If You Won’t Leave, I’ll Move In

“Hey, Uncle. Although this fan was in my cousin’s room, it’s actually my mom’s property.” Su Lai spoke to an old uncle carrying a fan out the door.

Old Uncle: “Whoever lives in the room pays for it. I’m just taking.”

Su Lai: “Who told you to take it?”

Old Uncle grinned, his murky eyes rolling upwards. Now, all the neighbors carrying things out looked at Su Lai, grinning and rolling their eyes in unison.

The neighbors’ synchronized eerie movements brought a huge wave of mental contamination. Bai Ke, at the center of their gaze, lost five points of mental stability instantly.

“Among neighbors, good things should be shared.” The neighbors stopped their silent performance and started chanting this phrase repeatedly, “justifying” their encroachment actions.

Watching his room being emptied, Bai Ke almost went crazy.

“What do I do? How do I explain this to Auntie… But I can’t break the rules… can’t refuse the neighbors’ requests…”

Su Lai guessed that this sudden neighborly action was probably triggered by some hidden rule.

“Let them take. Help them take.” Su Lai muttered. “You can not break the rules.” He stared at the murky-eyed neighbors inside the room, an idea forming. “As long as you’re more brazen and more shameless than they are.”

Bai Ke: “Huh?”

“Uncle, take it slow.” Su Lai stepped forward. “You’re old. That fan’s heavy. You might hurt your back.” “Let me help you. Where’s your home? I’ll deliver it for you.”

Bai Ke and the uncle were both momentarily stunned. One second, Lai-ge was talking about being more shameless; the next, he’d turned into a helpful good neighbor. What was going on?

The uncle’s murky eyes rolled. He agreed.

Su Lai repeated these words to every neighbor carrying things. Every neighbor agreed. Finally, Su Lai loaded all the miscellaneous items onto his delivery box, mounted his little e-bike adorned with the helpful-neighbor banner, and helped the invaders transport their loot.

Bai Ke, on the back seat, couldn’t figure it out. He followed worriedly.

Only when the e-bike stopped outside the old uncle’s house did Su Lai personally carry the fan inside. He really did look like a helpful neighbor’s kid.

“Uncle, do you think the fan is okay here? It’ll blow right on you while you watch TV.” Holding the fan, Su Lai boldly walked into the old uncle’s house. As the uncle nodded and chuckled, he personally plugged in the fan.

He even turned the fan on. Then, as if no one else was there, he sat down on the sofa and enjoyed the fan, resting.

The old uncle and Bai Ke were stunned again. Su Lai patted the seat beside him. “Cousin, sit. Let’s rest a while. Keep this uncle company watching TV.”

“Uncle, do you have any cold cola? Or maybe juice soda? Can you grab us a couple of cans?” Su Lai sat on the sofa, legs crossed, treating the old uncle’s house as his own without a shred of self-consciousness.

“Uncle, your TV is bigger than mine. The picture is more vivid.” Su Lai stared at the snowy static and lied through his teeth.

Seeing the old uncle didn’t react, Su Lai looked around, spotted the fridge, and walked over on his own. He very naturally took two glass bottles of soda, opened them with his teeth, and gulped them down with gusto. He even remembered to share one with Bai Ke.

The old uncle’s deathly stiff face darkened. His lips trembled as if to speak. Su Lai glanced at him and said with a grin. “Among neighbors, good things should be shared.” “That’s what you just said.”

Bai Ke finally understood. Su Lai’s so-called “more shameless” was tit for tat.

The rule only said you couldn’t refuse a neighbor’s request. It didn’t forbid them from “visiting” the neighbors’ houses. And they had been openly “invited” in by the neighbors.

“I like watching your TV. I like drinking your soda. I especially like using your electricity. You should be happy to share, right, Uncle?” Su Lai’s smile became even more sincere.

The old uncle pointed at the door, his finger trembling. “Get out. Take your fan with you.”

Su Lai blinked innocently. “You don’t want to share the fan with me anymore?”

The old uncle ground his teeth. “No need.”

“Fine.” Su Lai unplugged the fan and held out his hand. “I’m in the delivery business. Round trip for this delivery. One hundred kuai.”

The old uncle’s eyelid started twitching wildly. “And if I don’t pay?”

Su Lai plugged the fan back in and plopped back down on the sofa. “Then I’m not leaving.” “Not a single kuai less. No bargaining.”

“Go! Here’s your hundred kuai.” The old uncle was so angry his whole body shook. He tremblingly threw a hundred-kuai bill at Su Lai. “Now take your fan and get the hell out!”

Bai Ke watched, dumbfounded. Su Lai neatly folded the hundred kuai and left with his fan, satisfied.

But when a fire starts in the city, it brings disaster to the fish in the moat. Bai Ke’s resident affection also dropped by 11 points, from 100 to 89.

Whether it was because Lai-ge’s clever maneuver made him feel refreshed, after his affection dropped to 89, his mind cleared up considerably. The earlier numbness vanished. He felt grounded again.

“Lai-ge, what if making that old uncle so angry gives him a stroke?” Bai Ke asked.

Su Lai: “They’re probably all dead already. Being alive, they just turn a blind eye.” “Besides, there’s a community clinic here. We just went this morning. Worst case, we send the uncle over for emergency treatment. That nurse might even sell him a buy-two-get-one-free paternity test.”

Next, Su Lai repeated the same trick. Whenever he delivered the lamp, lotion, toner, and other items to the neighbors’ houses, he shamelessly refused to leave. He even took bowls and chopsticks to mooch their mung bean soup.

Su Lai: “Your mung bean soup is so good. Dinner must be delicious too. I’ll stay for dinner, how about that?” “The God of Wealth you have enshrined here looks familiar. Maybe we’re distant relatives. It wouldn’t be too much to put him in my house for a while, right?” “Among neighbors, good things should be shared.”

Several neighbors completely broke down and gladly threw a hundred kuai to get rid of Su Lai.

This group of invading neighbors realized they’d met their match. Not only did they not gain any advantage, they even lost a hundred kuai in delivery fees.

The little e-bike left the house heavy and returned home heavy. Not a single item in the delivery box was missing, and Su Lai’s pocket had gained a few hundred kuai.

“I think the village committee should give me a few more banners. Last time was for a mother-son reunion. This time is for returning items to their owners.” After this delivery run, Su Lai’s bike was almost out of battery again. He slowly rode the little e-bike home.

Bai Ke was still savoring Su Lai’s operation. “Learned something. Playing word games with the rules.”

“No.” Su Lai thought one shouldn’t only look at the surface. “It’s about having a thick enough skin. Tit for tat. Teaching the rules a lesson.”

The rules didn’t allow outsiders to refuse a neighbor’s request to their face, including taking over their home. But the rules didn’t say you couldn’t turn the tables and occupy the neighbor’s “nest.”

If the neighbors had no shame, just be more shameless than them. Go into their homes, mooch their food, and you’ll become the neighbor no one dares to mess with in the community.

Bai Ke: “…”

After this delivery run, Bai Ke’s affection had dropped to 61, but he was completely back to normal.

Su Lai: “Cousin, when those neighbors were taking things from your room earlier, you seemed off.”

Bai Ke nodded, pale-faced. “And now?”

“Now you seem right.” Su Lai replied without turning back. “When the neighbors came, how much affection had you farmed?”

Bai Ke told the truth. “I had 100.” “I remember right when it hit 100, I heard footsteps outside, and then those locust-like neighbors showed up uninvited.”

Su Lai nodded thoughtfully. “This resident affection might be a trap——”