The Savior in the Mirror

“…….”

The boy grabbed the last skewer and spoke.

“Hyung. The only person who can help and save you is yourself. And I think you’re more than ready to save yourself.”

I asked in a trembling voice, “Why… do you think that?”

“Because you confessed your secrets to someone you just met today. Because you wanted to save yourself.”

The boy gave a wide grin and stood up.

“You’ll never know just how incredible and brave that is. Now, as I said before, I won’t ask for your name. It’s not like we’ll see each other again anyway.”

He then asked, “What do you want to do now?”

“…….”

I stared at the crashing waves. They say a human heart flips faster than a palm, and it was true.

“I don’t want to be swayed by other people’s words anymore. Even if it’ll be hard.”

“But isn’t that better than having nothing you want to do at all?”

“I suppose so.”

I looked up at him. He was so mature it was hard to believe he was only sixteen. Come to think of it, he had acted strangely earlier, hadn’t he? Naturally asking for a beer, or stumbling when mentioning his age. My mouth fell open of its own accord.

“Well, since it seems your worries are resolved, I’ll be off now—”

“Wait a moment!”

I reflexively grabbed the boy’s—no, this person’s—sleeve.

“What is it? Why the sudden shift to formal speech…?”

I didn’t care and pressed on with my question. “What do you want to do in the future?”

The corners of his mouth tilted up as he stared at me.

“I want to open a hospital.”

“……A hospital?”

“Yes. A hospital that treats people with injured hearts, not just bodies.”

“…….”

I stared at him for a long time before opening my mouth.

“You know, I’m actually older than I look, too.”

“What’s that all of a sudden—huh?”

His eyes widened momentarily. I said to him:

“The next time we meet, please make sure to speak comfortably to me.”

After watching me for a moment, he let out a short laugh.

“I thought it was better if we didn’t meet again, but if you want to see me that badly… fine. I can’t exactly refuse, given this damn professional spirit of mine.”

With those final words, he moved away. I watched his retreating back and shouted:

“Goodbye! Thank you so much! I’ll really do my best to live!”

Tears poured down again. But I wasn’t crying for the same reason as before. These were tears flowing because I was so happy, so relieved. I cupped my hands around my mouth and yelled:

“So please! Let’s meet again someday!”

He looked back once, waved his hand twice, and resumed his walk. I stood there until he vanished completely, then wiped my eyes.

My hunch was right. There really was another reincarnator besides me, and that person was as cool as a protagonist in a book.

Once he was gone, I took a deep breath. I took in the sea one last time. I hadn’t been there long, but I didn’t feel regret. I could always come back. I ran to the nearby inn and asked the lady:

“Is there a carriage available that can leave right now?”

“There is, but it’s a bit expensive since it’s night. Is that okay?”

I shouted with a bright smile, “Yes, it’s fine!”

“Oh my, how cute. Are you hungry, by any chance? We have cheese jerky, a popular menu item here. Want some?”

“Yes!”

Inside the returning carriage, I held a piece of the jerky the lady had packed for me. Come to think of it, I hadn’t eaten anything all day. The moment I realized that, hunger rushed in.

I munched on the appetizing, cheese-studded jerky. It was delicious. I closed my eyes and savored the taste.

It was a flavor only a living person could experience.

The carriage traveled on, finally arriving at the Academy at dawn. As soon as I stepped out, I looked up at the dazzling sky. My body was stiff from the bumpy ride, but my mind was incredibly clear.

I showed my ID to the guard and entered the dormitory. I opened my room door. The place was a mess from my frantic search for sharp objects before I left for the sea. I started to tidy up but ended up just collapsing onto the bed. I fell asleep instantly. And, as if waiting, that kid who ruined my life appeared.

—Is there anything you’re actually good at?

He was grabbing my collar at the very spot where I had died. I looked at him. I started to say his name but stopped. I closed my mouth, feeling like even saying his name would make it dirty.

—You’re not smart, you don’t listen… who else but me would take care of you! I’m saying this for your sake, why can’t you understand!

He shook me violently and screamed.

—Do you think you can live well without me?

I kept staring at him, then let out a smirk. Back then, I couldn’t even look him in the eye out of fear, but now I saw a flicker of fear in his eyes.

