Chapter 2: Unraveling Discomfort

My daily routine is simple.

I either stir up trouble in the community, play games, or go out and drink heavily.

In the past few months, I’ve even ended up drinking alone, so I’ve become accustomed to doing everything by myself.

Of course, I also eat alone.

I browsed through the delivery app.

I like stews and pork cutlets.

I also like chicken, but since the prices have gone up recently, it feels too arrogant to order it.

Habitually, I entered the categories for Korean and Japanese food to look at pork cutlets and stews.

However, for some reason, I wasn’t craving them.

I kept getting drawn to the items for spicy hot pot and tteokbokki.

Spicy hot pot, which I hadn’t eaten in a while after having it once or twice, and tteokbokki, which I had eaten because the girls kept insisting.

For some reason, just looking at the images of those two items made my mouth water.

I flipped onto my stomach and briefly browsed through the pictures.

The two lumps on my chest caused a feeling of pressure in my thorax.

…

This isn’t good.

It feels like my mouth is half-filled with saliva.

I have no choice but to order this.

After pondering for a good ten minutes over tteokbokki and spicy hot pot, I eventually settled on the spicy hot pot.

I tossed in some popular ingredients.

“… Hmph.”

I buried my face in the pillow and started shaking my feet.

Suddenly, my mood lifted.

Even the waiting time for delivery brings me joy.

The food was delicious.

That feeling of ‘deliciousness’ amplified, and as soon as I took a bite, my eyes brightened.

After that, I practically cleared the bowl.

…

Or at least, I tried to.

The portion was larger than I expected.

It’s strange.

I thought I could finish this in no time.

But then I recalled my current body condition, and it made sense.

“Ugh…?”

Suddenly, a sharp stomachache hit me.

It wasn’t that spicy, was it?

What’s going on?

I stood up to check my condition.

“… Ah.”

A sigh escaped my lips.

I felt something flowing from down there.

I had a gut feeling that something was wrong.

For the first time in my life, I experienced a sensation I had never felt before.

I squeezed my legs together and dashed to the bathroom.

I took off my pajama pants and flipped them inside out.

As expected.

I let out a deep sigh and stared at the ceiling.

I don’t want this.

Menstruation.

A physiological phenomenon that inevitably comes to women.

That sight had come to me in a very explicit manner.

I threw my pajamas into the washing machine, washed up quickly, and pulled out another pair of pajamas.

Sanitary pads… should I get some?

…

It’s a hassle to go out.

I scratched my head for a moment, glancing around cautiously as I tore off three pieces of tissue and stuffed them in my underwear.

Well, this should be okay, right?

After all, the components should be similar.

I should finish all the relief measures I can, but annoyance washed over me again.

Should I stir up some trouble again?

No, I’m a bit tired of that since I already did it this morning.

So, I turned on a game instead, another method to relieve stress.

There was no one in my friends list.

When playing with friends, there’s always a skill gap, and to begin with, the game “Bell” only makes me more frustrated.

I immediately jumped into ranked matches without warming up.

A few stretches would loosen me up quickly anyway.

Let’s cut to the chase; the idea of using tissues as sanitary pads was a stupid thought.

I guess I’ve never heard women say they use tissues as substitutes for cost-effectiveness for a reason.

It’s damp.

Damp and sticky.

The quantity is more than I expected.

It clings down there.

I want to scratch it, but I can’t do that while gaming.

…

Suddenly, a wave of irritation hit me.

I guess I’m not immune to irritability after all.

The discomfort that started from below began to spread through my body, and soon I felt heat rising to my head, becoming increasingly uncomfortable.

That tingling sensation shot down from my head through my entire body like an electric signal, igniting my anger.

•  An ally has been slain.

• An ally has been slain.

Two teammates who had been dying since earlier were dead again.

“Ah, damn… seriously…”

A heavy sigh escaped me, thick with heat.

I was irritated.

Really irritated.

Is it really something to be this annoyed about? I don’t know.

Anyway, I wanted to relieve it somehow.

I took my hand off the mouse and brought it to the keyboard.

“Die, die, die: You guys should stop dying.”

“Die, die, die: I really want to kill you all.”

Yoo Ji-eun: Sorry…

I felt like my irritation was worse than usual, but it couldn’t be helped.

I thought it was their fault for ruining my mood.

If you didn’t want to die, you should’ve played better.

“Damn.”

A scoff escaped my lips.

I hated hypocrites the most.

“That damn fool is starting something…”

I muttered to myself and immediately searched their stats.

Yoo Ji-eun

“Damn idiot.”

They were both the ones I was playing with.

Now that I had their names, I should focus on targeting them.

“Die, die, die: I’m about to puke.”

“Die, die, die: Your nicknames are like two girls hitting on each other.”

“Die, die, die: Which one of you is the man?”

“Die, die, die: Or are both of you just X-bitches? Pathetic. Haha.”

“Die, die, die: Who’s on top and who’s on bottom? Haha, oh, do girls not have that?”

