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Beomwoo’s subsequent words, and his attitude, left Haejin feeling even more flustered.
Until now, he had only thought, ‘He must have been deeply impressed by the movie.’
But now it didn’t feel like a simple review.
At this point, he could have just agreed that his words made sense and moved on.
But the thought that it might not be a simple review piqued his curiosity.
“An emotion you didn’t know?”
“Before the regression, it may have been expressed as if there were no signs of liking, but wasn’t he someone you kept becoming conscious of?”
“I think he harbored feelings but might not have known it himself.”
“Hmm…….”
“Can you like someone without knowing your own heart?”
The movie’s theme wasn’t romance.
So, if they said there might have been an unrequited love that wasn’t properly expressed because the feelings between the protagonists weren’t handled in detail, he could understand that.
However, Haejin had felt just moments ago that he wasn’t merely talking about the movie.
Therefore, it was hard to think of it as just movie content.
He also couldn’t comprehend Beomwoo’s final statement about possibly not knowing his own feelings.
How can you like someone without knowing?
Your heart pounds just standing before the person you like, and you feel like you become a fool.
As someone who spent years gazing at just one person with unrequited love, Haejin couldn’t understand the idea of not knowing one’s own feelings.
Considering the movie’s content, wanting to protect someone so much that you regress infinitely couldn’t be a light sentiment.
It was just a topic that came up while discussing likes and dislikes about the film.
It was not something to immerse oneself in so deeply, but perhaps it was because he, like the protagonist, was a regressor.
Uncharacteristically, he found himself refuting Beomwoo’s words point by point.
Even though it wasn’t a topic worth this much attention, Haejin recalled his own experience and asked as if it made no sense.
But Beomwoo answered calmly as if it were possible.
“He might not have known……, or he might have had many chances to know but turned away from it.”
“Turned away from his own feelings?”
“Why?”
Beomwoo’s words had been hard to understand from the start.
It made him think ‘how is that possible?’
But this statement was even more difficult.
Beyond whether his interpretation of the film was understandable or not, Haejin couldn’t grasp what ‘turning away from one’s heart’ even meant.
As Haejin looked at him with a face full of question marks and asked, Beomwoo pressed his lips into a firm, straight line.
He looked as if he had said something he shouldn’t have.
What is it?
Did he say anything just to persuade me?
As Haejin looked at him with a puzzled face, Beomwoo, who had been fidgeting with his lips, finally spoke.
“He might have been in denial, thinking ‘there’s no way I could like this person.’”
“……”
His voice had sunk seriously before.
But the words he spoke now were definitely…… different.
They sounded as if they carried a story.
Haejin had wondered why Beomwoo was so fervently discussing the movie, unlike his usual self.
He wondered why he was trying to persuade him, if he had watched the movie so intently……
But the moment he heard this talk, it suddenly struck him.
Perhaps Beomwoo was trying to persuade him so earnestly because he had such an experience himself.
It was unlikely he was a regressor like him.
But maybe he had experienced harboring unknown feelings for someone he liked.
Maybe he had turned away from those feelings.
Impulsively, driven by the intensity of this thought, Haejin asked him.
“Have you ever had that happen?”
“……”
When Haejin asked, Beomwoo looked at him and closed his mouth.
Haejin usually found it difficult to meet his gaze.
But this time he looked straight into his eyes.
The dark pupils seemed to waver, revealing a mix of many conflicting emotions.
……So it was true.
Around the time that thought arose, Beomwoo averted his gaze first and answered.
“……I don’t really want to talk about that.”
“Ah…….”
“Alright…….”
Beomwoo avoided the answer.
In fact, since they were on a date to earn his points, talking about past loves with other people wouldn’t do any good.
It was right to let it pass without comment.
Asking about such things itself might have been impolite.
When Haejin apologized, saying he was sorry, Beomwoo, without any reaction, said “Let’s go” and began walking again, facing forward.
Chasing after his quick pace, Haejin walked along, lost in a daze.
……So he had someone he loved too.
It would have been stranger for someone his age to have never liked anyone.
But perhaps because it was Beomwoo.
The thought that he, who seemed as dry and emotionless as if he had never loved anyone, had liked someone felt strange.
Who could it have been?
It wasn’t like he was going to date and marry him in this life.
So there was no need to know or be curious.
Yet he wondered who Beomwoo had liked.
