The Ignorance of the Ancient Hero

All these feelings are for my enjoyment alone. What I think or do is none of their business, is it? I’m simply outputting values according to predetermined metrics.

When I tilted my head, Nocturne looked at me, seemingly flustered.

‘What the hell? His movements are too natural, it’s unsettling.’ My face crumpled in distaste.

[Logout.]

[Cannot execute. Check quest.]

As expected, it wouldn’t work. I shoveled the rest of my snack into my mouth and rose from my seat. Three pairs of eyes followed my every move.

[Change dialogue to mechanical.]

[Cannot execute.]

[Auto-skip character events.]

[Cannot execute.]

“Damn it! What can I do?”

I kicked the nearby stool, and it shattered with a pop, flying into pieces.

‘f*ck, nothing works! What am I supposed to do? I don’t want to see this!’

I fumed alone for a moment before looking down at Nocturne.

“I’m going to sleep. Follow me.”

“Um, is that… the ‘sleep’ I’m thinking of? Right now?”

“Then what else would it be?”

I stomped into my room. There, I casually stripped off the clothes I was wearing and tossed them into my inventory. Leaning against the headboard of my bed, I was engrossed in a book when Nocturne entered. He wore an extremely peculiar expression as he looked at me. ‘What’s wrong with him now? It’s unsettling.’

I returned the book to my inventory and spread my arms towards him.

“Why are you just standing there? Hug me.”

“Is that truly what you mean? So suddenly? You said you disliked it before.”

“I said I want to. I don’t think a regular sleep mode will skip it.”

Normal sleep mode merely passes time. Entering ‘bedtime mode’ and sleeping, however, prevents unexpected events from appearing that day. I absolutely do not want any more unpredictable events.

Nocturne hesitated, then removed only his top and climbed atop me. He then carefully cupped my face with both hands.

“This isn’t a joke. It’s real. Are you truly alright with this?”

“Ugh, seriously. Why are you talking so much? Just get it over with quickly, we need to skip this.”

‘How strange. The sensation against my cheek, and even the weight, felt strangely real. Isn’t it dangerous to increase the realism to such an extent? I don’t know.’

‘My only thought was to rush past this event before it progressed any further.’

I pulled him closer with my outstretched arms, and we pressed together without a single gap. He darted his eyes around before taking my face in his hands and kissing me directly.

‘Wh-what? What the hell?’

“Hey! Wh-why are you using your tongue?!”

“Huh?”

‘What is this?’ Startled, I pushed him away. Nocturne merely stared at me, looking utterly bewildered.

“Aren’t you supposed to kiss and then immediately fall asleep? Why is there a ‘next step’ at all?!”

This game is for adults, but it’s by no means an erotic game. When entering sleep via ‘bedtime mode,’ the screen typically fades to black automatically after a kissing event. You’re then supposed to wake up in the morning.

The sensation was incredibly strange. The feeling of that soft flesh probing inside my mouth still lingered.

‘What is this? What’s happening? What in the world is going on?’

“Um, Sir Haut? Is… ‘sleeping’ for you like that? Like kissing a child goodnight and just cuddling?”

“I-I don’t know either! Why is this happening?! No, what is this? Why isn’t it skipping?!”

‘I don’t understand! Kissing an NPC is weird enough! It not skipping is even weirder! And the feeling being so real is the weirdest of all!’

‘Am I going crazy? I’ve done this several times before, but never anything like this!’

“Hey, even in erotic games, there wasn’t this level of sensory synchronization!”

‘This is driving me insane, truly! What is wrong with this?’

A game is something that is already created. While something might not appear due to improper function, something non-existent cannot simply be created. Although data upgrades or problematic section replacements do occur, those are merely modifications. They are not creation.

“Wh-what is this…”

I don’t understand what’s happening. Why is it like this? What’s the problem? It feels like I’ve been hit with a sudden splash of cold water. Something completely unexpected just popped out!

“Um, are you alright?”

Nocturne, who had awkwardly retreated, observed me with a strange expression. Involuntarily, I covered my mouth with both hands. It wasn’t an action I had consciously thought about.

“R- [Reset Senses.]”

[Cannot use.]

‘Wasn’t it just pain? No, come to think of it, it’s only natural that this would be linked too. Damn this system! What the hell happened? Why is this like this?!’

This kind of motion shouldn’t even exist! In eight and a half years, nearly a decade of gaming, nothing like this has ever happened! I bolted from my spot and stormed out of the room.

“W-wait a minute! What are you doing?!”

“This must be an error, no, I don’t know! I’m going to check!”

“What are you talking about, out of nowhere?! Have you really never kissed before?”

“That’s absurd!”

I fumbled with the nearest doorknob and burst through. Faust was kneeling below the bed, perhaps in prayer before sleep.

“Huh? Sir Haut? What’s the matter—?!”

“Sorry. I just need to check.”

