A Shared Nightmare

Lamierre barely touched his food. I grew worried about his haggard face and urged him to eat a few times, but I gave up after seeing him swallow without chewing, as if he were taking medicine. Forcing himself to eat only to get indigestion was worse than not eating at all.

Whenever my hand stopped for a moment, Isaac would recommend menus he liked among those I hadn’t tasted yet, and if I put a piece in my mouth, he would explain what ingredients were used and how it was made. I only set down my utensils after tasting every single dish that filled the massive table. Isaac, who had been about to pick up a plate at the edge of the table to place it before me, froze with the plate still in hand. I looked at Isaac and chuckled. My crybaby knight had spent the entire meal acting as if Lamierre weren’t even in the room.

It seemed my Isaac really disliked Lamierre. It wasn’t an incomprehensible feeling. Isaac had been right by my side when I was summoned(?) by Lamierre.

They weren’t exactly fighting, so I couldn’t tell them to make up… and no matter how good my intentions or soft my expressions were, it would sound like an order to Isaac. I stroked Isaac’s hair. He flinched for a second but soon accepted my touch submissively.

Waiters came to clear the table. I waited leisurely until the wide table was clean and tea for three was served.

I only looked at Lamierre after taking a sip of the warm tea, which smelled more of sweetness than tea leaves. Lamierre sat with his head bowed, staring intently at the corner of the table. I glanced over to see if there was something there, but there was nothing special. The rounded corner was slightly worn with age but polished smooth from good care.

“Lamierre.”

Lamierre looked at me for a moment before bowing his head again.

“Yes, Your Highness.”

“You don’t look well at all. Did something happen?”

“No.”

Lamierre denied it immediately, shaking his head vigorously.

“Nothing happened.”

“Really?”

I picked up the water glass instead of the teacup to rinse my mouth. The leftover sweetness was quite cloying.

“Nothing happened. It’s just…”

Watching him hesitate, I waited for him to finish.

“It’s just… I haven’t been sleeping well. Lately.”

“Why?”

the chatterbox who loved to talk clamped his mouth shut.

“Is someone bothering you?”

“…”

“Is something wrong at home?”

“…”

“Are you having bad dreams?”

Lamierre, who had been shaking his head in denial, came to a sudden halt at the third question. He bowed his head so low that only the tip of his nose was barely visible. If he lowered it any further, his forehead would touch the table. Resting my chin on my hand and fiddling with the handle of my teacup, I asked again.

“Since you came back from the ruins?”

Lamierre covered his eyes with his hands.

“Yes…”

It was a sound closer to a sigh than an answer.

I was… curious about what Lamierre had experienced at the ruins. It was truly a pity for Lamierre, who had become a walking zombie, but my curiosity was as great as my worry.

This world was already quite different from the ‘original’ I knew.

I, who should have died, was alive. Kallios (though he hadn’t been on the throne long, at least so far) was closer to a progressive, reformist monarch than a tyrant. The conquest of Aphelion mentioned in the original had a completely different timing and result. The small-scale monster wave in the northeast had subsided with only minimal damage.

I was curious. Was this world flowing differently because it was a separate entity from the ‘original’? Or did it change because ‘I’ am here?

Of course, even after hearing Lamierre’s story, I wouldn’t be able to confirm which truth it was right away. Still, I wanted to know.

I had told the children I sponsored to ‘do the right thing.’ This was out of a hope that they would voluntarily side with Kallios, not because of my coercion. But if I were asked if there was absolutely no anxiety about the ‘original’ in that… I couldn’t bring myself to say no.

In case Kallios ever became a tyrant. In case he was destined to be a villain.

I wanted them to do the right thing. I wanted them to stand in his way instead of siding with him. Well… now that I’m alive, I’ll be the one to block him and stop him. But that’s what I felt back then.

Anyway, that’s why I was curious about what Lamierre went through. Whether destiny exists or not, whether things follow the original or not, I intend to do my best in my own way… and the more information I have for reference, the better.

Feeling it was time to break the long silence, I lifted my chin from the back of my hand.

It was then that Lamierre opened his tightly shut mouth.

“Every day.”

It was a small voice, as if he were squeezing it out.

“Every day, in front of me… a person dies.”

“…”

“They die every day.”

“…”

“I… I don’t think I exist there. I can’t do anything; I just watch. That person keeps dying, but I can’t stop it…”

Lamierre looked up and smiled. A smile formed because he couldn’t cry didn’t look very good. I rested my chin on my hand again and stared at the teacup. The ceiling of the shop was reflected in the reddish tea.

For now, it seemed things were different from the ‘original’… but I wasn’t sure if that was because of me or because this world was separate. After thinking for a moment, something in Lamierre’s phrasing bothered me, so I asked.

“A person?”

“Yes.”

“The same person?”

Lamierre nodded.

“Yes. One person keeps… getting hit by something like a carriage that comes racing toward them…”

“Who is that person?”

Lamierre rubbed his face with his hands and shook his head. A dream where an unknown person keeps dying.

“I don’t know. But just… no, I don’t know. I can’t tell them it’s dangerous, I can’t save them, I can’t… I can’t even die together with them. I just watch. Over and over.”

“No, why on earth would you die together with them? You said it’s a stranger.”

