Chapter 24: What Would Have Become of Me, If It Weren’t for You?

Click. Click.

The hat would cover my hair and eyes, and my black mask would cover anything else. I wore baggy clothes that hid the curves of my body.

“What’s your relationship! Are you dating?!”

“You went to film a romance drama, why did you bring your real-life girlfriend? To improve your acting?”

“Since when have you been together?!”

Click. Click…

Countless flashes went off, bright enough to pierce through my hastily worn sunglasses, but it’s okay. I’m okay. I won’t be exposed. Kyuseok will come to my rescue soon, and I’ll just leave…

Click.

“…Ugh.”

Sigh. Not okay at all. Ah, fck. It’s coming. A panic attack. This sh*tty feeling.

Every gaze, every shout, felt like a stone being thrown at me. A familiar sensation, even more terrifying because it’s been so long.

“Haa… gasps…”

My heart suddenly started racing, beating hot and fast. So hot that my mind went hazy. My ears, which were trying to listen, became muffled, and my vision blurred, my eyes burning. Everything went dark.

“Wait! This person is a civilian! Don’t take pictures without permission!”

“She doesn’t look like a civilian…”

Im Jinwoo, who was shouting at the reporters, looked at me and ran over as if surprised. Unfortunately, I couldn’t tell him that this act, which clearly showed our connection, would only make a better story, because of my panic attack.

F*ck.

“Soohyun-ssi? …Soohyun-ssi!”

Pat, pat!

Ow. Actor-ssi, don’t pat my back with your large hand and shout. It makes my head ring even more. People who try to do something in unexpected situations without knowing anything are always the problem. They always make things worse.

“Ugh… retches.”

I feel nauseous. Everything is disgusting. Tears, which I hadn’t shed in a long time, dripped onto the sparkling airport floor. I’m so embarrassed I want to die. An adult like me, in front of so many people…

Flap!

Something flapped and covered my vision. A warm feeling enveloped my entire body. It felt similar to being hugged, but… not as constricting.

“…Eh?”

I can’t see anything. The people I could vaguely see until just now… Ah. Even the sounds are muffled. Everything is so small…

Squeeze.

What’s on my head? Soft and large. And a familiar scent. When I pressed it with my finger, a comfortable yet unfamiliar texture, like cloth.

And from behind, the only voice I could hear without being startled rang out.

“Kang Soohyun. Cover your ears and close your eyes. When I pat your back twice, everything will be over. Don’t do anything stupid.”

“Ah… sniffle. Uh…”

A hand the size of my face landed on my head, its weight calming my heart. His hands are huge. Damn it. It makes me remember when I was a man.

Another hand reached into the coat that was blocking my vision.

…A woman’s hand is awkward enough, a man’s hand is disgusting.

Is there no other way?

“Hold onto this and follow me. I’ll lead you to the car.”

I’ll let it slide just for today.

***

“Hey. Open your eyes. We’re home.”

Flap-

The large coat disappeared from above my head, and all the blocked light flooded back in. White, white, white… ah. My room. I see some black too. iPad, computer… ah. Ugh.

“Ugh…”

It stings. A lot.

My eyes, not used to the light, squinted as I opened them. I had my eyes closed for far too long. Too long. Kim Kyuseok was standing next to me, folding the coat. I’m grateful, but also a bit dumbfounded.

I lightly poked Kyuseok’s stomach as he calmly wiped the tear-stained coat. Without any force, just to express my slight annoyance.

“…Don’t people usually take you to a car or something before hitting you? I was thinking it was a bit long.”

Kyuseok casually hung the tear-free, unfolded coat somewhere in my room and collapsed onto the bed. He must be really tired. He drove for hours at night, calming down his friend who had a panic attack.

Kyuseok calmly replied to my complaint without a hint of annoyance.

“I wasn’t confident I could calm you down if you suddenly had a panic attack in the car, so I wanted to bring you home.”

“Ah. Yeah. Uh… sorry.”

It is my fault, when I think about it. If I hadn’t reacted to that actor, if I had completely ignored and rejected him, if I hadn’t hoped for a new connection and just continued living alone…

“Why are you sorry? It’s the situation that put you in that state that’s wrong.”

“Ugh. That’s cringey, dude. Stop it.”

…It’s awkward. I always relied on him when I had panic attacks. Why is he treating me differently just because my appearance changed? If my friend who helped me during panic attacks became a beautiful girl…!

I couldn’t help but treat her differently. I’m sorry.

