Chapter 35: “The Great Nature and the Emotionally Volatile Moon-a-Young”

It was one morning, or rather, a late afternoon.

I woke up around the time between breakfast and lunch, feeling a strange and peculiar sensation that was different from usual.

First of all, my body felt heavy.

I was a bit dazed, and although I had woken up, strangely enough, I couldn’t seem to muster any strength in my body.

And all over, my body felt achy.

My shoulders hurt, my back ached, and my stomach and thighs were sore as well.

For some reason, my large breasts also felt a bit uncomfortable.

Could it be that I had caught a cold?

This was the first time experiencing something like this since becoming Camilla, and I was somewhat confused.

In the past, I hadn’t been particularly healthy and often suffered from minor ailments.

However, since taking on this body, I had woken up feeling refreshed each morning without any such troubles.

I couldn’t figure out the cause of this sudden condition, and I was just left wondering.

“Ugh…”

Still, I thought it wouldn’t get better by lying around, so I tried to get up.

If I had a cold, I’d need to go to the hospital to get some medicine, or at least go to the pharmacy.

Even if I was resting, I needed to eat something to recuperate.

There was no guarantee that doing nothing would improve my condition.

I had realized long ago that living alone meant I needed to be resilient.

No matter how bad my condition was, my body wouldn’t listen to me completely.

My hesitation was short, and my actions were swift.

As I lifted myself off the bed and stepped onto the floor, I suddenly stopped in my tracks.

“…?”

I felt a sense of unease and stood still.

In the midst of my heavy body, the aching pain in my stomach and chest, I felt something foreign amidst these complex sensations.

Why are my pants so sticky?

My sleep pants felt damp and sticky, emanating a strange smell.

Even if I had wet the bed, it wouldn’t be as shocking as this.

A possibility flashed through my mind, and I instinctively tried to deny it, but I lowered my head to confirm the reality.

Ah, there it was.

That’s when I realized the reason for my body pain since morning.

I understood why my condition had declined.

Before being a hero in the Abyss, Camilla was a woman, and she inevitably had to deal with the inconveniences of life.

When I had transformed into Camilla, I had only felt joy at having a healthy body, but I never expected such an unforeseen trial would arise.

Indeed, nothing in this world comes for free.

“Phew…”

I sighed for a moment and looked at the bed where I had been lying.

The area where I had been lying was stained a reddish color.

…Should I clean this up first?

I plotted the shortest route to the pharmacy and the porridge shop.

After a brief yet significant outing, I returned home.

“Hmm…”

After eating porridge and taking painkillers, I felt much better when I woke up.

The pain hadn’t completely disappeared, but it had significantly diminished.

Earlier, my limbs felt heavy, and my back and waist ached as if being pricked by needles, making me constantly shift positions while lying down, groaning in discomfort.

Whirr—

I heard the sound of the washing machine running on the balcony as I finished the last of the porridge.

Considering the cost, it was worth buying the porridge.

There’s a reason why people eat porridge when they’re sick; the warmth really does help.

Today was a day without team practice.

Instead, there was a personal streaming schedule, and I had just told my viewers the day before that I would see them tomorrow.

To be honest, I had to admit that I wasn’t in top condition right now.

Objectively speaking, that was the case.

However, it wasn’t like I was in so much pain that I couldn’t play the game.

I figured I could just turn on the stream and play ranked in a relaxed atmosphere.

Then, thoughts of the viewers who were eagerly waiting for me filled my mind.

In the end, feeling a bit unsettled, I sat down in front of my computer, a small cushion tucked under my arm.

[Hmm….]

[What’s up with my performance today?]

[What’s going on with Kayak?]

[Team luck is legendary, haha]

[Kayak is still human; he can have bad days too.]

[A Kayak who can’t perform… now that’s rare.]

[At this rate, it’s still one point, but still.]

[Since I’ve been on a winning streak, if I get one point with boosted MMR, I’ll still lose.]

[Ionic always matches like that.]

[No way; it’s just that the team members aren’t pulling their weight.]

[Don’t talk bad about my sister!]

[Usually, even if the team members are struggling, she carried them, right?]

[It’s only natural that you can’t carry solo as the tier goes up.]

[No, it feels different somehow.]

[Finally, the bubble has burst, haha; anyway, Madak is still doing well.]

“It’s not going well…”

The screen was black and white.

I stared blankly at the darkened screen before shifting my gaze to the chat window.

Even I was dissatisfied with my performance.

