An Unforgivable Longing

(Xiao Lu’s POV)

[No need. Just be more careful next time. You clearly said you can’t tell anyone, right?]

I looked at the message Chenzi sent me, and felt a pang of discomfort. What does “no need” mean? Is my compensation truly worthless in his eyes?

Just moments ago, I was overjoyed. Chenzi actually refused to answer Ling Yan’s question for me. After all, Chenzi likes Little Swallow so much—if it were her, he would surely tell her everything without reservation.

I had already made up my mind that if it were Chenzi, I would agree to any unreasonable request. But what I got instead was this sentence.

I placed my hands on the phone screen, not knowing how to reply.

If it were Little Swallow, would Chenzi agree? He definitely would, and he might even be happy about it.

I don’t want Chenzi to help me without any purpose. It’s been like this before, and it’s still like this now. If I keep receiving his help without giving anything in return, I won’t have the courage to make him like me. I can only weakly watch him, watch him and Little Swallow be happy together.

It’s unfair, so unfair. I also want to pursue my own happiness. Am I truly inferior to Ling Yan in every way? Does Chenzi really have no feelings for me at all?

What should I do? I don’t want this. I don’t want Chenzi to see me merely as a friend. I want him to notice me too, to discover my charm.

“…Has Chenzi ever kissed or made love with Little Swallow?”

I don’t know why, but yesterday’s conversation with Little Swallow suddenly surfaced in my mind.

Little Swallow and Chenzi haven’t done any of those intimate things. Even something as simple as holding hands made her shy away.

I don’t believe Chenzi has no desire. He’s a high school boy—he must think about these things a lot. Among the couples I know, none of them don’t think about it, especially since Chenzi’s girlfriend is Little Swallow.

I know what I have to do. Even though this might betray Little Swallow, if it can make Chenzi give me a piece of his heart, nothing else matters.

I put down my phone, raised my head slightly, and peeked around. Chenzi was looking down at his phone, and the others were resting on their desks. No one was paying attention to me.

I took a deep breath, reached out with slightly trembling hands, and unbuttoned the top two buttons of my uniform. I pulled the edges apart, revealing a large expanse of snow-white skin.

So embarrassing. But this still isn’t enough. It’s no different from the swimsuit I wear during training. Chenzi is probably used to seeing it. If I want to get a reaction from him, I need to go further.

I unbuttoned another button. This time, without me pulling it apart, the uniform spread open on its own, revealing half of my aqua-blue patterned bra.

Alright, this should do.

I don’t believe Chenzi won’t react. Even though mine aren’t as big as Little Swallow’s, I think their shape is quite nice. And the cleavage is obvious without even squeezing.

Besides, Chenzi has probably never seen a girl’s chest like this before, except in books. He definitely has no resistance to something like this. I have to make Chenzi notice my charm.

I opened the camera on my phone, aimed it at my exposed chest, pressed the shutter, and sent it to Chenzi.

What kind of reaction will Chenzi have now? I thought as I buttoned up and tidied my clothes. The same excitement I felt when I sniffed Chenzi’s jacket surged within me.

Buzz buzz~

My phone vibrated. It was a message from Chenzi.

[Xiao Lu, what are you doing!]

Hehe, he even used an exclamation mark. He must be flustered.

[Of course, it’s compensation for Chenzi.]

Hmph, serves you right for rejecting me.

[Even if you want to compensate me, you didn’t have to do this. Is that a picture of you?]

He cares, he definitely cares. My heart leaped with joy.

[Yeah, how is it, Chenzi? Sexy, right? Not bad as compensation, huh?]

I quickly typed and sent it, eagerly waiting for his reply. But after waiting a while, Chenzi still hadn’t sent anything.

I secretly turned my head and saw Chenzi pressing his forehead against the edge of the desk. I couldn’t see his expression, but his ears were bright red. Obviously, my photo had an effect on him.

Would Chenzi fantasize about my photo? The things I read in books and heard from classmates surfaced in my mind. A heat spread through my body, making me involuntarily rub my thighs together.

Buzz buzz~

I snapped out of it and quickly looked at the phone screen.

[Xiao Lu, don’t joke like this again. This kind of thing should only be done with someone you like. I’ve already deleted it. I’m going to rest now.]

What does this mean?

My excitement vanished instantly, and a heavy feeling settled in my chest.

I wouldn’t do this with someone I don’t like.

I put my phone away, slumped weakly onto the desk, and turned my head to look at Chenzi. He was really resting on the desk, as if nothing had happened.

“Idiot, Chenzi. You’re such an idiot…”

I muttered softly, wanting to beat him half to death.

After that, I couldn’t fall asleep on the desk, and a knot of frustration refused to dissolve.

I stood up angrily and walked over to Chenzi, who was sleeping soundly. He had his head resting sideways on his arm, his mouth slightly open, breathing out gently.

“What a terrible sleeping posture,” I mumbled.

But inexplicably, as I looked at Chenzi’s sleeping face, my irritation gradually subsided.

He’s not good-looking at all, so why do I have to fall for an idiot like you?

I gently crouched down, resting my elbows on the edge of the desk and my chin on my arms. Chenzi’s face was only a few centimeters away from me. His soft breaths brushed against my face, enchanting me.

I stared at his slightly open mouth and couldn’t help but lean in slowly.

…

“Knock, knock, knock…”

“Come in.”

I pushed open the door to Teacher Xia’s office and walked in.

“Xiao Lu, what are you doing here in the middle of the day?” Teacher Xia turned around, looking at me with confusion. A pile of documents lay on the desk in front of her.

“Um, Teacher Xia, I left something in the locker room.” I awkwardly scratched my head.

“I didn’t know Xiao Lu could be so careless too. Here you go—just remember to return it later.” Teacher Xia smiled, opened a drawer, and tossed me the key to the swimming pool. Without saying much more, I left.

When I arrived at the locker room, I walked straight into the men’s changing area, opened Chenzi’s locker, and took out his jacket.

Looking at Chenzi’s jacket, I couldn’t control myself anymore. I buried my face deep in it and took a few deep breaths, finally calming my restless heart.

After I kissed Chenzi just now, I couldn’t stop myself. I got completely lost in it, even stuck my tongue in. I almost woke him up.

In the end, I didn’t dare to kiss him again. Then I thought of Chenzi’s jacket. Ever since I took it home yesterday and accidentally sniffed it, I’ve been addicted.

It’s so good. Chenzi’s scent, Chenzi’s scent…