Curiosity mixed with an unpleasant feeling began to creep up.
It felt like he had opened Pandora’s box, something he shouldn’t have known.
****
After watching the movie, as it was getting late, they naturally ended up going for dinner.
The movie itself, as a fellow regressor, only left him with an uneasy feeling.
But watching it wasn’t a problem.
However, the conversation they had afterward filled his head even as they moved.
Actually, whether Beomwoo had such a precious person or not wasn’t important to him.
They weren’t in any kind of relationship.
No matter that they were husband and wife in his past life, it was foolish to care about things that happened before marriage.
If you start caring about every detail of your partner’s past relationships, it never ends.
Anyway, he didn’t want to care.
But the more he tried not to, the more it came to mind.
At that moment, Beomwoo, who had been looking at the menu, spoke to him.
“Have you decided?”
“Ah, no!”
“I’m still looking.”
At Beomwoo’s question, Haejin snapped back to attention.
He finally properly checked the menu in his hand.
Thinking he had kept him waiting by being lost in thought, he figured he should choose quickly.
But as he checked the menu, Haejin’s eyes grew wide.
Why, why is it so expensive…?
The place Beomwoo took him wasn’t a dazzlingly luxurious restaurant.
It was a traditional Korean house-style restaurant built in hanok.
Moreover, since it was a private room where they ate alone, it was to be expected that the food would be pricey.
But he had been so lost in other thoughts he hadn’t considered the cost at all.
As Haejin flusteredly checked the prices of all the menu items, Beomwoo, who had been waiting for him to choose, spoke again.
“Order comfortably.”
“I’ll pay.”
“……”
Did he see that he was surprised?
But it wasn’t that he was surprised or burdened because he thought he’d be asked to pay…
At the cinema earlier, Beomwoo had also paid.
He wasn’t the type to ask him to pay.
It’s just that Haejin always felt burdened when someone paid, no matter how wealthy the other person was.
But since Beomwoo would never understand this feeling of his, Haejin scanned the menu again and chose one.
“Ah, I’ll…… just order this one, please.”
Although he was burdened by the high prices, all the food looked delicious.
Haejin chose a menu item that wasn’t too burdensome among them.
He wasn’t someone with a big appetite normally.
If it wasn’t enough, he could always eat the convenience store discard he had taken home yesterday.
He thought it was better to eat less of the expensive food and fill up with something else later.
Better than ordering a lot and leaving leftovers.
However, Beomwoo, who had been looking at the menu he chose, slightly frowned.
“The A set menu is better than this.”
“Let’s go with that.”
“……”
Despite him having chosen something, Beomwoo spoke as if it weren’t good and ordered the A set menu he had selected.
……Wait, if you were going to order what you wanted anyway, why did you tell me to choose?
The composition of what he chose and the A set menu was similar.
He had seen it too, but he chose this because it seemed like too much food and too expensive.
It was absurd that he asked him to choose and then arbitrarily changed the menu.
But since it came to this, he decided not to think about it further.
The payment was on him and any leftover food would be Beomwoo’s responsibility.
After ordering, the staff left the private room, leaving the two of them alone.
Until now, he had been lost in other thoughts.
But now he became newly conscious of it.
Gulping down the plain cold water, he tried to think of other things.
He resolved not to be conscious of it again.
As he did, Beomwoo, who had been sitting perfectly still, broke the silence and spoke.
“Haejin.”
“About what I said earlier…… don’t pay it any mind.”
“Huh?”
“I think I said something unnecessary.”
“It wasn’t a topic worth discussing.”
It seemed Beomwoo was concerned about the conversation they had about the movie earlier.
He spoke as if he wanted him to forget it.
By most people’s standards, it wasn’t that strange a conversation.
But Beomwoo wasn’t usually one to discuss movie content.
They had seriously talked about regression.
So he seemed to have the awareness that he had done something he normally wouldn’t.
Though he was a regressor, Beomwoo wasn’t.
So it wasn’t a topic possible in reality anyway.
Although he had been bothered by how Beomwoo spoke as if there was someone he loved so much he’d regress to save them, as he had thought before, it wasn’t something for him to be concerned about.
Conscious of that point, Haejin answered his words.
“It’s, it’s fine.”
“It wasn’t a big deal, it was just a simple…… movie talk.”
