Endure

It was after PE had ended and we were back in the classroom during break.

“What the f*ck is that smell?”

“Hey! Open the windows! What is this?”

“Damn, it reeks!”

The students pouring into the classroom all started complaining at once.

I entered near the end and caught the stench as well.

It was the rancid smell of spoiled food, made even worse by the summer heat.

The entire classroom reeked of it.

As someone opened the windows to air the room out, everyone started searching around the teacher’s desk and between the rows of desks.

At that moment, something flashed through the back of my mind.

A sickening premonition.

Almost unconsciously, I opened my locker.

Inside, the lids had been removed from every container.

The spoiled side dishes sat there beneath the label with my name, filling my locker with their rotten stench.

“What the hell?”

Han Gangun, who had been the last to come in, frowned.

His gaze swept around the room before settling on me.

Instinctively, I slammed the locker shut.

“Hey.
Seo Ijae.
Isn’t that yours?”

“What the…”

“Open it again.”

“It smells f*cking awful!”

Several classmates pinched their noses and cursed.

Still gripping the locker handle, I remained standing there without a word.

I quietly gathered my thoughts.

By now, everyone had realized the disgusting smell filling the classroom was coming from my locker.

But that wasn’t what mattered to me.

I thought of Shin Jooho.

While we’d been in PE, he’d gone out of his way to bring the spoiled side dishes he’d carefully sealed away…

Come all the way to our classroom…

Open every container…

And leave them inside my locker.

I squeezed my eyes shut.

Of course I was angry.

But more than anger…

The absurdity of it all made my heart grow cold instead.

“What’s going on?”

Han Gangun reached for the locker door.

I brushed his hand away.

“Don’t.”

“…”

“…You’ll get the smell on you.”

I opened the locker again.

The rest of the class crowded around us, more curious than either of us about what was inside.

They formed a circle around me.

The trapped summer heat had turned the locker into an oven, sending waves of rotten air pouring into the classroom.

Han Gangun stared silently into the locker.

Without saying a word, I started taking out the opened containers one by one.

Wilted vegetables.

Kimchi.

Dried anchovies that had clearly been left out too long.

Every container released an even fouler smell.

I set them on the floor one after another.

The vegetables.

The kimchi.

The anchovies.

I managed to check those.

But there were still two containers left unopened.

I didn’t have the composure to look inside them.

I bit down hard on my lip.

Just why did he hate me this much?

What had I ever done that made him despise me enough to do something like this?

When Shin Jooho had looked down on me behind his fake kindness…

When his mother pitied both me and my father…

I’d endured it all.

Even after realizing he had always looked down on me, I’d been angry…

But that was where it ended.

So why…

Why did he hate me so much?

What about me bothered him that much?

Just because I’d refused the side dishes he’d forced on me?

Just because I’d finally let out the resentment I’d kept bottled up all this time?

Was that really enough reason to do something this childish?

My lips trembled as I closed each container.

“Hey.
Turn the fans on.”

“O-Okay.”

Han Gangun immediately told the boys nearby to switch on every fan.

The classroom windows and hallway windows were thrown open.

The fans began spinning.

I crouched on the floor and started putting the lids back on each container.

Han Gangun disappeared for a moment.

Then he reappeared in my field of vision carrying a pack of wet wipes.

Without saying anything, he began wiping down every surface inside my locker himself.

“I’ll do it.”

“Shin Jooho?”

Without stopping what he was doing, Han Gangun asked in an even voice.

“Put all that together.

We’ll dump it in the toilet.”

After saying that, he fell silent.

He didn’t curse.

He didn’t lose his temper.

He simply helped me clean everything up.

By the time the room had aired out and the fans had been running for a while, everyone had mostly gotten used to the smell.

Of course, the whole class now knew someone had vandalized my locker.

I didn’t care.

Han Gangun was here.

I gathered the spoiled food and carried it to the restroom.

As I walked through the hallway, I could feel people staring at me.

Maybe Shin Jooho was among them.

Maybe he wasn’t.

I simply did what Han Gangun had told me.

I dumped the food into the toilet.

I watched the water swirl as it flushed everything away.

When the bowl finally refilled with clean water, my reflection appeared faintly on the surface.

For just a second…

I had the urge to shove my own head into it.

“Ijae.”

The bell rang.

At the same time, Han Gangun stepped into the restroom.

I snapped back to my senses.

Opening the stall door, I looked out.

After glancing at my reflection in the mirror, Han Gangun turned and walked toward me.