Right. Thinking back, he wanted to keep me by his side no matter what. He tried to stick to me from morning till night. But since my low grades were embarrassing to him, he made me study like a dog and sent me to a foreign language high school.

I wanted to ask why he did that to me, but I knew he’d just repeat “I did it for you,” so I didn’t ask. Instead, I smiled and took his hand.

‘Yeah, I think I can live very well.’

At that moment, our positions reversed. I shoved him right off the rooftop. I watched him fall and laughed. I laughed like a madman. My head was clear thanks to the lucky encounter with the other reincarnator, but that was all. I knew the truth.

My current state was only a temporary improvement. The world isn’t a fairy tale or a movie; problems don’t vanish all at once. Those memories will continue to haunt me, and I might feel like hurting myself or dying again. That’s why I was doing this.

I should at least be able to take refreshing revenge in my dreams. Otherwise, it would be too unfair.

Crunch. Along with the sound of something breaking, blood splattered everywhere. I kept laughing out loud. But tears began to roll down my chin.

No matter how good a person I meet, no matter how I take revenge like this, the fact that my memories won’t disappear was so infuriating and sad. I looked down at the blood-stained asphalt and wiped my tears. But there was one thing I could take pride in.

From now on, no matter what happens, I will never blame myself for my suffering. Now that I know it was someone else’s fault, there is no reason to blame or degrade myself. The saying that “blaming others is the worst thing in the world” is nonsense. When someone else does wrong, you should blame them.

Just realizing that made me feel so proud of myself. I slammed the rooftop door shut with a loud thud. I took a deep breath and was about to head down the stairs when—

Thud, thud. Waking from my dream, I rubbed my eyes and sat up. Someone was loudly pounding on my door. I had a good guess who it was; I hadn’t returned to the dorms at all yesterday.

I wanted to clean up the mess in my room before opening the door, but Michael sounded so urgent that I just opened it. I could just lie and say I made a mess looking for a textbook. The moment I opened it, Michael pulled me into a fierce hug.

“Cecil!”

I hugged him back. Michael asked with eyes full of worry:

“Where were you all day yesterday?”

“I’m sorry.”

“…….” Michael looked me in the eye and asked seriously, “Can’t you tell me what happened?”

“……I went to the sea.”

“Why?”

“Because I had a problem.”

“Is it solved now?”

“No.” I shook my head. “But I’ve gained the confidence that I won’t suffer as much because of that problem anymore.”

Michael stroked my hair. “Good job, Cecil.”

“Yeah, I think I did a pretty good job, too.”

With that, I pressed my lips against Michael’s. The room was filled with the sound of a deep kiss. As we kissed, I pushed Michael toward the bed. Despite his size, he fell back easily. He looked up at me and said:

“You’re quite aggressive today.”

“I didn’t see you all day yesterday. So, it’s a special service.”

I straddled him and peppered him with kisses. I kissed his face, neck, collarbone, and shoulders indiscriminately. Michael laughed as if it tickled and rubbed his face against my palm.

I looked at him with loving eyes and spoke.

“You know, Michael.”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you for being by my side.”

Tears quickly pooled in Michael’s eyes.

“Thank you for being by my side.”

Then Michael kissed each and every one of my knuckles. After kissing until we were satisfied, we held each other tight.

We were enjoying each other’s warmth for a long time when the door opened again. Ah, I was so out of it I forgot to lock the door. The moment I realized that, Lonia, looking haggard from exhibition prep, walked in.

“Hey, where on earth did you go yester—”

Lonia frowned the moment she spotted us. She let out a blatant sigh.

“I’m an idiot for worrying.”

“Sorry, Lonia. I forgot to lock the door.”

“Whatever. It’s my fault for not knocking.”

“Were you worried enough to walk in without knocking?”

“Yeah, but not anymore.”

Lonia glared at the two of us, still stuck together. We quickly pulled apart. Lonia checked the time and said:

“Hey, stop being gross and let’s go get some food.”

“Hey, Lonia.”

“What?”

I stared at Lonia for a moment, then gave her a surprise hug. She looked at me with bewildered eyes, but I didn’t care.

“Lonia, thank you so much for being by my side.”

“…….”

Lonia, who had been silent, hugged me back. She whispered in a voice only I could hear:

“Thank you too.”