The Author’s Mad Musings and the Protagonist’s Predicament

Haki Tea: 😤 Phew, after writing over six hundred thousand words, Volume One is finally complete. I originally planned for it to be five hundred thousand words, but it ended up needing over a million, so I had no choice but to split it into two volumes. I’m so happy!

I’ve decided to pick up Battlefield 6 again; I’ve been grinding it to death. I’ve been working and writing simultaneously, and it feels like I haven’t slept in months. Just last month, I checked, and my update volume was second across the entire site. I could cry!

Protagonist: 🤨 Wait a minute before you drop dead from exhaustion. Since you’ve finished Volume One, let me ask: has your story completely gone off the rails? I can’t even tell what you’re trying to write anymore. By all accounts, your story template should be a brainless, enjoyable read, a true ‘wish-fulfillment’ novel.

So why do I feel like I’ve been endlessly busy? 😫 Do readers actually enjoy slogging through something with this much overwhelming information?

Haki Tea: 🥺 I don’t know! It’s not me writing; the keyboard moves on its own. Isn’t that amazing? Honestly, I’m just as curious about what happens next.

Protagonist: 🤨 Didn’t you write a hundred-thousand-word outline? You mean you don’t know what’s going to happen?

Haki Tea: 🥰 I do know, but my keyboard’s machine spirit doesn’t! It’s the one writing. I’m just sitting here, exclaiming, ‘Oh, is *that* the plot? How exciting!’ Yes, yes, write it exactly like that. And then it just turns out this way.

Protagonist: 🙄 Serves you right for being a flop. Just look at your pathetic results. If it weren’t for the pity of the esteemed readers, no one would even bother with your book.

Haki Tea: 😭 I’m sorry, I was wrong. I’m kneeling before my readers right now. 🧎 I will reflect on my recognized mistakes and transgressions, and I promise never to repeat them.

Protagonist: 🧐 So, what exactly do you perceive as your main error?

Haki Tea: 🤔 I think… it must be that the plot has become too bland and boring. I feel like your development has been too smooth, leaving readers with no anticipation. I understand now.

The main objective moving forward will be to torment the protagonist and inflict angst. Yes, that’s what I’ll do.

Protagonist: 😨 What the hell? What does that have to do with me? Is your understanding of your mistakes seriously flawed?

Haki Tea: 😇 Have you forgotten the title? Do you really think I just randomly picked ‘The Villains’ Death Endings Are Too Numerous!’?

Protagonist: 😦 It wasn’t?

Haki Tea: 😉 Heh, there’s a foreshadowing here, though you’ll absolutely never guess what it refers to. For now, let’s set that aside; you’ll understand later.

Speaking of which, wasn’t the opening plot design pretty good? It’s an original creation of mine, and I’ve even open-sourced it, you know. Though, of course, no one reading the beginning could ever predict what happens next.

Protagonist: 🥲 I certainly wouldn’t wish the misfortune of dying a thousand times upon anyone else. Some readers might find my numerous deaths too trivial, lacking immersion, but… if I were to truly immerse myself, wouldn’t you have to torment me relentlessly? No, thank you. I refuse to suffer that much.

Haki Tea: 😡👉️ Your job is to satisfy the readers, or else I’ll just swap you out for Livia as the protagonist.

Protagonist: 🤓☝️ Such good news exists?! Excellent, go on, do it quickly! I don’t want to keep being the protagonist for a flop like you. What if one day readers look and say, ‘Hey, Haki Tea, why did you die?!’ Wouldn’t I be stuck in a state of eternal semi-death?

Haki Tea: 🤕 You jerk! To say something so cruel! I’m crying, I’m not writing anymore.

Protagonist: 😝 With your thick skin, you’d probably keep writing even if no one was reading.

Haki Tea: 😏 That’s true. If no one’s reading, I’ll just update once a day. If everyone enjoys it, I’ll write more. Hmph, a mere four-million-word novel is nothing to fear!

Protagonist: 😟 Speaking of which, I still don’t quite understand your plot.

Haki Tea: 😽 What’s there not to understand? If you don’t get it, you can ask. I can answer three questions for you.

Protagonist: 🥺 Will Livia and Marianne find happiness? You wouldn’t pull some nonsensical plot twist to insult my and the readers’ intelligence, would you?

Haki Tea: 😯.

Protagonist: 😦 What kind of expression is that?

Haki Tea: 🤫 Don’t worry, your yuri garden will come to fruition, yes, probably. However, I can’t tell you how it will happen. If I did, you wouldn’t say you liked yuri anymore.

