Before I Disappear

“It’s a rule not to disclose patients’ medical records anyway. I have no desire to lose my medical license, so I won’t tell anyone.”

Such a practical, realistic response actually brought Eren more peace of mind.

“So, is that all?”

Eren asked cautiously, harboring a faint hope that she might offer some further solution.

“Yes, that’s all I have to tell you. The consultation fee has already been paid, so you may leave now.”

“I see. Thank you. Forgive the intrusion.”

Having received an unwelcome diagnosis and certificate, Eren trudged out of the consultation room. Receiving a kind yet indifferent farewell from the secretary, he stepped out of the building to find the sky had become overcast with dark clouds.

He still couldn’t believe Rosalin’s words. Even though he had seen the crystal ball turn red. He wished it were all some terrible misunderstanding.

“…For now, let’s go back.”

Letting out a deep sigh, Eren roughly crumpled the certificate and shoved it into his pocket.

Before deciding what to do next, he planned to return to the Ducal residence and handle the backlog of work. He had to act as if nothing was wrong, so Kazen wouldn’t notice anything.

But at that moment, he saw a familiar person descending from a carriage parked on the opposite side of the street.

“Oh, that person….”

It was Arnold, of all people, the person he least wanted to run into right now. He tried to look away and pretend not to see him, but their eyes met directly. Arnold smiled brightly, crossed the road, and approached Eren.

“What a coincidence, running into you here.”

Since he had intended to send a reply to Arnold anyway, and he was someone difficult to ignore, Eren also bowed his head.

“Hello, Mr. Harrison. Indeed, what a coincidence to meet here.”

“Indeed. I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me.”

It would have been better if he had mistaken him for someone else and just passed by. Eren quickly scanned Arnold, who was drawing near, from head to toe. Dressed in a suit and tie with a hat, he seemed to have come from some formal engagement.

“You must have had business in the city.”

But Arnold asked before Eren could. His gaze shifted from Eren to the building behind him.

“Did you just come out of Doctor Rosalin’s clinic?”

Seeing that he recognized it at a glance, he probably had a rough idea why Eren had visited this clinic.

“Yes, that’s right. It’s nothing serious. I absolutely didn’t come because I’m sick.”

At Eren’s clumsy excuse, Arnold smiled knowingly. He didn’t seem inclined to press further. It wasn’t really important anyway.

“Well, I was actually meaning to contact you….”

“You were going to reply to the invitation I sent? Judging by your expression, you were planning to refuse.”

He was honestly surprised by how accurately Arnold guessed. Even knowing he was being rejected, Arnold showed no sign of being particularly offended.

“It’s alright if you refuse. It was a presumptuous request on my part.”

“No, it wasn’t presumptuous.”

“Sending an invitation unilaterally without any prior agreement to accept it is indeed presumptuous. So I don’t mind being turned down.”

His gentle smile only made Eren’s heart feel twice as heavy. So much so that he found himself unable to refuse his invitation after all.

“No, since you invited me, I should come. Instead, that day is difficult; how about Friday next week?”

He had been smiling just moments ago, but at Eren’s answer, Arnold’s smile grew even brighter.

“I’d be delighted if you would. I’ll keep my time free for lunch on Friday, so please visit. Don’t overexert yourself, though.”

“It’s no trouble at all. By the way, what brings you here, Mr. Harrison….”

Eren replied awkwardly, glancing around furtively. Since he had come out of a carriage, Arnold must have had some business here too, and he was trying to guess what that might be. Just as Arnold had deduced why Eren was here after seeing the clinic.

“Ah, I came to see an opera.”

But Arnold immediately read Eren’s intention and informed him first. He seemed to be unusually quick-witted.

“The theater behind here is run by my elder sister. A rather famous singer is performing today, so I came to watch.”

The building he pointed to was the opera house Eren had also heard of, known as ‘Queen’s Garden.’

