Under His Watchful Eyes

Without a hint of concern, and rather treating me as a nuisance, Haejin recalled the sight of him leaving coldly a few days ago when I had been diagnosed with infertility at the hospital, without offering any comfort or hope.

Seeing me like this and feeling no concern could be understandable since he didn’t care about me, but deliberately bringing up our married life to check on it seemed to have a reason.

‘Could he be trying to create one excuse after another to justify a divorce?’

Just being infertile would be reason enough for a divorce, but if it were said that the divorce happened solely because I was infertile, it could spark gossip.

So perhaps he was trying to increase my fault in every possible way.

Even if it weren’t that reason, the more faults attributed to me, the less he would owe me in compensation.

No matter how overflowing his family’s wealth, in an unpleasant divorce he probably wouldn’t want to give more than necessary, so that could have been his motive.

Attaching reasons to his behavior only made Haejin’s gloomy mood sink deeper.

As Haejin lowered his lifeless, darkened eyes, Beomwoo, who had been watching him, furrowed his brows and spoke, clearly irritated.

“Are you not going to look at my face? I think I said before that when we talk, you should look me in the eyes.”

“…….”

He had said that even before we got married.

Haejin had severe shyness and found it difficult to meet people’s eyes, especially Beomwoo’s, because his heart would race uncontrollably and he feared his face would flush, making it even harder to lift his gaze.

Seeing this, Beomwoo had told him that when talking to someone, only seeing the top of his head made it feel like he was ignoring him.

He said that making eye contact was the basic rule and that otherwise, one might be disrespected.

After hearing that, Haejin tried as much as possible not to show anything he disliked.

Even after over five years of marriage, he hadn’t mastered it, but at least during conversations with him, he had made an effort.

Yet today, he lowered his head and avoided eye contact more than usual, which seemed to bother Beomwoo again.

……If Beomwoo had truly decided to divorce me and never see me again, there would be no need to tailor even minor things to him, like making eye contact.

“……From now on, I’ll make sure to eat properly so it won’t bother you.”

Haejin lifted his head with difficulty and gave a faint smile.

Even if an ending I didn’t want was predetermined, I wanted to avoid it with all my strength.

I didn’t want to see my marriage with someone I loved turn into a mud fight.

Even if my marriage had already started to stain, if I scrubbed and polished diligently, maybe it could shine a little.

When I look back later, maybe I could think it was decent enough… Even if it’s a vain hope, I wanted to believe it.

Haejin met his gaze as he wished, thinking that if he did this, they could get past the current barren situation.

But for some reason, Beomwoo’s face, already irritated, became even harder.

Not only his expression, but he was also clenching his jaw.

He bit down so hard that his jaw muscles stood out and relaxed repeatedly, clearly visible.

‘Did I say something wrong…?’

Haejin waited tensely for him to speak, and he finally opened his mouth after keeping it firmly shut.

“I still have work to do, so I’ll head back. Don’t wait up, go to bed first.”

Beomwoo spoke in a rigid, businesslike tone and turned away as if his business here was finished.

Haejin blinked as he watched his back disappear from the master bedroom.

What was it? I don’t think he paused just to say that…

It felt rushed, and the lack of conversation was palpable, but he didn’t have the courage to stop him.

It wasn’t a pleasant topic, and his expression wasn’t good, so he was afraid of what he might say if he held him back.

“Ha…….”

Haejin stared blankly at the closed door, sighed, and collapsed onto the bed.

It wasn’t a big conversation, yet his energy drained as if he had done something monumental.

He lay quietly on his side, closing his eyes tightly.

From the moment he decided to marry, he had known it might end, but now seeing the end clearly was disheartening.

Because he was always busy, there were many nights he slept alone, but today the bed felt unusually wide and lonely.

****

Early in the morning, Haejin finally mustered the strength to get up.

Was it lack of energy? He never thought of himself as someone who slept in, yet recently it had become increasingly difficult to get up in the morning.