Protagonist: 😧 Why do I have a bad feeling about this? As a staunch yuri warrior, would I ever abandon my faith? Approximately when will this come to pass?

Haki Tea: 😎 Probably around Volume Four. The provisional title for that volume is ‘Fountain of Paradise.’ Please look forward to it.

Protagonist: 😥 Alright, then let me ask again: what’s with that ending to the volume? The main plot and time span diverge too wildly, don’t they? Who is that chuunibyou called The Boss? What exactly is ‘Starfall Serenade’ about? Did my memory fail me? Isn’t that a game I’ve played before?

And what happened afterward? Who is that individual who claims to be The Immortal?

Haki Tea: 😇 That’s too many questions. The answers will unfold as the plot progresses; you’ll find out later. However, I can explain this: the end of the volume depicts forgotten events scattered outside of time. As for what happened afterward, you’ll have to wait until Volume Four to learn some of the answers.

The entire story concerning you can be summarized with a riddle: ‘I remain constant.’ As for The Immortal, they are a mysterious guest! Don’t ask who they are. Once you know, you’ll absolutely cry like a whiny brat who’s had their toe stepped on.

Protagonist: 🙃 Damn it, just how many plot holes have you dug?! Alright, I have one more question: exactly how far has your story progressed? Don’t make the readers wait too long! If you keep writing these ‘slice-of-life’ early-game contents every day, readers will just drift away.

Are you sure your story truly suits everyone’s tastes?

Haki Tea: 😢 The first seven volumes span about fifty years, right? And only a month has passed in-story so far. Besides, if readers leave, there’s nothing I can do. Everyone knows that science fiction has declined in this era.

The story I want to write is simply about the end of past dreams; it’s an old man’s romance. While romance is good, people must look up at the profound starry sky, mustn’t they? I’ve been following rocket development closely, by the way. And just so you know, I’ve seen UFOs, more than once.

Protagonist: 😦 Hey, why are you suddenly bringing that up? Not, are you… unwell? Perhaps… we should stop writing for a bit and you go see a psychologist?

Haki Tea: 😭 Fine, don’t believe me, but I truly believe humanity isn’t alone in the universe. You understand, don’t you? I only wish the universe’s end would be a Big Crunch. Please, not heat death. I don’t want to be diluted into some utterly irrelevant space at the very end.

Everything that exists in the world will return to that single point. Just like at the dawn of creation, we would surely meet there. After countless ages, so long that even geological eras would pale in comparison, everyone will return to my side, right? 😿

Protagonist: 😨 This person has gone mad! Quick, call a doctor to take this fellow away!

Haki Tea: 😵 No! The readers will understand me! ‘I believe in everyone!’ (False testimony)

(Haki Tea has gone offline)

Protagonist: 🙄 Phew, I finally got rid of that guy. I’m speechless. These days, it seems anyone can write a book. What a divine talent.

Livia: 😸 You were too harsh on him! While Haki Tea certainly has a lot of issues, they really put in a lot of effort when staying up late to write every day, you know.

Protagonist: 😨 How did you get here?

Livia: 😺 Do you really not want to see me that much?

Protagonist: 😐 Uh, no.

Marianne: 😽 I’m here too! My dearest Master, will we finally achieve our happy ending in the next volume? What’s the title of Haki Tea’s next volume? Let’s take a peek.

Protagonist: 🫣 Let me see. As long as it’s not anything strange… ‘Brave New World’?

Livia: 😸 My dearest unwedded husband, what do you think will happen?

Protagonist: 😨 Wait, what did you just call me? And why aren’t you hissing at me? I have a really bad feeling about this. Haki Tea? Haki Tea? Did you hypnotize Livia, this phoenix-like powerhouse, with some kind of hypnosis app?

Marianne: 😼 You fool, Master, you’ve already eliminated your only ally, you know.

Livia: 😹 What’s a hypnosis app?

Protagonist: 😰 Oh no, what are you two going to do? Don’t mess with a new account!

(Marianne casually locked the door)

Protagonist: 😠🫵 What ‘villain’s death ending’? Heh, I’m going to live! Bring on whatever you’ve got; I’ll fight ten of you! If fate is unjust, I’ll battle it to the very end! My destiny is my own, not heaven’s! Yuri God, aid me in breaking this cauldron!

Readers after finishing Volume One be like:

The Protagonist at the end of Volume Two be like:

Haki Tea, who knows the plot, be like: