The Day I Became Useless

That night, Eren was so frantic that he barely noticed the passage of time.
He spent the night poring over documents to identify the cause and examining the mage-stones.

No matter how he looked at them, they were different from the ones usually installed in the mansion.
They were cheap, the kind you’d expect to find in disposable lanterns.

“Why were dozens of these installed?
And not just one or two, either.”

For ordinary people, distinguishing low-quality from high-quality mage-stones wasn’t easy.
Even for a mana-bearer, you had to actually try charging them to tell the difference.

So if it were just one or two, you might think there was an error or mistake.
But with dozens all being uniformly low-quality like this, it was clearly intentional.

‘There’s nothing particularly wrong with the transaction records….’

However, the documents were impeccably in order no matter how he looked at them, which only deepened the mystery.
Where had things gone wrong?

He would likely need to speak with the person in charge of installation on the day the mage-stones were replaced to find out exactly what happened.
But since Kazen had entrusted the cleanup to Brennen, he had no choice but to hope Brennen would uncover the truth.

‘Why can’t you keep your head on straight these days?
Just how many times are you going to disappoint me?’

Being useful to Kazen was Eren’s only reason for existence.
But lately, he couldn’t even manage that properly.
He was beginning to doubt whether he was still necessary to Kazen.

“Ah, I don’t know.
Let’s just sleep.”

He didn’t think he’d be able to sleep, but he forced himself to lie down and close his eyes.
The unnecessarily plush bedding only made his mood stranger.

He wondered what Kazen was thinking as he fell asleep in the room right next door.
He worried whether he might be unable to sleep, whether he might be having nightmares.

He was fated to leave this world soon, yet the problem was that he couldn’t bear to leave Kazen behind feeling like this.
Eren sniffled, rubbing his stinging nose.

* * * *

The next day, as soon as morning dawned, Eren was bustling about again.
First, he met with Brennen and relayed the situation he had uncovered the previous day.

“This is what I found out yesterday.
Please take it and review it.”

“Ah, yes.
You investigated this all night?
You must have worked hard.”

Brennen offered a brief exclamation of admiration as he looked over the materials Eren had compiled throughout the night.
He seemed surprised that Eren had been this diligent in his investigation.

“There seem to be many suspicious points.
Later, when you meet with the installation company, I’d also like to….”

“This matter is now under my responsibility, so please don’t concern yourself with it.
Instead, focus on your own duties so you don’t make any more mistakes.”

Eren was inwardly surprised at Brennen’s cold reply.
He was someone who always used to just chuckle and say, “Time will take care of it,” no matter what was discussed.

Anyway, Eren had his own work to do, so he had no choice but to leave the rest to him.
Suppressing his uneasy feelings, he decided to focus on his own tasks.

They were entering full-fledged autumn.
Which meant harvest season was coming.

The management of the Clifford Ducal household’s southern granaries and pastures was overseen by Kazen’s uncle, Rupert.
When he submitted requests for payment or approval, Kazen would issue the final authorization.

And in between, it was Eren’s job to organize their reports.

“Grain production will be much higher than last year….”

It was fortunate that this year’s mage-stone mine production was lower compared to last year.
Letting out a sigh of relief, Eren was examining the documents when suddenly a drop of red blood splashed onto the white paper.

Startled, Eren hastily covered his nose and cleared the paper away.
As if a dam had suddenly broken, blood gushed from his nose.
Flustered, Eren grabbed whatever cloth was at hand and pressed it under his nose.

His breathing became labored as if he’d been running, and his mind grew hazy, as if someone was squeezing his heart tightly.
After sitting for a moment to catch his breath, the pain subsided somewhat and his mind cleared.

“Was it because I used mana yesterday….”

He already knew that using mana would strain his body the next day.
And the amount of mana he’d used yesterday was considerable, so this reaction seemed inevitable.

He went to the washbasin, washed his hands and face, and changed his blood-stained clothes.
Though he hadn’t moved excessively, his energy was drained, and soon his limbs felt as heavy as lead.

‘Should I lie down, just for a moment?’

Looking at the large, plush bed, Eren was overcome by a strong temptation.
Just ten minutes, no, even five minutes, he wanted to lie down.

