Chapter 36: Ego surfing

Ego Surfing.

Ego searching, vanity searching, or in Japan, it’s also known as ego sa (工]廿), refers to the act of checking one’s

reputation on the internet.

So, is ego surfing a helpful behavior?

It is indeed the fastest way to confirm that one’s reputation has improved.

Conversely, this also means it’s a method to check in real-time if one’s reputation is declining, and this ultimately

combines with the characteristic of ‘anonymity’ on the internet, resulting in the worst possible outcome.

Therefore, quite a few people view the act of ego surfing negatively.

Even I was advised by my manager before my debut that it’s better to refrain from ego surfing.

“Ha…”

But the scariest thing about ego surfing is that even knowing it’s bad, one ends up doing it anyway.

[VTuber, Kaino Izumi’s Anti Thread 57]

45. I hope they graduate soon. They’re just a nuisance to everyone around.
46. Isn’t it crazy to laugh at a senior who can’t play games?
47. Why did Starsflow even pick someone like this?
48. The more you look into it, the more disadvantages come up, not advantages. ㅋㅋ
49. This kind of person is the main culprit ruining the company’s image.
50. I think I understand why they don’t have friends in the community.
51. People like this tend to have their own sense of confidence, which makes it worse.
52. It’s so sad for the first-generation students and their peers.
53. I’ve never seen a VTuber with no charm at all.
54. Why do they stutter so much? It’s uncomfortable to listen to, and it doesn’t seem like they plan to fix it.
55. 95 << It’s even more uncomfortable because it’s obviously messing up the RP.

“I want to fix it…”

But what can I do if I’m stuttering without realizing it? It’s beyond my control.

…OLI.

“…I don’t know.”

At first, I thought this stuttering habit was just a bad habit I developed in this life.

So, when I recalled my past life, I naturally believed it would get better over time.

After all, I never stuttered in my previous life.

Several Izutomo told me that it seemed to be improving little by little, and I could feel it to some extent myself.

……Well, it’s disappointing that I’ve only made a single step in five years.

But in the end, that’s a level that only those who consistently watch my streams can perceive.

And most importantly, if I put it another way, it means that this habit of stuttering can eventually be corrected, even if it’s only little by little.

So, have I just let it be for five years, using the excuse that I can’t help it and that I’m used to being alone? Before I

started streaming, did I turn a blind eye to it just because it was bothersome?

A feeling of disgust rises deep within me.

“This won’t do…”

I promised Yang to try to reduce negative thoughts moving forward…

But once the seed of malice is planted, it grew larger, feeding on my emotions.

[Virtual YouTuber Minor Gallery]

[Title: What the hell is this Kaino Izumi’s constant whining?]

[Author: ᄋᄋ]

Why isn’t Starflow graduating this idiot?

[Upvotes: 31 / Downvotes: 32]

ᄋᄋ: I don’t understand why they keep this person around ㅋㅋ

Mei-chan Love: Don’t slander our Mei-chan, you bastards.

oo: Is this another fake news situation, damn?

Maker: It’s disgusting how you keep stirring up trouble over something trivial.

Loo: ᄋᄋ ㅋㅋ

Woahhh: Get this bastard out of here, damn!!

Oya-bung: We’re trying to get rid of him, but he keeps coming back.

Kaino Izumi mocks the gaming skills of senior Kurokami Hikari.

“Doesn’t respect their senior at all.”

This was the reason behind the recent whining.

Like someone said, it’s really nothing at all. No, it actually started as groundless agitation.

But just like a small spark from a cigarette can create a forest fire, such agitation often starts in this way.

[Virtual YouTuber Minor Gallery]

[Title: What’s hilarious about the claims of whining this time ㅋㅋ]

[Author: Hikaring]

Did Izumi mock Ku-chan’s gaming skills? X

Honestly, during that time, even if Izumi blamed Ku-chan, no one could say anything about it. Instead, they covered

for Ku-chan, saying that their movements and skill allocation were perfectly fine during battles.

Didn’t respect Ku-chan? X

When Ku-chan asked for a self-evaluation, mocking them is the very essence of Ku-chan’s broadcast. If saying that

mocking means not respecting them, did anyone say anything when they collaborated with Yukarina and Suzuh?

In fact, as mentioned above, Izumi covered for them when they were in a situation where they couldn’t say anything even if they were angry.

Did Izumi show any dissatisfaction after the collaboration? X

In the member’s section, they even said that Izumi was adorable during the preparation for the collaboration and

extremely polite, expressing a desire to collaborate again.

Izumi also said that they were really happy that Ku-chan was kind.

Why is it that none of the claims made by those stirring trouble are correct, and why has the gallery been in chaos over this topic for three days?

In reality, the housemates watched it with great enjoyment, and there were many who rewatched it multiple times,

and I even subscribed to Izumi’s membership.

You damn idiots.

[Upvotes: 68 / Downvotes: 32]

악역영애아가씨 (Akyeok Yeongae Agassi): I upvoted while crying.

• “악역영애아가씨” translates to “Villainess Young Lady.” This is likely a username or character name.

메이쨩사랑해 (Mei-chan Saranghae): There are really too many damn troublemakers.

• “사랑해” means “I love you,” but in this context, it’s part of a username, probably expressing affection for someone named Mei.

ᄋᄋ: ㅋㅋ Should I just come out and say it’s damn annoying? We’re all in the same agency anyway.

• “ㅋㅋ” is a way to express laughter, similar to “lol.”

Hikaring: Seriously, no matter what you do, some people will always misinterpret it. ㅋㅋ

나는라쿤이야시발 (Naneun Rakun-iya Sibal): Don’t give attention to the troublemakers, you too.

• “나는 라쿤이야” means “I am a raccoon,” and “시발” is a strong curse word, often used to express frustration.

