The Unyielding Simp and the Lolita Dream

Jiang Chen’s gaze flickered over Zhao Lei’s thickly muscled legs and bulging biceps before he silently pressed a hand onto Zhou Yi’s shoulder.

“If you don’t need your eyes, you can donate them to the lab.” He then picked up a pen and signed his name for the high jump event. “The basketball slots are full. This is the most I can do to help.”

Moved, Zhao Lei cupped his fists towards Jiang Chen before spinning around to pounce on Zhou Yi. “Yi-ge! Didn’t you throw the shot put quite far last year?”

Zhou Yi’s mouth twitched. “That was the result of me slipping and falling over, not an actual throw…”

He peeled Jiang Chen’s hand from his shoulder, stubbornly continuing to push his agenda. “Seriously, don’t you think Zhao Lei’s physique would create a subversive aesthetic impact if he wore women’s clothing?”

Chen Hao cast an impassive glance at Zhao Lei’s bulging calf muscles. “That leg hair paired with a Lolita dress? We could practically shoot a horror film.”

He snatched the registration form, signing his name under the shot put event. “I’ll take this one.”

He then forcefully shoved the pen into Zhou Yi’s hand, pointing to the 3000-meter event. “For fairness, you’re running this.”

“Don’t even think about it!” Zhou Yi threw the pen back onto the table, absolutely refusing to sign. “I’d rather watch Zhao Lei run 3000 meters in women’s clothes!”

“You have to run,” Chen Hao declared, his attitude unyielding. Under no circumstances did he want the image of Zhao Lei in women’s clothes to haunt him for life.

Zhou Yi hunched his back, shrinking away. “My small frame would be ready for a coffin after running 3000 meters!”

As he spoke, he suddenly looked up at Zhao Lei. “How about you wear a Lolita dress and perform a cheerleading dance for me now? Consider it an early send-off!”

“Yi-ge, calm down!” Zhao Lei clutched the registration form and scurried to the doorway. “If I wore women’s clothes, I could scare off zombies!”

Zhou Yi advanced with a sinister smile. “Wouldn’t that be perfect? Perhaps your opponents would see your outfit and immediately forfeit…”

“Don’t even think about it!” Zhao Lei clung to the doorframe, wailing. “I’d rather polish the Counselor’s shoes every single day!”

“Wait!” Chen Hao suddenly had a flash of inspiration. “I have a win-win idea! Leizi, you run the 3000 meters, and Yi-ge will wear women’s clothes to cheer you on. How about that?”

The pen in Zhou Yi’s hand clattered to the floor. Unable to believe Chen Hao’s betrayal, he mechanically turned his head to face him. “…What did you just say?”

‘This ungrateful fellow!’ Zhou Yi thought, aghast. ‘The little dress he’d picked out for Chen Hao was still in his shopping cart, yet this guy had gone and sold him out first!’

Zhao Lei instantly sprang back to life. “I think Hao-ge’s suggestion is very scientific!”

Jiang Chen, who had been standing by with his arms crossed, let his gaze linger for a moment on Zhou Yi’s face, which had recently grown more refined. Then, he nodded solemnly.

Cornered by the three, Zhou Yi took half a step back, then suddenly snatched the registration form. “Say no more. I believe bringing glory to our class is a tremendous honor.”

Chen Hao stared at Zhou Yi’s trembling pen tip. “It’s just a signature; is there really any need to be so tragic?”

“You don’t understand,” Zhou Yi said, gazing out the window at a forty-five-degree angle. “I’m bidding farewell to a dream.”

Watching Zhou Yi’s face, which seemed ready for a heroic sacrifice, Jiang Chen suddenly tapped the table lightly. “Change the 3000 meters to a 1500-meter relay. I’ll take the last leg.”

Zhou Yi’s eyes instantly lit up. “Chen-ge is mighty!” He immediately scrawled his final signature onto the form.

The moment he finished signing, Zhao Lei, with lightning speed, snatched the registration form. He turned and immediately bolted, his joyful shouts echoing down the corridor: “We’ve got enough people! The Counselor said he’d treat the whole class to bubble tea!!”

****

With Zhao Lei gone, the classroom suddenly fell silent.

