A Christmas Encounter

Half a year ago.

“Is it Christmas again already?”

Stepping out of the school gates, I noticed all the shops lining the street had been adorned with festive Christmas decorations. Some shop owners even placed Christmas trees at their entrances, hoping to entice customers.

Amidst the cheerful strains of Christmas melodies, countless couples whispered sweet nothings to each other. This city, where snow never fell in winter and Christian traditions were nonexistent, was nonetheless imbued with an undeniable festive spirit.

I couldn’t help but marvel, clicking my tongue in surprise. The power of consumerism to fabricate culture was truly astonishing. If merchants ever discovered that reclusive gamers could generate profit, they would likely invent a ‘Shut-in Festival’ in this era.

“I love you!”

“Me too.”

“Mua.”

It was utterly preposterous; this short stretch of road was packed on both sides with couples deeply engrossed in their romance.

Leaving aside those ‘rotten’ university students—they were adults, after all—why were these high schoolers joining in the frenzy?

This was barely any distance from the school. To be so brazen, entangled like octopi and extending their ‘mouthparts’ in public, all within the dean’s line of sight, was truly disgusting.

Frankly, these people were like animals in heat, having burst from their cages. They had completely lost all sense of human decency, engaging in such unsightly behavior in public. It was utterly scandalous.

Enough, I thought, one more glance and I’ll grow a stye. How utterly depraved modern youth had become. While uttering sweet nothings, their minds were clearly filled with thoughts of their partner’s body. The air itself reeked of twisted desire.

Where was a brother from the FFF Brigade when you needed one, to pass judgment on these couples?

Comrades, do not let down your guard! The Christmas trees hide Viet Cong; we must quickly unleash napalm strikes to purify this sacred night, defiled by these corrupt couples.

Gentlemen, I adore the smell of napalm in the morning.

In this world overflowing with a warm, blissful atmosphere, I, wrapped in a heavy coat and walking home alone, felt utterly out of place.

Those couples hadn’t actually done anything wrong, yet they still managed to fill me with revulsion.

Perhaps it was because such moments only intensified one’s sense of loneliness.

I glanced at a street vendor selling apples. Students were actually queuing up to buy them at the exorbitant price of ten yuan each! These people were truly foolish.

Ahead of them, countless merchants selling postcards, souvenirs, and all sorts of ‘meaningful’ yet utterly worthless items awaited, ready to empty their wallets!

If they took it a step further and booked a hotel room, several hundred yuan would vanish in an instant. Could these youngsters not consider the cost-effectiveness of their investments?

They seemed to gain much, but in the end, it only led to increased emptiness, trapping them in the inescapable snare of consumerism.

When love becomes intertwined with material possessions, so-called unbreakable vows and eternal promises are as fragile as paper before the might of money, easily torn with a single poke.

So wake up, brothers! Do not be deceived by women. We are allies; we must unite to defeat materialism to truly find love.

Look at me, how restrained I am. In this commercialized festival, I steadfastly remain true to myself, treating it as nothing more than an ordinary day, like a true proletarian warrior unmoved by the sugar-coated bullets of capitalism.

As I considered this, a surge of passion swelled within me. I had initially planned to deliver a Christmas Eve speech, but seeing the scornful glances from these ‘normies,’ I realized these scoundrels were nothing but traitors and scabs!

Forget it, go to hell.

I’d go home and clear out my Christmas sale game cart, then splurge a few 648-yuan packs on Christmas skins. After that, I’d fire up Crusader Kings, celebrating Christmas and waging a holy war simultaneously. How delightful that would be!

In the name of Ahura Mazda, I, Saoshyant of the Persian Empire, shall twist off the heads of all heretics who dare to celebrate Christmas.

You might not understand what it means to conquer the Persian Empire with just one Zoroastrian count.

Such a person is typically described with two words: utterly wicked!

I often say that if Genghis Khan could forge the Mongol Empire with eighty thousand Martian soldiers, then it’s no problem for me, Ling Jiu, to build a grand empire with 2,000 troops against 20,000.

I’ll ambush him—this knight order can’t charge, leave that unit alone, he’s dead.

Then, a grand holy war in reverse, making a fortune in silence. He also declares a grand holy war? No need to fear, the Pope cannot defeat me. 5k, 6k, 7k, 8k, 9k, 10k, Immortals plus special retinues—this army is incredibly powerful. If I were to swap these special retinues for horse archers, my army would be unstoppable, but I cannot make that change.

Going solo with a Templar Order, what an idiot—he just moved his main force.

Send a general with 18 military points to block him. Duke of Normandy, hurry up! Duke, Duke, don’t you want a single mercenary unit? Duke, hurry! Duke, stop dawdling.

5k, 6k, 7k, 8k, 9k, 10k. I made a mistake, I should have attacked the disobedient lord’s army.

