Stay Until I Fall Asleep

The next day, as soon as the sun rose, Aila and Catherine left the Ducal residence.
They vanished by carriage, silently and without leaving any word about what they intended to do.

Eren had thought he would face trouble for the lie he told Aila the previous evening, but it had passed without any incident, leaving him merely bewildered.
He supposed the real problem might erupt later when talk of breaking the engagement surfaced, but for now, he had evaded responsibility.

After checking the guest rooms vacated by Aila and Catherine, Eren headed straight for the kitchen.
Regardless of who came and went from the mansion, he had his duties to fulfill.

As on any other day, he prepared tea and headed for Kazen’s bedroom.
He glanced around the room, where not a speck of light entered, and placed the tray on the table.

“Your Grace, your morning tea is ready.”

Normally, he would have walked to the window to draw the curtains, but he found himself staring at the still bed and then drawn toward it as if enchanted.
There lay Kazen, motionless on the bed, eyes tightly shut.

“Yo-Your Grace?”

Kazen’s face was so pale that for a moment Eren thought he was dead and hastily reached out.
He fumbled for the stiff nape of his neck and, fortunately, felt a faint pulse.

Looking around, he saw a medicine bottle rolling on the floor by the bed.
It was the opium-laced sleeping pill prescribed by the doctor.
He had meant to get a new one soon as it was nearly empty, but seeing it completely drained, it seemed Kazen had finished it last night.

“Your Grace.”

Keeping his hand on Kazen’s neck, Eren gazed intently at his face.
He hadn’t noticed when his eyes were open, but his eyelashes were remarkably long and lush.
His high nose bridge, always heavily shadowed, formed a graceful line down to his lips.

Lips that usually overflowed with vitality were now pale, parched, and rough.
Those lips parted slowly, and a thin voice escaped.

“Eren….”

“Yes, Your Grace.
I am listening.”

Startled, Eren withdrew his hand from Kazen’s neck and answered cautiously.
But Kazen, who had called for him, remained silent.

Was it just sleep-talking?
But why, of all the many people, had he called his name in his sleep?
That thought made his heart beat inconveniently fast once more.

Foolishly, he began to harbor hope on his own again.
He fell for the illusion that perhaps Kazen had been picturing him in his dream.

Only now did Eren have to admit it.
That he liked Kazen far more deeply than he had realized.
The true nature of the feelings he had always thought of as loyalty was now clear to him.

And that feeling kept clouding his judgment.
It made him harbor the vain hope that perhaps Kazen might like him back.

‘That can’t be.’

Eren forcibly shook his head to break free from the distracting thoughts and opened his mouth with a short sigh.

“I will cancel all your appointments for today.
Please, rest comfortably.”

Whispering this to him quietly, Eren slowly began to rise.
But at that very moment, Kazen’s hand shot out and grabbed the hem of Eren’s clothes.
He almost startled and fell backward.

“Yo-Your Grace?”

Startled, he bowed his head and saw Kazen gazing up at him with dull eyes—he had no idea when Kazen had opened them.

“…Did they leave?”

It was a question thrown out without context, but Eren immediately grasped the subject.

“Yes, Lady Aila and Madam left the residence early this morning.”

Kazen, whose thoughts were unreadable, closed and opened his eyelids slowly.
Eren glanced down at his own clothes, which Kazen was still clutching.
His knuckles were white from the force, as if he was holding something back.

“Stay here until I fall asleep.”

“Yes, if that is Your Grace’s wish, I will do so.”

Eren asked nothing, simply nodding quietly.
Only then did Kazen’s hand, which had been holding his clothes, fall away.
Before Eren could even smooth out the crumpled fabric, Kazen abruptly threw off the blanket covering him.

“Here, lie down.”

“Would it truly be alright if I lay down beside you?”

Kazen had often clung to Eren, but he had never once asked him to lie side-by-side like this.
Thus, his actions were nothing but perplexing.

“You said you’d do anything, so hurry up.”

Kazen patted the spot beside him, demanding.
With no other choice, Eren perched himself quietly on the edge of the bed.
As if that was irritating, Kazen grabbed his arm and yanked him forcefully.

“Ah!”

Thrown off balance, his body tumbled onto the bed.
Kazen wrapped an arm around Eren’s waist and pulled him into his embrace.

In an instant, Eren found himself curled up, his back pressed against Kazen’s chest.

