The Weight of One’s Own Heart

After that, we headed off to eat. We cozyly ordered cheese sandwiches and warm soup.

“Wow, now that something warm is in my system, I feel like I can actually live.”

“Yeah, it’s so delicious.”

“Here, have some croutons with it.”

Eating breakfast with the two of them sitting on either side of me, I thought to myself that I was truly a lucky person. It made me so happy that they had waited for me after I suddenly vanished. Then, a thought occurred to me.

What would have happened if I didn’t have these two?

Without them, my state would have been several times worse than it is now. Even if I had met that other reincarnator, I probably wouldn’t have improved. Wow, how lucky am I? As I was feeling that fact over and over, another thought followed.

How painful and difficult must it be for someone who went through something as terrible as I did but has no one to lean on?

There isn’t even a place to get counseling here. The moment I thought that, the words the reincarnator said before we parted came back to me.

—I want to open a hospital.

—……A hospital?

—Yes. A hospital that treats people with injured hearts, not just bodies.

Suddenly, my heart began to thud. I was staring blankly into space when Lonia waved a hand in front of my face.

“What’s up? If you’re done eating, let’s get moving.”

“Oh? Right, let’s go.”

We stood up. The weather was exceptionally beautiful today. The warm sunlight soon made my body feel languid. As if we had made a silent pact, we headed to the backyard. When I lay down, Michael and Lonia lay down on either side of me. I said worriedly:

“I heard lying down right after eating is bad for your health.”

“Our health was already doomed the moment we entered the Academy.”

“The logic is impeccable.”

Since our health was already ruined, I figured a little more wouldn’t hurt. The three of us closed our eyes. With my eyes shut, I asked:

“So your department actually lets you rest on Sundays?”

“No, only those who finished their exhibition prep can rest.”

“They told me to rest today so I can manage my condition.”

“Then let’s nap here for a bit and go out to play.”

I yawned and closed my eyes. The three of us took a nap like that. Unlike before, I didn’t dream at all and slept very sweetly.

After the nap, we went out to get some cold ice cream to wake ourselves up. After the ice cream, my stomach felt too cold, so we had coffee. Since just drinking coffee is boring, we also ordered honey bread.

“Eating only sweet things is getting cloying. Let’s go eat something salty.”

“Exactly. You have to eat something salty after something sweet. What should we get?”

I was having a meeting with Lonia while slicing the honey bread when Michael asked:

“Didn’t we come out to hang out, not just to eat?”

Lonia and I looked truly bewildered.

“If this isn’t hanging out, then what is?”

“Exactly. we’re having so much fun right now, what’s wrong with you?”

“Is that so? Well, I guess as long as we’re happy, it’s fine.”

Accepting this, Michael took a sip of his coffee. I rested my chin on my hand, gazing at the two of them for a long time before I spoke.

“Guys.”

“Yeah?”

I took a deep breath and said, “I found something I want to do.”

“…….”

Despite it being a non-sequitur, neither of them seemed flustered.

“Congratulations.”

Lonia offered a calm congratulations, and then Michael confessed:

“I found something I want to do, too.”

“What? You too, Michael?”

“Yeah.” Michael’s hand overlapped mine. “What you want to do is what I want to do.”

“Michael……”

The moment my eyes started to get moist, Lonia spoke with razor-sharp timing.

“Don’t be gross in front of me.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Seriously, do you think I’m alone here because I don’t have a fiancé or something?”

Lonia gulped down her coffee. We quickly pulled our hands apart. Lonia wiped her mouth with a napkin and asked:

“Oh, by the way, how is your plan for the public apology coming along?”

“Huh?”

Only then did I remember my promise to Senior Serman and Lian to apologize. Not long ago, the mere thought of it made my head ache, but now it felt like a trivial matter.

“…….”

I stared at the ceiling for a moment and declared:

“I’ve made my decision.”

Suddenly, I found myself looking forward to the festival. Upon returning to the dorm, I pinned the festival poster distributed by the service club onto my wall with an excited heart.

“Now, everyone. Thank you for waiting!”

Finally, the festival day everyone had been waiting for arrived. Professor Emily, the youngest professor at the Academy, stepped up to the podium.

So Professor Emily is handling the opening remarks this year. Earrings with voice-amplifying beads jingled at her ears. She spread her arms and shouted:

“I will say only one thing. Enjoy yourselves to the fullest!”

The one-second opening speech was met with a thunderous roar of cheers. Simultaneously, the Academy gates swung open, and carriages of invited guests began to pour in.

