A Dearth of Common Sense

“What kind of pushover is this? Is he insane?”

“It’s obvious he’s not in his right mind.”

The person who caught a demon stark naked, endlessly spewed forth wealth and rare artifacts, and constantly forged legends, knew nothing about the mortal world. To them, he was truly something bizarre, something utterly incomprehensible. A monster? Yes, that was an apt description.

An ignorant monster, indeed. He flaunted boundless knowledge of things unknown to others, yet remained almost entirely clueless about facts even a child would grasp.

“I thought this wouldn’t work from the start, but… everything about him is truly endlessly surprising.”

“More than that, I’m worried about that ‘demonization’ you mentioned earlier….”

Ah, that too. The three of them racked their brains for a long time trying to figure out what to do, but no answer seemed forthcoming. ‘Sleeping’ was supposed to make it better, yet he himself didn’t even know what that meant.

They couldn’t tell if “sleeping” referred to what normal people called ‘intercourse’, or if it simply meant cuddling him like a child with a doll.

Of course, contrary to what the three of them thought, I Want to Bang Faust knew perfectly well what was going on. However, his unwavering belief that this was all just a game was what caused this whole mess. In all his long years of gaming, he had never encountered a situation like this before.

And besides, if it were a penalty that could be recovered simply by cuddling and sleeping, it wouldn’t have been incurred in the first place.

With a complex, subtle expression, Faust pulled the blanket over the sleeping man.

“For now… I shall sleep with him tonight.”

“Doesn’t it not matter who it is, as long as they’re human?”

“I can’t possibly understand this, but… wouldn’t it be an issue if someone else was there when he woke up?”

Is that so? Jack scrunched up his face as if he didn’t understand, but Nocturne merely groaned. He had thought he’d ‘slept’ with Faust because of it, and had accepted it entirely. It was true he might be surprised to wake up with someone else.

“It feels like we’ve ended up following an incredibly troublesome human….”

“I don’t know, damn it. Let’s think about it tomorrow. What time is it for us to be doing this?”

The two grumbled as they returned to their respective rooms.

Left alone in the room, Faust gazed at the face of the man sleeping beside him. ‘He sleeps so soundly, even after dropping such a massive bomb,’ he thought.

After a long moment of contemplation, Faust placed his hand on the man’s waist.

There truly wasn’t a single quiet day. Everyone drifted off to sleep, their minds filled with complicated thoughts.

[MC’s Perspective]

In an instant, my eyes snapped open. It was a peculiar sensation, almost like remembering it was Monday morning in the middle of a deep slumber. I couldn’t possibly feel this refreshed—yet I bolted upright.

‘What is this? Why is my mind so sluggish? Is it because I’ve been logged into the game for too long?’

‘But in reality, I’m usually in a state of light sleep anyway. Since I’m already sleeping, shouldn’t in-game sleep be meaningless? Why do I feel like this? I’ve skipped sleep countless times, so why is it so hard to grasp now?’

‘No, a feeling is just a feeling. What does it matter?’

I sat bolt upright and looked around. This was definitely not my room. Just then, someone emerged from the bathroom. It was Faust, who had apparently just finished washing. Faust was shaking the water from his wet hair when he saw me, giving a slight nod of his head.

“You’re awake. You should eat.”

“Oh… oh, right… I should.”

‘I should eat.’ I knew I didn’t actually need to, but the words had slipped out automatically. After a moment of bewilderment, a belated realization washed over me, bringing a sense of relief.

‘See? Nocturne’s interaction linkage must have been a bit off. I woke up perfectly fine after sleeping.’

“Hah, I got scared for nothing.”

“Sir Haut, are you alright?”

“Ah, my bad. I’m sorry about yesterday. It felt like there was some kind of error, so I was checking it.”

“Did you get hurt? Are you in pain? Should I give you a potion? My healing skills are pretty lackluster, though, since I only learned them.”

“No…. I’m fine.”

“Thanks! Let me know if you need anything later.”

Everything’s fine! Humming a tune, I got up from the bed and exited Faust’s room.

‘It feels like things are getting stranger and stranger, but the main functions are working properly, aren’t they?’

‘There are a lot of inconveniences, but it’s not completely frozen, and other than not being able to log out, it doesn’t interfere with gameplay!’

‘Maybe Nocturne is some kind of special character with extra features. Yes, now that I think about it, that makes more sense.’

‘Coming to me must have been a pre-determined event, then? I suppose I just realized it too late.’

Excited, I pulled out an outfit from my inventory.

“Today, I want to feel like a rookie!”

For the first time in a long while, I would return to my roots and wear my rainbow-shifting, glowing, glittery underwear!

Unfortunately, the rainbow-shifting, glowing, glittery underwear met with fierce opposition and could not be worn. Though I could have easily fended off all three of them with just my pinky finger, I was too afraid they might die, so I didn’t dare push them away.

Thus, the week on the ship passed quite peacefully. I ate delicious food to my heart’s content, danced as much as I pleased, and indulged in the casino and other entertainments on board, living in lavish amusement.

I even slept with Nocturne again, and there were no sudden events like on the first night. It was clear that some script had definitely been tangled before.

‘I still don’t understand why the food tastes so good. Did lifting the pain limiter also lift other restrictions? Was this how it always tasted? I don’t know. I usually had no interest in settings outside of combat.’

“Hurry up! I want to show you our Bebe!”

As soon as we docked at Gladia, I badgered the three of them. I had been boasting since morning that I would take them to the ‘Ravens of the Riverbank’ stronghold and show them their Bebe.

I had even specially donned the clothes I wore during my ‘Shadow King’ days. Nocturne’s expression had become a little strange, as if he recognized the outfit.