“Your Grace…?”

“Just for a moment, stay like this.”

His nape tickled from Kazen’s warm breath.
It felt as if fine hairs were standing on end.

His heart was pounding so loudly he worried Kazen might hear it.
Perhaps his blood flow had quickened along with the amplified beat, as his body grew warm.
Fearing his breathing might become ragged, Eren closed his eyes and focused on steadying his breath.

Then, abruptly, his conversation with Arnold flashed through his mind, and his eyes snapped open.
There had been something he hadn’t been able to report because Aila and Catherine had appeared.
Thinking that immersing himself in other thoughts might help him calm down quickly, he deliberately brought up the topic.

“Your Grace, things have been so hectic I haven’t had a chance to tell you, but there is something I need to relay from my conversation with Mr. Harrison at the party.”

“Later.
I don’t want to think right now; my head hurts.”

Kazen firmly refused even before Eren could state his main point.
He had urged Eren as if it were important, but now he said he wouldn’t listen even if given an answer, which left Eren feeling a bit disappointed.

“More importantly, what about Arnold?
Has there been any progress?”

It seemed he was still curious about how things had gone with him.
In fact, given that Eren had already finished his conversation with Arnold and then gone to spy on their rendezvous, one could guess the outcome.

“We only discussed the mine purchase, and agreed to talk about other matters later.”

Kazen heard Eren’s words but gave no response.
Only the sound of quiet breathing could be heard, making Eren wonder if he had already fallen asleep.
But not long after, his voice came again.

“Don’t meet with him anymore.”

Eren was extremely flustered by this sudden command.
Just a short while ago, he had been told to seduce him, and now suddenly he was told not to meet him?

“But…. I have already promised Mr. Harrison to meet again and finish our discussion.”

“I’ll handle the rest from here, so don’t meet with him privately anymore.”

Kazen was a person whose moods dictated his attitude, after all.
Perhaps this, too, was a decision born of his caprice.

“Yes, I will follow your instructions, Your Grace.”

Since he hadn’t truly wanted to become close with Harrison anyway, Eren answered obediently.

Another long silence ensued.
This time, Kazen seemed to have truly fallen asleep.
Eren felt a cramp coming on and fidgeted involuntarily.

“…There’s one thing I’m curious about.”

Then, Kazen’s low voice sounded unexpectedly, startling him.
It felt utterly strange and awkward, feeling the faint vibrations through his back each time Kazen spoke.

“Yes, I’m listening.”

“Why didn’t you say anything when I referred to you as my lover?”

Eren wanted to deny it, but it was just that he hadn’t had time to clear up the misunderstanding with Kazen speaking so presumptuously.
However, recalling how he had shamelessly confessed a lie to Aila’s face, he thought that even if he had had the chance, he probably wouldn’t have corrected it.

“Ah, that was…”

“In case you might be misunderstanding, let me make it clear: you are not my lover.
To me, you mean nothing at all.”

At Kazen’s subsequent words, Eren bit his lip hard.
It wasn’t the first time he had heard such harsh words from Kazen, but he felt wretched, as if his heart had rolled to the soles of his feet.

He already knew.
To Kazen, he was merely a tool, something akin to making life a little more comfortable.
And yet, he was almost grateful that Kazen was stamping out the irreverent feelings that kept rearing their head.

“I wouldn’t care at all if you left the mansion right now.
There are plenty of others who could replace you.”

Even as he spoke of Eren leaving, Kazen didn’t loosen the arm wrapped around his waist.
Eren could feel Kazen resting his forehead against his shoulder.

“Yes, Your Grace.
I am well aware of that.”

He answered as if it didn’t matter, but his eyes grew hot.
His throat constricted as if he had swallowed a scalding-hot stone, and Eren let out a thin breath.

“But I saved your life and gave you a new one.
So you must never betray me.
Your life is mine, and your existence belongs to me.”

Kazen’s words were like an incantation to control Eren.
A sort of brainwashing to ensure Eren could never leave him.

Yet, strangely, Eren sensed a hint of desperation in his voice.
It felt as if he were pleading, begging him never to leave.

Of course, he knew Kazen couldn’t possibly mean that.
Perhaps it was a distortion born from his own wish that it were so.

“I will never leave your side, Your Grace.
On the day you saved my life, I swore I would serve and protect you for life.”