The Price of a Lost Opportunity

“Why didn’t you let me die! Why did you pull me out?!” Su Mo’s tears flowed uncontrollably. Though she tried, she could not stem the torrent. The agony from the medicine paled in comparison to the despair of falling short of success by just a single step. She was certain that such a coincidental, near-death experience, born from a genuine desire to perish, would be impossible to replicate. The next time she tried to take medicine, or even deliberately drown herself, a sliver of hope would inevitably linger, preventing her from ever again truly experiencing the sensation of standing at the precipice of death. The chance to comprehend the Dao of Suffering was gone! Hysteria consumed her, pushing her to the brink of madness. Perhaps it was the anguish of his interruption, or perhaps it was the resurfacing of painful memories from her past. All of it stemmed from him; since transmigrating into this world, countless troubles had arisen because of him. “Xu Qingzhu! Never appear before me again!” Wiping away her tears, Su Mo bit down, leaving teeth marks on his neck. He remained still, allowing Su Mo’s teeth to break his skin, letting the blood flow and moisten her crimson lips. Perhaps having vented enough, she released him, burying her face against his chest to conceal her tears. “Wuwuwu…” Her weak sobs struck Xu Qingzhu’s heart with painful force. His hand lifted hesitantly, then carefully settled on her head, gently stroking her hair. Gazing upward, Xu Qingzhu’s eyes flickered between stillness, tenderness, and irritation. A storm raged within him, battering his long-held confidence. ‘Will I… truly not regret this?’ He had never imagined he would hesitate or question himself on this matter. “Xu Qingzhu… why don’t you go find Lu Yanling?” Su Mo lifted her head, tugging at his robe to hide her own face. Snapping back from his daze, Xu Qingzhu finally discerned a rare honesty in her words, as if she were laying bare her true feelings. At least, he felt that in this moment, Su Mo was speaking her genuine thoughts. “You know her? You know where she is…” He suddenly realized he had instinctively asked about Lu Yanling. Right in front of Su Mo. Yet, her expression showed no trace of disappointment or sorrow; instead, her beautiful eyes flickered with a hint of hope. This subtle shift in her demeanor stirred a complex mix of emotions within him. “You really do like her! Why don’t you marry her?” Su Mo stared intently, her ears perked, determined to catch every single word. Averting his gaze, Xu Qingzhu took off his outer robe and draped it over her shoulders. With his back turned, a subtle chill emanated from him as the evening breeze swept in through the doorway. Unable to see his face, Su Mo only heard his indifferent voice, enunciating each word carefully: “She isn’t the best choice. You are.” “Clang.” The door closed, and he was gone. His arrival had been abrupt, his departure decisive. The stark contrast left Su Mo with an indescribable feeling. Her gaze complex, she stroked the robe draped over her. How much like a confession his last words sounded? ‘Su Mo, oh Su Mo, why is he so insistent on you? When he spoke of his childhood friend, those words that tumbled out were the true outpouring of his feelings…’ she mused inwardly, then rose and silently wiped her body clean. Gazing at the disheveled ground, she recalled the sensation of that “moment of clarity” she’d experienced earlier. Knowing she was just a hair’s breadth away, yet possibly unable to ever recapture it, filled her with a wrenching pain and inexpressible frustration. Donning the pink dress she had prepared, she slowly pinned her hair with a簪 in front of the mirror. As her gaze fell to the robe he had left, she couldn’t help but recall his face, and a question surged within her: ‘You know her? You know where she is…’ ‘Ugh…’ Her heart felt heavy, as if it were bleeding. The suffering she had previously sought now surged over her like a tide. Suddenly devoid of strength, she collapsed onto the table, choked with silent sobs. “Crack~” A certain bottleneck shattered, and the comprehension of suffering began to crystallize, imprinting itself clearly in her mind. Her Nine-Tailed bloodline spontaneously awakened, transforming her ink-black hair to silver, like freshly fallen snow. Her drooping fox tails remained still, only their white fur swaying faintly in the cold wind. The Nine-Tailed Fox’s Scripture of Emotions—the Dao of Suffering had been initiated. From this point forward, she only needed to deepen her understanding to make continuous, rapid progress. The hardest part was always going from nothing to something, and Su Mo had taken that most arduous first step. But… “Why? Why can’t I feel happy…?” Wiping away her tears, Su Mo’s eyes were red and swollen from crying. **** The next day dawned, and the Zhang residence was filled with joy, welcoming