The Boy by the Shore

I was jolted with surprise. “There’s a sea that close by?”

“A lot of people don’t realize it. I take it you want a round trip? The cost for a return journey is—”

I quickly shook my head. “Ah, it’s not a round trip.”

“Then how do you plan on getting back?”

“It’s my first time seeing the ocean, so I want to take my time looking around. I’m going to stay at an inn there for a long while.”

“Is that so? I wondered why you were headed to the coast; I see it’s for a trip.” The man gestured to a coachman sitting in the corner. “Good. You should enjoy yourself as much as possible while you’re young.”

“……Yes, I suppose so.”

“I hope you have a pleasant journey.”

“Thank you,” I said with sincere gratitude before climbing into the carriage.

The coachman drove the horses with practiced skill. Leaning against the wall, I stared at the scenery flashing past. Before I entered Owl Academy, everyone had said the same thing: True scholars never waste a single spare moment; they even study without rest while traveling by carriage.

So, I followed that advice and entered the Academy with top marks. Yet, even after getting in, people kept saying that to maintain my grades, I had to make use of every fragment of time. My professor had said the same during our consultation—telling me not to get arrogant just because I was the runner-up and to study without ceasing.

It’s a strange thing. I’ve never been arrogant. I’ve never even rested. Why do people talk about things they haven’t seen as if they witnessed them firsthand?

Another reason to die was added to the list. I pulled the provided blanket over myself and curled up. I fell into a death-like sleep—a deep, dreamless slumber.

“Child, we’ve arrived.”

The coachman woke me when the sky had already turned dark. I rose, feeling disheveled.

“Have a fun time.”

“Thank you.”

I bowed deeply. As the carriage turned back toward the inn, I turned my head.

“Wow.”

An exclamation escaped my lips involuntarily. Before my eyes was a landscape so vast and beautiful that no photograph or painting could ever compare. The ceaseless sound of crashing waves filled my ears. I watched the sea, forgetting even to breathe. To think I only came to such a beautiful place today.

“…….”

After gazing at the water for a long time, I began to walk. I felt the soft sand beneath my feet. Without looking back once, I headed toward the waves.

It wasn’t completely dark yet, but it should be fine, right? Taking a deep breath, I stepped into the water. The cold seawater snapped my mind into sharp focus. I kept walking into the depths as if I were walking on solid ground. The water level rose steadily.

As the water began to lap at my waist, I stared at it and raised my hand. The water slipped through my fingers, leaving nothing behind. Just like my life, I thought. I thought I lived so diligently, but when I open my hands, there is nothing there. Just as I was about to take another step forward—

“Hey, Big Brother.”

Someone yanked me back by the scruff of my neck. I flailed and fell backward quite pathetically.

“If you’re going to die, do it somewhere else. Bodies get caught in the fishing nets quite often, you know.”

Soaked to the bone, I stared blankly at him. A boy who looked perhaps a year or two younger than me was grumbling.

“Do you have any idea how much bad luck that brings?”

I managed a clumsy excuse. “It wasn’t that I was trying to die.”

“Do you think you’re the first person like you I’ve seen? It’s obvious when someone walks in with all their clothes on.”

“…….”

“Anyway, get out quickly. You’re being a real nuisance.”

So, dying in the sea was a nuisance too. I thought I would disappear without a trace if I died in the ocean, but apparently, that wasn’t necessarily the case. Is there really no way to die without being a burden to anyone? No, if I think about it just a little more, surely there must be one.

In that moment, Michael and Lonia crossed my mind.

“…….”

Perhaps because of the shock of the cold water, a sliver of my reason returned. Right… there truly is no way to die without being a nuisance. No matter how I go, those two will be hurt.

I began to walk away dejectedly. The boy scratched his head.

“Oh? You’re actually going?”

“……Sorry. I’ll leave quickly.”

“Other people usually resist, swear, and make a scene.” The boy, who was watching my retreating back with his arms crossed, spoke up. “Hey, do you have money?”

“Huh?”

He pointed to a small shop tucked into a corner of the beach.

“Go buy a plate of skewers and a beer from over there. Then I’ll listen to your story.”

“……No, you don’t have to listen.”

“Come on, it’s not like we’ll ever see each other again. Besides, we don’t even know each other’s names. You can truly say anything.”

“…….”

He certainly had a point. It wasn’t for nothing that they called it the “taxi driver effect.” I looked at the boy in silence and then asked, “How old are you?”

“Pardon?”

The boy stared at me blankly, then scratched his head as if he had just remembered something. “Ah, right. Just buy me two plates of skewers instead.”

