The Slap, the Simp, and the Shocking Revelation

“S-senior sister?!” Chen Hao was utterly bewildered, covering his burning face as he stared wide-eyed at Zhou Yi.

Zhou Yi, for her part, had truly thrown caution to the wind.

According to the system’s intel, Chen Hao had already sunk tens of thousands into his ‘goddess’ Lin Yating, yet he foolishly and wishfully clung to the belief that every penny was well spent.

Regardless of whether the Chen Hao before her was the same Chen Hao from the real world, his irrational act of incurring debt for the sake of love alone demanded this slap today!

“Chen Hao, have you lost your mind? Maxing out credit cards for a woman? Taking out online loans? Do you actually believe that’s noble? That it’s touching?”

With that resounding slap, Zhou Yi’s own emotions surged.

“S-senior sister, how… how did you know?”

“Don’t ask me how I know. I’m just asking you, for her, is it truly worth it?”

“S-senior sister… I… you wouldn’t understand! Yating, she’s… she’s not like those materialistic girls!”

“Not like them? At least materialistic girls have clear price tags! What about her? She manipulates you with ambiguity, making you pour out your heart and soul. Don’t you see that’s far more terrifying than any materialistic girl?”

The more Zhou Yi spoke, the angrier she became; she practically yearned to deliver another slap.

“Let me ask you this: does she always tell you not to spend too much, yet you insist on showering her with gifts? Does she only smile at you when she receives something? Does she only seek you out when she needs something, and vanish completely when she doesn’t?”

With each probing question Zhou Yi posed, Chen Hao’s face grew a shade paler.

Gazing at the utterly speechless fool before her, unable to utter a single rebuttal, a familiar bitterness welled up in Zhou Yi’s heart. Every single point had struck true!

‘Wasn’t this exactly like my past self, who poured my heart out for Xu Yao, utterly deluded by my own self-sacrifice? A complete fool, a ‘Boiling Sheep’ who believed sincerity could win true affection!’

“I…”

“If she genuinely cared about you, she would have firmly stopped you the first time you gave her an expensive gift. Instead, she utters platitudes about it being ‘too much expense’ while subtly encouraging you to give increasingly costly items! And she lets you foolishly borrow money!”

“N-no, that’s not it. She… she just couldn’t bear to refuse my kindness. She had no idea about me borrowing money! I gave her all these things willingly.”

“Willingly? You call this willingly? Chen Hao, wake up! You’re destroying your own future, do you understand?”

Zhou Yi was so incensed she wanted to bang the table; the man’s twisted logic was so absurd it almost made her laugh in pure frustration.

Just as her gaze met Chen Hao’s stubbornly deluded eyes, Jiang Chen’s hesitant expression from their last encounter suddenly flashed through her mind.

‘Case closed.’

She finally understood the look Jiang Chen had given her. Her past self was probably just like Chen Hao now, as stubborn as a mule, unable to be moved even by ten tractors.

Chen Hao slumped his head, collapsing onto the chair. “Never mind… Senior sister wouldn’t understand. Don’t worry about it; I’ll handle my own affairs.”

[Warning: Target’s psychological defense mechanism activated. Simp Index rebounds against the trend to 92%!]

“???” Zhou Yi nearly spat out a mouthful of old blood.

“Seriously… why does this kid get more stubborn the more I try to persuade him?!”

[Ding-dong~ Xiao Qi regretfully informs you: Your ‘Sobering Reality’ skill failed to penetrate the opponent’s armor. Instead, it triggered the hidden skill ‘Stronger Through Adversity’~]

Zhou Yi was practically laughing in exasperation. “Seriously… which side is this broken system even on?! How can it be so counterproductive?!”

[Darling~ Xiao Qi always stands on the side of fun… ah, no, on the side of truth!]

[Player’s first mission failed. Forced ejection procedure commencing…]

A blinding white light flashed, and Zhou Yi was instantly ejected from the simulation, returning to the real world.

****

He blinked. He was still in the same position, sprawled on his bed, scrolling on his phone, just as he had been before entering the game. Everything that had just happened felt like a hallucination.

‘Back?’

