Breaking the Golden Cage

Once only the two of us remained, Senior Serman scanned the surroundings.

“Is there somewhere we can sit?”

“Ah, over there.”

In the garden, decorated more radiantly than usual for the prestigious guests, musicians were playing their instruments. A space for tea had also been prepared. Waiters standing nearby guided us to an empty seat. Senior Serman opened the menu and spoke.

“What would you like to drink?”

“Oh, I’ll have coffee.”

“And the apple pie for dessert will be fine, right?”

“Actually, I’d like the cheesecake.”

Senior Serman lifted his eyes from the menu. “I believe I told you the apple pie is delicious here.”

“Yes. But I really feel like having cheesecake.”

“Isn’t it a bit dull to always eat the same thing? You should try new things.”

“Ah, yes.”

Senior Serman closed the menu and said, “Two slices of apple pie and two cups of herbal tea, please.”

“…….”

I stared at him in silence before asking, “You seem to really like herbal tea, Senior.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes.”

You must love it quite a lot to order two cups without even asking me. I kept the retort to myself while glaring at the herbal tea the waiter was pouring.

I wanted coffee or fruit juice. Senior Serman took a sip of his tea and said, “I can’t deny it. I like it because it feels like it clears my head.”

“Do you not like coffee?”

“No, I don’t.”

“Gosh, I can’t help but love it. Especially during exam periods, I drink coffee like water.”

“That can’t be good for your body.”

“Yes, well, that’s true, but……”

“Why don’t you try cutting back on the coffee starting now?”

“…….”

“How is the apple pie? It’s delicious, isn’t it?”

“Ah, yes. It’s good.”

“I thought so.”

Senior Serman always thinks of me and only says what is “right.” But I finally realized why I felt so uneasy. I shoved the rest of the apple pie into my mouth and raised my hand.

“One slice of cheesecake here, please.”

“You’re having more?”

“Yes.”

“…….”

This time, it was Senior Serman who stared at me in silence. As I ate the cheesecake, he set his teacup down.

“Shall we get to the main point then?”

“Ah, yes.”

“Why have you suddenly decided not to apologize?”

“Because I don’t want to.”

“Is that all?”

“Yes.”

Senior Serman pressed a hand to his forehead. “You said you wanted to change your reputation. I recommended the best method I could think of, so it’s quite troublesome for me if you suddenly change your mind.”

“I know. It’s as if I asked for your help first. So I am truly sorry to you, Senior.”

“Cecil, if you don’t change your reputation, your lover and your friend will suffer for it. You’ll continue to be an outsider even in the General Department.”

“…….”

“Is that all? You graduate in just one year. You know how sensitive nobles are to networking and rumors. Even if you graduate with top marks without improving your reputation, you will never get a good job. And that’s not all; it could even harm your family. That’s why doing as I say is—”

“My family has been under my uncle’s control for a long time anyway. If something bad happens to the family, it’s a good thing for me.”

“Even so, it is your family. Why speak so harshly?”

“They were the ones who set ridiculous conditions first. If it’s a den of people who ganged up to pressure a child who hasn’t even lived twenty years, I’ll pass.”

Senior Serman covered his mouth and laughed.

“No, I just thought of something.”

“What is it?”

“Hmm, it’s probably better if you don’t hear it. Even I think it sounds a bit like I’m mocking you.”

“……Please tell me anyway. Whatever you thought of.”

“Alright. If you insist.”

Senior Serman leaned his chin on his hand and asked languidly, “Cecil, do you know the story of The Fox and the Grapes?”

My expression soured instantly. It seemed he thought I was only speaking ill of my family because I couldn’t have it.

“Senior, I truly have no lingering feelings for the family. I’m just stating facts.”

“I see. If you say so, Cecil, then that must be it.”

It was strange. I was clearly telling the truth, yet the other person took it as a pathetic excuse. I clenched my fists. In times like this, there is usually only one way to handle things flexibly and wisely.

Just enduring it and playing along with the other person.

I probably wasn’t the only one who thought that. Others probably felt the same, saying it’s unavoidable if you want to live a comfortable life.

But live comfortably? When? Strange people exist always and everywhere. I had an intuition.

I would never be able to live “comfortably” in my entire life.

Past me is suffering from memories of a bad person, present me is uncomfortable because of someone I don’t even like, and future me will chew over these moments and regret them. I told myself:

You were born with a fate that can’t live comfortably in this era anyway.

