly upon falling in.” The Hero, with surprising ease, seized my arm and, along with the boar, dragged me a considerable distance away. ‘My heavens… this woman possesses monstrous strength… Is she even human?!’

“If it’s not professional, I can’t earn my keep! Understand?”

“Understood,” the Hero affirmed with a nod. By this point, she had already sauntered a short distance away and, with effortless kicks, sent the two halves of the slain boar tumbling before me. “It’s quite late now. How about we build a fire and set up camp? It would be good to have company.”

‘Hmm… with someone so formidable, did I truly have a say in the matter? Naturally, I swiftly built a roaring fire on the spot and settled down in quiet resignation.’

The Hero settled down as well. “Um… excuse me, Mr. Hunter, how would you describe your culinary skills?”

“They’re adequate; no one has ever complained about my cooking,” I replied.

“That’s splendid! Please, help me prepare it!” The Hero reached out and effortlessly dragged over one half of the wild boar. “I’ll give you any parts of this boar that I can’t manage to finish, how does that sound?”

‘That’s an enormous amount… I couldn’t even finish half of that half a boar… how much could one woman possibly consume?’

“Very well, allow me to prepare it.”

I retrieved a bundle of sturdy branches, then drew my small knife—its blade still glistening with potent venom—and meticulously began to carve and prepare the half-boar. Each chunk of meat was then carefully skewered onto a separate branch.

“Wow, so all we need to do now is roast it to perfection?”

“Precisely,” I confirmed. “And I even brought salt.” I rummaged through the woven basket slung across my back and produced a pouch of salt.

“This roasted pork preparation is incredibly elaborate.”

‘I wanted to punch that “elaborate-freak” right in the face! Ugh, what nonsense am I spouting? What even is an “elaborate-freak”?’

And so… our conversation began in earnest.

“Has something significant occurred? Hero, for you to return to Newbie Village… I heard you had retreated into seclusion after vanquishing the Demon King, had you not?”

“Mmph,” she mumbled, her mouth full. “Indeed, but the Demon King is on the verge of resurrection.” Watching the Hero devour her food… ‘How in the world does she manage to stuff her cheeks so utterly full?! Still, it’s rather endearing, I must admit.’

“Revived? But surely that’s not the reason for your presence in Newbie Village? There’s no Demon King here.”

“Mmph, I’m not here seeking the Demon King,” she chewed. “Mmph, I haven’t even recovered my former equipment or reunited with my old companions yet. My primary reason for being in Newbie Village is to retrieve my Holy Sword from this very forest.”

“Your Holy Sword? Isn’t that the one you’re carrying? It’s glowing, just like a glow stick! Bah, what even is a glow stick?”

“Heh heh, you certainly are amusing. This is merely an ordinary sword; it glows because I’ve imbued it with Holy Light. Do you comprehend?”

“Oh, I see. Holy Light.” I nodded slowly. “Confirmed,” I declared, “I still don’t understand.”

“Well, alright then… to be fair, I don’t fully grasp the intricacies of Holy Light myself.”

After a while of conversation, I began to feel a pang of hunger, and watching the Hero devour her meal only intensified my own cravings…

But just as I was about to reach out for a succulent skewer… good heavens, not a single one remained! She had actually eaten everything!

“Ah, my apologies. I suppose I can give you the other half…”

“But… after I prepared one half, I then prepared the other half… meaning the skewers on the grill amounted to an entire wild boar… and now, there’s absolutely nothing left on the grill…”

‘This Heroine’s appetite was truly beyond extraordinary!’

“Speaking of which, are there any vegetables or the like? Eating only meat can be quite cloying. Oh, right, there are some greens near the trap.”

‘Don’t you dare ignore me! How can you possibly still be hungry?!’

“Do not eat those greens!” I warned her sharply.

“Why not?”

“I cut them with this very small knife, the one coated in potent venom. The toxins on those greens are exceedingly difficult to neutralize; even a roaring fire won’t diminish their effect. Should an ordinary person consume them, they would exhibit the following symptoms: Firstly, acute dizziness.”

“Ah?” The Hero began to sway noticeably.

‘She’s even playing along? Interesting!’

“Secondly, hallucinations.”

“Ahahaha! Demon King, come and face me!” The Hero drew her sword and began slashing wildly, nearly decapitating me.

‘Wow, she’s really committing to the role!’

“Thirdly, collapse and unconsciousness.”

With a sudden thud, the Hero fell silent.

“Just like that,” I said, giving a thumbs-up. “I must say, Hero, your acting is incredibly convincing.”

However, the Hero never stirred again…

A moment later… I slowly realized that I had used the same small knife to prepare the wild boar…

‘Oh no…’

‘This was an accident, a complete accident! I never intended to kill the Hero!’