Pour the Pope a cup of tea, alright? I’ll pour you a cappuccino, Pope.

Pour the Pope a cappuccino! Start your mountain charge show, charge me, charge me. Beautiful!

17k troops, you think you can instantly kill me? You can instantly kill me?! If you can instantly kill me with 17k today, I will immediately have my titles shattered by the Celestial Dynasty.

“The Song Empire defeated the Persian Empire.”

“The Crusaders captured Jerusalem.”

Cough~ cough~ cough.

In short, a shut-in’s Christmas was just this simple, unadorned, and boring.

“It’s so cold. I wonder how the Goddess will spend Christmas. But I have class tomorrow, hehe, the Goddess and I will spend Christmas together. Long live Christmas!”

Rubbing my hands together like the Little Match Girl, despite my loneliness and misery, I seemed to see a wonderful vision beneath the warm glow of the streetlights.

Perhaps I would return home to find a large gift box, and upon opening it, discover the Goddess herself, dressed as a Christmas present, given to me…

Oh, my God, the bandages are so sexy!

Anyway, thank you for the feast! [TL Note: A humorous internet slang phrase, roughly equivalent to ‘thank you very much’.]

“Ah!”

Walking with my head down, I accidentally bumped into a silver-haired girl with twin pigtails.

“I’m sorry, are you alright?”

With quick reflexes, I grabbed her hand before she could fall.

“I’m fine.”

Pulled back to her feet, the girl brushed the dust from her clothes. She looked up, and upon seeing my face clearly, she gasped in surprise.

“Senior Ling Jiu?”

I asked, puzzled, “You know me?”

The girl was wearing our junior high uniform, so she must have been my junior. However, for some reason, my first glance nearly made me mistake her for my Goddess.

Her identical silver hair and striking resemblance to the Goddess made her seem like a smaller version of her, carved from the very same mold.

Yet, her greatest difference from the Goddess was her demeanor. The Goddess always spoke with an aloofness that kept people at a distance, whereas this girl’s tone was full of liveliness and warmth. Their expressions were polar opposites—one cold, one warm.

If the Goddess’s icy expression always gave the impression of a cool, snow-like elegance, then the warm smile of the adorable girl before me exuded the vibrant vitality of youth.

Far from being angry at my clumsiness, the girl’s face lit up with a smile upon recognizing me, her dark eyes sparkling with excitement.

“Of course I remember Senior Ling Jiu! Your letter to the principal requesting a change in school uniforms was quite famous in our junior high.”

I awkwardly scratched my head, not realizing that incident had spread so widely. At the time, my buddy Sun Xiaochuan, other boys, and I had a heated discussion about the school’s proposal to solicit opinions on changing the school uniform. I firmly insisted that the school would never replace the ugly athletic uniform.

As ‘gentlemen,’ none of us could convince the others, so we decided to write a letter to the principal to inquire about his true thoughts. Since I lost rock-paper-scissors, the task of writing the letter fell to me. I had only intended to introduce the pros and cons of various national school uniforms to the principal and ask for his opinion.

Unexpectedly, he actually read my letter aloud at a school assembly and even praised my ideas. Consequently, I became famous throughout the school. My reputation was already bad enough, but now I was an embarrassment to the entire school.

The reason for my disgrace was a quote I included in my letter from Mr. Lin Yutang: “A speech should be like a woman’s skirt: as short as possible.” Simply mentioning this quote inexplicably branded me a pervert. It was quite bizarre, as everyone below the stage was laughing, and the boys were especially excited, yet I bore the brunt of the criticism.

Recalling the incident, I was overcome with shame. Embarrassed, I asked the twin-tailed girl, “What’s your name?”

A mischievous smile played on her lips, and her gaze lingered on me as if I were an interesting toy.

“My name is Bai Yu. Senior, could I ask for your help with something?”

At the mention of ‘help,’ I instinctively wanted to refuse. However, remembering I had nearly knocked her over, guilt compelled me to put on a brave face and declare, “No problem.”

“That’s wonderful!”

Before I could even react, the girl gracefully leaped beside me like a ballerina. With an elegant pirouette like a swan, she linked her arm through mine, then looked up at me with delight.

“Senior, will you go on a date with me?”

Her sudden action instantly froze my brain. Could it be that my luck had finally turned, to be asked on a date by a beautiful junior high student several years my junior?

But I didn’t know her at all! Could this be a new type of scam? First, entice me to commit a crime, then threaten me with a police report to extort money. But where would a pauper like me get any money?

I couldn’t even afford to support my 2D waifus; why would she be interested in me?

When I finally snapped back to reality, I saw the girl, clinging tightly to my arm, waving gently at me like a kitten, trying to get my attention. She even offered a docile smile.

Completely overwhelmed by the girl’s cuteness, I lost all ability to think, only managing to emit meaningless syllables repeatedly:

“Eh-eh-eh-eh-eh!”