part 2: Don’t Push Yourself, Higashi

She really is a strange girl.

That was the very first thought that came to my mind after meeting her.

And at the same time, she was someone I couldn’t just ignore—

Ichijou Rikuhiko.

That’s my name.

I can’t say it sounds particularly nice, but it’s at least acceptable to the ear.

Ever since I was young, there haven’t been many people who questioned my name.

I’m rambling a bit.

In some aspects, I can be overly persistent and long-winded.

That’s not exactly a good habit.

It could cause serious trouble in the future.

The kind you can’t shake off.

Yue once said that about me.

There probably really is some inescapable trouble waiting for me.

I can feel that premonition hovering nearby.

Thankfully, I’m not someone who hates trouble.

Because being afraid of trouble and choosing to look away, or even abandon things outright, is incredibly irresponsible.

That kind of person is truly detestable.

Just like my parents.

They abandoned me in my hometown and left me to be raised by my grandparents.

That kind of irresponsibility.

It’s a rather unpleasant memory.

Just recalling how they turned away without hesitation makes a wave of disgust rise up inside me.

That feeling of hating myself.

It made me wonder whether they left because of me.

Whether I wasn’t good enough.

Of course, those thoughts belonged to my childhood.

Now, I don’t really think that naively anymore.

Growing up, I did fairly well.

This isn’t self-praise.

I studied seriously and became what many people called a good kid.

But I do have my flaws.

For example—

As I grew older, I became less and less confident approaching girls.

The only girl I could truly talk to was Yue, whom I’d known since childhood.

[Rikuhiko, if you keep being like this, you’ll never get to know any girls other than me.]

Yue’s words echo in my ears.

And yet—

She turned her head, looked at me, and showed a smile that I couldn’t quite describe.

If I had to put it into words, it was like the cherry blossoms fluttering behind her.

Beautiful in just the right way.

So beautiful that it made me freeze on the spot.

Even—

Heaven-sent frost falls on dark hair,

Melting the instant it rests upon the palm.

That verse rang in my mind.

She was like the snow described in that poem.

Cold in appearance, yet treating the world with gentleness.

Filled with sorrow, and so fleeting that she might disappear if one didn’t keep their eyes on her.

I can’t deny it.

The moment I saw her, I felt something indescribable.

Maybe it was interest.

Maybe I saw some kind of reflection.

Either way—

There’s no denying that, at that moment, I was deeply drawn to her.

[My name is Higashi Hazuki—]

So her name was Higashi Hazuki.

A very beautiful name.

She smiled again.

It really was a lovely smile.

Even though it seemed to hide something, it was still beautiful.

The kind of smile you never get tired of seeing.

The midday air was filled with leisure.

Sunlight poured down just right, enough to let one relax and enjoy lunch.

Though, to be honest, I didn’t really relax that much.

[Just think of it as for my sake—]

She liked to smile.

At least on the surface.

[Become a harem king.]

That day, I received more information than I ever had before.

What made it even more absurd was that someone like me, who should have had no luck with girls, was described by her as a “harem king” capable of capturing five girls, simply because I walked her home.

Yet the way she spoke with such certainty, combined with her seemingly prophetic ability, made it hard not to believe her.

Even so, it was difficult for me to answer.

After all, I’m a firm believer in monogamy.

Too many girls would probably overwhelm me.

[Ichijou—]

Perhaps sensing my hesitation, she leaned closer.

She even crossed a certain boundary—

I was pressed beneath her, and a pleasant scent drifted from her body.

[Let me go back.

Let me go back, Ichijou.

I want to go back.]

She pleaded with me like that, in a strange position I’d never experienced before.

[You can do anything to the fake me, Ichijou.

I won’t resist.

I won’t shout.]

I can’t deny it.

When she said that, my gaze lingered rudely on her chest.

Those two shapely curves were undeniably attractive.

I swallowed.

That was pure male instinct.

But I won’t shirk responsibility.

I’m really sorry.

I’m really, really sorry, Higashi.

In the end, I chose to help her.

Because the sorrow on her face, which I could clearly feel, only grew deeper.

I mentioned before that I can be persistent in certain ways.