Since I’m so sensitive and easily bothered, how could I live comfortably? Therefore—

“Cecil, it’s not too late. I’ll set the stage for you—”

“Originally, I was going to apologize to him at the Magic Department exhibition with Lonia’s help.”

Determined to protect “me” right now no matter what, I looked Senior Serman straight in the eye.

“I was going to make a public apology, just as you said. I even planned to create an atmosphere where he would have no choice but to accept it.”

“That’s wonderful. Then why are you giving up on such a great plan?”

“Because I don’t even want to pretend to apologize to him. And this incident will only create more rumors. My reputation might improve temporarily, but I would be cemented as the one who was in the wrong at this school. People would watch me and monitor me, and at the first mistake, they’d nod to themselves and say, ‘I knew it, he has a history after all.’”

“What does it matter if they watch? You’ll graduate soon anyway. You just have to do well until then.”

“But I would never be able to stay at this Academy with a peaceful mind. This is a school I attend with my parents’ precious legacy; why should I live under a false accusation and be monitored by others?”

“I see. I understand what you’re saying. But Cecil, you can really do it. If you just follow my advice.”

“And I’ve decided I don’t want to do as you tell me anymore.”

The smile finally vanished from Senior Serman’s lips. He spoke in a low voice.

“You’re being quite stubbornly useless, aren’t you?”

“Yes, that’s right. I’m being stubbornly useless.”

“I keep saying this, but because I was the one who asked for help first, I tried to do as you said. But you just want to manipulate me to your taste. You’re the type of person who isn’t satisfied unless everything flows exactly as you planned.”

I took a breath and continued. “But I admit this: if I do as you say, my reputation would improve and I’d get a good job.”

“Do you think that’s all?”

“Pardon?”

“I asked if you think that’s all you would get.” Senior Serman spoke with a rare, expressionless face. “After graduation, you could obtain more than you can even imagine.”

“…….”

“Ah, of course, you have no social savvy and no vision to see several moves ahead, so you probably don’t understand what I’m saying.”

No, really, how many times is he going to make me say the same thing? I spoke through gritted teeth.

“I don’t need it. I really, truly don’t need it.”

“Aren’t you even angry about what was stolen? Do you have no pride?”

“Is it not allowed to not be angry?”

My parents’ belongings are already kept in the dorms, I have money saved bit by bit from my living expenses, and there is an inheritance my parents kept separately in a bank vault.

I can’t live off that forever, of course, but I can survive for the time being. For me, that is truly enough.

“What is the reason?”

“What do you mean ‘reason’? High places don’t suit me.”

“Someday, you will surely regret this bitterly.”

“Just as you say, Senior, I might regret it someday. But what doesn’t fit, doesn’t fit.”

“Then what will you do after graduation? Since you say you don’t even need a good job anymore.”

“I have no reason to tell you. Ah, but I can tell you this.” I stood up from my seat. “I won’t apologize, but I will make the truth known.”

Since I’ll be criticized no matter what I do, I might as well choose the path for myself. The moment I took a step, Senior Serman stood up.

“Cecil.”

I looked back at him. Senior Serman commanded, “Sit down.”

I bowed politely. “I’m sorry. I have to go find Michael quickly.”

With that, I left the garden without looking back once. I headed for a place where there were no people. Luckily, because everyone had flocked to the swordsmanship tournament, it was easy to find an empty spot. I sat down haphazardly on the dirt ground.

“Ah, I thought I was going to die from the nerves.”

My heart was still thumping violently. What on earth was I thinking, saying those things to Senior Serman? Where did that courage come from? Was I temporarily possessed by someone else?

Since possession stories are more popular than reincarnation stories these days, it was a fairly plausible theory. My vision spun. I lost my balance and buried my face against the wall. After staying like that for a while, I spoke.

“……No, it was me.”

The person who stood up to Senior Serman so boldly was me. Not anyone else, but the same “me” who couldn’t say a word just a few days ago because I was too busy walking on eggshells around him.

I wiped the cold sweat from the back of my hand.

“Now I’ll definitely never be successful.”

All that’s left is to be called inflexible and stupid. But I didn’t care. I buried my face in my knees and grinned. Right now, I wasn’t afraid of anyone.

“From now on, I won’t walk on eggshells for anyone.”

And that “anyone” naturally included the professors. I’ll stop trying so hard to be perfect. I’ll just focus on graduating safely.

I pressed my palm against my chest. I must never forget this feeling. From now on, I have to live with this feeling as my driving force.