I didn’t expect my poor condition to affect my gameplay.

The viewers quickly picked up on my change.

While no one outright insulted me, most expressed confusion at my unusual behavior.

In that moment, my emotions began to sway dramatically.

It was a change I wasn’t even aware of; something welled up inside me, bursting forth without any clear reason.

First was my disappointment in my own skills.

How could my performance drop so much just because I was a bit sick or on my period?

Second was my anger toward my teammates, who were being pushed down because I couldn’t perform.

Third was my irritation at a few malicious people who came in just to insult me.

Additionally, my heavy heart and the beads of sweat forming on my back felt unusually burdensome today.

The sanitary pads I hurriedly bought at the convenience store were so uncomfortable; I couldn’t fathom how women manage to live with such discomfort every month.

“Ugh…”

Once again, the screen was black and white.

What on earth was I doing, unable to concentrate?

I was getting distracted by strange thoughts, which was why things were going downhill.

My lack of focus was clearly evident, as the game immediately resulted in a loss.

[Big sis, T_T]

[Shall we call it a day?]

[Teacher, pull yourself together!]

That made it three losses in a row.

In fact, since I took on this body, I had rarely seen a red mark on my record after starting placement matches in a lower tier than where I used to play.

The most I usually experienced was a mix of 2 wins and 1 loss.

It was rare to encounter a two-game losing streak; typically, if I lost one game, I would win 2 or 3 in a row to make up for it.

Given that history, it was no surprise that people were sending worried messages like, “Hmm, something seems off with this player today.”

But why was there such concern today?

Normally, I would either take such comments to heart or just let them slide.

Was I simply feeling annoyed and hurt?

“Do you guys think I’m going to lose again?”

I asked, feeling a bit defensive.

Did these people not trust me?

Was I someone they couldn’t rely on?

[No, it’s just that it’s clear today isn’t your day.]

[Teacher, is there something bothering you?]

[Did this person drink?]

[Sigh, this year is really the end for you, treating the viewers like garbage. I thought you were cool and skilled, but it turns out you’re just trash. I’m not watching anymore.]

[Just leave quietly if you’re going.]

[You should just call it a day.]

[When you’re on a losing streak, it messes with your mental state. Let’s talk instead of playing.]

[Sweet guys pretending to care is so annoying. Kayak probably played way more games than you.]

“Why do you keep telling me to leave? I turned on the stream on purpose; I made a promise with you guys yesterday.”

I felt so sad.

I could’ve taken a break, but if I turned on the stream, couldn’t we just have a good time together?

I couldn’t understand why they kept telling me to leave; it was just upsetting.

What if, just what if, these people didn’t really like me that much?

I’ve been enjoying interacting with people while streaming and playing games, but what if I was the only one who felt that way?

Before I knew it, my thoughts spiraled into that direction, and as soon as that possibility crossed my mind, I felt overwhelmed.

Tears welled up, and my throat tightened without me even realizing it.

“I hate you all. I thought you were good people. But you keep telling me to leave… I came because I wanted to see you all; I guess I’m the only one who feels that way?”

[What’s wrong with her?]

[Why is she crying?]

“In the end, Kayak has turned into a streamer just squeezing juice out of people…”

[Why are her emotions so volatile?]

[Is it that time of the month?]

[Oh no…!]

[Suddenly, I feel the tears coming… ; ;]

[From today, I become one with Kayak; attacking her is like attacking me, or something like that… ]

[Seriously, I’m worried. Something’s off with her today.]

[Did she eat something bad?]

[She’s too cute when she’s crying.]

[Anyway, just leave!]

[I like Kayak too!]

“I don’t know; I’m ending today’s stream. You can come back tomorrow or not…”

[No, you can’t!]

[Don’t go!]

[Stay…]

They tell me to leave, but when I say I’m leaving, they try to hold me back. It’s not like I’m training a dog.

It’s too late for that.

Feeling sulky, I ended the stream.

With an unresolved feeling, I started sipping on the four cans of imported beer I had bought previously, eventually falling asleep.

“AAAH!!! AAH!! Why, why!!!!”

And then I woke up the next morning.

I was spinning around on the bed like a breakdancer, kicking my feet and sending my blanket flying into a corner of the room with my vigorous kicks.

Why did I say such things?

Why did I let something so trivial affect my mood?

The memories of yesterday’s inexplicable behavior came flooding back, and I writhed in self-loathing.

For a long while, I rolled around on the bed, screaming.