“……”
Not wanting to show that he was conscious of it either, Haejin shrugged his shoulders.
He deliberately answered more lightly.
But Beomwoo fell silent again.
No, if you tell me not to mind and then go silent like this, it really seems like there’s something.
It makes me even more curious……
Just how much did he like that person…?
Just as he had managed to stop caring and his thoughts were drifting back in that direction, the door to the private room opened.
Several staff members entered in turn, placing dishes on the table.
Even as the food was being served, Beomwoo’s words kept bothering him.
But Haejin steeled his heart again.
He told himself several times it wasn’t something to care about.
So why was he having pointless thoughts again?
He tried hard to fix his mindset.
Still, unlike before, having food in front of him provided some distraction.
Thinking it was fortunate something had come out, he tried to focus on the meal.
After taking a few bites, Beomwoo asked him.
“Does it suit your taste?”
“Ah, yes.”
“It’s delicious.”
At Beomwoo’s question, Haejin nodded immediately.
He wasn’t just saying it to be polite.
The food was neat and perfectly suited his taste.
It might be because it was mealtime and he was hungry.
But Beomwoo’s menu selection was excellent.
Earlier, he wondered why he had to change from the menu he chose to the A set.
But now that he was eating the served food, he thought it was good he had followed his suggestion.
He didn’t know how he had matched his taste so well.
Then again, in his past life, even though Beomwoo hadn’t been interested in him, they had always eaten delicious food together.
The housekeeper was an excellent cook.
Even when they went to restaurants, they often went to famous places you couldn’t get into without a reservation.
So they always ate high-quality food.
As Haejin answered while reminiscing about his past life, Beomwoo nodded with a faint smile.
“I thought it might be so.”
“……”
What does he mean, he thought it might be so?
Apart from drinking tea together at the initial meeting place, they had never eaten anything together.
So he shouldn’t know his taste……
Was it simply that his image seemed like someone who would enjoy this kind of food?
That was possible.
But Beomwoo was speaking as if he had known it for sure.
He was curious why he thought that.
But it seemed like giving too much meaning to his words if he asked.
So he swallowed the question.
He’s just a person overflowing with confidence in everything.
As Haejin momentarily swallowed his words, Beomwoo, who had been quiet for a moment, spoke again.
“We’ve shared meals a few times, but you don’t seem to talk much about yourself.”
“Huh?”
“About me?”
“Yes.”
“It feels like only I am talking.”
“Hmm…….”
“W-well, but you already know everything about me…….”
“A-and you don’t talk much about yourself either……”
Haejin was flustered by Beomwoo’s unexpected remark.
But in his view, Beomwoo knew his circumstances all too well.
He was the person in this world who knew his situation best.
So it was hard to understand what kind of story he wanted to hear.
Above all, Beomwoo himself wasn’t much of a talker.
He wasn’t the type to bring up his own stories.
So it seemed nonsensical for him to ask him to talk about himself while acting that way.
As Haejin subtly implied, ‘Why are you asking this of me when you don’t do it either?’, Beomwoo asked him curiously.
“Do you want to hear about me?”
“Uh……”
……That wasn’t really what he meant.
But if he said no, it would seem like he didn’t want to hear.
So that’s why Beomwoo hadn’t spoken.
Yet it felt like he alone should bring up his own stories because Beomwoo was curious.
Not wanting to be the only one talking, Haejin rolled his eyes and hesitated before nodding.
“Yes…….”
“I’d like to hear.”
“……”
When Haejin answered affirmatively, Beomwoo’s eyes opened slightly wider.
He looked as if he hadn’t expected him to want to hear.
Normally, if you’re not interested, you don’t wonder about the other person’s circumstances.
So he probably thought he naturally wouldn’t be curious.
He was a bit worried that his words might make Beomwoo feel he was interested in him.
But anyway, it was true he didn’t want to be the only one talking.
Also, in Haejin’s view, Beomwoo was just as closed off.
He wondered if Beomwoo would avoid the topic if he spoke like this.
He wasn’t entirely disinterested in hearing his story.
But he didn’t expect Beomwoo to say anything beyond what he had learned while being married to him in his past life.
Anyway, just as Haejin was about to say that if he didn’t want to talk, then he shouldn’t ask him either, Beomwoo stayed still for a moment.
Then he spoke.
“I…… have never opened my heart to anyone before.”
The story he thought he would never tell.