The Absurdities of Justice

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

‘I couldn’t fathom why they were making such a fuss over a mere speck of blood.’

‘The concept of cleanliness simply didn’t exist for in-game attire.’ Many ordinary clothes, those without special options, even boasted infinite durability. The Oath of Pure White (Male) I had worn, for instance, had no options whatsoever.

‘It was, after all, an event costume, meant only for weddings.’ A simple motion of dipping and shaking it in water was enough to remove every last stain.

“Is blood really that easy to wash off?”

“Unless it’s demon blood, why would I ever concern myself with a stain?”

‘What a ridiculously obvious statement.’

“So what if it was?”

‘I genuinely couldn’t understand how this situation had even come about.’ It was just a game. Why was it an issue that I had massacred a group to rescue a companion? I had merely dealt with a gang of back-alley thugs, not attacked a public place like a lord’s castle, a government office, or a guard post.

“Though illegal organizations were indeed purged, mass murder remains a grave crime.”

“Look, I’m not sure why this is happening. No, seriously, what’s with the system’s logic here? If it were Frisk remnants, robbers, or assassins, I could at least understand… but guards are arresting and interrogating me?”

The next morning, guards had arrived at our hotel and asked me to accompany them. I had followed along without much thought. While it wasn’t a quest, I figured hunting evil-aligned entities might net me some extra rewards.

‘Wasn’t I uninterested in items? I wouldn’t refuse freebies, but actively seeking them out was a bother.’

Yet, here I was, confined in an interrogation room with an officer in plated armor, being questioned.

“No weapon was found. And while the testimonies of others indicated you were the sole individual involved, to claim that nearly a hundred skilled individuals were killed by a mere staff, their heads bursting—what utter nonsense is that?”

“Excuse me, are you even listening to me?”

‘Wrongly engaging guards or good-aligned NPCs in this world could accumulate infamy and raise one’s ‘evil alignment’ score. Bounties would also be placed, but those could be paid off. The evil alignment score, though annoying, could eventually be reset through tedious good deeds, so it wasn’t a major concern.’

‘However, a high infamy would be a critical blemish on my character concept. That was precisely why I was enduring this utter nonsense.’

“I don’t know why I’m here, and I don’t have time for this. I’ve prepared everything for today’s crafting.”

“How dare you attempt to rise! Your interrogation is not yet complete!”

‘How tedious. I’m just going to leave.’ What kind of event was this? I’d never encountered such an event before. It seemed utterly pointless, and judging by the low-tier armor on the officer, it looked like some low-level side quest.

As I stood up, the middle-aged man who had been lecturing me suddenly sprang to his feet and bellowed. When I moved to leave, he seized my wrist. ‘Ugh, how annoying.’ I simply opened the door and walked out, dragging him along.

“Seize this man!”

The guards outside rushed forward en masse. ‘I still didn’t understand why they were doing this.’ Their swords struck me, but they were so pathetic that even bare-bodied, I took zero damage. The blades touched me, yet merely slid right off.

“Ah, this is bothersome. Won’t any of you explain why you’re doing this?”

“How many times do we have to tell you?! Mass murder is a grave crime!”

“But they were Frisk. I barely killed any of them. I was just looking for my cute hamster.”

“What in the blazes is that blasted hamster you keep babbling about?!”

“Why is it so impossible to communicate with you people? Are your recognition functions even working correctly?”

‘What was I wearing now? Just a plain white tunic and black pants.’ Initially, I had come out in just my underwear, as usual, but the guards had forcibly dressed me. I’d put them on, wondering what they were up to, but the design was truly awful. I’d rather go naked.

“That’s strange. Were guards always this weak? Try hitting harder if you’re going to. What good is a tin sword? You’d need at least a Glass Gem or Mithril blade to even scratch me.”

“W-where did this monster come from?!”

When their swords proved ineffective, they all swarmed and clung to me. Dozens of dark figures dangled from my body. With about fifteen of them attached, it actually felt quite heavy. ‘How cheap must their equipment be for the weight to be so noticeable?’

“S-Sir Haut?”

A familiar voice. Looking ahead, I saw three figures who had rushed over with other guards, staring at me. Faust, looking utterly bewildered, pointed a finger at the things clinging to me.

“W-what is that?”

“I don’t know, either. They’re not saying anything, nor are they doing anything. But then they tried to stop me when I left. I didn’t want to accidentally kill them, so I just walked out, and now they’re all clinging to me.”

“We told you! We told you everything! Why won’t you listen?!”

‘How noisy.’ The officer clutching my waist from behind me shrieked. He seemed to be trying to grab my legs and twist my arms, but his Strength stat must have been so abysmal that I didn’t even feel the pressure on my skin.

Jack and Faust sighed at my predicament. Our cute hamster, Nocturne, wore a disgruntled expression. ‘Well, those two are understandable, but Nocturne is my companion right now, so why aren’t they trying to apprehend him? This is truly baffling.’