He had ordered the beer so naturally that I almost went and bought it. Drinking at a young age is a bad thing. I gave the boy a brief glare and then, shivering, went to buy the two plates of skewers. The boy took a bite.

“Now, let’s hear it.”

“…….”

The boy swallowed what was in his mouth and asked, “What’s the problem this time?”

“It’s just… telling such a dark story to someone younger than me feels a bit much.”

“It’s fine, so just speak comfortably. By the time someone reaches my age, they know everything they need to know.”

“And just how old are you?”

“For— ah, my tongue slipped suddenly.” The boy said with an innocent face, “I’m sixteen this year.”

“Is that so? I’m eighteen.”

“I told you to speak casually.”

“…….”

Right, I’m never seeing this person again anyway. I picked up a skewer and spoke. “I just think I have no patience.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Honestly, I’m not the only one having a hard time. Everyone has their own worries and their own problems, but I keep thinking that I’m the only one who’s unhappy.”

“…….”

Once the floodgates opened, the words poured out.

“I want to drop out of the Academy, and I’m afraid of meeting people. But then, if I can’t meet anyone at all, I’ll be lonely, right? I’m afraid of that, too.”

“The Academy? Are you a noble, Hyung?”

“…….” I shook my head. “I can’t really be called a noble. My family title was basically stolen by my uncle.”

“Don’t you feel like it’s a waste?”

“I don’t think much about it anymore. It was a position that didn’t suit me anyway.”

“Then what do you want to do now?”

“I just want to die. If I die, I can escape this situation.”

“And what if you can’t escape?”

“Huh?”

“You never know; you might be reincarnated and become even more miserable.”

“……You definitely have a point there.”

I had already been reincarnated once, after all. I buried my face in my knees. “My impulsiveness is the problem. Once I get worked up, I just act without thinking about the consequences.”

“How can a person be perfect? Everyone has one or two problems.”

“Do you have them too?”

The boy spoke with a face that looked strangely weathered. “Yes. Both then and now, I can’t seem to leave people like you alone. Even when I try to shut my eyes and turn away coldly, I just can’t do it.”

Then? I looked at the boy with questioning eyes. He wiped the sauce from his mouth with the back of his hand.

“You know, Hyung. Don’t try so hard to live diligently. And don’t try to live too smartly, either.”

“……Why?”

“Because that’s too exhausting. Relax and live a bit more loosely.”

“But… if I relax…” Tears began to fall. I said, “People will find out what a pathetic person I am. Honestly, you’re the same, aren’t you? When a stupid person is nearby, it’s frustrating and pathetic… you hate it.”

“Why do you think of yourself as stupid?”

In my past life, I wasn’t particularly good at studying. My parents weren’t the type to care about grades, either.

But after my parents passed away, the situation changed. A friend of theirs, who had been very close to them, began to look after me. That friend had a son, a boy so smart he received gifted education. The moment that boy saw me, he said:

—You look stupid.

And from that day on, he sat me down and taught me. I confessed honestly to the boy.

“I had a really smart friend. That friend taught me, but he got so frustrated because I couldn’t keep up with the pace.”

“Studying isn’t the only answer in the world. How could everyone be good at it? If you’re good at it, you go that way; if you’re not, you find another path. Well, adults talk as if the world ends if you can’t study, but out of those adults, how many were actually good at it?”

“……Even so, thanks to him, I was able to enter a good school.”

Since I had entered a prestigious high school alongside him. I sniffled. “The process was a bit rough, but the results were always good. While there was much to hate about him for his verbal and physical abuse, there was also much to be grateful for.”

“Hyung. Why are you grateful for that?”

The boy’s expression turned serious.

“Huh?”

“Did you ask him to teach you?”

I shook my head.

“Did you say you wanted to enter a good school?”

I shook my head again.

“That person forced you to study and even hit you against your will, so why are you grateful? Is it okay for the process to be bad as long as the result is good? No. If you only value results and ignore the process like that, eventually people will become so afraid of starting that they’ll end up doing nothing at all.”

“…….”

“Do you know how scary it is to not even start? Because if you don’t start, absolutely nothing happens. And of course, there’s no ‘result’ that people value so much, either.”

Without an attempt, there is no result. It was true. I had become increasingly unable to do anything because I was so afraid of being insulted. And at some point, I started to hate myself for being that way. When the person I should really hate is him.

“Hyung, I don’t know what kind of person he is, but I know this much. That person is a truly bad person, and you’ve done nothing wrong. That person used violence and verbal abuse to brainwash you—to make you believe you were a stupid person.”