A Peculiar Individual

“I’ll see you back at the dorm.”

Han Doyoung muttered in a low, biting tone, squeezing my shoulder tightly before passing by. A dull ache lingered for a moment. Yoon Jihyuk, as if mirroring the unspoken question of ‘what were you two talking about?’, widened his eyes and curled his lips slightly. Despite his towering height, he feigned an air of cuteness… yet, surprisingly, it suited him. He was truly a peculiar individual.

As if he had never displayed such a sharp edge, Han Doyoung acted like a docile lamb in front of Yoon Jihyuk.

“It was nothing. Are we heading into pre-recording now?”

“Yes. Get ready, everyone.”

The remaining members also rose to their feet at Yoon Jihyuk’s words. It felt as though they moved in perfect, unquestioning unison at his command. A strange sensation, one I might have felt since entering the waiting room, or perhaps even before, prompted me to awkwardly stand and follow them.

Perhaps I couldn’t adapt because the team’s atmosphere was so different. However, upon reflection, that wasn’t the only factor making adaptation difficult. The spacious and comfortable waiting room I’d never used before, the ample number of staff, and even the attitudes of the broadcasting station officials were different.

It was astounding how the same work could feel so utterly different.

And why, oh why, was this damned heart of mine pounding relentlessly, making my chest throb? I struggled to regulate my stifled breathing, which felt somehow constricted, as I stepped onto the stage.

The first pre-recording song was a breakup song with a lyrical melody over a Moombahton rhythm. The choreography was simple, almost akin to mere gestures, and Kwon Yohan’s solo part was minuscule, barely a few lines.

‘Two lines. I just had to avoid messing up those two lines.’

“HEX, we’re going straight into recording!”

Even the voice announcing the start was so gentle, I couldn’t recall anything similar from my distant memories.

****

To put it simply, the pre-recording and rehearsal concluded without a hitch.

“Hey, Kwon Yohan.”

Because I had been so focused on completing it without mistakes, I barely remembered what happened in between. For instance, the expressions of the staff, save for a brief moment at the beginning, or the words exchanged with staff when changing clothes and makeup.

I had been as tense as a rookie who had just debuted. Looking back now, it was absurd. It wasn’t my concern what happened to another team’s stage, so why had I been concentrating so intensely that it felt like my brain was melting?

‘Pointless. Utterly pointless.’ A sigh escaped me involuntarily. ‘But why was there a mosquito buzzing so annoyingly in my ear on a spring day?’

“Kwon Yohan!”

My eyes snapped open at the loud voice, almost a shriek. It wasn’t an out-of-season insect making noise right beside me, but Lee Seon, one of HEX’s maknae line along with Kwon Yohan.

“What? Why?”

When I answered abruptly, flustered by the loud noise, Lee Seon’s rather bright eyes widened, and he pouted his lips.

“What are you doing?”

“What’s what?”

“What’s what? Did you just say ‘what’s what’ to me?”

Even though we were clearly sitting side by side on the sofa, he seemed to jump up and down. His shrill voice was more endearing than threatening. I knew he was genuinely angry, but it was as if I was watching a small dog, spoiled rotten, with an unusually feisty personality… He was cute. Perhaps it was because he was young.

“Are you sick? Or did you take something you shouldn’t have? Whatever else, you shouldn’t do drugs. If you’re going to do drugs and leave the group, do whatever you want. No, even if you’re going to leave, just do it quietly, by yourself, without getting caught.”

However, the words he was spouting were far from cute. ‘What kind of ridiculous misunderstanding is this? Drugs? I’ve never tried them, so I wouldn’t know, but if Kwon Yohan had taken drugs before this morning, there’s no way his mind would be this sharp.’

“Aren’t you the one on drugs? You’re talking nonsense, it’s pretty unusual.”

When I answered calmly, Lee Seon’s face flushed crimson then paled, and he let out a shriek. Yoon Jihyuk, who had refrained from intervening until now, subtly approached us.

“Well, what Seon means is, he’s worried because you’re acting a bit strange today.”

“When did I ever say anything like that!”

‘Get your story straight, and speak properly.’

“He says he didn’t, though?”

“Haha…”

Yoon Jihyuk seemed to have no intention of acting as a lubricant for our sputtering conversation from the start. Content with simply splashing a bit of water on the smoldering embers of our heated dispute, he seemed to be subtly trying to retreat. Lee Seon, apparently displeased by this, finally spoke his mind clearly.

“Kwon Yohan, you’re useless at everything else, but your fan service is killer. That’s who you are. But today, you didn’t even greet the fans. You didn’t give them a gentle smile. You didn’t respond to the kids screaming your name. What exactly do you think you’re doing?”

By then, all eyes in the waiting room were fixed on us. Though their expressions varied, they all held a look of agreement.

“So you think it’s fine if you perform a little better than usual? Even then, you can’t hold a candle to Jihyuk-hyung. Nobody expects that from you. If you’re going to be mediocre and act like a pretentious artist who won’t even make eye contact with fans, then just quit. You’re truly no help to the team whatsoever.”

‘A rapper, indeed. Good diction too.’ After spouting everything he wanted to say like a machine gun, Yoon Jihyuk gently patted Lee Seon’s shoulder as he panted, catching his breath.

