Chapter 31: How to Hand a Longsword to the Saintess Performing Tricks with Her Chest

Useless.

It’s a word that refers to something that cannot be used for any purpose.

It was also a thought that always came to mind when a child, despairing in the face of a painful reality, inflicted wounds upon their own chest.

No one sought them out because they were useless.

That’s why they were lonely.

And being lonely was because they were utterly useless.

“I am useless.”

This idea, rooted deeply in their consciousness since they first began to think and reason, festered and ate away at them.

Yet, the child didn’t believe it to be wrong.

One day, to this child who thought this way, a hand was casually extended toward them.

“My mom said there’s nothing useless in this world.”

It wasn’t some grand innovation that twisted the course of life itself.

It was merely a single moment added to their week—just once, right after worship, for a short period, not even ten minutes.

But even with this one small change, the child’s world began to show signs of vitality, like rain falling upon a parched desert.

At the words, “I’m glad I met you,” the concept of “useless” transformed into “essential in its own way.”

Like the saying that even seemingly useless things have their uses, perhaps, even for someone like them…

“Click.”

I clicked my tongue.

With this small act of self-deprecation, the memory dissolved.

There’s no point in lamenting those who can never return.

Rather than struggling against the inevitable, I decided to focus on something more productive.

I moved my mouth and tongue.

Sipping through the straw as the liquid rose up the stick, my previously limp body began to feel invigorated, as if it had never been drained of energy.

The chill of the soda, laden with sugar and carbonation, soothed my overworked body and brain, and I couldn’t help but let out a soft chuckle at the pleasant sensation.

Then, shifting my gaze, I turned to the monitor displaying a program filled with lines of text.

The summer event was already a lost cause…

My fingers, copying the introduction of a novel I had already read hundreds of times, moved across the keyboard with the energy of a refueled machine, clacking noisily.

Faster.

Even faster!

A well-fed me is invincible.

Dr. Pepper is a god!

[“Crazy;”]

[“Is this really the same streamer who was struggling to hit 100 WPM not long ago?”]

[“Honestly, I’m so touched, my chest swells with pride, etc., etc.”]

[“You’re faster than me, lolololololol.”]

[“Isn’t this what they mean by remarkable progress?”]

[“Holy crap, lol.”]

[“So, when are you actually going to start gaming?”]

[“I think you’ve got the wrong channel.”]

[Snore snore snore snore snore snore snore.]

[“Please, just play a game… I came here after watching a tournament, but why are you doing this nonsense…”]

[“Just lie down. Seriously, just lie down.”]

[“New viewers, don’t bother. This streamer doesn’t care about that stuff.”]

[“Why is the streamer even broadcasting this? And why am I watching it?”]

[“I thought the same at first, but after a while, it became ridiculously fun.”]

[“Which part exactly? Lololol.”]

[“Did you get brainwashed or something?”]

[“Just imagining brainwashing by a nerd is terrifying.”]

[“The world’s first streamer who takes Hancom Typing Practice seriously.”]

[“I don’t want that kind of world first, lololol.”]

[“Don’t watch this stream for too long. It’ll change your constitution.”]

[“The berserker forcefully shoved the saintess with his brutal hands, kneading her voluptuous body as if to mold it like dough. The saintess’s waist arched like a bow. ‘Ha… ugh…’ ‘You lewd wench, I’ll show you your place,’ he said as he untied his belt and pulled down his pants…”]

[“What is that, lololololol?”]

[“No matter how bored you are, don’t write erotic stories in the chat, lololol.”]

[“Is this an RPF or what, lololol?”]

[“So, what happens next?”]

[“The pants are down. Hurry, what’s next?”]

[“This bait is ridiculously effective, lololol.”]

[“What’s the streamer drinking so enthusiastically?”]

[“I can hear you gulping all the way here, sis.”]

[“Wait, you can actually hear it?”]

[“What are you, a hippo? It’s like you’re pouring it straight in, lololol.”]

[“Over the top, seriously.”]

[“But something’s off.”]

[“What do you mean?”]

[“Typing while drinking? How is that possible?”]

[“Actually, the streamer’s an alien and has three arms.”]

[“Lol.”]

[“According to the ‘One Breast Utilization Theory,’ lol.”]

[“What theory is that?”]

[“There’s no way such a theory exists, lolololol.”]

[“If you use boobs as a stand, you can place it there and drink while typing, easily.”]

[“I can’t even imagine that, lololol.”]

[“Is there even a woman in reality who could do that?”]

[“Of course there is. You just won’t meet one.”]

[“That hit deep, you jerk.”]

[“Take the saintess, for example—totally possible, right?”]

[“That’s a game character, lololol.”]

[“You really sound like otakus, with all your delusions, lololol.”]

[“Face reality, people, lololol.”]

[“Reality? My reality is inside this monitor, you idiot.”]

[“Why are you so proud of that, sir? ㅠㅠ”]

[“They’re probably just putting it on the desk and using a straw to drink, you morons, lololol.”]

A body part once thought useless and inconvenient, aside from its aesthetic appeal, turned out to have its own kind of usefulness.

The saying “Nothing in the world is useless” turned out to apply even here.

The feat of typing furiously with both hands while still drinking a beverage…

Ah, it’s all gone.

I paused my long typing practice and scanned the desk.

I was just hoping for a quick meal or some instant food, but the amount of gift certificates the tsundere male character sent me was beyond imagination.

I should’ve contacted him sooner.

But I was also someone who took pride seriously.

