The Archmage’s Greatest Adversary

I have spent two thousand years desperately nursing my health in this body of a sunfish. I have lived through every imaginable incident and overcome hardships an ordinary person couldn’t even conceive of, but—

Clatter.

“Ah.”

The plate that had slipped from my dozing hands was now split into six pieces. I felt as if my heart were breaking into six pieces right along with it.

“Sigh…”

I wiped my face with my palms. Even without looking in a mirror, I could vividly picture my gaunt eyes and hollow cheeks.

“Maybe I should just buy a s*ave.”

I can say with absolute certainty that true hardship isn’t something like a Great Demonic Invasion; it’s housework and noise from the neighbors.

Living in the Forest of Monsters was a sort of bucket list item for me—something I always thought I’d do one day but kept putting off due to various circumstances. When I decided to make Vanessa the Emperor and erase my past, this forest was the first place that came to mind.

Back when we repelled the Great Demonic Invasion and drove the demons back to their realm, the remaining magical beasts were pushed to the northern tip of the continent during the mopping-up operation. This was intentional—a plan to herd them into one place and wipe them out in a single stroke.

However, the gathered beasts banded together to exert a formidable power, and the coalition forces of various nations—having already ended the great war—didn’t want to waste their own troops. As the stalemate dragged on, the heads of state clashed, and the forces eventually disbanded.

Influenced by demonic energy, the forest grew bizarre and lush, becoming a sanctuary for magical beasts and monsters alike. It is a forest filled with all kinds of poisonous herbs, toxic insects, and man-eating plants. A treasure trove of rare species. A place so dangerous that mages drool at the thought of research but dare not set foot in, and where large-scale monsters, rarely seen in the outside world, roam in packs!

And right then, one of those large-scale monsters let out a roar.

Gwaaaaarr!

I covered my ears with a pillow. Another large monster responded with an even louder roar.

Kwaaaaarrr! Kwack! Gwack! Kyaoooooo!

As they exchanged threats, their voices grew louder and louder. Driven to my limit by the constant noise from the floor—no, the neighbors beyond the walls—I finally brandished my staff.

“Hey! Let me get some sleep! You think you’re the only ones living here?!”

I threw the window open and fired a blast of water from the tip of my staff. The mass of water struck the dinosaur-like creature that was baring its teeth and growling. It was a ball of water condensed from mana. To the monster, it probably felt like being struck by a massive boulder. Terrified, the large-scale beasts slunk away into the distance with tears welling in their eyes.

I wonder why they always forget that if they howl near my house at the crack of dawn, they get beaten, even though they’ve learned by now that they’ll never gain anything by challenging me.

I lay back down irritably but couldn’t fall asleep again. Ultimately, I started my day as usual, in a state of sleep deprivation.

I went into the bathroom to wash my face first. While looking in the mirror as water dripped from my chin, I flinched. A single strand of my bangs was sticking up. A sigh escaped me immediately.

“Something’s going to happen today.”

Whenever a strand of my bangs stuck up, something unusual always happened that day. It was a jinx, but for someone of an Archmage’s caliber, such things weren’t mere superstitions; they were closer to a prophecy whispered by mana. I could even perform a simple divination if I wanted to.

The method of prophecy differs for every Archmage. For some, blue butterflies gather above their head to form a crown; for others, ranunculus flowers bloom with every footstep, leaving a trail behind them.

…But why is mine a stray hair? This is irritating all over again. The guy before me divines with butterflies and the guy after him with flowers, but I have to have a heart-to-heart with my bangs.

Tug.

I tried wetting it and pressing it down, but it sprang back up like a coil. It seemed this was going to be no ordinary incident.

“Is it finally my time to die?”

I tried to remember the last time I died. It was probably fifteen days ago. I had missed a step coming down the stairs and hit my head on the floor… I managed to endure that much. But then, a Go stone sitting next to the hand I used to brace myself suddenly scurried away.

It was a truly evil and filthy creature pretending to be a Go stone. Goosebumps erupted all over my body, and I died of a heart attack on the spot.

“I did hold out for quite a while.”

Well, I’ll just die once, then.

Unfazed, I finished washing up and ate breakfast. After putting the dishes in the sink, I checked the herb garden in the yard, tended to a sick monster, and was doing the dishes when… I broke a plate.

Ah, was it this? I squatted down with a sigh. I glared intensely at the plate shattered into several pieces.

“…Maybe I really should bring in a s*ave.”

To be honest, it wasn’t the first time I’d considered this. Whenever I had to do chores myself after settling in the forest, or when I needed physical strength, or when that evil creature appeared—I had the same thought every time I encountered an obstacle.

But every time, I concluded that I should just handle it myself somehow.

It’s not because I’m from a democratic country. While it’s true I’m not fond of s*ave markets, I’ve lived in this world long enough to accept and adapt to its ways.

The reason I hesitate is that I’m afraid of repeating the same mistake. Like giving my heart away for no reason. Due to the nature of being a s*ave, they are constantly by your side, so bumping into each other is unavoidable. If you can grow so attached to a dog after ten years, how much more so with a person?

In the end, I stayed squatted and began to clear the fragments.

