Chapter 31: A Healing Embrace

I could feel the light drizzle against my cheek. As time passed, my vision gradually became clearer.

He was kneeling beside me, sitting by my side.

As my vision sharpened, I could see the face of the person who had thrown me to the ground.

He was neither a prince nor anything like that. He was…

“…Unni?”

“Un… Unni?”

My voice came out cracked, probably because I had been crying for so long.

There was Song Chae-hyun.

Still blurry, I could see Song Chae-hyun looking down at me without saying a word.

A droplet fell on my cheek.

Was it the drizzle? No, the rain wasn’t that thick. It must have been Song Chae-hyun’s tears.

Song Chae-hyun barely moved her lips before finally speaking.

“I-hyun.”

“…Yes.”

“What were you trying to do…?”

I couldn’t answer.

I could only turn my head away.

Song Chae-hyun’s wet gaze bore into me, and for some reason, I felt ashamed.

“I-hyun…!”

Since I didn’t answer, Song Chae-hyun continued speaking on her own.

“Did you… did you try to die? You can’t do that! There are still so many days where you can be happy…!”

Her voice grew wetter with emotion.

“I… I don’t deserve to live…”

“Why… why do you think that…?”

“…I don’t know…”

“You… you should live, even for Oppa and for parents, okay?”

“I don’t want to…”

“…Or…”

Song Chae-hyun’s voice was barely audible now.

“Live for me…”

“I… I don’t want to…”

But I couldn’t finish my sentence.

Her sorrowful expression looked so fragile, as if it would shatter at the slightest touch.

Song Chae-hyun, without a word, took me and started walking down the stairs.

I thought I wasn’t light enough to be carried out so easily, but Song Chae-hyun shattered that thought. She lifted me in her arms like a princess and carried me down the stairs.

“I… I’ll walk on my own.”

I squirmed in embarrassment, but with a face that was holding back tears, Song Chae-hyun just kept walking.

Her arms, which held me tight, were so strong that I couldn’t break free.

“Unni, how did you know to come?”

I spoke, having given up, while still in her arms.

“I saw it on the broadcast. You were crying as soon as you went in… I rushed over here on my motorcycle.”

… That engine sound—it was Song Chae-hyun’s.

As I heard it, I thought the world would keep turning even without me.

Is there a part of this world where I am needed?

At that moment, Song Chae-hyun’s eyes met mine.

I smiled faintly. For some reason, I felt like doing so.

Seeing this, Song Chae-hyun pressed her lips together and looked at me for a moment before turning her gaze forward again.

She sat me down on a chair and squatted in front of me.

Even though we were both drenched, it seemed like neither of us cared.

“I-hyun.”

“… Yes, yes?”

No matter how many times I hear it, I can’t get used to Song Chae-hyun’s low voice.

“Why… Why did you want to die?”

“I just… I just did.”

I averted my gaze as I answered.

“There’s no such thing as ‘just’… Can’t you tell me?”

I lowered my head.

She’s being too kind. So kind that it makes me uncomfortable.

Honestly, it feels bad. She’s not doing what I want her to.

What I wanted was my complete mental and physical destruction.

Ah.

Then, a thought crossed my mind.

If I tell the truth, will she give me what I want?

Will she change her expression, despise me?

Tell me that everything is my fault?

Strangle me to death?

Beat me up until I suffocate?

With trembling voice, holding onto a glimmer of hope, I started to speak.

I told her my worst memories.

Even though they weren’t Moon I-hyun’s memories but Lee Tae-yeon’s, it didn’t matter since my friends didn’t know that.

That on the way to see my father, there was an accident.

That the front seats were crushed by a truck, and two people died instantly.

That my mother died, and my younger sibling died in my place.

Song Chae-hyun listened to this and began crying again.

“Why are you crying…”

She slowly approached me and hugged me.

I tried to push her away, but realizing the difference in strength, I gave up.

Her embrace was warm and comforting.

Honestly, I knew halfway through that she wouldn’t give me what I wanted.

I just… even though it disgusted me, I wanted to be comforted.

“W-wait…”

I don’t know how long had passed by then.

It felt like my mind would break, so I tried to push her away more firmly.

But she didn’t budge at all. No matter how hard I pushed, she just tightened her arms around me.

“Ugh…”

The sound of air escaping my body came out as Song Chae-hyun hugged me even tighter.

We stayed like that for what felt like an eternity. I turned my head to check the clock—it had been 20 minutes.

… 20 minutes? We’ve been hugging for that long?

Song Chae-hyun finally loosened her arms.

“Ah…”

I collapsed like a deflated balloon.

My legs had no strength left.

My heart was pounding.

In that state, I cautiously looked up at Song Chae-hyun.

Her face was streaked with tears.

“I-hyun.”

“Y-yes?”

My entire body was so weak, even my tongue felt heavy.

“Don’t ever do something like this again.”

“…”

“Promise.”

“Prom-ise…?”

I can’t even control my own mind right now.

Plus, we’re not kids, why the pinky promise?

“… Promise.”

“P-prom-ise…”

But her expression was so terrifying that I ended up hooking my pinky with hers.

“I’m sorry, I-hyun…”

After we both calmed down a bit, we looked at each other again. At that moment, Song Chae-hyun seemed shocked at the sight of me.

