In the End, I Still Had to Go Beg Su Yanlan for Food

The snow still hadn’t stopped.

Cold and hungry, I walked alone in the snow, watching the occasional soldier pass by on the desolate streets, feeling a little lost.

I didn’t know where to get food to survive.

In this cold weather, the area outside the camp was sealed by heavy snow, and I couldn’t drag my exhausted body through the endless white expanse to dig for meager scraps.

If I did, I would freeze to death before I starved.

Leaning on the roadside flower beds and lampposts, I didn’t know where to go.

Home to wait for death?

Or die on the way home?

For some reason, I thought of Su Yanlan.

Her home wasn’t far from the leader’s mansion, at least a place I could reach alive.

Compared to the leader and Qin Dai, she was indeed the kindest to me.

When people are in desperate situations, they tend to have unrealistic fantasies, and I was no exception.

Underneath the thin maid outfit, my body had started to shiver again.

It was cold.

My time in the leader’s mansion had given me a fleeting moment of warmth, in addition to a body full of exhaustion.

That warmth didn’t last long, maybe only a few minutes.

I hadn’t walked far.

“Hah… come on.”

I said to myself, and started walking in the direction I remembered.

Outside the clothing store, I stood, looking through the glass at the racks of clothes inside.

The dim yellow light seemed superfluous in the daytime, but it signaled a warmth that I, standing outside, desperately needed.

I reached out, my hand on the handle of the glass door, hesitating.

My throat was still sore, and I couldn’t make a loud sound.

I probably couldn’t get the attention of Su Yanlan, who was somewhere inside.

The hesitation didn’t last long.

I pushed all thoughts aside, took my hand off the handle, rubbed my palms together, and then pushed the door with all my might.

But before the door was fully open, Su Yanlan appeared behind it as if by magic.

She pulled the door open with a jerk, and as I stumbled forward, she gave me a hard shove.

I fell into the snow.

My maid outfit caught on the clean steps, and with a crisp tearing sound, the left sleeve ripped open, exposing my pale skin.

“…”

I sat there in the snow, feeling the cold beneath me and the pain from the fall, clutching the torn sleeve, at a loss for what to do.

The already thin dress now offered even less protection against the cold.

“Miss Qin Yue, has anyone ever told you that it’s rude to open someone else’s door without permission?”

Su Yanlan was wearing a knitted hat, a beige coat, and a pair of leather boots.

She looked at me, her expression unreadable.

“Ha… ha… I’m sorry, it was my mistake. I actually came to apologize… I’m sorry for making you angry the other day by backing out. Please forgive me, Miss Yanlan.”

I struggled to my feet, my legs weak, and bowed repeatedly to the cold-faced Su Yanlan.

Holding my breath, I rushed out the words, my hoarse voice making my throat burn, but I managed to finish.

Then, I quietly looked up, trying to read her expression.

It shifted from anger to something like helplessness, and her furrowed brow relaxed.

“Miss Qin Yue, you’re in some kind of trouble, aren’t you?”

She saw right through me.

Even with my thick skin, I felt a little embarrassed.

I could only nod silently.

If she turned me away, I probably wouldn’t survive.

In the past, in a situation like this, I might have risked getting shot to rob a scrawny scavenger, but now I was too weak, and my girlish appearance held no threat.

“Sigh… come in.”

She sighed, and stepped aside.

“Thank you, thank you, Miss Yanlan.”

Overjoyed, I hurried inside and closed the door.

Even though Su Yanlan’s shop wasn’t as warm as the leader’s mansion, it was still warmer than outside.

But only a little.

I was still cold.

Clutching my torn sleeve, I followed her slowly.

“Here. Put this on.”

She took a black jacket from a rack and tossed it to me.

I didn’t bother with etiquette, just threw it on, and then remembered to thank her.

“Thank you.”

I had to admit, compared to a scumbag like me, Su Yanlan was a good person, albeit a strange one.

“Hah…”

I leaned against a wall, trying to figure out how to ask for food.

“I thought you were dead. You’ve been gone for so long.”

She brought over a wooden stool and sat down, making small talk.

“…I passed out the day we came back from the medium-radiation zone. I only woke up today.”

I rubbed my fingers together, suddenly finding it interesting.

The atmosphere between us was a bit stiff, and I felt a little out of place.

I knew I was here as a beggar, so it was only natural to feel awkward.

In less than a day since waking up, I had been through so much that my mindset had changed.

Was I scared?

Was that why it was so hard to talk to them now?

“Hah…”

I took another deep breath, pushed aside the strange thoughts, and finally spoke.

The hunger pangs in my stomach were unbearable.

“Um, Miss Yanlan, do you have any extra food and water?”

As I spoke, I rubbed my fingers together more frequently, a knot of anxiety tightening in my chest.

Even though Su Yanlan was much kinder than the other two, I wasn’t sure if she would spare any food for an enemy like me.

Just a little would be enough.

Yes, just a little.

Just enough to keep me from starving to death until the snow stopped, and then I would go out and find my own food.

In the end, wasn’t Su Yanlan partly to blame for my current state?

If she hadn’t forced me to go out in a maid outfit, would I have passed out?

Maybe the snow had stopped for a while these past few days.

I didn’t know, but if I thought it had, then it had.

I knew it was shameful to blame others for my own misfortune, but it didn’t matter.

I was a scumbag, a shameful person, so it was fine.

And since I wouldn’t say it out loud, what was the harm in shifting the blame in my own mind to make myself feel better?