dream

Su Xuan shook his head, ignoring those people as he walked home.

Unfortunately, Su Xuan was perhaps a direct victim of the Black Evil Disaster. His parents and his elder brother successively committed themselves to the Land of Chaos. Five years ago, the devastating news arrived: his father and mother successively sacrificed themselves in a large battle, leaving only his elder brother.

That day, his elder brother, clad in mourning clothes, walked slowly from where the crimson sunset fell. He carried two golden nanmu (TL Note: A precious wood highly valued in China for its durability and fragrance) urns, silent and unmoving. Behind him, two teams of black-uniformed soldiers stood in solemn silence. Su Xuan, in a daze, followed his elder brother into the public cemetery, where they laid his parents to rest.

The very next day, his elder brother changed into a gray military uniform and set out for the Land of Chaos. In the five years that followed, he only returned once.

As a descendant of martyrs, even if one’s Phantom Soul met combat standards and reached the necessary combat index, they were still eligible to refuse enlistment.

But Su Xuan would not, nor was he willing to live a safe and peaceful life in this confined, protected world. He yearned to see what the place his parents had sacrificed for truly looked like.

For this, he toiled diligently and maintained strict self-discipline. Yet, fate seemed to pity the Su family, as if hoping to preserve a single spark of their lineage.

The day he awakened his Phantom Soul three years ago was June 11th, 7017. He remembered this date so clearly because in his previous life, he had died on June 11th, drowning after indulging himself following his college entrance exams.

Other people’s Phantom Souls were sometimes swords, sometimes guns, or even books or tigers. Some were indescribable, abstract, or of unknown nature, but he had never once heard of one being a person.

More importantly, the one he awakened seemed to be female—a girl who looked strikingly similar to him, and she overtly exhibited a feminine fluctuation.

What did this signify? In an era where observing a Phantom Soul’s yin-yang fluctuation was considered more convincing than directly testing XY chromosomes, possessing a feminine Phantom Soul meant that even a biological male would be deemed female.

Thus, Su Xuan was now incredibly nervous, a pervasive pressure intensifying with each passing day. He had been a man for two lifetimes, had never tasted the delights of a woman, and now he was being told he wasn’t actually male?

If he were to be detected then, his reputation would be utterly ruined! He would never again have the chance to flirt with ladies; not only would he lose the opportunity to chase girls, but he might also be… Damn it!

At first, Su Xuan didn’t believe it. Could his Phantom Soul truly have a reverse effect on his body? Yet, during the summer after his awakening, as he began high school, he cultivated with his Phantom Soul, and then things went awry.

He became melancholic, felt an undeniable urge to try on women’s clothing, and every morning, his ‘little Su Xuan’ (TL Note: A euphemism for male genitalia) wasn’t as eager to report for duty.

At that time, Su Xuan merely thought it was temporary, simply an after-effect of the awakening, and he didn’t pay it much mind, even giving himself all sorts of excuses.

One day, he placed an online order: JK uniforms (TL Note: A style of Japanese school uniform), sailor suits, black stockings, lipstick, wigs… Su Xuan recalled that day, his heart filled with embarrassment. He wondered if he had been drugged with a love potion (TL Note: A literal translation of ‘迷魂汤,’ referring to being utterly bewildered or manipulated) that day. Using the makeup knowledge he had absorbed over half a summer, he put on the newly received women’s clothing, mixed several perfumes to create an alluring scent, and stepped out in high heels.

He reveled in the possessiveness of passersby, that thrill as addictive as opium. By the South River, he encountered a street photographer who took several pictures, one of which was the very photo now in his wallet.

Now, the photo in his wallet served as a constant reminder. Whenever he felt weary and tempted to use his Phantom Soul’s power to cultivate, he would look at that picture. He had barely escaped that delusion; was he to fall back into it? To become someone he no longer recognized?

No, absolutely not! His three years of effort must not go to waste. Yet, the most crucial matter at hand was how to pass the test a month later.