No…

Before that, he slid the restroom door firmly shut.

Then he gently pushed me back into the stall and stepped inside with me.

Kimchi broth still clung to the unwashed food containers on the floor.

Using his foot, he pushed them aside.

Then he closed and locked the stall door.

Looking down at me, he asked,

“Are you okay?”

His eyes were full of concern.

Han Gangun gently brushed my hair back.

His hand slowly slid down to massage the back of my neck.

I nodded.

My answer came out almost like a sigh.

“…Yeah.”

“Haa…”

Han Gangun tipped his head back toward the ceiling and let out a long sigh.

A deep one.

As though he were forcing out the weight pressing on his chest.

He stayed like that for a long moment.

Even so…

He was standing so close that I instinctively rose onto my toes and stepped backward.

My back touched the wall.

“It was Shin Jooho.”

“Yeah.”

“I want to kill him.”

His voice was calm.

Han Gangun lowered his eyes to meet mine again.

“Gangun.”

I called his name.

“Hm?”

“Just leave it alone.”

He looked at me for a moment.

Then smiled faintly.

“You think I’m actually going to do something?”

“…Judging by your face right now.”

“I won’t.”

“I was already planning not to.”

“…”

“I figured you’d hate it.”

Han Gangun stepped back and leaned against the wall.

Hands tucked into his pockets, his long legs stretched out lazily in front of him.

Seeing him smile at me out of the corner of his eye, I found myself smiling too.

The tangled mess inside me slowly unraveled, as neatly as if someone had cut through it with scissors.

My heart finally settled.

As I looked into Han Gangun’s eyes…

I couldn’t help laughing.

“But don’t just take it.”

“…”

“Don’t keep putting up with everything, Seo Ijae.”

I could clearly see my own reflection in Han Gangun’s eyes.

Up until now…

I’d spent my entire life enduring things.

Maybe I didn’t even know any other way to live.

Yet Han Gangun was telling me not to endure it anymore.

How was I supposed to do that?

How did someone stop enduring everything?

I still didn’t know.

There was no way I could suddenly change overnight.

“…Okay.”

Even so…

I answered that I understood.

I liked hearing Han Gangun tell me not to put up with it.

I liked the concern in his eyes.

By then, the class bell had already rung quite a while ago.

I hurriedly changed the subject.

“You know class already started, right?”

“I know.”

“We should go.”

“Wait.”

Just as I reached for the lock, someone caught my wrist.

I turned around.

Han Gangun was standing close enough that our eyes met immediately.

“I’m good at listening to you.”

“What?”

“When you tell me not to do something, I don’t.

I hold myself back because I know you’d hate it.”

“…Yeah.”

“So give me a reward.”

I blinked.

Ignoring the frantic beating of my heart, I asked as calmly as I could,

“What kind of reward?”

“Let me touch you.”

His eyes fell to my face.

Dark eyes quietly searched mine.

“…Somewhere other than your hair.”

“…Then where?”

“Your cheek.”

“…”

“I want to squish it.”

The stall door clicked shut again.

He’d locked it once more.

With my back pressed against the door, I looked at Han Gangun.

The seriousness in his eyes was almost overwhelming.

I muttered quietly,

“Only ten seconds.”

A laugh escaped him.

“Alright.

Ten seconds.”

Slowly, his hand rose toward me.

He wasn’t even going to kiss me.

Yet my head spun and my stomach fluttered.

My eyelids kept drooping shut.

His firm fingers touched my cheek.

Both of his hands gently cupped my face.

His thumbs pressed softly into my cheekbones.

I could hear the faint sound of his hands rubbing against my skin.

Keeping my shoulders tense, I swallowed hard.

Could someone really see straight into another person’s heart?

Was this what it felt like to have every hidden feeling laid bare?

I curled inward, afraid Han Gangun would somehow see my heart pounding inside my chest.

It wasn’t actually visible.

But somehow…

It felt as though everything about me had already been exposed.

Han Gangun leaned closer.

As though he were carefully examining every feature of my face.

He touched my cheeks.

Brushed the soft baby hairs near the edges.

Ran his fingers along my jaw.

It felt as though my face had become a lump of dough in his hands.

After stroking my cheeks with his palms, he turned his hands over and lightly rubbed my cheekbones with the backs of his fingers.

His long fingers moved toward my earlobe.

I squeezed my eyes shut.

“…That’s enough.”

“…”

“You said my cheek.

Not my ears.”

“…You’re strict.”

“…”

“After kissing me…

you’re still not going to let me do this?”