“Seon, it seems Yohan just wanted to work hard today. Let’s try to be patient and understand him this one time.”

‘Look at him. He only pretended to intervene after Seon had finished saying everything he wanted to. Moreover, listening closely, he was subtly, slyly, affirming Lee Seon’s words entirely, all while pretending otherwise.’ Naive Lee Seon, oblivious to this, gently brushed away Yoon Jihyuk’s hand from his shoulder, his face downcast like a scolded puppy.

“I didn’t say anything I shouldn’t have, did I?”

Yoon Jihyuk simply smiled softly, without answering, and stroked Lee Seon’s head, so carefully that his styled hair remained undisturbed.

‘What a piece of work…’ Swallowing the single word that threatened to escape my lips if I wasn’t careful, I adjusted my clothes.

A team is most beautiful when it maintains its form. Seven members stay seven. Five members stay five. When it remains solid, without anyone causing trouble, breaking down emotionally, or leaving due to their own greed. Unless there’s an unavoidable circumstance, that is. Lee Seon’s attitude, telling a perfectly fine member to leave or stay, did not sit well with me.

However, it was clear that he was earnestly committed to this work, and his honesty was unadorned. Between Yoon Jihyuk, whose thoughts were utterly inscrutable, and Lee Seon, who at least had a cute side, I found myself preferring Lee Seon.

“I was wrong.”

“….Huh?”

“I said I was wrong. I was so focused on the stage, trying to do well, that I neglected everything else. I’ll do properly for the live broadcast.”

Lee Seon blinked rapidly, staring at me. His bewilderment was palpable, to the point of making me feel awkward.

“H-how ridiculous! What could you possibly do right?”

Lee Seon, his face flushed scarlet, shouted without seeming to tire, then practically fled from my side, running to Han Doyoung, who was looking in the mirror.

“Hyung! Kwon Yohan apologized!”

He said it loud enough for me to hear. He must have been incredibly surprised. ‘Just how had the real Kwon Yohan been treating his members all this time?’

Han Doyoung mumbled something with an annoyed expression. Judging by his lips… it looked like he said, ‘Shut up.’

****

There were about two hours left until the live broadcast. Although there was pressure to finish without mistakes this time, I was confident I could deliver a higher quality performance than the pre-recorded songs.

“Hmph…”

Thirty seconds before going on stage, my heart began its tumultuous clamor once more. Was I, uncharacteristically, nervous? I decided to pin all responsibility on Kwon Yohan. ‘It must be that guy’s weak heart. This heart of mine has nothing to do with me.’

With a stubborn determination to deliver a ‘Kwon Yohan-esque’ performance, I calmed myself. Fortunately, my mind didn’t go blank as it had before.

“HEX, you’re up!”

Following the booming instruction from a staff member, I ascended the stairs. As the members took their positions, one by one, lights illuminated the darkened stage.

“Kyaaaah!!!!”

The roar of the crowd pierced my ears.

The intro began, and countless lightsticks swayed in rhythm. Initially, some fans, who had been watching my face with somewhat worried expressions, relaxed and began to enjoy the performance once I made eye contact and offered a gentle smile.

“Yoon Jihyuk! Choi Seung-beom! Han Doyoung! Lee Seon! Kwon Yohan! HEX! We’re shaking!”

Even through my in-ear monitor, the voices chanting the fanchant were distinctly clear. A thrilling sensation coursed from my fingertips and toes, right up to my chest. It was a familiar yet unfamiliar feeling.

Putting aside strength training, Kwon Yohan’s scrawny limbs, with so little muscle mass it made me wonder if he ever practiced, now felt imbued with power. If I possessed 100 and could only exert 70 on my own, this was the power that pushed it to 120. The energy from the audience here was abundant.

I could feel the adrenaline surging through my body. It was truly an addictive sensation. Having been active for seven years, it wasn’t a completely new feeling, but standing on stage as HEX, the sheer scale of the audience, who had waited since dawn just to squeeze into the broadcasting station, was different.

Even the passion of the staff controlling the cameras and lighting.

“Haha…”

A weak laugh escaped me. Fortunately, my small chuckle didn’t seem to have mixed into Kwon Yohan’s microphone, which I had deliberately kept at a low volume.

However, Yoon Jihyuk, whose eyes I briefly met, seemed to have noticed me grinning foolishly on stage, as a strange expression flickered across his face before disappearing.

No matter how diligently I had memorized the choreography, I hadn’t truly ingrained it by moving my body. Frankly, I hadn’t initially expected to achieve a satisfactory quality performance by my own standards. After all, that was a realm the usual Kwon Yohan could never reach.

‘Even if it’s a bit clumsy, it’ll be better than tripping over my own feet like an idiot.’ I had thought it would be that simple.

“Yohan!!!!!”

If my usual self was an A-grade, I felt I had performed at least a B+.

I hadn’t realized I could do this much.

Subtly covering the corner of my mouth, which threatened to break into an unguarded smile, I waved to the fans who were loudly shouting Kwon Yohan’s name. During the pre-recording, I might have exchanged a few words, and it was a shame there wasn’t time for that now. It felt a little funny to even feel that regret.

As I descended from the stage, Han Doyoung suddenly grabbed my wrist.