Six Steps

Marquis Lomond’s Pringles-style mustache was, surprisingly, not funny at all. I touched my neck while staring at the curled tips of his facial hair. My hand caught on the scarf Isaac had tied for me. I fiddled with the soft fabric, pulling it up higher.

“Grand Duke.”

Having finished his praise with even more flowery language than in his letters, Marquis Lomond adjusted his posture. He leaned toward me naturally, as if about to share a more intimate secret. I straightened my body, which had been practically melting into the sofa.

“I am well aware of the deep affection between the three of you.”

“Mm-hmm.”

Is it not time yet? Is this not the main point? Now that the praise for the ‘Prince Blessed by the Dragon’ is over, is it time to compliment the harmonious imperial trio? I slumped back and stared at the Marquis’s mustache again. To listen to these sugary platitudes without looking bored, I needed something to focus on.

He spent about ten minutes mentioning the ongoing fratricidal wars in other countries, emphasizing how incredible the peace within our imperial family was. I was too tired to even offer reactions anymore, so I just nodded.

After finishing his long-winded praise, he took a sip of tea and smiled.

“You are quite different from the rumors.”

“How so?”

“I feel like I brought a change of clothes for nothing.”

I watched him for a moment and then smiled back.

“If you had a hobby of showering in tea, you should have said so earlier.”

“Is that not too extravagant a hobby for someone like me?”

“You are the master of the Great Eastern Plains. What’s wrong with a tea shower?”

I reached out and grabbed my teacup. As I brought it to my lips, I murmured quietly.

“You’re already playing around with the Grand Duke loved by the Dragon. Ah… is this easier than a tea shower?”

“I apologize.”

“Forget it.”

I waved my hand to dismiss the apology and looked out the window.

I realized about ten minutes into his speech that Marquis Lomond’s boring compliments weren’t just for etiquette. Throughout the time he spoke and I listened or gave short replies, his gaze followed me with obsessive intensity. It was a calculating look, constantly assessing my personality and how I could be manipulated.

I knew that to the outside world, especially to the nobles, I was treated as a tool rather than a person, but experiencing it firsthand felt disgusting.

But I endured it. Because this man was Kallios’s strongest ally.

Marquis Lomond had united the hesitant eastern nobles to form the ‘Emperor’s Faction.’ Since it happened right after the success of the Aphelion conquest—Kallios’s first achievement—he had chosen his side quite quickly.

Those who caught the first train were the northeastern nobles who assisted the Aphelion conquest with all their heart and soul. However, they were poor and lacked the energy to focus on central politics. Naturally, Marquis Lomond, who possessed both wealth and power, became the head of the Emperor’s Faction and united the nobles.

Marquis Lomond won’t turn his back on us just because I throw a few teacups. I knew that… but I had to be careful. The only thing I could do for Kallios was leave, but he was different. He was someone who could do much more for Kallios.

“In your opinion, when do you think it would be best for me to leave?”

I rubbed my neck and set down the teacup I hadn’t even touched. It made a small clack. I pulled a platinum pocket watch from my pocket and held it. I looked at him while fiddling with the smooth edges.

“I assume you’ve already thought about it. No?”

“Your Highness.”

He placed his interlaced hands on his knees.

“Is there no one you have in mind?”

“Suddenly?”

“Your Highness’s marriage is also an important matter.”

I leaned against the sofa armrest and rested my chin on my hand. It seemed this man didn’t think my simply leaving the capital was enough to feel secure.

“Marquis.”

“Yes, Your Highness.”

“I won’t live long.”

“…”

“I think I’ll make it to next year. But I’m not sure about five years from now. Well, I might still be around then, struggling just as I am now…”

Actually, looking at my current state, I felt like I would still be alive in five years, but if I told the truth, Marquis Lomond would likely become a nuisance. I sighed, hoping my expressionless face looked like that of a person who had resigned themselves to fate.

“I won’t get married.”

“…”

“Taking someone’s precious daughter just to make her a widow… that’s a bit much.”

In my past life, I thought I would meet a good person and start a family when the time came. I believed it would just happen naturally. But the ‘me’ here cannot have such a wish. My health aside, my status was too high to dream of a ‘normal family.’

“Your Highness.”

“Yes.”

“Get married.”

Marquis Lomond said. I frowned and then smoothed my expression.

“To whom?”

I thought he came to push me toward an early independence, but was he here to propose a political marriage? I lowered my internal evaluation of Marquis Lomond by ten points and asked. He replied with a mysterious smile.

“What do you think of Count Ipsent?”

“What?”

Is this man… crazy?

Looking at me, frozen with a stupid expression, Marquis Lomond explained. It hadn’t happened in the last hundred years when imperial descendants were rare, but in the past, a prince would sometimes get engaged to his ‘male’ confidant. It was a very powerful statement declaring one had no interest in the throne.

“I know such precedents exist. But that’s an engagement.”

“Your Highness is known as the incarnation of the Founding Emperor. An engagement alone would be difficult.”

“No…”

I looked at Isaac standing by the door, and when our eyes met, I slowly turned my head away.

“Isn’t it a good thing for Your Highness as well?”

“A good thing my a*s!”

I was about to snap at him, but I kept my mouth shut. He was looking at my neck. I pressed my hand to my forehead and then covered my neck. Fck…*

“Is it not?”

“No one will misinterpret Your Highness’s sincerity.”

“It’s really not that, though?”

“Yes.”

It was a reply that carried no sincerity whatsoever. I sighed while holding my throbbing forehead.