“I know. But… if I keep watching, I start to think that way.”

“What, how are you going to die? You’re going to jump in there too?”

Like a fool, I was about to say, but I stopped myself.

Of course, the person dying every day in Lamierre’s dream was pitiful, but it’s just a dream. So why does this kid, who is perfectly alive and well, want to die with them?

Dying is a horrific thing.

The sound of a truck racing toward you, the light of the headlights so bright it’s hard to open your eyes—whether the high beams were on or not—the body flying helplessly the moment of impact, the pain of the body being shattered to pieces… those things just rush in frantically and then it’s over.

They say you see a kaleidoscope of your life before you die, but that wasn’t the case for me. The moment my existence was carved out of the world was agonizingly painful. It was bleak and miserable. But feeling that way was actually better. Because soon, I became nothing. Shattering into pieces and becoming ‘nothing’… the complete end.

It was only after my new life began that I could feel sorrow while remembering the things I left behind. Those I love, whom I will never see again…

It’s a foolish thought. How can he think of dying over a mere dream? I felt dissatisfied and pressed my lips together.

Still, well, I have to understand. He was someone who had this dream every day—a dream that would leave anyone feeling dirty and lingering after just one occurrence. If that’s how he felt, what could I do? Besides, Lamierre has never died, has he? It was natural for him not to know. Then, Lamierre looked out the window toward the distance. He spoke in a small murmur, so I couldn’t hear everything, but I heard the last part clearly.

[It’s sad.]

My dissatisfied heart melted away. Lamierre didn’t really want to die; the person’s death was just so sad it felt like he was dying. The death of someone he didn’t even know.

That’s right. Death is sad. It’s horrific because it’s sad, and it’s agonizing because it’s sad.

“Lamierre,” I called out, stretching out both arms. Lamierre, who had been staring blankly at me, came over and hugged me.

“Was it very sad?”

Instead of answering, Lamierre tightened his arms around my waist. I slowly stroked his hair as he buried his face in my shoulder.

“Why are you grieving all by yourself? Like a fool.”

“…”

“I told you to tell me if anyone was bothering you.”

A small laugh broke out from my shoulder.

“Your Highness, you have no power.”

“That… is true. I don’t.”

“And this is just… just a slightly bad dream.”

“Normally, kids run to someone crying when they wake up from a scary dream.”

“Am I a child?”

“Weren’t you?”

Lamierre nuzzled against me as if acting spoiled.

“When you went missing during your practical training, I was the first person contacted.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Because I’m your guardian.”

Technically I was his benefactor, but I liked the word guardian better, so I just said guardian. Lamierre laughed again. I stroked his thin cheeks and gave them a light poke. Lamierre immediately looked up to meet my eyes. Looking into his green eyes, I rubbed the dark circles under them with my thumb. Naturally, they didn’t fade at all.

“Will you tell me? Everything from the beginning.”

Lamierre nodded. I ruffled his hair to my heart’s content. Lamierre, laughing with a messy face, still wasn’t as bright as before, but he didn’t look like he was about to die either. Thank goodness. I smiled as I faced him.

We moved to Lamierre’s room. Since I had come all this way, my opinion that I should see where and how he lives was accepted. Lamierre repeatedly made excuses to himself like, “It’s messy though…” but I just ignored him. I might be living luxuriously now with everyone tending to my needs, but I lived alone for a long time in my previous life. So I know. Every student living alone has the same situation.

As soon as he opened the door, Lamierre ran inside and frantically picked up a pile of clothes. I looked around the room, which was wider than expected, and praised it.

“It’s better than I thought?”

“It’s usually cleaner…”

Lamierre, his face flushing with embarrassment, opened the wardrobe and stuffed the pile of clothes inside. Isaac, who was coming in, picked up a piece of clothing that caught his foot, hung it on a chair, and immediately opened the window. Wind and noise poured in through the wide-open door. It felt more lively than noisy. I walked to the open window and stood holding the frame.

“Seriously. It’s nice. Is this the Magic Faculty dormitory?”

“No. I’m a special trainee, so I can’t enter the dormitory.”

“Is that so? Then here.”

This was the first I’d heard of this. Since he lived in the dorms in the original, I naturally assumed he would be there.

“Professor Eosi gave me a room for an assistant.”

“Is it not uncomfortable?”

“No. For one thing, the food is delicious.”

I was planning to find him a new lodging if he said it was uncomfortable. Since he said the food is good, I should just leave it be. After nodding, I sat on the windowsill and looked around the room.

A bed that was spacious for one person but would be cramped for two. A bookshelf and desk filled with books. A wardrobe. Boxes filled with things like staves and old scrolls. A half-body mirror hanging on the wall. And two doors. One was the door we entered through, and is the other the bathroom?

As I was looking at what I presumed to be the bathroom door, Lamierre looked too and rushed over in a panic. He stuffed a scrap of fabric hanging on the doorknob into his pocket… Ah, he hung his underwear there.

“The, the chair is… just the comfortable… please sit on the bed! The bed! I’ll go get something to drink.”

He dashed out before I could tell him not to bother. Bang! I shrugged as I watched the door close. Isaac shook his head and began picking up the clothes Lamierre had failed to clear away.