“Die, die, die: Do you think that love will last long?”

“Die, die, die: It’s a contradictory love anyway. Haha, it’s disgusting to watch.”

My slender fingers continued to hurl insults as if there were no issues.

And then I immediately blocked them.

Normally, I would engage in a verbal fight without blocking, but for some reason today, I didn’t want to get insulted.

I spit out various things by myself.

“Die, die, die: If you’re a woman, how much do you cost?”

“Die, die, die: I’m in the mood for a threesome.”

“Die, die, die: I have tattoos and blonde hair; how about this style?”

“Die, die, die: That place is pretty big too.”

Ah, not anymore.

Anyway.

No, but is the last one still correct?

After it ended, I unblocked them slightly to see their reactions.

Immediately, I got a response.

Yoo Ji-eun: Stop talking and focus on the game…

Her mental state seems pretty good.

With that, I seized the opportunity to throw another insult.

“Die, die, die: Yeah, fuck off, idiot.”

“Die, die, die: I’ve said all I needed to, so I’m leaving now.”

“Die, die, die: You and your girlfriend can suck each other off.”

I felt a bit refreshed.

Normally, I would play the game, but right now, I really didn’t feel like it.

Do all women feel like this when they’re on their period?

Everything feels like a mess. I wish the world would end.

I’m annoyed.

I’m really annoyed.

I need to go buy some pads.

I was originally going to order them online, but I can’t stand this discomfort until then.

I quickly threw on some pajamas and a hoodie, and before heading out, I stuffed some tissues into my pants.

The tissues were already soaked with discomfort.

“… Ah.”

“Hmm?”

As soon as I stepped outside, I ran into a guy from next door.

We’re not close, but since he lives next door, we at least acknowledge each other with a nod.

Even in such casual encounters, I usually remember faces, but he seemed taken aback to see someone else instead of the usual person.

“Uh… hello. Are you the girlfriend of that blonde student?”

He asked while scanning me with his eyes.

I instinctively shrank under his gaze.

“No.”

“Really? Then, could it be that…”

Suddenly, he looked me up and down again.

A wave of discomfort washed over me.

What? What was he trying to say?

Is he suggesting something?

“Ahaha, no. We see each other often~”

I replied, and he walked away cheerfully, as if he had seen something good, entered his house, and input his code.

After hearing his front door lock and the sound of him taking off his shoes inside, I muttered curses to myself.

“Shit. Ah, damn it.”

“Damn it. Damn it… Damn it…”

Just because my body changed, I’m already being treated like this.

I realized that men’s gazes are more straightforward than I thought.

It was the first time I felt disgust toward men.

And a bit of fear, too.

The weather outside was neither cold nor hot.

It felt like the start of summer.

There might be personal differences, but still.

I hurried to the nearest convenience store, walking as fast as I could.

I just wanted to erase this discomfort as quickly as possible.

I wondered if getting pads would make a difference.

As I turned the corner, I saw the convenience store.

I walked over and opened the door.

The cashier’s gaze lingered on me longer than before.

I could definitely feel it. Another wave of discomfort surged inside me.

I searched around for pads but couldn’t find any.

Ah, damn…

The heat in my head flared up again.

It was embarrassing to ask, but I had no choice.

Right now, finding relief from my physical discomfort was more important for my mental peace.

“… Excuse me.”

The convenience store, filled only with the sound of the fan, is pierced by my voice.

“Ah, yes, yes.”

“Where… where are the pads?”

Embarrassment rushed over me, making my words stumble. I hoped I didn’t look too strange.

“Ah… they’re over there, on the middle shelf.”

“… Thank you.”

I bowed my head slightly and walked toward the spot he pointed out.

There were various types of pads stocked there.

Not knowing what each one was, I picked one at random and headed to the counter.

It felt a bit embarrassing to buy just that, so I grabbed a soda and handed it over too.

“Please ring me up.”

“It’s 4,500 won.”

“Here you go.”

I opened the quick payment system on my phone and handed it to the cashier.

He took it and placed it on the card reader.

“There’s not enough balance.”

What?

In the end, I left the pads and the soda where they were.

The discomfort kept irritating me.

Not enough balance.

This wasn’t just the lament of a typical twenty-something.

Not enough balance held various meanings for me.

My mother’s.

Insurance money.

I’ve never had a job.

Ah…

The front door of my house. Right next to it was the neighbor’s front door.

I stared at it blankly.

My lips pressed tightly together.

My eyebrows trembled.

Just… just…

Should I just give in?

Should I strip down right now and knock on the neighbor’s door, let myself be taken advantage of, and end up rolling around like a rag with some cigarette burns and a few tattoos on my body?

Self-destructive urges began to swirl through my entire being.

I could do it any moment now. Like I used to stand alone by the fence-less rooftop door.

Various thoughts flickered like heat waves on asphalt, then faded as I opened my front door and stepped inside.

Well, well.

I don’t know if I can sleep with this pain.