Faust approached me, speaking in a placating tone.

“Sir Haut, you shouldn’t kill ordinary humans. There’s an order that must be maintained here.”

“Hm? I know. When have you ever seen me just kill an NPC without reason?”

“So, the problem is that you hunted that… massacred group yesterday.”

“And that’s precisely what I don’t understand. Thugs, ruffians, thieves, robbers, assassins, fraudsters, and so on. They even stole our cute hamster. They’re not even imperial public servants to begin with. They’re not civilians.”

“But they should be judged by our laws! Not killed by you!”

As I retorted to Faust, the officer clinging to my back shrieked again. I found it even more incomprehensible.

“Do I need permission to clean up trash now?”

The guards plastered all over me stared with dumbfounded expressions. Faust broke out in an inexplicable cold sweat, while Jack and Nocturne covered their faces, groaning.

‘I needed to start crafting soon, and I had no idea where the system had gotten tangled to cause this nonsense.’ Should I just kill them all and clear the place? As I calculated how much infamy I’d gain from slaughtering everyone, Faust, seeing my expression, gasped and grabbed me frantically.

“Please, Sir Haut? Just in case you’re considering it, you absolutely must not kill them just because it’s bothersome.”

‘Good-aligned characters are such a pain. They always seem to read my intentions perfectly.’

“You can promise me, can’t you? Sir Haut, you have a crusade to go on, and you need to find a way to hunt demons. So, if you kill these people here, it will only cause trouble, make it harder to go after demons, and also…”

‘I had no idea what I’d done to make him ramble on with such a pale face.’ As I glared grumpily, the others belatedly realized what was happening and rushed to cling to me as well.

“T-that’s right! If you kill too many, it becomes a hassle. You don’t like hassles, do you?”

“W-we’ll take care of everything! Please, just quietly play along, Sir Haut!”

“Take care of what? You tiny little things can’t even take down a single troll on your own.”

‘Still, it felt good somehow. To have even these insignificant little ones worry about me. Since the AI had improved, I felt a strange sense of affection for them.’ When I grinned, they looked at me with another subtle expression.

‘Ah, now that I think about it, there was that.’

“Oh, I have a pardon. I’ll just use this.”

‘A pardon was a plaque given upon reaching a certain level of achievement within the game’s empire. It signified the Emperor’s favor.’ Of course, this was just in-game lore; in reality, it was an item to avoid the nagging of guards. If you dropped items on the street, or accidentally broke someone’s vendor stall while running, they would lecture you endlessly.

Even killing three or four guards would end the combat with this item. It was meant to be used when you accidentally hit an NPC while checking weapon animations, causing them to attack. For major crimes like killing a lord or setting the imperial palace on fire, it only reduced the severity of the punishment.

‘Using it too often could result in a scolding letter from the Emperor, depending on the circumstances of its use. Letters about not swinging weapons in town, not littering, not breaking boxes while running, and so on.’

‘I’d received it with my knighthood previously and had completely forgotten about it.’

I pulled the pardon from my inventory and showed it to the officer clinging to my back.

[ 「Proof of Glory」 — Miscellaneous / Special

Weight: 0 / Value: 1000

Description: A token of the Emperor’s direct favor. When carried or presented, all minor offenses are pardoned. For major offenses, punishment may be reduced depending on severity.

If possessed by another, an irresistible electric attack is inflicted. Player-only item.

Issuance Date: 5th Generation, Year 281, May 8th, Phelos Langrasid. ]

“This should be enough, right?”

“Uh, I don’t know what that is, but you killed nearly a hundred people, and that’s…”

“Why are you arresting me just for doing some cleaning? Seriously, no matter how I think about it, I can’t understand it unless you came to arrest me because I killed them and just left their bodies.”

“How much more do I have to explain here?!”

“Just check this. Why aren’t you processing it? This is annoying.”

‘The only thing I could possibly guess was that I hadn’t cleaned up after the massacre. Since I hadn’t bothered to pick up or dispose of the junk items, they must have been processed as my property, leading to my arrest for mass littering. Otherwise, I had no clue.’

As I thrust the plaque forward, the officer clinging to my back snatched it to examine it. He held it, staring for a long moment, before all color drained from his face.

“W-where did you get this?!”

“What do you mean, ‘where’? It’s mine. My name’s written on the back.”

“That’s writing?”

‘This damned system. It seemed this guy couldn’t recognize it either.’

“‘I Want to Bang Faust.’ Can’t you read?”

“What the hell are you suddenly talking about?!”

“Why are you yelling? What did I say?”

‘I don’t know why everyone reacts so violently whenever I say my name.’ Jack’s face turned crimson as he shrieked. Faust covered his face with both hands and turned his back. ‘Why?’ Nocturne frowned, nudging closer to me and whispering.

“Sir Haut, what is that, and why are they all so worked up?”

“It’s a pardon from the Emperor. If I present this, I’m innocent of minor offenses.”

“Uh… pardon? The Emperor gives out what?”