Getting out of bed today was a struggle, but if he didn’t want to be criticized, he had to show himself eating in front of him at least in the morning.

He finally dragged his heavy body upright and glanced at the side of the bed.

Beomwoo had already been up for a while; only the neatly arranged bedding greeted him.

He wasn’t even sure if he had slept beside him at all.

Haejin tidied his messy hair and headed downstairs to the living room.

By the time he came down, breakfast was already served, and Beomwoo, prepared for work, was checking his tablet.

It was normally his breakfast time, but he sometimes left earlier, and secretly he hoped he had gone ahead.

Even with someone he liked, after last night, eating together felt overwhelmingly burdensome.

“Are you up? Sit down.”

“…….”

Haejin hesitated at the top of the stairs, unable to approach, and Beomwoo, sensing his presence, stopped checking his tablet and called him.

He looked straight at him as if reading his thoughts perfectly.

Feeling like he was walking to the guillotine, Haejin sat across from him, staring at the table with a troubled expression.

The food was surely prepared deliciously, yet he had no appetite and didn’t think it would taste good.

Holding the unusually heavy spoon, he noticed that there wasn’t a single bowl in front of Beomwoo.

Pausing mid-bite, he cautiously asked him,

“Beomwoo, aren’t you eating?”

“I already ate.”

“Ah……”

If he had already eaten, why hadn’t he gotten up…?

Was it surveillance? Everyone in this house reported to him anyway; was it necessary to monitor this?

Though it was only speculation, thinking that made eating even harder.

Haejin forced the food down his throat, as if barely managing to eat, but the rice felt scratchy in his throat.

The problem wasn’t the food—it was him.

Swallowing was difficult, but he couldn’t refuse; not eating properly could become another reason for divorce.

Thinking that he didn’t even know what he was eating, he practically scooped up the rice with water and finished the bowl.

He hadn’t touched the side dishes, yet merely finishing the rice gave him a small sense of pride.

When he looked at Beomwoo after finishing, he let out a small sigh and stood up.

Though he had finished, Beomwoo still seemed displeased.

He had thought finishing the meal would bring some confidence, yet his gaze suggested otherwise, and he felt guilty for hesitating and expecting criticism.

Feeling even more frustrated, Beomwoo donned the coat neatly draped on the chair back and said,

“I’ll be home early today. See you at dinner.”

“……Are we eating dinner together too?”

“Is that a problem?”

“…….”

Problem… there were plenty.

A dinner inspection again, after he often worked late. Why…

Haejin had just wished he’d come home early a few days ago, but now, thinking about another meal with him and being monitored made his stomach churn.

His face darkened, yet Beomwoo turned decisively without hesitation.

Not only did he not look back, but his long strides felt cold and sharp.

“…….”

Haejin couldn’t bring himself to move even after he left.

Though he had forced himself to eat, his body felt weak.

His limbs were heavy and dizzy.

It seemed worse than not eating at all. Maybe he had an upset stomach, which was understandable under the circumstances.

Haejin pounded his chest with his fist, trying to calm the suffocating feeling, when the housekeeper cautiously approached.

“Although it seems harsh, the director is worried because you haven’t been eating well lately… Don’t think too negatively.”

“……Really?”

“Yes. The director cares about you, Haejin.”

Haejin forced a bitter smile.

Everyone knew it was a loveless marriage, and that he didn’t care for him was obvious to the staff.

He knew the housekeeper was trying to ease his mind, but his twisted heart couldn’t accept it gladly.

Haejin lowered his head with a cold smile, and the housekeeper, looking embarrassed, quickly changed the subject.

“If your stomach is upset, shall I prepare some antacids?”

“……If you have them, please bring them out.”

It did feel like an upset stomach, and perhaps taking antacids would help a little.

Haejin nodded, and the housekeeper quickly retrieved the antacids from the cabinet.

As Haejin took them with water, the housekeeper lingered nearby, which, though she sometimes chatted casually with him, felt especially intrusive today.