The Lovesick Sage and the Dragon Subduing Palms

Moonlight streams before the bed,

Slippers yellow on the floor…

The color of the sunlight, indeed, was remarkably clear and bright, much like the perpetually deficit monthly living expenses of Guo Hao and his roommates—sincere and reflective of their current predicament.

Guo Hao, Linghu Ruoxu, and Liu Fang stared at each other, their eyes wide with unspoken questions. However, their primary gaze remained fixed on the face of Yang Chun, their most troublesome roommate, who lay sprawled on Guo Hao’s bunk. His hands were clasped, his legs pressed together, presenting a picture of utter resignation, as if he had fully embraced his current, pitiful state.

This scene, it must be said, carried a subtle air of regret, particularly because Guo Hao slept on the lower bunk.

The reason Yang Chun was on Guo Hao’s bed was simple: it was none other than Guo Hao himself who had brought him back to the dorm. Yang Chun, who had been beaten to a drooling mess, yet continued to mumble the name of the girl who had abruptly dumped him just days prior, running off with another guy to live out their ‘forever after.’ The other three roommates had long since deemed him a hopeless, lovesick maniac, beyond all saving.

“This guy, he ran up to the rooftop again last night, pretending he was hired by Foxconn…” Guo Hao explained. The other two exchanged glances and nodded in unison. After all, they had witnessed this man, who suffered several heartbreaks a week on average, perform his ‘Yang Family’s unique skill of Heartbreaking Soul-Shattering Palm’s ‘Reversal of the Natural Order” from the 322 building’s top floor no less than a dozen times. They understood the routine by now.

“But, with your family’s Eighteen Dragon Subduing Palms, Boss, you surely wouldn’t misjudge your strength, would you? How did you manage to injure Second Brother to this extent?” Linghu Ruoxu questioned, utterly unreserved.

Guo Hao’s eyelid twitched slightly. He then noticed Liu Fang subtly tugging at Linghu Ruoxu’s sleeve.

“Uh, Third Brother, can you get a grip on reality? Big Brother princess-carried Second Brother back. Asking about this embarrassing mess, aren’t you just putting Boss in an awkward position?”

Linghu Ruoxu, Guo Hao, the still-unconscious Yang Chun, and Liu Fang—who suddenly blanched, seemingly having caught sight of something amiss in Dorm 322, 310’s Head Resident Guo’s expression—all fell into a moment of collective bewilderment.

“Hahaha, Second Brother seems to be stirring a little!” Liu Fang exclaimed with an exaggerated voice, his expression suggesting he’d just seen a corpse in a coffin suddenly move. Clearly, this guy paid a lot of attention to Sheldon Cooper.

In that instant, the other three cooperated perfectly with the ensuing drama.

“Second Brother, you damn… oh, no, you’ve finally woken up!”

To cover up the awkward situation, Linghu Ruoxu shook Yang Chun with an incredibly exaggerated speed, all while looking expectantly at Guo Hao. He even shot a sidelong glare at Liu Fang, who had, at an ill-timed moment, brought up the rumors circulating in class. Guo Hao successfully caught all of this. After a split-second internal processing, Guo Hao, the Head Resident of Dorm 322, 310, the once-renowned martial arts grandmaster, a descendant of the great hero Guo Jing who guarded the borders of the Heavenly Dynasty, immediately performed an action that met old Linghu’s expectations.

“Second Brother, I told you, last night, I saw someone falling from the sky. I thought it was an ambush, so I struck out and sent them flying. I never expected it to be you, Second Brother, you…”

His words were about as disingenuous as the selfies girls posted on their social media feeds these days. Yang Chun, who had personally witnessed the event, instantly regretted not dodging more blows when he’d taken off his shoes. The other two brothers, who had, to varying degrees, experimented with their own fabricated martial arts on this lovesick jumper, naturally understood and maintained a tacit silence.

Out of respect for their dorm’s Boss, and of course, taking advantage of Second Brother Yang’s inability to care about such trivial matters under the dual blow of heartbreak and unconsciousness, Liu Fang and Linghu Ruoxu immediately decided to cover for Boss Guo. They nodded in agreement, their faces contorted into the exact image of treacherous collaborators during the era when Japanese pirates invaded the coastal borders of the Heavenly Dynasty.

The trio performed with great effort. However, Second Brother Yang, who had just been sent sprawling by Boss Guo’s palm and then shaken senseless by old Linghu, had only just woken up. Rage immediately flared within him, and he cursed without restraint:

“Goddammit! Which one of you bastards woke me up?”

This question left all three present somewhat dumbfounded. Boss Guo, as the instigator of the incident, naturally wore a guilty, sheepish expression. He was immediately targeted by Second Brother Yang’s furious gaze:

“Boss, was it you or not? I knew it all along! You little rascal, you just can’t stand to see me have a single good thing!”

These curses initially filled the guilty Boss Guo with shame. However, after he processed the words, he was utterly bewildered, unable to comprehend. He could only respond blankly and truthfully:

“It wasn’t me who woke you up… and I… well, anyway, the person who woke you up was… was…”

Though he didn’t explicitly say it, his gaze involuntarily shifted towards Linghu Ruoxu. Yang Chun, still seething, had a surprisingly clear head, at least not suffering any brain damage from Boss Guo’s brutal ‘Arrogant Dragon Regrets’ move. Now, following Guo Hao’s subtle movement, his thoughts became even more agile due to his burning anger. He immediately grasped the truth of the matter and fiercely turned to roar at Linghu Ruoxu:

“You heartless wretch! I shared every beauty I saw on campus with you, and this is how you repay my kindness with malice! You [a string of colorful expletives]!”

In Linghu Ruoxu’s eyes, this was a complete catastrophe, as if his friend had grabbed the wrong script and was reciting the wrong lines. After all, he was the one who had roused Yang Chun, yet upon waking, the guy immediately started lambasting him, even accusing him of repaying kindness with malice…

“Hold on, Second Brother, what on earth are you talking about? I went through all that trouble to get you up. Even if I don’t get credit, I put in effort. It’s one thing for you not to be grateful, but to curse me? Does that mean waking you up was a mistake?”

Upon hearing his defense, Second Brother Yang’s attitude not only remained unchanged but his face flushed crimson with anger. He then spat, “Of course it’s your fault, you grandson! Who else could it be?”

At this point, Liu Fang, who had largely managed to remain out of the fray, couldn’t help but interject, “Second Brother, what are you saying? Third Brother woke you up because he was worried about you. Why are you so incredibly angry?”

“Damn it! After all these years, I finally caught a moment like this! I was on the bed, tumbling in a tempestuous embrace, utterly lost in bliss, feeling like I was ascending to heaven! Just as the bed was shaking perfectly in rhythm, that insensitive bastard, Third Brother, woke me up! If I don’t curse him, who will?” Yang Chun burst out, spewing curses as soon as he heard the question.