Zhou Yi clung to the doorframe, gazing at Zhao Lei’s receding back with a reluctant expression. “So… we could have watched Zhao Lei in a Lolita dress, doing a cheerleading dance…”

Jiang Chen and Chen Hao exchanged bewildered glances.

‘Had Zhou Yi been possessed by some strange entity?’ they wondered. ‘Why did he harbor such a deep obsession with tricking people into women’s clothing? He wouldn’t even spare a rough guy like Zhao Lei!’

“Recently,” Jiang Chen began, rolling his textbook into a cylinder and tapping Zhou Yi’s head with it, “have you opened some kind of new world’s door?”

“Speak!” Chen Hao demanded, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow. “Have you secretly developed some strange hobbies?”

Zhou Yi hugged his head and squatted down. ‘How was he supposed to explain this?’

‘Should he tell them he had once been a magical girl in another world, tasked with saving a lovesick “Boiling Sheep”?’

‘Especially Chen Hao; Zhou Yi had once sworn an oath that he would make him wear women’s clothes, no matter what.’

‘But looking at the situation now, that damn dream seemed to be indefinitely postponed…’

“You don’t understand…” Zhou Yi’s eyes drifted. “This is a mysterious obsession from the East…”

Chen Hao flicked him on the forehead. “Speak like a human!”

“It’s just…” Zhou Yi muttered, rubbing his reddened forehead as his gaze slowly unfocused. “It’s my fantasy time now…”

As he was vividly imagining Chen Hao in a Lolita dress, performing an otaku dance on the sports field, Jiang Chen’s phone on the desk suddenly rang incessantly, like a death knell.

Jiang Chen grabbed his phone, glanced at the screen, then promptly flipped it face down on the desk before burying his face in his book.

Zhou Yi heard the commotion and leaned over to poke his shoulder. “Is it still that ‘immortal’? If you ask me, why not just ignore them?”

Jiang Chen nodded. “I’ll deal with this after I reply to this batch of messages.”

[Li Yanze: Senior, Senior, why haven’t you accepted these two hundred yuan?]

[Jiang Chen: Buddy, seriously, there’s no need. I wasn’t interested to begin with, and now I think this girl has questionable character, so there’s even less chance I’ll add her.]

[Li Yanze: Senior, you’re quite good at judging people. She does have a bit of a temper, but that’s only because she’s so accomplished! She’s pretty and very kind.]

[Li Yanze: If you agree to add her, I’ll buy the movie tickets and drinks for you two in the future. I’ll cover everything.]

[Jiang Chen: …Brother, I’m truly impressed by your dedication. I suggest you apply for a Guinness World Record for ‘simp’.]

[Li Yanze: Hahaha, it’s fine, Senior! As long as you add her, I’ll do anything!]

[Jiang Chen: Wow, you’ve left me speechless.]

[Jiang Chen: Seeing your persistence, you’re probably not a bad person. There’s really no need to be like this. Spending money on someone who doesn’t care about you is less reliable than buying your mom a bouquet of flowers. Brother, wake up.]

After the message was read, a long pause followed. Just as Jiang Chen thought Li Yanze had finally come to his senses, another reply popped up.

[Li Yanze: But I’ve already guaranteed her that I’ll definitely get you to add her tonight… If I don’t succeed, she might ignore me]

[Jiang Chen: You really don’t listen, do you?]

[Li Yanze: Senior, I beg you! Just help this once!]

Jiang Chen tossed his phone onto the table. “He’s hopeless. Just call the crematorium directly.”

Zhou Yi leaned over, glancing at the chat history, and his eyes widened in shock. “Brother, you actually tolerated this until now?”

“Hold on,” Jiang Chen suddenly said, grabbing his phone and typing quickly. “Let me perform one last humanitarian rescue.”

[Jiang Chen: Brother, if she and I got together, wouldn’t it be agonizing for you to see us showing affection every day?]

The other party replied instantly.

[Li Yanze: Agonizing.]

[Li Yanze: But I think you, Senior, are a good person, and I’ll silently bless you both.]

Jiang Chen shoved the phone screen in front of Zhou Yi.

Zhou Yi almost spat out his drink. “Good heavens! This holy light is almost blinding me! Even Guanyin Bodhisattva would have to give up her seat!”

“Unbelievable,” Chen Hao said, massaging his forehead. “This guy’s devotion is practically divine.”