A Christmas Eve Confession

A true warrior dares to face a bleak life, dares to confront flowing blood.

Facing a solitary Christmas, I had long since braced myself for a lonely path.

But could someone please tell me what exactly is happening right now?

Being confessed to by a beautiful girl on Christmas Eve—isn’t this a scene reserved for a visual novel?

As a shut-in, I shouldn’t harbor the fantasy that visual novel plots appear in real life. To do so would blur the lines between reality and games, leading only to a truly ruined ending: being despised by everyone.

For instance, a beautiful girl’s persona in a game is entirely different from her real-life self. When we identify a character as a tsundere in a game, we know exactly how to approach her.

However, real-life women are rarely one-dimensional; their true personalities are often incredibly complex. You might think she possesses the demeanor of a refined young lady, when in reality, she merely has “princess syndrome.” Or perhaps you believe her to be an energetic girl, only to discover she secretly battles depression.

Take my Goddess, for example. Though she embodies the persona of an ice-cold beauty, inspiring admiration like a distant flower while remaining unapproachable, she often secretly asks me how to get along with the other girls in class, troubled by her inability to communicate effectively with her peers.

I must remain clear-headed at all times; I cannot afford to make mistakes. “Shut-in” is, after all, a stigmatizing term, conjuring images of negative traits: obesity, reclusiveness, twisted personalities, and bizarre behavior.

In class, everyone knows I spend my days slacking off, yet no one would label me as a “two-dimensional enthusiast.” After all, I’m usually the most enthusiastic one to poke fun at the “two-dimensional” crowd.

I believed I could always maintain rational thought. However, Bai Yu’s sudden, ambiguous gesture instantly vaporized my reason, stripping me of my judgment and igniting a romantic flutter in my heart.

Honestly, there was nothing wrong with that initially. How could I resist her cuteness? I am utterly powerless against adorable things!

But she was a middle schooler.

How could I, a dignified high schooler, be thrown into such disarray by a middle schooler? Was this even appropriate?

Moreover, I had sworn to be the Goddess’s simp for life. How could I possibly feel a stir for another girl?

What does it mean to be a “simp”?

It means being loyal to one person. If you want to fawn over everyone you see, that’s merely being a shameless flirt.

At that moment, my last vestiges of reason forcibly roused my chaotic will. I realized I was in a public place, susceptible to being spotted by classmates at any moment.

High schoolers love nothing more than gossip. If I became fodder for their rumors and it reached the Goddess’s ears, she would undoubtedly tell me in a frigid tone:

“Don’t bother me anymore. You have a girlfriend, and I’m afraid she might misunderstand.”

The panic of a simp trying to save himself instantly freed me from my daze. I immediately entered a sage-like state, gazing steadfastly into the distance, reciting a saint’s maxim, utterly unmoved by the girl’s flirtatious gestures.

“A gentleman guards against three things: In youth, when his blood and vital force are still unsettled, he guards against lust. In maturity, when his blood and vital force are strong, he guards against quarrels. In old age, when his blood and vital force are weak, he guards against covetousness.”

“Senior Ling Jiu, you are truly too amusing.”

Because my reaction was utterly inexperienced, Bai Yu released me, covering her mouth as she let out a cascade of bell-like giggles.

“I was just joking. I didn’t expect you to be so surprised, Senior.”

I breathed a sigh of relief. Being suddenly confessed to in public was terrifying, akin to a female ghost lunging out from behind a door in a horror game—no pleasant surprise, only pure shock.

For seasoned players of romance, these situations are effortlessly handled. It’s like a game character finding a weapon, instantly transforming a puzzle horror into a shooter where any “ghost” is mercilessly slaughtered.

However, for an ultimate coward like me, who screams, “I’m not playing anymore, you damn game, my closet just moved!” and unplugs the console at the slightest rustle in a horror game—with a zero completion rate to date—this was absolute hell.

It seemed social anxiety could, at times, save a life!

“Actually, I need your help, Senior, to pick out a Christmas gift.”

The girl’s face glowed with a joyful smile as she mentioned the Christmas gift.

Could it be that you have a boyfriend? To do something so brazen in the middle of the street with a boyfriend! Could this pure and lovely child be a manipulative flirt? Holy shit!

Bai Yu glanced at me, noting the cold sweat beading on my forehead, and asked with a puzzled expression, “Why do I feel like you’re secretly badmouthing me, Senior?”

“That’s your imagination.”

Bai Yu seemed to detect a hint of something on my face, and she hastily explained, “No, no, I’m not that kind of casual person. I just know you’re a good person, Senior, so I wanted to tease you.”