Marquis Lomond left after saying it would be best for me to have a wedding in the capital and then depart around next spring. I was listening half-heartedly, but as soon as he suggested Lamierre would also be fine, I poured the tea over him. It was so annoying how he said his extra clothes had become useful!

I collapsed onto the sofa. I covered my face with both hands. I felt a warm heat in my palms. The fever from irritation and embarrassment seemed to still linger. I cooled it down by pressing on my face. Something cool touched the back of my hand. I pulled one hand away to check. It was a wet towel Isaac had brought.

“Thanks.”

“Your Highness.”

“Yeah?”

I looked up at Isaac with the wet towel against my cheek.

“Would it not be best to refuse the Emperor’s visits for a while?”

Isaac said cautiously. I just let out a deep sigh.

Kallios was reluctant to fall asleep because of the memories of ‘Kallios’ that rushed in every night. Every night, he sat at the table in my room, flipping pages of a book he couldn’t even see, and finally fell into a light sleep that didn’t last long. He said it would get better with time, but no one knew how much ‘time’ was needed. Maybe it would end tonight, or maybe it would take as many years as ‘Kallios’ had lived… no, it might take even longer.

The other day, when I called Kallios in my sleep and we slept together, he fell into a deep sleep for the first time in a long while. His face, brightened by a full day’s rest, looked even prettier than usual. So I had told him to just sleep here, by my side, from now on…

Dammit. I rubbed my neck vigorously. Isaac stopped me, saying I would give myself a wound.

“Then he won’t be able to sleep again.”

Referring to him. I omitted the rest and lay down straight on the sofa, pulling my legs up.

“If you are going to sleep, please go to the bed.”

“If I sleep during the day, I won’t be able to sleep. At night… I have to sleep at night.”

Kallios, to his credit, felt safe enough to fall asleep by my side. He slept soundly. That part was good. my bed was large enough to fit four of him, and I wasn’t sensitive about my sleeping arrangements. I wouldn’t have minded even if he had a habit of spinning clockwise in his sleep.

But today, while half-awake… intoxicated by the memories of ‘Kallios’…

I wanted to call a linguist. A renowned scholar would surely know the words to properly describe the feeling of waking up to a brother sucking on your neck. Or the feeling of opening your eyes because of a heavy weight and seeing your brother mounted on top of you.

I wanted to meet someone who had mastered every word in the world. Someone like that.

Even though the words to tell him to stop reached the tip of my tongue.

At the sound of that voice calling out ‘Your Majesty’ so sorrowfully.

They would be able to properly express the feeling of having no choice but to swallow those words and pull him into a hug.

Fck.* Cursing internally, I tossed and turned and lay on my stomach. I closed my eyes with my nose buried in the sofa cushion.

The guy who acted like he was going to devour me right then and there collapsed into my arms as soon as I hugged him.

“Isaac.”

“Yes.”

I heard his voice right beside me.

“I don’t know what to do.”

To be honest, it was a little… just a little… no, it was just scary.

I was powerless. There was nothing I could do. I could only hope he would stop. It felt like keeping a wild beast by my side. Fortunately, he has been obedient to my words so far, but if that ever stops…

But the one listening to my heartbeat with his ear pressed to my chest was my brother.

“Your Highness.”

“For now… let’s just wait and see.”

The moment I heard the apology he squeezed out in a voice that barely emerged, my fear vanished as if it had been washed away. In its place was pity and sympathy. I could just move on, treating it as if I had been bitten by a dog (?), but for Kallios, who had suddenly become that dog (?), it would be hard to just shake it off. I held him tight and stroked his back. It’s okay, Kallios. It’s okay. Yes, I was okay.

I still remembered Kallios’s request, that voice speaking so desperately.

Please let me remain entirely as myself.

When I first heard those words, I didn’t know what to do. He didn’t ask anything of me. Although the time we spent together increased, my daily life remained the same, unlike his, which underwent a major change in schedule. He always came at the time I drank tea to set down an extra cup, and he always came at the time I fell asleep to fill the empty chair.

I pushed myself up from my stomach. I went and sat in his designated seat. A spot where, if he lifted his head from reading, the bed was right in view. He sat here and turned pages every day to remain as himself.

To the bed… let’s see. I stood up and walked. Exactly six steps.

This time, I sat on the edge of the bed and looked at his designated seat.

Six steps was neither far nor close. A distance where we could both see what the other was doing, but to touch, we had to bear the inconvenience of standing up and walking around the table.

It took ten years to narrow this distance. Perhaps, if several events hadn’t occurred, we would still be in our respective places.

I flopped down and rolled into the blanket. Isaac drew the curtains over the still-bright window. I hadn’t planned on sleeping, but since he set the stage like this, I guess I have no choice but to sleep. I squirmed under the blanket, took off my outer clothes, and tossed them out.

“Good night.”

“Yeah. Wake me up at dinner time.”

Without even using a pillow, I curled my body and stared into the white blanket. Isaac replied “Yes” and left the room. I blankly watched the wrinkles in the blanket and bedsheet before rubbing them away with my hand.

What if such a thing happens again? No. What “what if”? This incident was a mistake he made while being overwhelmed by someone else’s memories. It won’t happen twice. Even if it did, it didn’t matter. If he feels confused, I just have to be certain. That you are you. I just have to constantly prove it. Since he is strong, that should be enough for him to shake it off.

I rubbed my neck vigorously to shake off the lukewarm anxiety that remained. I wish what I brought back from the ruins hadn’t been the heart, but the body of Emperor Kaian. Beating someone up is the best way to bring them to their senses…