The Owl Academy festival lasts for three days. The first day features the Swordsmanship Department’s tournament; the second day is the Magic Department’s exhibition; and the third day is an outdoor dance party hosted by the General Department.

“Well, I should say hosted by the General Department professors.”

Since the students’ opinions weren’t reflected at all. It was just the professors holding meetings and settting budgets, so we were secretly ridiculed by the other two departments. The General Department students sitting behind me said dejectedly:

“It would be great if the students could take the lead in the General Department, too.”

“We have regular classes even right up until the festival. How are we supposed to plan anything while doing assignments and attending lectures?”

“That’s true. Oh, but wait.”

The students’ gazes fixed on the back of my head.

“Why is he sitting there?”

“Look at him snatching the spot next to Senior Serman. He didn’t even show his face at last year’s festival.”

“Now that you mention it, they said Senior Serman doesn’t have a fiancé yet, right? Could it be……”

Senior Serman whipped his head around. The moment the students flinched, he gave a graceful smile.

“Hello?”

“Ah, hello.”

The students immediately lost their nerve and shrank back. Senior Serman began chatting with his group again.

“Senior Serman, who are you going to dance with at the party?”

“Hmm, I wonder. I’m not really the type to enjoy dancing.”

Then, Senior Serman asked a surprise question.

“Cecil, who do you want to dance with?”

I stared at Michael without a word. Why was he asking that? He clearly knew Michael and I were dating. Not only that, he knew I didn’t like making our relationship obvious because I was afraid it might harm Michael.

But that was the “me” from just two days ago. Now that I’d remembered a truly horrific person and had already experienced the worst, this kind of thing felt insignificant. I answered:

“Michael.”

Senior Serman’s smiling face stiffened. He probably didn’t expect me to be so direct and unhesitating. The students were puzzled.

“Oh, with your childhood friend?”

“Yes.”

“You two really are attached at the hip. Someone would think you’re actually dating.”

I nodded. “Oh, we are dating.”

The surrounding area went momentarily silent. The people who had dropped their hostility at the last gathering shouted with sparkling eyes:

“Really?! You’re really dating?!”

“Yes, we are.”

“How long has it been? Why didn’t we know?”

“It hasn’t been long, and we didn’t really show it on campus.”

“It’s like a romance novel! So are you guys going to get engaged, too?”

“Hey! Why ask the obvious? With how long they’ve known each other, what’s an engagement? They’ll go straight to marriage!”

“Well, shouldn’t people who have known each other for a long time be more careful about marriage? The weight of a friend and a spouse is different.”

“Ah, that’s true. As expected of Senior Serman.”

I kept staring at Senior Serman before turning my head away. I let out a hollow laugh. I felt like a fool for being relieved by him last time. But then…… I slowly felt my face with my palm.

Am I really that cute?

From the people who dropped their hostility after meeting me once, to Jeno who hit on me despite having a fiancée, to Senior Serman who keeps dropping hints.

I toyed with my hair. I prefer being called handsome, but I guess it can’t be helped. People keep saying I’m as cute as a Maltese, so there’s no point in denying it forever. As I was touching my face again, I suddenly felt a wave of self-loathing.

“…….”

Why am I so gullible? I felt pathetic.

“Cecil, shall we go now?”

While I was drowning in self-loathing, all the students except for Senior Serman’s group had dispersed. Senior Serman asked:

“So, where shall we go?”

“To the swordsmanship tournament, obviously!”

“Cecil, your boyfriend is participating in the tournament too, right?”

“That’s right.”

“I’m so jealous. A boyfriend from the Swordsmanship Department.”

Senior Serman and I followed the students from the very back. He spoke in a voice meant only for me.

“I thought you disliked being a burden to others.”

“Yes, I really do.”

“Hmm, then why did you say that? Knowing that rumors about someone dating or something bad happening spread the fastest.”

“He said he doesn’t care if it spreads.”

“Michael did?”

“Yes. Since he said he’s fine with it, my heart felt at ease.”

“…….”

Senior Serman stared at me intently before asking, “Say, Cecil.”

“Yes.”

“When do you plan on apologizing?”

“Oh, actually, I had something to tell you about that.”

“What is it?”

“I’ve decided not to apologize.”

Senior Serman’s steps came to a halt. I stopped along with him. As we stopped, the other students looked back at us in confusion. Senior Serman spoke naturally:

“I’m sorry, but could you go on ahead? Cecil suddenly feels unwell. I think I need to take him to the infirmary.”

“Should we come with you?”

“No, it’s fine. Go on ahead.”

“Okay, Senior. See you later, Cecil!”

The students waved as they walked away.