For example, when I encounter someone who piques my curiosity, I can’t help wanting to understand them.

And—

Looking at her striking figure, I wondered.

Was she really a man so ruined that only a skeleton remained.

I wasn’t sure.

But I could feel something buried deep in her heart.

The desire to understand her heart suddenly arose within me.

I’d gotten into the habit of coming to this place at noon.

After getting used to it once, I realized I quite liked eating here.

Higashi had said it herself.

This place originally belonged to me.

She had simply timed it right to meet me here.

Honestly, it was very intentional.

She came here with the clear goal of asking for help.

And since I helped her, wasn’t it natural to ask for something in return.

In truth, I did receive something.

[Higashi, the weather’s really nice today.]

[Yeah, it is.

Though it’s quite windy.

But looking at this scenery, my mood improves.]

I felt the same ease I always did when I was with Yue.

Even though the conversation was mundane, she answered earnestly.

Of course, it might have been because she needed my help.

Talking with her felt strangely comforting.

It felt like we fit together just right.

The exchange was plain, yet unexpectedly interesting.

Maybe because she used to be a man, there was none of the awkwardness that might appear with ordinary girls.

We’d only known each other a few days, yet it felt like we’d known each other for years.

Perhaps she felt the same way.

That might be why I wanted to get closer to her and understand her better.

[Uh—]

[Higashi, you still can’t eat properly?]

[You noticed.

Yeah, I can’t eat normally.]

[Were you always like this before?]

[I guess so.

I didn’t expect that even after becoming Higashi Hazuki, I’d still have this problem.

Maybe we’re both just unlucky.]

She said it with a smile.

So we’re the same—

[In any case, Higashi, don’t push yourself too hard.]

[If I don’t push myself, I won’t be able to live.]

Was that the belief she lived by.

How much did she force herself.

[Hehe, hehehehehe.]

She often let out strange laughter.

Sometimes after teasing me.

[I’m actually a very rotten person.

You wouldn’t want to know what I’m like inside, Ichijou.]

She said it with a smile.

Perhaps this, too, was a way of forcing herself.

You really push yourself too hard, Higashi.

[I’ll walk over myself.

You should go find Kiyoshi.

Comforting her at a time like this might raise her affection a bit.]

Was she forcing herself just to go home.

Shouldn’t the one who needed comforting right now be you, who had stumbled all the way here.

Isn’t this way of forcing yourself far too much.

You were hoping someone would find you too, weren’t you.

I could tell from that strange laughter.

Don’t worry, Higashi.

You don’t need to push yourself this hard.

I said I’d help you get home.

When I, Ichijou Rikuhiko, make a promise, I never break it.

[I’m fine, Ichijou.

You don’t need to worry about me.]

The sound of raindrops seemed to strike my ears directly, conveying her situation.

That idiot.

She was actually standing in the rain.

I couldn’t hold it in anymore.

[How could you possibly be fine.]

Forgetting our agreement, I blurted it out loudly.

Only when Kiyoshi looked at me in confusion did I lower my voice.

[Do you really need to go this far.]

[I want to go back, Ichijou.

I want to go back.]

Even as she said that, there was no sense of anticipation.

It was so flat, as if she were returning to a grave already set in stone.

But that was our promise.

I couldn’t let her down.

She was pitiful.

No matter how you looked at it, she was pitiful.

I really wanted to know what had happened to her.

But right now—

[I’ll take you home, Higashi.]

I could no longer tell what I felt toward her.

What followed was predictable.

She came down with a high fever.

Yet seeing her so weak gave me a rare sense of reality.

The real her, not forcing herself.

It was time to ask.

In her home, which felt almost devoid of human presence.

[About your parents—]

With little effort, I uncovered her issue.

A shadow much like my own childhood.

Even more severe.

That self-destructive state—

[Hehe, hehehehehe.]

That strange laughter again.

But this time, it was different from all the others.

[They’re all dead.]

She threw up.

And even then, she kept laughing strangely.

[They’re all dead.

Hehe.]

But—

Higashi.

You’re crying.

And you’re crying so painfully.

Higashi.

Please, don’t push yourself anymore.

Seeing you like this only makes me want to hold on to you even more.