If I Had Died Tonight

After a long silence, Qin Huairen took a deep breath and said, word by word, “Take back what you just said.”

“A’Ren…”

“I told you to take it back.”

Her tone was harsher than Wen Yuzhi had ever heard before.

“Didn’t you hear me?”

Wen Yuzhi stepped back two paces and kicked a pebble off the bridge.

“Mm,” she responded obediently.

“Alright. I take it back.”

On the other end, Qin Huairen let out a long breath.

Through clenched teeth she said, “Wen Yuzhi, next time we meet, I’m really going to punch you twice. Just wait.”

“Really?”

Wen Yuzhi watched the pebble fall.

It took longer than she expected to hit the water.

She smiled faintly.

“This is the first time you’ve taken the initiative to make an appointment with me. You have to keep your word.”

Qin Huairen hung up immediately.

Leaning against a streetlamp, her vision blurred so badly she couldn’t see the words on her phone screen clearly.

She stubbornly refused to wipe her tears.

As if not wiping them would prove she hadn’t cried.

Her legs were already weak from intense exercise.

After three steps, she had to sit down by the roadside.

She tilted her head up and didn’t dare blink.

Tears overflowed from the corners of her eyes, slipping into her hair and down into her ears.

Why was she crying?

She didn’t even know herself.

When she heard Wen Yuzhi’s flat, emotionless voice — as if she truly intended to die — it felt like her heart had been seized and twisted tight.

The pain stole her breath.

Tears fell instantly.

At that time, she had to pinch her own thigh to steady her trembling breath, forcing herself to speak as calmly as possible.

Her heart was still racing wildly.

She pressed a hand against her chest and began deep breathing — inhaling through her nose, exhaling through her mouth — just as she had taught Yan Qing earlier.

Trying to calm herself.

It was a busy downtown street.

Passersby occasionally walked by.

Someone took the initiative to hand her tissues.

Someone else asked gently, “Miss, what’s wrong? Want to tell Auntie about it?”

Qin Huairen shook her head.

She couldn’t say it out loud.

Her mind replayed Yan Qing’s panicked sobbing.

She didn’t dare revisit Wen Yuzhi’s question.

She was afraid the tears would completely burst their dam.

Wiping her face, she slowly walked along the street.

She walked for a long time.

Past the subway station.

Past buses with bright destination signs.

The last bus back to her hotel grew farther and farther away.

Eventually she was too tired.

She went into a convenience store to buy water.

But she couldn’t twist the cap open no matter how hard she tried.

For some reason, that almost made her cry again.

The clerk saw her through the glass door and hurried out.

“Hey, don’t cry, don’t cry. I’ll open it for you.”

In the end, Qin Huairen called a car.

Standing by the roadside, she stared blankly at her shadow.

The kickboxing training.

The phone call with Yan Qing.

The aimless wandering.

Her brain couldn’t process anything more.

Back at the hotel, she turned on the shower.

When the water hit her back, the sting reminded her that her back injury hadn’t healed yet.

She rinsed off quickly.

Wrapped in a towel, she leaned against the doorframe while brushing her teeth.

After tidying up, she went to the living room to retrieve her charging phone.

She sat on the floor, leaning against the sofa, and opened WeChat.

Yan Qing had already sent an apology.

She explained that she had lost her composure earlier purely out of fear.

“If I scared you, I’m sorry.”

She also asked whether Qin Huairen had called tonight for something important.

After a while, another message came.

“I’m about to send President Wen back to Swan Lake. Are you home yet? You sounded like you were outside too. Get back early.”

Ten minutes ago, another message:

“We haven’t eaten yet. Going to have hotpot. Do you want some? If you do, I can come pick you up.”

Qin Huairen silently read the messages.

She didn’t reply.

She was too tired.

Her hair was still wet.

She lay sideways on the sofa with a towel wrapped around her head.

Yan Qing sent photos.

The bubbling hotpot base.

Slices of meat.

Seafood.

Vegetables.

She added: “We’re near your hotel. Aren’t you really coming? It’s late. If you’re not asleep, you must be hungry.”

Qin Huairen had already passed the point of hunger earlier.

But now, seeing hotpot, her stomach growled loudly.

Her body reminded her it needed food.

Her eyes hurt from crying.

Her eyelids felt heavy.

She closed them, and all she could think about was hotpot.

Damn it.

People who send food photos in the middle of the night deserve twenty lashes.

She didn’t even have the strength to turn off the lights.

Ordering takeout meant choosing, deciding — too troublesome.

Her stomach began to ache.

She opened her eyes.

She had to eat something.

Otherwise she wouldn’t sleep tonight.

Her phone rang again.

Another photo from Yan Qing.

Her sleepy eyes widened.

Wasn’t that her hotel door?

A white takeaway bag hung on the handle.

Then a message followed.

“Huairen, we blanched some meat and seafood for you. In case you wake up hungry, take it inside. I’m going back to continue eating hotpot.”

Qin Huairen shuffled to the door.

After hesitating for a long time, she opened it.

The plastic bag rustled.

She looked left and right.

No one.

The bag was heavier than she expected.

The aroma drifted out, instantly awakening her appetite.

Perhaps because she was hungry, the meat tasted especially fragrant.

The seafood was already shelled, fresh and tender.

The late-night meal felt indescribably comforting.

Downstairs, Yan Qing said, “I think she’s almost done eating.”