“Ah! This is too difficult! I don’t know how to solve this problem!”

Su Xuan raged inwardly, feeling utterly helpless. Why was he so unlucky? Not only could he not get help from his Phantom Soul for cultivation, but he was also constantly at risk of having his very nature altered.

Lost in thought, he soon returned to his residence, an apartment in a residential complex not far from school—just two kilometers, a twenty-minute walk.

“Click!”

The door swung open, revealing dim light, a familiar layout, and a familiar scent.

Closing the door, he headed towards the bedroom. The house was not small, spanning over a hundred square meters (TL Note: Approximately 1076 sq ft), with three bedrooms, a living room, two bathrooms, and a kitchen. Yet, living alone in such a spacious area felt somewhat lonely. He switched on all the lights, filling the rooms with brightness, and turned on the television, letting its sounds fill the air. Still, the liveliness he craved remained absent. Alone in this space, cultivation had become his sole recourse for dispelling loneliness.

That evening, dance music echoed from outside. Sure enough, no matter the world, middle-aged women were just as enthusiastic about square dancing (TL Note: A common public group dance, often performed by middle-aged and elderly women in China).

But Su Xuan felt no irritation; perhaps their children were safeguarding humanity thousands of miles away. Moreover, this boisterous music provided a rare and precious liveliness to the otherwise silent room.

He took out a piece of dark, obsidian-like crystal. A mystical aura permeated the space. This was an energy stone used for cultivation, forged through special means from unique energy blocks found exclusively in the Land of Chaos. Without those energy blocks, they simply couldn’t be made. This was the very energy human warriors were willing to sacrifice their lives to obtain.

Energy stones stored a large amount of ‘Energy Particles’ (TL Note: The literal translation of ‘能子,’ referring to a fundamental energy unit). These particles were a special energy emitted from the Land of Chaos after its emergence. Though a small amount of Energy Particles floated in the air, cultivating with them was excruciatingly slow—the difference between a snail and a cheetah compared to using energy stones.

Because of his parents’ deaths, Su Xuan could receive four such energy stones from the government each month. For Su Xuan at his current stage, two stones a month were sufficient. The remaining two had to be stored in a special wardrobe for emergencies. That wardrobe not only held stored energy stones but also the women’s clothing he had purchased during his moment of ‘delusion’ (TL Note: A literal translation of ‘失智,’ referring to a temporary loss of reason or self-control).

A single ordinary energy stone had a market price of one to two thousand yuan. Thus, for Su Xuan, the four free energy stones he received each month amounted to a considerable sum. This benefit would cease on his twentieth birthday.

Because he had so many energy stones, Su Xuan would, every two years or so, send nearly fifty accumulated stones to his brother fighting far away in the Land of Chaos, simply hoping to help him a little.

Currently, that wardrobe contained a year and a half’s worth of energy stones.

If Su Xuan allowed his Phantom Soul to assist his cultivation, he could easily consume ten energy stones a month. But how could he ever do something that felt like selling his soul?

Impossible! Never in this lifetime! Su Xuan wanted to tell that detestable Phantom Soul within him that even without its help, he, Su Xuan, could become an unrivaled powerhouse, a star of humanity!

However, no matter how hard he tried or how disciplined he was, his cultivation speed remained merely average. Although he had never truly witnessed how others cultivated or their speed, various data points confirmed that his own cultivation progress was quite ordinary. For someone with such a cultivation speed, whether they could even enlist in the military was highly uncertain.

There were three important military enlistment standards: Phantom Soul, Energy Particle Perception, and Energy Particle Affinity.

His Phantom Soul, however, largely influenced both Energy Particle Perception and Energy Particle Affinity. Thus, the conversation invariably returned to this Phantom Soul.

‘Oh my god, what am I going to do in a month?!’

Su Xuan lay on his bed, letting out a helpless sigh, and with a heavy heart, slowly drifted into slumber.