└Hikaring: But the gallery has been a complete disaster for three days.

ᄋᄋ: ㅋㅋ Seeing them get overly involved just shows they’re genuinely invested. ㅋㅋ

└Hikaring: If you’re not going to get invested, then why are you even watching VTubers? Are you that clueless?

Loo: That’s true. ㅋㅋ Honestly, if I’m going to immerse myself in VTubers, why do other people care?

ᄋᄋ: It’s not even dawn yet.

I know.

I know that many more people are on my side than theirs.

I know that I have no real faults at all.

So, I also know that it’s not worth my time to worry about this kind of whining.

I know all of this.

But negative thoughts won’t leave my mind.

I should be gaining strength through encouragement, but I keep focusing on negative posts, and all that’s left is misery.

What have I done wrong?

Was it wrong for someone who can’t even speak properly to jump into the internet broadcasting scene?

“…What should I even do?”

Of course, there was no answer coming back from the monitor.

As my gaze lost its way, I soon found my eyes drawn to an album.

[Natsune Nanase: Are you okay? If you’re having a hard time, let me know. I’m your senior, so I’ll do my best to help you!]

What had once given me strength just by looking at it now felt more like poison.

[I’m so happy to tell everyone that I’m the eighth star every time I stream. Thank you so much!]

[Izumi will definitely become a great VTuber loved by everyone. Izumi and I are similar.]

Natsune’s figure and the words she had spoken began to consume me.

I was genuinely happy when I heard those words, but for some reason, I couldn’t feel anything now.

No, rather, only negative thoughts were piling up.

“Why?”

Why did she acknowledge me?

What does she know about me that makes her support me?

I hate this. I’m scared.

The ‘Kaino Izumi’ that you support is, in reality, a completely worthless and insignificant person.

There’s nothing I’m good at, and I only bring trouble to those around me. I’m the one who people only look at with disdain.

I’m so weak that I can’t even keep promises with friends.

I would have preferred it if Natsune hated me instead.

Then, I could have simply been happy and smiled, just because we were in the same agency.

Those words of support, of help, scare me so much.

Imagining Natsune’s displeased expression upon realizing my true self makes me feel sick.

“Hugh. Huuh… Huh, hup…”

As my emotions intensified, unwanted tears began to flow naturally.

I hated this body, which was so prone to tears. No, I hated the current me so much.

I’m truly sorry, Yang.

I promised to reduce negative thoughts, but I couldn’t manage it.

I guess this is my limit as a person.

I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.

Really, I’m sorry.

Kaya No Mina.

This is the name of a female student who is always at the center of attention in Class 1-A at Shiodome Private High School.

Her light brown hair flows down to her waist, soft and glossy for anyone to see.

Her mysterious blue eyes spark curiosity about whether she’s of mixed heritage.

Her smooth skin, along with her delicate yet distinct facial features, maximizes her puppy-like charm.

Moreover, her figure is well-balanced without any excess fat, leading many to describe her as doll-like.

However, the reason she is always at the center of attention is not simply due to her looks.

It’s primarily because of the cold atmosphere that contrasts with her doll-like cute appearance.

Someone once said that when our eyes accidentally met, I had to swallow my breath due to her soft gaze yet sharply piercing eyes.

Someone said that when Kayano speaks, it feels like the air freezes.

The classmates couldn’t understand why she chose to be alone.

Even up to now, since the start of the second semester, besides the class representative Miyauchi, very few people

have spoken to Kayano, and even those who talk to her often have never had any personal conversations with her.

Once, there was a claim that she was just extremely shy, but people only laughed, wondering what kind of shyness

could exist with such looks.

Anyway, getting back to the main point, the atmosphere in Class 1-A of Shiodome High School over the past week

has not been good.

The reason was simple.

Kayano’s mood was much colder and heavier than usual.

While her usual demeanor made people hesitant to talk to her, now just being in her presence made them feel nervous and anxious.

Moreover, Kayano’s seat was near the center of the classroom, so everyone inevitably felt the impact of her mood.

As you can imagine, I’ve never had a personal conversation with Kayano… “I’m sorry.”

“That’s understandable.”

At Miyauchi’s response, Tateyama let out a deep sigh.

Since the start of the second semester, Tateyama has not spoken to Kayano even once.

No, it would be more accurate to say she could not.

Tateyama had tried to subtly linger around Kayano, but she never even glanced in her direction.

“I guess it would be best to just talk to her directly…?”

No matter what, it wasn’t good for the classroom atmosphere to stay so low.

So, she decided to talk to Kayano directly to solve the problem and take the opportunity to build at least a little

friendly relationship.

Tateyama, whose motto was “the more friends, the better,” made such plans.

“Hmm, uh-huh~.”

After the school assembly, it was now dismissal time, and humming a tune, she stealthily approached Kayano.

All of Class 1-A watched Tateyama with supportive hearts, and before long, as Tateyama reached the back of Kayano,

she cleared her throat and spoke.

“Um, um, Kay…”

“Ah…”

But at that moment, Kayano suddenly stood up.

“…Oh, Tateyama? Do you… have something to say?”

“Uh, no, Kayano…” um,

“…I see. Then, I’ll just…”

Without waiting for Tateyama, who shook her head absentmindedly, Kayano slightly bowed her head and left the classroom.

“Ha…”

Watching Kayano’s retreating figure, Tateyama let out a big sigh.

“I hope whatever problem she has gets resolved quickly…”

At Miyauchi’s murmur, everyone in Class 1-A nodded in agreement.

★

[Natsune Nanase: Can I ask you a favor? (^_^)]

[Kayano Izumi: Can we talk when I get home?]

[Natsune Nanase: Of course! Take your time coming over! ☆(o* •w・)]