I Refuse My Destiny as the “Shou”!

After I regained my composure and demanded a detailed explanation, Erkel explained the story with a tearful face.

The title of the novel Erkel had written back when he lived as Kim Min-ji was By Your Side. When I criticized the title for sounding like a 90s soap opera, he offered the excuse that “that’s just what works in this genre.”

Anyway. The protagonist of By Your Side was Llewellyn Edwill. He was a beautiful boy with fine platinum-blonde hair and violet eyes like primroses (Erkel, looking like he wanted to die, claimed this was the trend back when he wrote it). Men swarmed around him like insects around a flower.

“Just reaching out your hand makes people stir, and just a glance makes men fall for you? Isn’t that setting insane?” “…Male-oriented stories have plenty of harems too.”

That was true, but I clutched my throbbing head and tried to breathe evenly. At the very least, those stories involved guys who liked women meeting women. I’m not even gay, yet I’m built to attract men? The situation was fundamentally different.

To make matters worse, regardless of the protagonist’s will, these so-called leads would woo him and fight among themselves—and it wasn’t just a simple scandal; it escalated to the scale of war. Ultimately, By Your Side was a fiery romance drama between men, seasoned with fantasy elements.

According to the original work, every man living on the continent, whether in the Empire or the Kingdom, would waver at least once before the protagonist, Llewellyn Edwill. I wondered how that could possibly make sense, but according to the author, that’s just how it was. According to the “Laws of BL” explained by Erkel, the more beautiful or capable a character was, the larger their role became. Among them, there were a few who stood out specifically.

“So. The Crown Prince and a Duke become rivals fighting over this body? Do you think this is some kind of Love and War drama?” “Uh, well…”

Erkel, who should have kept his mouth shut since he had nothing to say, looked at me hesitantly. When I glared at him to speak plainly, he buried his face toward the floor. His voice trembled violently as he stammered.

“There’s… Cedric. He’s the Master of the Magic Tower who ran away from a Marquis family. And Luke.” “Luke?” “…The, you know. The Emperor of… the Underworld.”

He seemed so humiliated just saying it that his exposed neck and ears were bright red. Looking at him, my vision went blurry. One was annoying, two was overwhelming, but there were four. The Llewellyn Edwill I possessed was a poor soul caught in a five-way web of men. I felt a sharp pain in the back of my neck.

Erkel even said that this body—Llewellyn Edwill—was the “Shou” (the bottom). It meant he was the one who… gave it up. I had never even imagined a romance with a man, and the sudden mention of s*x made my hands shake. To think my destiny was to have my backside threatened by not one, but four men.

Seeing that my expression was grim, Erkel tried to change the mood with an awkward laugh.

“A-at least it’s a relief. You didn’t possess one of my more recent works.” “Recent works?” “Yeah… at least this world is full of dreams and hope. If you had dropped into a recent one, it wouldn’t be Love and War; it would be a crime noir or a zombie apocalypse. This is better than those.”

Haha, ha, ha… The awkward laughter didn’t last long before cutting off. He buried his face in the chair again and sniffled.

According to the author’s explanation, the protagonist couldn’t express his opinions properly and was dragged here and there, suffering both physically and mentally. He went through every kind of hardship a person could face in a lifetime. If things got unbearable, he was supposed to pick one guy to end the damn courtship war, but the fate of a BL protagonist back then was to waver for one guy when he was with him, and waver for another when he was with the other.

Because powerful bastards were hitting each other, the scale of the mess grew to a continental level—and this was a world “full of dreams and hope”? I doubted whether Kim Min-ji’s tastes were sane, but I felt it would be dangerous to ask further.

“So… what’s the solution?” “Well…”

His shoulders slumped dejectedly. Since he looked so innocent, my desire to stay angry faded as I watched him. Getting mad wasn’t going to solve anything anyway. I took a deep breath, trying to calm down. It wasn’t like Kim Min-ji expected to be possessed by his own novel, let alone that someone else would possess the protagonist. He must be flustered too.

“We haven’t entered the original plot yet. So I don’t know how much it will deviate.” “The original plot…” “Besides, I finished this years ago. I remember the big events, but the details are impossible. Even the timeline is confusing…”

Despite his excuses, I badgered him to squeeze out anything he could. Erkel groaned as he began to write down details about the leads.

• Age 12, Imperial Palace → Crown Prince. Be careful. Main Lead (Gong) of the original.

• The Crown Prince’s first love.