the Please God Festival. This festival was dedicated to soliciting blessings from the Celestial Immortals; typically, devout families could acquire various life-preserving treasures. These could be talismans, scholarly writings, divine statues, or even supreme blessings bestowed from the heavens. Chewing on pastries in the garden, finding them tasteless, Su Mo listened to the maid’s reply. “So, Young Master Xu… went to a banquet at the Fragrant Pavilion?” Su Mo put down her pastry, feeling a touch of boredom. “Yes, he left early this morning. I was sweeping the fallen leaves outside the door, and Young Master Xu opened it, startling me…” The new maid chattered on, as maids generally held a fondness for Su Mo. They found her gentle and approachable; even when they broke objects, she only gave verbal reprimands. However, they never took advantage of her kindness; instead, they became more diligent, cherishing their time with Madam Su. With autumn’s arrival, fallen leaves lent a desolate air to the garden. The yellow flowers she had admired yesterday had already withered today. ‘Is that fellow deliberately avoiding me?’ Su Mo thought, a certainty rising in her heart without cause. Smoothing down her skirt, Su Mo rose, already hearing the distant clamor. Sure enough, Zhang Jingmeng came bouncing and practically flew into her arms. “Immortal Sister! Let’s go see the lanterns, admire the calligraphy, draw talismans… there are so many fun things to do!” she chanted, her large eyes sparkling. Tapping her nose, Su Mo smiled: “Alright then, you must take your sister to have a wonderful time.” “Mm-hmm!” She nodded vigorously. Accompanied by several servants, the group headed straight for the neighborhood, where they beheld a bustling scene of throngs and festive lanterns. The Please God Festival was a joyous occasion, with vibrant red fabric adorning every street and alley. Wealthy families would also purchase small trinkets: folded red paper creations, suspended from long sticks by strings, featuring a variety of designs. As children ran, these patterns would sway, mostly symbolizing good fortune. Zhang Jingmeng also bought one; it was a large red rabbit, though its ears were somewhat peculiar, making it resemble a fox instead. “You bought a fox?” Su Mo asked, surprised, at her first glance. “No way, it’s clearly a rabbit!” “Alright, alright, it’s a rabbit, a rabbit,” Su Mo conceded, though in her eyes, it remained a fox. No one could convince her otherwise. “Make way!” A carriage’s wheels rumbled, and amidst loud shouts, the crowd scattered in alarm, clearing a path. Pulling Zhang Jingmeng to the side, Su Mo looked up as the luxurious carriage passed, sensing a cultivator’s aura from within. ‘Is it heading to the Fragrant Pavilion?’ The thought arose without reason, yet it was likely correct. “How rude! Everyone was having such a good time…” Zhang Jingmeng stomped her foot, thoroughly annoyed. But Su Mo wasn’t listening; her newly initiated Dao of Suffering was calling to her, urging her to scan her surroundings. “So much pain… I’m suffocating… I don’t want to die…” A moan of agony, so distant yet so clear, reached Su Mo’s ears. Following the sensation, she discovered a homeless child kneeling at the mouth of an alley, clutching his throat. People passed by, deliberately giving the child a wide berth. “Immortal Sister, is he going to die?” Zhang Jingmeng’s eyes widened, witnessing such a sight for the first time. “…” Rushing forward, Su Mo’s gaze seemed to gain x-ray vision, instantly pinpointing the source of the child’s suffering. An object was lodged in his throat, obstructing his breathing and causing him to suffocate. Pulling the child up and turning him around, Su Mo delivered a precise strike with her spiritual energy, her technique far more refined than ever before. It was as if she had suddenly awakened to a new understanding. “Pfft… cough, cough!” The foreign object was expelled instantly, and the homeless child immediately gasped for air, breaking into an uncontrollable fit of coughing. Coughing tears, he didn’t forget to thank Su Mo: “Thank you… cough, cough, Elder Sister…” “It’s nothing,” Su Mo replied casually, not giving it much thought. Turning back, she noticed a crowd had gathered, showering Su Mo with praise. “Immortal Sister, you’re amazing!” Zhang Jingmeng exclaimed, her eyes shining with adoration. Shaking her head with a smile, she simply considered it a small act of kindness. Squeezing through the crowd, the two continued their stroll through the streets. However, whether by chance or fate, they encountered the homeless child once more. Nervously, the child whispered to Su Mo: “Elder Sister, Dangyang County is very dangerous.” “Oh?” Su Mo raised an eyebrow. Perhaps sensing her disbelief, the child explained: “Outside the city, many… people? have floated in. They’re missing arms and legs, some are even headless…”