I Can’t Be Cheerful Anymore

In front of the leader’s mansion, the ground was a rare patch of brown, cleared of snow.

Nearby, an old man in thin clothes leaned against a pillar, flanked by two towering snowdrifts.

At the mansion gate, two soldiers in pale green overcoats stood guard, their hats covering their ears.

How warm must that be?

I thought, a flicker of envy passing through me.

Qin Dai had dragged me here without stopping.

My body was shaking violently.

My wet hair had frozen stiff, no longer smooth.

The soaked maid outfit showed no signs of drying, clinging to my skin, continuously stealing my body heat.

“…”

I trembled, my teeth chattering.

I wanted to pull my hand free from Qin Dai’s grip to hug myself, but her icy glare stopped me.

My legs were still weak.

I had fallen several times on the way here, but Qin Dai hadn’t stopped once, just dragged me along, forcing me to scramble back to my feet.

So cold, so tired.

My current predicament was all because of a single promise made that night.

I shouldn’t have promised Su Yanlan I would go with her to collect specimens.

My throat was raw, and the cramping in my stomach had worsened with the exertion.

I’ve always considered myself an optimist, but even I couldn’t smile anymore.

“Can I have something to eat?”

I asked, my voice hoarse.

I could already imagine the leader’s fury after my days of absence.

It wasn’t impossible that she would tear me apart on the spot.

At least let me fill my stomach before I die.

“Miss Qin Yue, don’t try to stall. You have to face the leader eventually.”

She refused my request, just as she had refused my pleas in my home.

I remembered the second day after my transformation.

I could still laugh then, and I thought serving one leader wouldn’t be so bad.

Three was too much.

Trying to please them all, one misstep would affect the others, and in the end, I would fail to please any of them.

“I know, but I’m not trying to stall. I’m just so hungry. For the sake of our past… pleasure, can’t you just make me feel a little better?”

I explained, pushing aside what little dignity I had left, bringing up the unpleasant things that had happened between us.

The leader, Qin Dai—they only used me for their own amusement.

I knew that.

They only cared about their own pleasure, not mine.

And so, I had never felt anything, not once.

I had faked it, endured the discomfort, played my part.

I had made them happy for a little while, right?

I think I deserved a little food.

Just a little.

Okay, I admit it.

The hunger, thirst, and cold were making me delirious.

Qin Dai wouldn’t agree to my request.

“Don’t. Nothing happened between us. I was just following the leader’s orders to collect supplies.”

As expected, she drew a clear line, refusing to acknowledge what she had done.

“…I…”

I wanted to say more, but she gave me no chance, pulling me toward the mansion.

The guards at the door glanced at her, confirmed her identity, and let us pass.

I struggled to keep up, unable to speak.

“The leader is in her bedroom. You can go up by yourself.”

Inside the mansion, Qin Dai threw me to the ground and left without another word.

“Ngh…”

I didn’t feel wronged, just miserable.

Physically.

I had a grudge with all three of them.

Nothing they did to me was surprising.

The mansion was warm.

The heating must be on.

I remembered it was only the bedroom that was heated before.

I pushed myself up and laboriously climbed the stairs to the second floor, hesitating outside the leader’s door.

The window at the end of the hallway was shut tight, no more cold wind blowing in.

Even in the warmth, my mind was still foggy.

“Is the leader in?”

I finally knocked.

My voice was quiet, and I wasn’t sure if she had heard me.

To my surprise, the door was ajar.

It creaked open with my light knock.

The leader was sitting on a single sofa, reading a document.

She was wearing a white sweater and black pants.

“…”

I walked in and, despite my discomfort, silently knelt before her.

She didn’t react, just kept reading.

Without any instruction, I didn’t dare to get up.

I knelt there for I don’t know how long.

The warm air made my mind grow hazy, and my body grew weaker.

I collapsed, my head gently bumping against her leg.

My wet hair soaked her pants.

“I didn’t tell you to rest.”

The leader finally spoke.

She grabbed my hair in disgust and threw me to the floor.

The pain cleared my head a little.

“I’m sorry… Leader. I couldn’t come to serve you these past few days because I was sick. I only just woke up today.”

I struggled to lift my head and look at her, explaining my absence in a hoarse voice.

If I could live, it was better to live.

But the leader ignored me.

She looked at the wet spot on her pants, and her eyes darkened.

I was in trouble again.

“Qin Yue, do you think I’m easy to fool? If your reason for ignoring me is just a little cold or fever, that’s not enough to convince me to forgive you.”

She grabbed my hair again.

The pain was sharp, and my face twisted in agony.

She let go, then stood up and pushed me back down to the floor.

“…”

I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out.

How could I explain?

Being unconscious was probably just from the fever.

Was I supposed to make up a story about fighting a mutant for three hundred rounds, barely winning, and then collapsing at home?

No one would believe that.

My eyes filled with despair.

“Hah… do your best to please me, and I’ll give you a chance to live.”

She said.

How could I make her happy quickly?

She had once said she wanted to see me cry real tears.

I tried to squeeze out a tear, but failed.

I couldn’t cry.

“Tsk, boring.”

The leader looked at my pathetic attempt, then grabbed my neck and lifted me up.

She bit my lip, not a kiss, but a bite.

My chapped lips broke, and blood trickled down.

And then, it was time for what the leader liked, and I didn’t.