A Lingering Touch and a Hidden Secret

The unexpected movement left both of them frozen in place. Zhuang Xun was the first to react, abruptly retracting her hand.

She quickly stammered an excuse. “I’m sorry. Is it too cold in the room? Senior, you had a fever yesterday; please don’t catch another chill.”

Shen Xian paused, momentarily stunned, before hastily explaining, “Ah, perhaps… Have you finished eating?”

“Yes. I’m finished,” Zhuang Xun affirmed with a nod, her hand unconsciously rising to touch her own earlobe. Thoughtfully, she added, “On the way back, maybe we should buy some preventive medicine.”

Shen Xian shook her head. “It’s fine. I’m alright now.”

Noting Shen Xian’s firm stance, Zhuang Xun decided not to press the matter further. Instead, she quietly filed away the plan to buy medicine in her mind. Even if it wasn’t needed immediately, it would serve as a precaution for the future.

“Oh, right, Little Zhuang Xun. What was the prize for our victory?” Shen Xian asked, her eyes twinkling like stars as she looked at her junior.

A prize…? Zhuang Xun recalled the box she had placed by her bed yesterday. With her senior suddenly developing a fever, the prize had been cast to the back of her mind.

“It’s still on the floor in the room.”

Shen Xian picked up two brand-new paper cups from the dining table, poured water into each, and handed one to Zhuang Xun. “You haven’t opened it yet?”

“Thank you, Senior.” Zhuang Xun took the cup. “Since we won the prize together, I wanted to open it together.”

She held no real interest in the prize itself. Her true interest lay in the time she had spent with her senior during the game.

“Oh, how well-behaved you are.” Shen Xian raised her hand to Zhuang Xun’s head, about to ruffle her hair, but suddenly she froze.

Zhuang Xun felt a surge of surprise, a flicker of confusion crossing her expression. Shen Xian’s hand hovered in mid-air, neither lowering nor completing the motion. Ultimately, she withdrew it.

Shen Xian stood up and looked at Zhuang Xun. “In that case, Little Zhuang Xun, how about we go open it and see what’s inside?”

Zhuang Xun looked up at her, her fingers unconsciously picking at her own palm. “Mm.”

“Alright then, let’s go!” Shen Xian declared, then strode toward the bedroom.

Zhuang Xun followed behind, lost in thought. Normally, Senior would never hesitate to ruffle her hair, but today, she had faltered. Had she done something wrong? Or had something been discovered… and now she was disliked?

Zhuang Xun began digging her nails into her palm again with increasing frequency.

“What’s wrong?” Just as Zhuang Xun was spiraling into her own thoughts, Shen Xian’s voice reached her. She snapped back to reality, realizing they had already entered the room.

Shen Xian stood before her, her gaze filled with concern. “Why is your face so pale?”

Zhuang Xun forced a smile, trying to keep her expression from appearing too distressed. “I…”

Before she could finish, Shen Xian’s face suddenly magnified in her vision. A familiar sensation came from the top of her head. Shen Xian stood on her tiptoes, gently rubbing Zhuang Xun’s hair. “Do you still feel uncomfortable?”

Zhuang Xun opened her mouth, but the words she wanted to ask—Why did you hesitate before?—ultimately condensed into a single phrase: “No, it doesn’t.”

What right did she have to ask why Shen Xian hadn’t touched her head just now? If she asked, it would surely be noticed.

“It seems I need to pat our Little Zhuang Xun’s head more often,” Shen Xian said, her eyes curving into a smile. “Is it the same principle as ‘pain, pain, go away’?”

Zhuang Xun took a deep breath. “Senior, please don’t tease me.”

“My apologies, my apologies. It’s just that… you shouldn’t do such things to your own hands.”

Shen Xian’s sudden words were accompanied by her reaching out and pulling Zhuang Xun’s wrist. The marks Zhuang Xun’s fingertips had dug into her own pale skin were clearly visible. Instinctively, she tried to clench her fist to hide them.

But Shen Xian blocked the movement with her hand. She said slowly, “You like to bite your lips until they bleed; do you also want your palms to bleed?”

Zhuang Xun lowered her head, not daring to look at Shen Xian’s expression. Her voice was now tinged with shame. “I’m sorry, Senior.”

Shen Xian released her hand, and Zhuang Xun’s arm dropped limply to her side.

“It’s your body. Why apologize to me?”

Zhuang Xun offered no rebuttal. She didn’t even have the courage to look up. There were many ways to stay calm, but pain was the quickest way for her to regain her senses. She was acutely aware that this was harmful to her body. Yet… this habit wasn’t something that changed overnight.

“Why aren’t you refuting me?” Shen Xian suddenly asked again.

Zhuang Xun leaned against the door, while Shen Xian pressed closer, step by step. Time ticked by, but Zhuang Xun remained silent. Finally, Shen Xian was the first to relent. “Forget it. If you don’t want to talk, then don’t.”

The very next second, as Shen Xian turned away, Zhuang Xun grabbed her wrist. “It’s just a habit. Please don’t hate me.”

“Then look up.”

Zhuang Xun swallowed nervously, slowly raising her head. Shen Xian’s face showed no disappointment, but rather a look of profound concern. She suddenly embraced Zhuang Xun, her voice soft, as if comforting a child. “Zhuang Xun, I won’t hate you. Never.”

“But you can’t keep doing this,” Shen Xian said, once again taking Zhuang Xun’s palm into her own. Before Zhuang Xun could react, Shen Xian pulled her over and pressed her into a chair, then looked around the room. “I remember the first-aid kit hasn’t been put away yet. Let’s apply some medicine first.”

Zhuang Xun sat in the chair, her thoughts drifting. The words, which should have brought happiness, now felt suffocating. If her secret identity were known, she would surely be hated, wouldn’t she? Even if it was a secret she intended to take to her grave, what would she do if it were exposed one day?

The sting in her hand jolted her awake. She saw Shen Xian pressing a cotton swab dabbed with iodine into her palm. Her senior’s pressure seemed intentionally heavy.

“Little Zhuang Xun, I don’t know what you’re thinking. Just as you don’t know what I’m thinking,” Shen Xian suddenly said. “That’s perfectly normal. Like secrets—everyone has secrets they don’t want others to know.”

“I respect your thoughts, so I won’t pry. But if you feel uncomfortable, or if any of my actions offend you, please tell me,” Shen Xian’s movements softened. “We are more than just senior and junior. We are also work partners and friends.”

Zhuang Xun stared at Shen Xian, the pain in her hand fading. She couldn’t speak her true feelings. Her desires extended far beyond “friends.”

“I’ll always be by your side. I promise.” Shen Xian’s gaze was firm as she stood up, then she playfully teased herself, “Why does it feel like I’m confessing?”

Zhuang Xun looked at her, remaining silent. This is enough. At least for now. She just needed to wait a little longer—wait until she fully accepted herself. Embracing a new identity was not an easy process, whether it was her current gender or those hidden feelings.

Shen Xian wiped her hands with a wet wipe, then took out a lip balm and gently applied it to Zhuang Xun’s lips.

“Open your mouth, ah… Also, do you remember anything from yesterday?”