Though it seemed like swallowing my pride for a moment was a million times better than giving up my dignity as a human by resorting to eating dog food with tap water or rummaging through the garbage for scraps…

In any case, it saved me from the worry of starving to death.

I opened the lid of a 500ml bottle of Dr. Pepper and secured it to my chest.

Visible through the stretched-out black T-shirt, two white, curving lumps of flesh hugged the cold beverage tightly, like a mother cradling her child.

By inserting a long straw and sucking it up as hard as possible, the drink cooled me inside and out in the summer heat.

It felt refreshingly cold.

I guarantee, this was revolutionary.

The idea of being able to drink something without stretching out your arms was pure efficiency.

For a hardcore gamer and computer addict who resented even a single moment away from the keyboard or mouse, this was ideal.

At first, I was worried it might fall straight down, but as long as it was properly positioned, the tight underside of the bra held it in place without issue.

As the straw in my mouth delivered sugar straight into my bloodstream, I felt my brain begin to whirl into motion.

This was what you’d call gaming IV fluid.

I might even patent it.

With such nonsensical thoughts running through my mind, I finished my typing practice.

By the time I had typed enough to wear out an entire field of buckwheat blossoms, my mouse cursor had naturally drifted toward the Lethe client.

The chat, previously filled with sleeping emojis, erupted into cheers.

The chat window scrolled much faster now, far more active than before.

Was everyone secretly bored out of their minds?

Maybe I was the only one who had been enjoying myself.

Feeling slightly petty, I briefly wondered what the reaction would be if I closed the game window right then and there.

But my cursor didn’t dare reach the exit button.

I, too, was itching to play so badly I could barely stand it.

I wasn’t called an addict for nothing.

So, without a word, I queued for a match.

**“The match has ended.

The Red Team, the ‘Astaroth Empire,’ has claimed victory!

The ‘Sephiroth Empire’ will vanish from this continent along with the shattered World Tree.”**

“You have been promoted to Yellow Rank, Tier 2, in solo/duo ranked games.”

Win after win, victory kept piling up.

Ever since the tournament ended, defeat had been nowhere to be found.

The priest class, especially the orthodox priest traits and playstyle, often seemed like they were just cruising through matches.

Hiding in the back, spamming heals and scattering buffs.

Resisting half-heartedly when warriors or rogues closed in, dying, and then respawning to heal again.

It wasn’t for nothing that the derogatory nickname “healbot” existed.

Compared to other classes, where split-second, nerve-wracking mind games happened multiple times every second, it was relatively simple to control.

There wasn’t much to do, after all.

Well, unless you played as a “Follower of Gaia,” a priest trait requiring precise aim—though that was more of an exception.

That’s why, half-jokingly, but also half-seriously, people often said that Rainbow priests, Yellow-Green priests, and healbots were all the same.

For priests, whether you played poorly or brilliantly, it often didn’t show much compared to other classes.

But just because it didn’t show didn’t mean there wasn’t a difference in skill.

This devastating winning streak was proof of that.

Every class has its own role, but a skilled priest could sometimes shift the battlefield or turn the tide of a match completely.

**“[User XX donated 10,000 KRW!

Thanks for the show. Now, come back to the organization, ma’am.]”**

Even as a priest, carrying a game, as they call it, was not impossible.

However, unless I could pull off something like reviving five people with an ultimate skill as I had in the past, it was true that my impact seemed less impressive compared to others who were cutting down enemies or devastating the battlefield with powerful area-of-effect magic.

At least, from the perspective of the viewers.

I glanced at the atmosphere in the chatroom.

While the feedback on my gameplay was largely positive, as if there was no room for debate, there was also an undercurrent of expectation—like they subtly wanted something more from me.

**”NewbornWarriorBabyWhoGrabbedASword donated 10,000 KRW!

Mommy… can you play a warrior just once? Priest is so boring…”**

Judging by the chat and donations from viewers, they wanted to see me play a melee class.

If I could only play as a priest, it would be one thing, but having shown my potential as a warrior during the tournament finals, the viewers seemed unable to forget the thrill, like addicts begging for another hit.

Perhaps because the warrior on my last team had played so poorly it was almost trolling, or maybe because I had just ranked up, the requests for me to play a warrior were growing louder and louder.

**”I’mBeggingYouSister donated 10,000 KRW!

Just once! Just once!”**

The amount of accumulated donations had grown to an undeniable level, but there are things in the world that money can’t buy.

**”StillNotDoingIt? donated 100,000 KRW!

Play a warrior.”**

During the tournament finals, I really had no choice but to play a warrior, but the circumstances now were completely different.

**”StillNotDoingIt? donated 200,000 KRW!

I saw you coaching Mohe, but I’d like to see your in-game longsword warrior play.”**

…So, at the moment of decision, I uploaded my saved priest build once again.

**”StillNotDoingIt? donated 300,000 KRW!

Still not doing it? Still not doing it? Still not doing it?”**

Flinch.

The sheer amount made me hesitate for a moment, but I couldn’t just throw away the bond I’d built over 8,000 matches with my priest character, the saintess, for money.

**”StillNotDoingIt? donated 400,000 KRW!

Still not doing it? Still not doing it? Still not doing it? Still not doing it? Still not doing it? Still not doing it? Still not doing it? Still not doing it? Still not doing it? Still not doing it?”**

**”StillNotDoingIt? donated 500,000 KRW!

Still not doing it???????”**

At that moment, I came to an undeniable truth.

There’s nothing in the world money can’t solve.

If it doesn’t work, it’s just because the amount isn’t enough.

???????

With less than five seconds left on the clock, I quickly selected and locked in the longsword warrior build.

…The money was too much to refuse.