“Sir Haut, I heard that… Bebe passed away.”

“Hmm… that’s true, but the memory remains, doesn’t it? I personally built the Ravens of the Riverbank stronghold, so I installed a ‘Vestige of Time’ there!”

“That means I can show you!”

The ‘Vestige of Time’ had a grand name, but it was merely one of the installations that allowed saved event cutscenes to be viewed within the game. It was nothing special, just a gleaming, jet-black wall. It felt like a full-length mirror, yet it was completely black.

“We’re going to Hamman’s Temple anyway. I want to show them off, too. Just a quick look.”

I grabbed the hands of Faust and Jack, who were slowly descending from the ship, and pulled them along. Faust, with a troubled expression, obediently followed, but Jack once again squawked loudly.

“Your feet are just too fast! We were already running hard enough!”

“Is it hard to walk? Shall I carry you?”

‘Now that I think about it, maybe it’s because I only ate delicious food on the ship; I don’t seem to have consumed any buff food.’

I effortlessly hoisted both of them, one under each arm. Passing NPCs stared at us.

‘Why? Well, it doesn’t matter. I just want to show them quickly.’

“No! W-we were wrong! We’ll just run diligently, so please put us down!”

“Sir Haut! We’ll pick up the pace!”

“No. Honestly, no matter how fast you run, you’re still too slow.”

‘It’s strangely slow when those events pop up where you have to match NPC strides. If I go too far ahead, they stop following, and if I push them, they get annoyed. Since it’s not a quest progression, it should be fine to just carry them, right?’

“Hold tight. Or rather, just enjoy the ride. I’ll carry you myself.”

And with that, I scaled a wall and leaped from rooftop to rooftop, bounding across the city. It was daytime, and right after the ship had docked, so there were too many people. I couldn’t just shove everyone aside, could I? I didn’t like jumping across roofs as it was tricky to get a foothold, but I was so excited at the thought of opening the memorial and showing them Bebe that I ran diligently.

At first, they screamed a few times, but after a while, they became quiet. Which was fine by me.

“Haaah, ha, haaah… Sir Haut? Would it have been too much trouble to take me along too?”

“Why are you such a slow thief? How do you even do your job with feet like that?”

“Most people can’t just run across rooftops like that. It’s not like you have wings.”

Jack and Faust collapsed onto the ground as soon as I put them down, rolling about. They groaned, barely able to make a sound, and dry-heaved. ‘Ah, they were weak,’ I thought, having forgotten.

“That’s strange. This is the right place, isn’t it? Why is it so… shabby?”

“I told you before. It all went to ruin.”

“It got this bad? At this point, it’s just scrap.”

The Ravens of the Riverbank’s stronghold was in the best spot of the back-alley rat holes. As it was an organization of assassins and thieves, they had built it underground rather than overtly above ground, but I had put a lot of effort into the interior design.

I had made it beautiful, like an ancient stone temple, but now the stone walls and carvings were all broken and fallen, and trash was strewn everywhere. It was a complete eyesore, with rats scurrying about.

“Come in when you feel better. I’m going in to get things ready.”

There was no answer. At least Faust managed a weary nod. I led Nocturne behind me and entered the stronghold, the Temple of Debora.

[You have entered the Temple of Debora. The Goddess of Fortune welcomes your visit, O Favored One.]

“The temple is still maintained?”

A faint shimmer of light spread lightly, then bloomed profusely before vanishing. Nocturne, who was behind me, jumped back with a start, then quickly pressed close behind me.

“I’ve never seen this before.”

“Hmm? That can’t be. I made it so that members would be recognized, if not as much as me.”

“Well, I suppose I’m still lacking.”

“I’ll have to help you grow a bit more. How weak are you… poor thing.”

Going further inside, a strong stench of alcohol mixed with something rotting and decaying wafted through the air. ‘What is this now?’

Inside, a few boisterous ruffians were happily chatting, gripping bottles of alcohol. Among them, a man seated on a large, crudely made throne of scrap metal spotted me and shouted.

“Oh? A guest? Did you bring some money?”

“You’re The Blind One… no, you said he wasn’t here. Are you the leader?”

“This guest has a rather foul mouth. Yes, I’m the boss. You’ll need deep pockets—?”

The other men drinking with him around them one by one drew their knives and stood up. One of them seemed to recognize Nocturne, pointing a finger and shouting.

“Oh? Nocturne! They said you burned down Frisk and died, but you’re back, somehow?”

“Thanks to that, I had a terrible time, you know? You pass on work like that?”

“You asked if there was anything related to ‘The Nameless One.’ Well, if you had died, we would’ve gotten more, wouldn’t we? It’s a shame you’re alive. We took a pretty big cut—.”

“Damn bastards.”

And they laughed among themselves. ‘Hmm. Things are really a mess here.’ Originally, this place was just made from the pupil of an eye, so there shouldn’t have been anything here. I looked around, and all the other paths were blocked. It seemed none of these guys were worthy enough to open those doors.

Still, just in case, I recited the motto.

“Brother. When is our glory?”

Everyone just stared at me blankly. ‘Why is there no answer?’ Nocturne merely sighed. The burly man, who had called himself the leader, cackled.

“Lord Victor never authorized such an old-fashioned motto—? Was there anyone still memorizing that?”

“No—!! Only Nocturne, or the occasional naive pushovers who visit, would babble that!”

‘Hmm, I guess that doesn’t work either.’ I spread my arms and gestured into the air. In response to my gesture, the grooves carved into the floor, walls, and ceiling began to glow, tracing lines of light.

“Alright, so there really is no one left.”

The ruffians screamed in terror as they saw the light flashing and flowing all around them, scrambling in panic.