“You’re sure you saw her take it inside?” Wen Yuzhi looked up as well.

“Are you questioning my eyesight?” Yan Qing protested.

Tonight Wen Yuzhi was clearly “in the wrong,” so Yan Qing wasn’t afraid of her.

Wen Yuzhi leaned closer, examining her swollen eyes.

“Look in the mirror. Your eyes weren’t big to begin with. Now they’re swollen like walnuts. You even stepped on my shoe earlier. I’m worried you can’t see.”

Yan Qing was indignant.

“President Wen! How can you attack me personally? My eyes are big!”

“Yes, yes. They’re big. Very big.”

The perfunctory tone made her want to cry again.

“Lights off,” Wen Yuzhi suddenly said.

“Then I’ll take you back now.”

Yan Qing stared at her without blinking.

“You barely ate today. Stop digesting food.”

On the way back to Swan Lake, Yan Qing felt uneasy.

Wen Yuzhi leaned against the seat, head turned toward the window.

The red marks on her face were glaring.

Yan Qing still hadn’t asked how she got them.

Before one wave settled, another rose.

Tonight Wen Yuzhi had risked her life confronting Cheng Zeming.

At that moment, Yan Qing wished she had been flying a fighter jet to intercept that Bentley.

What was worth gambling a life for?

She wanted to ask.

But she knew if Wen Yuzhi didn’t want to talk, no one could force her.

And as an assistant, she shouldn’t overstep.

Her mind was too shaken tonight to think clearly.

She sighed repeatedly.

Another red light.

Yan Qing turned to look at Wen Yuzhi pitifully.

Wen Yuzhi suddenly turned her head.

“What kind of look is that? I’m not dead yet.”

Yan Qing’s eyes reddened instantly.

Her voice trembled.

“President Wen, my life isn’t worth much. But I want to tell you — in life I’m yours, in death I’ll be your ghost. So don’t think you can get rid of me.”

It sounded like loyalty, yet almost like a threat.

They stared at each other.

Wen Yuzhi pointed ahead.

“Green light.”

Yan Qing sniffed and focused on driving.

After a while, Wen Yuzhi suddenly said, “Maybe it’s time to find someone suitable for you.”

Yan Qing’s eyes widened.

Tears streamed down again.

“You’re trying to send me away?”

“Drive properly,” Wen Yuzhi replied lightly.

When the car stopped smoothly at Swan Lake, Wen Yuzhi spoke earnestly.

“Yan Qing, I’m not driving you away. But you can’t follow me forever. You deserve your own life.”

“Lu Shiyu is inside waiting for you. Change your dressing and rest early.”

Yan Qing didn’t go in.

By the time Wen Yuzhi turned back to say more, she was already gone.

Wen Yuzhi shook her head helplessly.

Lu Shiyu peeked outside and teased, “Yan Qing has quite the temper now. Daring to sulk at you.”

Wen Yuzhi smiled faintly.

“I provoked her tonight.”

While helping with the bandaging, Lu Shiyu sighed.

“You should cherish your body.”

The wounds hadn’t scabbed.

The gauze couldn’t even be removed.

Wen Yuzhi nodded.

“I’ll be more careful next time.”

“You always say that.”

Before the New Year, she had promised not to get hurt again.

Yet before the first month even ended, her face and hands were covered in injuries.

Lu Shiyu couldn’t help asking, “Shouldn’t the person you love most in this world be yourself? Is there anyone more important?”

“Yes.”

Wen Yuzhi answered without hesitation.

“There is someone more important than me.”

Lu Shiyu immediately thought of Qin Huairen.

It must be her.

After knowing Wen Yuzhi for years, she had never seen her care so openly.

Yet now she had admitted it directly.

“You want to guess who?” Wen Yuzhi asked.

Lu Shiyu adjusted the light and lifted Wen Yuzhi’s chin slightly.

“Qin Huairen.”

No visible change in expression.

Did she guess wrong?

Wen Yuzhi tilted her head back, letting the medicine be applied.

Afterward, she rubbed her neck and asked quietly, “Is it that obvious?”

“I’ve never seen a more obvious secret crush,” Lu Shiyu said frankly.

“Your eyes and your movements don’t lie. You keep your distance outwardly, but inside you’re thinking the exact opposite.”

“You’re constantly thinking about how to make her completely yours.”

“If you don’t control your possessiveness, one day you might lose control and do something extreme.”

Wen Yuzhi didn’t refute it.

Every word was true.

Desire was like a maddened beast.

The more she suppressed it, the more violently it tore at her reason.

“Aren’t you afraid?” Lu Shiyu asked softly.

Everyone knew marriages in wealthy families were sacrifices for利益.

Especially the Wen family.

Of course she was afraid.

But during the four years and three months when Qin Huairen disappeared, all she felt was regret and self-blame.

There was no such thing as “there’s always time.”

If she had known she would lose Qin Huairen, she would have schemed with everything she had.

No matter the method.

Even crossing moral boundaries.

She would have taken her.

Perhaps heaven heard her prayer.

Qin Huairen returned to Jingzhou.

Was she afraid?

Yes.

But what she feared most was losing her.

Feared that Qin Huairen would never belong to her.

Wen Yuzhi lowered her eyes.

Her voice was soft, yet unwavering.

“I know exactly what I’m doing.”

This time, she would make Qin Huairen hers.

And she herself would willingly submit only to Qin Huairen.