Well, it made sense.

Blood was running down my head, through my hair, and a strand of it had turned bright red, like it was dyed.

On top of that, the drizzle had soaked me, making me look even more pitiful.

It must have happened when she lifted me up to save me—I had scraped against the metal bar nearby.

“It’s okay… It’s just a scratch. You don’t need to worry.”

But Song Chae-hyun couldn’t calm down at all.

I’m really fine…

I felt like I had to ease her guilt somehow.

“Then… how about this?”

“Huh?”

“Could you apply some ointment for me?”

“Uh, yeah! Let me do that for you!” Huh?

As expected, Song Chae-hyun nodded eagerly and approached me.

“Ah.”

Then I realized, I had thrown the ointment and bandages in the trash earlier.

But the only thing in there was tissue… so they should still be at the bottom.

“Uh, unni.”

“Yeah?”

“Could you, um, turn around for a second?”

“Ah, sure! Of course!”

With that, Song Chae-hyun quickly turned her back.

I hurriedly dug through the trash and found the ointment and bandages.

“Unni, I’m done. You can put it on now.”

Song Chae-hyun took the ointment and started to apply it to my head.

But then—

“The protective cap is still on the ointment?”

Her cold voice echoed from above me.

“And the bandages aren’t even opened.”

Shit.

“I-hyun… Have you not treated your wound at all?”

Song Chae-hyun’s expression hardened as she suddenly grabbed my left arm.

“Eek!”

There, on my arm, were the ugly scars from self-harm.

The places where I had repeatedly cut over the same lines, to the point where I feared permanent scars might remain.

Song Chae-hyun stayed silent, clearly upset.

“Don’t change the lock code. I-hyun.”

“Huh? What?”

“From now on, I’m coming in whenever I want. At least once a week.”

“What?!”

“No way, that’s—”

But Song Chae-hyun, with an even more serious expression, interrupted me.

“I-hyun… you don’t have a guardian right now.”

“Honestly, I think it’s neglectful of me to leave you like this. Where is Lee Tae-yeon, by the way… Ah…”

“… Fine… But at least call me five minutes before you come over…”

I could be… doing something weird.

I glanced at the roll of tissue next to my computer.

Just then, my phone rang.

—Yu Ji-eun

“Can I answer this?”

Song Chae-hyun, though reluctant, nodded.

I rushed to grab my phone.

“Eek…”

The call history showed 49 missed calls.

“I Hyun!”

“Y-Yes!”

“Are you okay!? What happened on the broadcast!? And why didn’t you pick up your phone…!”

Yu Ji-eun’s voice was full of concern and agitation.

I took a moment to try and calm her down.

“So, um… I’m really okay. You don’t need to worry…”

“Are you sure?”

Her voice, unusually fast and high-pitched, wasn’t like her usual self.

I couldn’t help but smile for a moment before nodding.

“Yes, I’m fine. Really. I’ll even send you a selfie later, okay?”

“… Whew… If you say so… Please do send that selfie later.”

We exchanged brief goodbyes and hung up.

By the time I turned around, Song Chae-hyun had crept up behind me.

Out of habit, I unlocked my phone after ending the call.

But there was one thing I hadn’t considered.

Most phones, if you leave an app open and then lock the screen, will reopen the app when unlocked.

And the app I had been using before the call was… Coupang.

What I had been searching on Coupang was…

Women’s personal… products.

“Ah… Ah…”

I let out a small groan as a multitude of pink and white glass rods filled my screen.

Song Chae-hyun was just as shocked. She stared at my phone, then at me, her mouth slightly open.

She looked around.

Finally, I did too.

Tissues scattered across the bed and my computer desk.

Song Chae-hyun glanced at them, then back at my phone and me.

I placed my phone down.

Then, I walked toward the door.

“Wh-where are you going?”
Song Chae-hyun asked.

“I’m going to kill myself.”

“I-hyun!”

Slap!

“Ouch!”

Song Chae-hyun smacked my butt hard.

“M-my butt…!”
I stammered, my voice trembling with embarrassment as my vision swirled.

But Song Chae-hyun’s voice was firm.
“Don’t say things like that, not even as a joke. You’ll get scolded.”

Scolded? We’re the same age…
But the thought of arguing with her and making her angrier scared me, so I nodded.

“Y-yes…”
I rubbed my sore behind, but something about Song Chae-hyun’s actions seemed odd.

She opened and closed her hand, staring at it.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“It’s nothing,” she replied, shaking her head.
Then, she came closer and hugged me again.

This time, it wasn’t forceful, just a warm, comforting embrace.
It was soothing.

I felt like my heart was healing, as if all the guilt and darkness I had been carrying was being washed away.
With Song Chae-hyun, maybe everything would be okay.

In her arms, I finally spoke.
“… Unni.”

“Yeah?”

“I’ve found a place I want to go with you.”

“Where?”

I smiled.
It was a place I hadn’t been since I was in high school.
A place my mom loved.
A place that tried to kill us.

If it’s with Song Chae-hyun, maybe it’ll be okay.
Maybe we could even bring Yu Ji-eun along.

“… The ocean.”

“Huh?”

“I want to go to the ocean.”

Song Chae-hyun looked sad for a moment, but then smiled and nodded.
“Yeah, let’s definitely go.”