I simply picked Faust up and tossed him onto the bed. His eyes widened into saucers as he looked up at me. ‘Damn it, I’d been so careful about his affection level dropping! I’m going to lose it all here!’

Faust merely lay there, bewildered and utterly clueless as to what was happening. I promptly climbed onto the bed after him and seized his wrist. His body twitched, startled.

[Using Charm Lv25 on target. Cannot resist.]

Faust’s eyes glazed over, unfocused. ‘The skill is working! So it was my mistake, right? Something was strange, wasn’t it?’

I slowly crept over Faust’s body and kissed him.

[Charm skill deactivated.]

‘This also feels strange. Why is the sensation of lips touching so vivid?’ With one arm, I vigorously rubbed my own lips, while with the other hand, I waved it before Faust’s eyes. He remained frozen like a statue, not moving an inch.

‘Yes, this is normal. Something was indeed strange. Nocturne’s reaction was what was out of place. Only then did I feel relieved.’

“See? This is how it’s supposed to be.”

And then I promptly collapsed. It was complete darkness.

…

But did a sleep mode notification appear? Could I speak during an event scene? I didn’t know. I didn’t think about it further. The next day, I wouldn’t even remember this question.

“What’s all this noise? Is something happening?”

Jack, his hair disheveled as if he’d just woken up, scratched his belly and entered Faust’s room. Inside, Nocturne stood with a dazed expression, Faust was half-lying on the bed, and beside him, Haut was asleep.

“I-I don’t know either. What kind of situation is this…?”

Faust was utterly bewildered. And rightly so! He had merely been praying before bed when, suddenly, the Hero burst through his door as if to smash it down, forcibly threw him onto the bed, and then, while he watched, feeling strangely enchanted, the Hero climbed on top of him and accidentally kissed him!

No, to even call it a kiss felt strange. Their lips literally touched and separated. It was a dictionary-definition contact, nothing more. It certainly wasn’t a kiss in the conventional sense.

“Why is this old man sleeping here…? Did he, by any chance, assault the Captain?”

“Well, if ‘assaulted’ is the word, then yes, it seems like he did… Ugh, seriously. I don’t know if he just passed out to avoid explaining this mess.”

“What did you do for this person to end up here?”

Both their gazes turned to Nocturne. He didn’t know how to explain it. A tightness seized his chest. Unfortunately, Nocturne was the only one who could clarify the situation.

“Haa, seriously. So, you know, he got really angry earlier and went into the room, right? Saying he was going to… ‘sleep’ with me.”

“R-right.”

Faust, still dazed, traced his fingers over his lips with a vacant expression as he responded. Jack leaned against the doorframe, listening intently.

“As soon as we went in, he asked for a hug. So suddenly? I don’t even know what got him so ‘worked up’ in the first place, but I’m here because I’m paid, so if he says to do it, I have to, right? It’s not like he’s asking for anything difficult.”

“I’m not asking for your lewd stories. Get to the point. So I can go to sleep.”

When Jack abruptly cut off his chatter, Nocturne grumbled and continued.

“Ugh, so strict. Anyway… well, I hugged him and kissed him, but then he suddenly jumped back.”

“Huh? What was that about?”

“I don’t know. He was so surprised that he stammered, asking why I used my tongue, and even got angry, saying you’re supposed to just fall asleep after a kiss.”

At Nocturne’s words, Jack and Faust stared down at the culprit with expressions beyond description. Jack pointed a finger directly at Haut, letting out a hollow laugh.

“So… if I’m understanding this correctly… he thinks if lips literally touch and separate, you’re supposed to just fall asleep, is that it?”

Nocturne merely gestured towards the sleeping Haut instead of speaking.

Faust gently shook Haut, who lay beside him, but he was merely sleeping soundly, without even a whimper.

Though Haut constantly berates them for being weak, Jack and Faust are, in their own right, elite soldiers. They know whether someone is truly asleep or not. Besides, there’s no reason for him to act in front of them.

Faust’s face was morphing into an expression even harder to describe.

“Out of nowhere, he… kissed me, and then, seeing my lack of reaction, he seemed relieved. And then he immediately fell asleep.”

“Captain, why? You should have gotten angry!”

“I… didn’t have the presence of mind.”

Nocturne let out a deflated sound, watching Jack’s indignant reaction.

“He literally came charging in like a runaway colt, rubbed his lips against yours, and then just fell asleep. Your boss was praying, completely unaware, and just had it happen to him.”

“No, what is this? He’s not a one or two-year-old child, is he? We estimate he’s lived for nearly a thousand years, yet he doesn’t know even the most basic… that?”

“How would I know? I ended up being the strange one by accident.”

All three were struck speechless by the unexpected turn of events.

“Honestly, I have no words. Did he really just hunt demons for all that time? For what purpose?”

“Who knows? Maybe that insane ‘happiness for all’ is genuinely his motivation.”

“What kind of pushover is this? Is he crazy?”