Kyuseok continued staring at the ceiling while lying on the bed and then covered his face with his large hands. Self-blame and guilt were evident in his actions.

“I’m sorry. For not treating you like I usually do.”

“So. Cringey…”

“Sorry for that too.”

My one-room apartment, which usually smelled of alcohol, pollen, and occasionally cocktails, was filled with awkwardness. It’s not fun. I don’t like this situation at all. The fact that he’s acting like this, when he used to laugh at any joke I made.

I really hate this. I want to change the atmosphere somehow, but is there any good topic? Even something ridiculous is fine. Anything that can change this atmosphere, even if it only elicits a dumbfounded laugh…

Ah. This might work…

I approached Kyuseok, who was still lying down with his face covered, with an awkward smile. He doesn’t have to be so apologetic.

After lightly knocking on his hands, his hands moved away, revealing his downcast eyes. I met his gaze with my beautiful, clear blue eyes and said,

“Are you busy with modeling these days? If you have some free time, do you want to take on a part-time job?”

Kyuseok wasn’t mentally ready for a conversation yet. I could tell just by his slumped posture. But he forced himself to raise his energy level so I wouldn’t feel awkward for trying to change the atmosphere.

Kyuseok looked at me with fake sparkling eyes and said,

“Hmm… I’m getting tired of modeling these days. What is it?”

“It’s nothing much, you just have to filter out inappropriate Japanese and English chat messages. I’m thinking of starting a broadcast.”

Kyuseok’s fake eyes now held genuine emotions. Surprise and confusion.

“You? A broadcast? What kind? A drawing stream?”

“I’ll do that too. I’ll be an all-around YouTuber, doing all sorts of genres.”

Kyuseok sat cross-legged on the bed and stared blankly at me. His gaze, occasionally scanning my body… if he didn’t look like Kim Kyuseok, I would have considered suing him for sexual harassment.

What kind of disrespect is he trying to show with that look…

“A webcam stream?”

This bastard.

“You wanna die? I’m not showing my face.”

“Ah. Ah. That, what’s it called? A Dullahan stream? Is that it?”

“No. I’ll be using a different face.”

“…?”

Kim Kyuseok was still a normie, despite my attempts to drag him into the dark side. It was natural for him to be unfamiliar with some otaku culture, like virtual YouTubers.

“A virtual YouTuber! A Vtuber! I can become an idol, something every girl dreams of! And since it’s relatively unregulated, I’ll hardly ever be canceled…”

“Wait. Wait.”

“Huh?”

Kyuseok raised his hand like a student about to ask a question and frowned. He pressed his forehead with his other hand and said,

“Vtubers are those people who broadcast with a moving picture, right?”

“Eh. How do you know?”

“I’m amazing, so I know everything. But what I’m curious about is… why a Vtuber? You can just draw and talk, your voice alone is good enough.”

“Ah. That.”

You fool. My friend.

I closed my eyes with a hmph sound. Even adding a “Well, well” for good measure.

“Do you know how much Hanalive’s popular Vtuber, Mizuki Aya, earns in a single broadcast?”

“What’s with that weird way of talking… Anyway, how much?”

“It was her first monetized broadcast, so it’s significant, but she earned over 100 million won. The Vtuber world is definitely a red ocean, but if you succeed, you can earn a fortune!”

He’d be surprised if I told him I was doing it because my acquaintances are Vtubers and I wanted to broadcast with them. Consider this my mercy for Kim Kyuseok.

Kim Kyuseok still had a suspicious look on his face but seemed almost convinced. It wasn’t disbelief now, but more like a “So?” expression.

“You want me to be the chat moderator?”

“Yeah. My debut is soon. I was just about to find a moderator. I’m preparing properly. Consider it an honor. A Vtuber who will become a legend. Shiro e…”

“No. Crazy… Hey. I don’t know Japanese.”

Ah.

Huh?

“Didn’t we take Japanese as our second foreign language in high school?”

Kim Kyuseok gave me a disgusted look. That’s a real pissed-off look.

“Mine was Spanish. You don’t even remember what your friend was learning?”

I’m the future CEO.

I can’t be intimidated by an employee…

I steeled myself and looked at Kyuseok with a determined gaze. He still looked disgusted. This guy, who will someday live off the money I give him… that look! I have to educate him now…!

“Then study! How dare you disobey the CEO’s orders…”

Smack!

Ow…!

“Oww…!”

“Sigh. I was a fool to trust you.”