Originally owned by the Imperial family, he had heard business had declined for a while due to fewer patrons. Eventually, it seemed to have been sold to the Harrison family.

“You could watch it for free. How about it? Are you interested in opera?”

He appreciated Arnold’s invitation, but having just received a terminal diagnosis, Eren was not in the mood to leisurely enjoy an opera.

“To be honest, I don’t have such refined tastes. I’ll gratefully accept your kind invitation, though.”

Eren politely but sincerely expressed his refusal. Arnold didn’t insist, as if he had expected as much.

“Oh, I also confirmed the reply His Grace sent this morning.”

He, who had been showing a hint of disappointment, suddenly changed the subject as if remembering. Eren narrowed his eyes, wondering what sort of reply Kazen might have sent.

“Are you referring to the new business proposal you sent yesterday?”

In fact, when he had looked at his desk that morning to give Kazen the new proposal from Arnold, the paper wasn’t there. It seemed Kazen had sent a reply.

“Yes, my father was very pleased.”

“I see. I’m glad he was pleased.”

Judging by the fact that he was pleased, it seemed Kazen had accepted Arnold’s proposal. Eren wanted to return quickly and ask Kazen what had happened, so he bowed to Arnold.

“Well then, I have pressing matters to attend to, so I’ll be going now. It was very nice meeting you like this.”

“Yes, go safely, and I’ll see you next Friday.”

With a clean farewell, Arnold turned and headed toward the theater. Watching his retreating back, Eren let out a thin breath, as was his habit.

“Should I go back now?”

As he started walking back toward the Ducal residence, Eren couldn’t hide his gloomy feelings. Perhaps because his steps were heavy, the way back to the mansion felt exceptionally long.

For a moment, the temptation to take a carriage home crossed his mind. But being alone in a quiet place would only invite more distracting thoughts, so he quickly abandoned the idea.

‘At most six months.’

Rosalin’s voice kept echoing in his ears, tormenting him.

The time he had left was less than half a year. In other words, the time he had left to repay his debt to Kazen was less than six months.

Truth be told, he still couldn’t grasp the reality of it. Hearing that you’re going to die someday, suddenly, wasn’t something you could easily believe or feel viscerally.

But the moment he returned to the Ducal residence and saw Kazen sitting in the garden, the fact suddenly struck him physically. Eren stood at the front gate, peeking at Kazen visible between the garden trees.

Kazen was sitting on an iron chair, drinking coffee and reading a newspaper. Above his head, red roses were embroidered on the trellis, and at his feet, white hydrangeas bloomed profusely. It was a scene like a painting.

From a distance, Eren gazed intently at Kazen, retracing the time he had spent with him. There were no particularly joyful memories, but still, in Eren’s short life, they were the happiest times he had.

As if trying to capture Kazen’s image in his mind, Eren stood there watching him for quite a while. Perhaps sensing the gaze, Kazen turned his head, spotted Eren, and folded his newspaper.

“Just getting back now?”

He rose from his seat and slowly approached the dazed Eren.

“…I’ve returned, Your Grace.”

Eren bowed his head deeply, feeling that if he met his eyes, he might cry. Then Kazen roughly smoothed down Eren’s disheveled hair.

“You could have taken a carriage, but you foolishly walked. The wind is cold now.”

The words felt almost like concern, but that couldn’t be. Unless he was hinting that Eren was late returning.

“I prefer walking. I hurried back, but did you need me for something?”

“It’s nothing like that. I’m just saying you look no better than a beggar. Come to think of it, this look does suit you well. It’s how you looked when we first met.”

Complaining discontentedly, Kazen suddenly mentioned their first meeting, as if it had just occurred to him. This naturally made Eren recall the day he first met Kazen as well.

Kazen was the only person who had ever reached out to him in his dark life. Now, he had to begin preparing to leave him. He had to prepare everything perfectly so that even if he disappeared, Kazen wouldn’t be inconvenienced.

This thought pained Eren more than the thought of his own life ending.