Ugh, suddenly being handed a “good person card” felt rather hurtful.

“Do we know each other?” I wondered aloud.

Bai Yu replied noncommittally, “Who knows? Senior, let’s hurry and buy the gift; the shops are about to close!”

“Wait, don’t just drag me along!”

Half an hour later.

“How about it? Your sister needs an opportunity to change her image. Your gift will surely surprise her.”

Bai Yu’s eyes sparkled. “As expected of Senior! You understand girls’ psychology so well.”

I humbly replied, “You should have told me it was for your sister’s Christmas gift earlier. I’m an expert at buying gifts.”

After all, I’d gone shopping for gifts in visual novels more times than I could count. Listening to Bai Yu’s description of her sister, I immediately grasped her sister’s persona.

She appeared aloof but merely didn’t know how to express her feelings, and her clumsy attempts to care for others often led to misunderstandings. Wasn’t this precisely the personality of my Goddess?

I understood these outwardly cold, inwardly warm people perfectly. They were not icebergs, but ice sculptures. So, I advised Bai Yu against buying an expensive gift. As family, a gift expressing heartfelt sentiment would suffice.

Under my guidance, Bai Yu ultimately selected a very suitable gift: an exquisite and beautiful butterfly hair clip. Bai Yu tried it on herself, and the clip paired with her silver hair looked remarkably fitting, lending her a mysterious and dreamy beauty.

“Simply adorable!” I couldn’t help but exclaim.

Bai Yu smiled shyly. “It’ll look even better on my sister.”

“Your sister will likely be very pleased,” I nodded.

“Mm.”

As Bai Yu spoke, satisfied, she cast a meaningful glance in my direction.

Having finally purchased the gift just before the shop closed, Bai Yu seemed overjoyed. Her steps became lighter as she walked down the street.

Suddenly, Bai Yu seemed to recall something. She turned, bent slightly at the waist, and looked back at me with a smile.

“Senior, may I ask you a question?”

“Of course.”

She seemed curious about my solitary presence, asking carefully, as if afraid to offend me, “Do you have a girlfriend, Senior? You’re so considerate; your girlfriend must be very happy.”

I shook my head with a pang of sadness. “No, how could someone like me find a girlfriend? Look at me, I’m just an average face; no girl would ever like me.”

Bai Yu’s expression was earnest, her voice filled with encouragement. “Please don’t underestimate yourself, Senior. There are twenty thousand people in this world who would fall in love with you at first sight. Perhaps you’ve already met that person? If you fall for someone, you must confess boldly. You need to be more confident, Senior.”

Bai Yu’s words brought a flicker of enlightenment. Yes, I already had someone I liked—what a fortunate thing that was.

It was precisely because I always knew the path ahead of me, and derived courage from it, that I wouldn’t feel sorrow on such a lonely Christmas Eve.

“Thank you,” I said solemnly.

“You can do it, kind big brother! You’ll definitely win over the girl you like!”

“Yes, I will do my best.”

“Merry Christmas, Senior!”

“Merry Christmas!”

After expressing her enthusiastic gratitude, Bai Yu got into a taxi to go home. With the window rolled down, she didn’t forget to wave goodbye to me.

I smiled and waved back. In that moment, I felt less alone, and even my restless heart grew calm.

This child’s sister must be a gentle person, loved by her sister and loving her in return. What a heartwarming sisterly bond.

Someone like me had long since lost the capacity to love and be loved. Even though I liked the Goddess, I couldn’t articulate what I liked about her, nor did I even know if my feelings truly constituted love.

As an only child, I had no siblings and rarely gathered with family.

Having lost an object for empathy, I had unknowingly lost human emotions, capable only of feeling sadness.

I am truly a failure. Weak-hearted, fragile, and incompetent, I can only pin my few remaining emotions on the Goddess.

Perhaps I didn’t love the Goddess herself, but rather the hope she brought me.

I looked up at the sky. The city’s winter nights were always shrouded in thick clouds. The city lights dyed the sky orange, and that distant sky, seemingly within reach yet miles away, felt like a colossal curtain. Beneath it, all beings enacted dramas of joy and sorrow far exceeding any play.

My melancholic sentimentality, on a night when everyone else found happiness, seemed so absurd and laughable.

Speaking of which, Christmas, the day the Holy Son was born, should possess a miraculous power.

If only God could hear my wish.

I wished I could always have my family’s companionship, become good friends with the Goddess, overcome my inner reclusion, and boldly step out of my world to express myself honestly.

If such a day ever came, perhaps even someone as utterly rotten as I could find salvation.