• First meeting: Imperial Palace Garden. This is certain!

• Age 15, Academy → Cedric (Tower Master). Crazy guy. Be careful.

• A lunatic. A pervert. Recommendation: Don’t get involved; avoid on sight.

• Wait, were there ■■ too? Might be confusing this with another work…

• Age 20, something? Anyway, goes to find something. → Duke. He was a sub-lead, but I remember him being the most sane.

• Still, better not to get involved.

• Age 20, Luke. Where do you meet Luke again? But he rarely leaves his territory, so if you avoid him well, there’s a chance you won’t meet him. I think he had a contract with Llewellyn.

• If you see him, avoid him at all costs. High chance of the rating going up.

• There’s a side story about obsessive confinement, but I don’t know if that’s included in the main world…

…There was no hope. The information left me with nothing but despair. And what was with the “■■”? I flipped the paper over, suspicious of the word crossed out so heavily with a pen, but the ink had soaked through to the back, leaving no trace.

“What does this mark mean?” “…You’d be more comfortable not knowing.” “It’s better to know what’s coming so I can prepare.” “…Th-the ten…” “Ten?” “Tentacles…”

My vision went dark. I was the one who wanted to cry. I had to avoid the Academy at all costs. Tentacles? As if men weren’t enough, now some mysterious creature—I didn’t even know if it was a plant or an animal—was aiming for my back. Dammit, don’t put stuff like that in!

“What’s with the Crown Prince? Twelve years old? Is this guy a pedo?” “Uh… since Perion is fourteen right now… he wouldn’t be a, well, a pedo, right?”

Even so, it meant a sixteen-year-old would fall for a twelve-year-old. Ugh, damn it. Seeing me cursing with my whole face, Erkel hurried to agree.

“Right! Exactly. He’s trash, the Crown Prince.” “The garden? Are you sure about the location?” “Yeah. That’s certain. Luckily, the Imperial Palace is huge. Even if you visit the 4th Prince’s palace, as long as you go home immediately like you have been, you won’t run into the Crown Prince. He has no interest in this area. It’s far away.”

My resolve to quit being a playmate and rot away in my castle was tucked away, thanks to Erkel’s bright smile. Seeing him act as if it were natural for his brother to ignore him made my conscience ache again. I couldn’t help but compare him to my own brothers, who had serious “gift battles” to win my attention.

Would it have been better if he had entered Llewellyn’s body and I had become Erkel? Since Kim Min-ji was the author, he probably would have handled the ridiculous situation of becoming a BL protagonist better than I could, and I wouldn’t have felt this nauseating dread.

“So for now, the best bet is to just keep avoiding them.” “Mhm, exactly.”

I leaned back on the sofa, listening to Erkel’s vague answer. Since my body was still small, my back didn’t reach the cushions; my head just barely hooked over the top.

My vision blurred from the sheer hopelessness. Tears didn’t fall, but my eyes felt hot as if they were about to well up. I had been flustered for a moment after falling into another world, but I had adapted well and expected only a flowery path ahead. That had been shattered overnight. It wasn’t just shattered; the flowery path had turned into the entrance to hell. It wasn’t like I had some grand dream. I just wanted to waste my life away as a wealthy loafer.

“There are… no, the methods I can think of… are about two.” Erkel quickly changed his wording. He probably lacked confidence in calling them “solutions.” I waved my hand dismissively.

“Let’s hear them.” “One: successfully avoid all the leads until the original story ends.” “And when does the original story end?” “…In the main story, at age twenty-three…”

That characteristic awkward laugh followed. Twenty-three. I couldn’t even laugh from the absurdity. I’m ten now, and the story starts at twelve, so if it ends at twenty-three, that’s 11 years by simple math.

“What do you mean by ‘main story’?” “There were side stories set two years later… I don’t know if those are included…”

I drew a line through the number 11 in my head. I wrote 13 next to it. Once it hit double digits, it didn’t feel like much of a difference anyway.

“And the next?” “Since 80% of the incidents Llewellyn faces happen because he can’t choose one of the leads and wavers between them… you could quickly pick one guy and grab him before things get out of hand… Okay! I get it! Don’t look at me like that!”

I had clenched my jaw so hard to keep from cursing that I thought my teeth might break. I had tried to force a smile, but Erkel, meeting eyes that were as strained as my locked jaw, began to snivel again. Having already soaked a handkerchief earlier, tears wouldn’t even form. He was just going through the motions.