But he forced himself to shake off the temptation and returned to his desk.
Harold was supposed to arrive at 1 p.m., so he needed to finish his paperwork before then.

“Pull yourself together, focus!”

Downing coffee on an empty stomach, Eren mustered his strength and dove back into the documents.
But contrary to his firm resolve, his treacherous body refused to obey.

His eyelids drooped, and before he knew it, Eren had buried his head on the desk and fallen into a deep sleep.

He didn’t even dream.
It just felt like being endlessly sucked into a deep, deep pit.

How long had he been napping like that?
Suddenly, a loud BANG! startled Eren, his whole body trembling as he jolted awake.

“Wh-who’s there!”

Startled, clutching his wildly beating heart, he turned his head to see Kazen striding into the room.

“Want to guess how many times I called you?”

Kazen approached with a peculiar smile, twisting his lips, and demanded.

“Ah, I’m sorry.
I was so focused on paperwork that I didn’t hear… oh.”

As Eren made his excuse, a piece of paper stuck to his forehead fluttered down and landed on the floor.

“Who did I say was coming at 1 o’clock?”

Only then did Eren startle and turn to check the clock.
It was 12:50.
He hadn’t realized how much time had passed while he dozed.

“Has His Highness Harold already arrived?”

“Yes.
Did you forget that Harold always arrives early?”

Eren finally jumped up from his seat and bowed deeply.

“I’m sorry.
I fell asleep without realizing it.”

Eren already knew that making excuses would only make Kazen angrier.
It was better to bow deeply and sincerely apologize.

“If you know you’re sorry, then hurry up and follow.”

Kazen grabbed Eren’s forearm and started walking.
As he tried to force his steps to follow, Eren suddenly staggered and bumped into Kazen.

“What are you doing?”

Kazen, who had inadvertently caught Eren as he stumbled into his side, furrowed his brow.

“Ah, I’m sorry.
I’m a bit dizzy….”

“Did you stay up all night again?
Over that mage-stone business?
I told you to leave that to Brennen.”

Eren thought Kazen was going to scold him for doing something he’d been told not to do.
So he stepped back and bowed his head again.

“I’m sorry.
It’s just, no matter how I think about it, I can’t understand how things turned out that way.”

“Isn’t it that you just don’t want to admit your mistake?”

At Kazen’s following remark, Eren snapped his head up, eyes wide.
He couldn’t deny it because, somehow, his words seemed true.

Kazen looked down at Eren for a moment, then reached out and grabbed his tie.
He straightened the hastily knotted, messy tie and let out a short sigh.

“Eren, you asked me why I saved you.
I don’t know the reason for that either, but at least the reason I took you in was just one thing.
I thought you might be useful to me.
You’re a rare mana-bearer, and you’re obedient.”

Eren had wanted to be useful to Kazen.
So now, the most wretched person was none other than Eren himself.
Having nothing more to say, Eren silently nodded, keeping his mouth firmly shut.

“But if you keep disobeying me, I’ll have no reason to keep you by my side.
If I paid as much as you receive, there are plenty of people who would do a better job than you.”

What Eren feared most spilled from his lips.
Being called useless by the only person who had ever recognized his worth was truly miserable.

“I’m sorry, Your Grace.”

“And stop with that constant ‘I’m sorry.’
I’m tired of hearing it.”

Tsk. Clicking his tongue, Kazen abruptly turned and started walking again.
Eren followed behind him, his face as gloomy as if his world had crumbled.

Since coming to this Ducal residence, he had never felt this devastated.
No matter how much others, like Catherine, pointed fingers at him and called him insignificant, it didn’t matter.

Because the only person he needed to devote his loyalty to was Kazen, and only him.
He thought that as long as he was recognized by Kazen, everything would be fine.
But now, he had become unnecessary even to him.

‘It’s not like there’s much else you can do for me anyway, is there?’

Kazen’s words from the previous night kept echoing in his ears.

If he couldn’t be of any real help to Kazen, what meaning was there in staying by his side for the mere six months he had left?

For a moment, such thoughts crossed Eren’s mind, but he soon shook his head.
He had decided to work for Kazen until the day his life ended.
He couldn’t break that promise now.