‘Where am I? What is this place?’

It was a space with no up or down, no discernible direction, just an expanse of identical white mist everywhere.

Suddenly, a wisp of gray mist drifted up, and a girl, eight-tenths similar to Su Xuan, slowly approached him.

Abruptly, Su Xuan became lucid within the dream. He possessed the same independent thought and memory recall as in his waking hours, understanding that he was currently dreaming and could awaken at any moment he wished.

Yet, Su Xuan did not choose to awaken so quickly. Instead, he watched the girl approaching him with a slight solemnity.

She was his Phantom Soul. Su Xuan had never heard of a Phantom Soul with such an independent personality; she was almost like another person, or perhaps another facet of his own psyche. She wasn’t a tool subservient to him but another being capable of bargaining.

“I can help you resolve the issue during the test.”

Her voice was melodious, like the tinkling of a clear spring, making one feel a refreshing current flow through their heart.

“Haha, how are you going to do that? Announce to the world that I’m actually a girl?”

Su Xuan laughed. What a ridiculous claim! How could a feminine Phantom Soul possibly produce a masculine fluctuation?

‘Is it a disguise then? Like makeup? As expected, all girls are good at this,’ he mused.

Just as Su Xuan was brimming with mockery and his mind churned with unspoken criticisms, the girl abruptly pulled a red blade directly from the air, one that pulsed with an aura of ultimate strength and masculinity.

“Ah…!”

Su Xuan’s jaw dropped in shock. He rubbed his eyes and patted himself. He wasn’t… he was dreaming, but this was far too surreal! This was something he hadn’t even dared to dream of.

“However, you must agree to one condition! You have to cultivate under my assistance for three hours every day.”

Seeing Su Xuan gaze with immense longing at the sharp blade in her hand, the girl laid out her terms.

“Impossible! Not for a single second! I don’t need your assistance.”

Su Xuan’s emotions flared. This was a proposition that offended his personal dignity.

“Honestly, don’t you think it’s difficult to achieve the desired results solely through your own efforts?”

The girl frowned, seemingly a little displeased with this willful, childish young man.

“I can do it alone! I have no problem!”

“Then how long will you wait to avenge your parents? Until the end of time? Are you worthy of being their son, childishly rejecting help that could avenge them, all for your so-called masculinity?”

“But I can’t practice this ‘Evil-Wardin Swordplay’ (TL Note: A fictional martial art from Louis Cha’s wuxia novel, ‘The Smiling, Proud Wanderer,’ famously requiring self-castration to master)! The Su family lineage relies on me for its continuation!”

“Su Chen isn’t dead.”

“…”

Su Xuan was at a loss for words, but he simply couldn’t take that step. Agreeing to her terms would be like a mortal making a deal with a devil, destined to be slowly devoured.

Su Xuan certainly didn’t want to visit his parents’ graves one day as a girl, holding a baby, and saying, “Mom, Dad, your grandchild has come to see you.”

However, if he didn’t use his Phantom Soul to cultivate, his desire to join the battlefield and avenge his parents seemed destined to remain unfulfilled.

As their son, should he truly give up the possibility of revenge over such a matter?

“Sigh, think what you will. You can be a coward your whole life if you wish. If you come to a clear decision, tell me. If you agree, this sharp blade will be your Phantom Soul on the day of the test.”

Without giving Su Xuan a chance to speak, she vanished from the space. Instantly, the desire for revenge, the pressure of the upcoming test in a month, and the fierce determination to prove he was no coward, led Su Xuan to a decision.

“Three hours is too long! Two hours!”

Gathering his courage, Su Xuan uttered these words.

“As you wish…”

A vast, ethereal voice echoed from all around him. In its seemingly indifferent words, an ineffable excitement was subtly interwoven.

“Then, one hour!”

Su Xuan pressed on, trying to negotiate the time down further.

“Heh heh!”