‘That’s it?’

[Ding~ Mission failure detected! Now presenting you with a ‘Fully Immersive Punishment Experience Pack’~]

Zhou Yi was startled by the lingering prompt. Hadn’t he already exited the game? Why was there still a ‘post-sale’ tracking service?

“Still going? Do you really think I’m a leek, to be harvested whenever you please?”

He scoffed. It was just a casual app he’d downloaded; he could uninstall it in minutes.

As he spoke, he swiped open his phone screen, ready to long-press the icon and send this rotten game packing, when an odd swaying sensation suddenly came from his chest.

“Hmm?”

He pulled open his collar in confusion, and was instantly struck as if by lightning!

Two unknown, snow-white mounds gently rose and fell with his breathing.

As a seasoned expert, he instantly made a professional assessment: ‘These are… a genuine pair of A-cups?!’

“What the f***!!!”

HIs hand trembling, he cautiously poked them.

Soft.

Still disbelieving, he pinched again.

“Hiss… It hurts!!”

“These are alive?! No, these are *mine*?!”

“Xiao Qi! Are you f***ing with me?!”

Zhou Yi instantly flew into a rage, grabbing his phone and wanting to smash it against the wall!

But a new prompt immediately popped up in his mind:

[Oh dear~ Player, don’t get so agitated! Xiao Qi is merely strictly enforcing User Agreement Chapter 7, Article 3: ‘Mission Failure Punishment Mechanism’.]

“You call this punishment?! What does this have to do with the game?! Immediately! Right now! Change me back!”

[Player, don’t worry! As long as you successfully complete the mission within the seven-day time limit, the punishment will be lifted. But if you run out of time… this state will become permanently fixed~]

“Permanent my ass!”

Zhou Yi completely broke down, unleashing a passionate, indignant torrent of expletives into the air.

Just then, the dorm room door suddenly swung open! Startled, Zhou Yi instantly snapped his mouth shut, not forgetting to pull up his quilt to cover his body.

Jiang Chen walked in, carrying a lunchbox. The aroma of food instantly filled the entire dorm room.

“Still sleeping? Get up and eat.” He placed the steaming preserved egg and lean pork congee on the table.

“Uh… I… I’m not hungry…” Zhou Yi clutched the corner of his quilt tightly.

Yet, at that very moment, his stomach let out a three-second growl, exceptionally clear in the quiet dorm room. Jiang Chen couldn’t help but glance back at him.

“If you’re hungry, eat. I won’t charge you.”

‘This isn’t about money, bro…’ Zhou Yi wailed inwardly.

He was truly hungry, but in his current state, how could he possibly eat?

Jiang Chen squinted, observing his flushed face, then suddenly walked over. “Don’t tell me you’re still drunk, too weak to get up?” As he spoke, he reached out to pull back the quilt and drag him out of bed.

“Don’t!” Zhou Yi executed a tactical roll, tumbling with his quilt to the wall.

“…Are you performing a wuxia film over there?”

“No, it’s just that I… I’m not wearing pants!”

Jiang Chen: “…”

He silently retracted his hand, placing the lunchbox by Zhou Yi’s bed. “It’s here.” As he turned, he added meaningfully, “Um… take care of yourself.”

“What the f***, no!” Zhou Yi, frantic, stretched out a pleading hand from under the covers. “Brother, listen to me, it’s really not what you think!”

Jiang Chen waved his hand, his back to Zhou Yi, his tone carrying the weariness of someone who had seen through the mundane world. “I get it, I get everything.”

“You get a ghost’s understanding!” Zhou Yi cried in despair, burying his head in the quilt.

His only reply was the ‘click’ of the dorm room door locking.

Zhou Yi let out a wail, despairingly burying his face in a pillow. “What kind of mess is this…”

Three seconds later, he resignedly threw off the quilt and got out of bed, grabbing the preserved egg and lean pork congee, intending to transform his grief and indignation into appetite. However, the system’s voice chose that inopportune moment to chime in again:

[Ding-dong~ A reminder to the player: you have 6 days and 23 hours remaining to complete the mission! Failure will result in the current punishment state being permanently retained~]