Right. Forget the s*ave. I muttered to myself as if to self-soothe, telling myself it was just a bit tedious and slightly inconvenient. The moment I stood up with the gathered shards—

Skitter!

An ominous sound. Even a glimpse from the corner of my eye was enough to send a wave of paralyzing terror through me. A movement more horrifying than any magical beast. An aura more sinister than a demon.

It was him.

“Gah! Sh*t! Aaaaah!”

I jumped in fright. My racing heart began to ache.

“Gasp.”

I widened my eyes. I absolutely cannot die. If I die, that thing will crawl over my body… Stop thinking about it. I’ll die of stress at this rate.

I balanced my heart with gritted teeth. I tried to stay calm while never taking my eyes off him. At that moment, he spread his wings.

Those evil things are divided into those with wings and those without. Unfortunately, the individual that appeared this time was a winged one.

“Ack! Sh*t! Ack! Ack!”

I scrambled back into a corner and grabbed my staff. I immediately deployed a barrier. Once the ultimate barrier, capable of blocking even a dragon’s breath, surrounded me, I regained a sliver of composure.

“Huff, huff. Where did it go?”

Then, I felt a sensation on the crown of my head that I should never have felt.

“Hyaaaaagh! Ack!”

My vision spun, and the barrier deactivated. When I came to, I was already on the floor. My sight was blurring. It was the familiar sensation of death.

As if mocking my trembling form, the thing that had been buzzing around the wooden house landed softly on my cheek.

You motherf*cker….

When I resurrected about three hours later, that hateful and disgusting creature was gone. I used the staff lying next to me as a cane to push myself up. My legs were shaking. I had no strength left in my body.

With a complexion that had turned even more sallow, I made a decision.

“I’m buying one.”

I’m just going to buy a damn s*ave. Sh*t.

It was my first outing in a long while.

I looked for some decent clothes, but they were all covered in dust. This is why those things appear. Ignoring the voice of my conscience, I lightly flicked my wand. It was weaker than a staff, but it was portable and light, so I always used a wand when going out like this.

My body rose into the air and flew rapidly over the forest. Today, as always, I saw the lively sight of magical beasts dying here and being eaten there.

I continued flying even after leaving the forest. My destination wasn’t a quiet village but a city where a s*ave trader was likely to have set up shop.

‘The nearest city around here is… Xyres.’

I remembered the location, but exactly when I had last visited was a blur. Since becoming an immortal Sunfish, my sense of time occasionally grew dull. It was manageable when living among people, but the disconnect widened sharply when living in isolation like this.

Vanessa, buried deep in my memories, stealthily raised her head. I hurriedly shook my head to erase her.

I’m sorry. Please wait just a little longer. When I think of you, my chest still aches and my throat feels tight.

How much longer will it take before I can smile while thinking of Vanessa? Even an Archmage cannot know that. There are people one cannot forget even after a thousand years. Perhaps Vanessa was like that too.

I went out of my way to say it out loud.

“I’ll pick an ugly one. Someone middle-aged would be best. Someone who doesn’t talk much but works well.”

I was saying it for my own benefit. Let’s never look at handsome, fit guys. No matter how pitiful or miserable they look, absolutely do not pick up children. Regardless of the circumstances, anyone I might grow attached to is forbidden.

Mm. Perfect.

Even though I thought that, I later found myself restless without knowing why. My bangs were acting like they were broken, springing up like coils.

Should I just go back? No, I’ve already come this far. My stamina is low, so if I go back now, I might die a sudden death on the way. Even if I don’t buy a s*ave, I need to rest in the city for a bit. …Since I’m here, it wouldn’t hurt to just take a quick look, right?

By the time unrefined thoughts were racing through my mind, the city began to come into view.

“Oh my, welcome, Mage!”

The s*ave trader caught sight of my attire and came rushing over, his expression shifting instantly. More accurately, he must have checked the number of Melampodium flowers on the chest of my robe. Three white flowers. It meant a 3rd Class Mage. Not rare, but not common either. In a small kingdom, it would be enough to aim for a low-ranking position as a court mage.

“What kind of s*ave are you looking for? A laborer? A scribe? Or perhaps…”

He lowered his voice and leaned his face in close.

“…Do you need a test subject for magical experiments?”

“None of the above, so move that filthy face away from me this instant. It’s unpleasant.”

Where does this toad-like fellow get the nerve to shove his face in mine? Is he sane?

“My apologies. My deepest apologies. Then what kind of s*ave are you looking for? Perhaps someone suitable for the night—”

“No. And if you make another random assumption or interrupt me one more time, I will leave.”

“My apologies! My apologies!”

Despite being insulted twice, the chubby middle-aged s*ave trader simply bowed and scraped.

“What I’m looking for is a low-grade s*ave. I need someone for chores and housework. I don’t care about their appearance or age. Someone who works well, has good stamina, and doesn’t talk much will do.”

At my words, a slight flicker of disappointment appeared in the s*ave trader’s eyes before vanishing. I was well-versed in how to handle men like him.

“Why would I buy an expensive s*ave from a trader I’ve never met before? If the one I buy today is satisfactory, I’ll bring my colleagues next time. Some of them are in need of a large number of test subjects…”

“I will serve you with my utmost effort.”

His attitude became far more respectful as I followed him into the building.