You Stepped Out of My Shadow

“You said it was fun, so that’s good. But why did you suddenly want to see something like this?”

“Yeah?”

“You said before. That you don’t like this kind of movie… So why did you pick this one?”

“Well, just… just wanted to try something a little… a little different, bit by bit. My work has been slow lately, and….”

As he said, his concern about his work definitely influenced today’s choice.

Haeyoon had recently been inspired by a style different from his usual, and he wanted to make use of it and continue working on it.

In that process, he thought that if he exposed himself to unfamiliar stimulation, something he didn’t normally enjoy, it might help his work.

“And also….”

“Is there another reason?”

“…No. No. I just wanted to find a way to break through the stagnation I’m in right now.”

But was that the only reason?

A shadow fell over Haeyoon’s eyes as he looked down, stirring his straw meaninglessly.

No.

Actually, there was one more reason he couldn’t bring himself to tell Jeongha.

Haeyoon wanted to know Jeongha a little better.

What kind of person he was, what he liked, what he enjoyed, what he disliked—he wanted to understand his preferences, which they had only talked about, more deeply.

Getting to know him, so different from himself, felt like a way for Haeyoon to escape from the painful memories that pulled at him like a swamp.

Of course, he couldn’t say that to Jeongha.

“So, did it help a little?”

Jeongha spoke again.

Haeyoon instinctively looked up to meet his eyes.

Deep green eyes looked straight back at him.

In that moment, Haeyoon saw a universe of new colors unfolding before him.

It was a world completely different from where Haeyoon had always stayed.

At the same time, Haeyoon realized.

Who it was that would lead him there.

It wasn’t about watching movies he normally wouldn’t, eating food he normally wouldn’t, buying things he normally wouldn’t.

Things like that couldn’t move the feet of Haeyoon, who had been settled in one place for so long.

Haeyoon looked at the infinite expanse of colors spreading out behind Jeongha.

They were unfamiliar, strange hues, but because of that, they were beautiful.

Savoring slowly this ecstasy he hadn’t felt in a very long time, Haeyoon spoke.

“Yeah. A lot.”

“That’s good to hear.”

“Thank you, Jeongha.”

At the heavy gratitude that followed, Jeongha just smiled awkwardly, saying it was nothing, he’d only recommended a movie.

Jeongha couldn’t yet know what kind of inspiration he had given Haeyoon.

* * * *

Ahn Seonwoo hadn’t been pleased with the transfer student Seo Haeyoon.

The moment he saw Haeyoon standing in front of the classroom with his stoic face, introducing himself, Seonwoo instinctively knew.

If not for that cold face, which made it hard to approach, Seo Haeyoon would surely become a sparkle that threatened Ahn Seonwoo’s position.

But a first impression was just a first impression.

As time passed, Seonwoo found that he rather liked Seo Haeyoon.

For starters, the way he kept quiet, as if he wasn’t even there.

Despite having a striking face, Seo Haeyoon was excessively quiet.

With sharp eyes and few words, it wasn’t strange that his peers found him intimidating.

But Ahn Seonwoo, more perceptive than his peers, realized he was just shy.

Seonwoo particularly liked that.

In this small society where Ahn Seonwoo already reigned supreme, Seo Haeyoon was perfect as a friend to have around—someone decently good-looking who would make Seonwoo shine even more.

‘I like quiet kids. Do you want to be friends?’

From the day Ahn Seonwoo reached out to Seo Haeyoon, Haeyoon followed Seonwoo as if Seonwoo were his savior.

He did whatever Seonwoo suggested, and didn’t do what Seonwoo told him not to.

Ahn Seonwoo liked that.

There was satisfaction in being the only friend of the prickly Seo Haeyoon, whom no one else could get close to.

‘Why are you friends with a scary kid like Seo Haeyoon?’ or ‘How did you get close to someone like him?’

Both questions, in their own way, became sources of Ahn Seonwoo’s superiority.

Needless to say, he enjoyed the way Haeyoon looked at him, as if he were his savior.

Haeyoon was always grateful that someone as popular as Seonwoo was his friend.

Ahn Seonwoo gladly became the sole light Seo Haeyoon possessed.

But as time went on, the world surrounding Seo Haeyoon did not move as Ahn Seonwoo wished.

It was only for a short while that friends found it hard to approach Haeyoon because of his cold demeanor.

Once they started talking to Haeyoon through Seonwoo’s introduction, they soon fell under his spell, as if bewitched.

Every time the school year changed, every time they advanced to the next level, the same situation repeated.

Gradually, Haeyoon began to be surrounded by kids wanting to be close to him.

At times like that, Ahn Seonwoo would feel a deep sense of humiliation.

He was the one who had made friends for Seo Haeyoon, the only one who had reached out when no one else even looked at him.

Yet, as if unaware of his gratitude, Seo Haeyoon received love from everyone around him, as if he had always shone on his own.

Ahn Seonwoo hated that.

He didn’t think shining suited Seo Haeyoon.

He thought dark and gloomy suited him.

Only he could give Seo Haeyoon light.

That was how it should be.

Haeyoon’s place was always behind Ahn Seonwoo, and Haeyoon should forever admire Seonwoo, who was naturally brilliant wherever he went.

After all, everything Haeyoon enjoyed came from Seonwoo, so it was only natural.

But as they grew older, the world they inhabited grew beyond Ahn Seonwoo’s ability to control alone.

Seonwoo grew anxious.

He fretted that Haeyoon might go somewhere he could never reach.

The friends Haeyoon made without Seonwoo’s introduction, the people who worshipped Haeyoon, unaware that Seonwoo was the one who made him who he was—all of it felt unfair to Seonwoo.

It was all things Haeyoon had stolen using Seonwoo as a stepping stone.

So, in truth, from a very long time ago, Ahn Seonwoo had wanted to put Seo Haeyoon in his place.

He wanted Haeyoon to become a loser who could never surpass him, to stay behind him.

This was a thought that began long before Ahn Seonwoo stole Oh Jaeyeol.

* * * *

“So you’re really going to act like this?”

Seonwoo set his glass down roughly on the living room table and glared at the clock.

It was past one in the morning.

Jaeyeol, who had stormed out during dinner saying he needed some air, still hadn’t come home without any contact.

He was probably out drinking with friends again.

“…….”

Seonwoo’s gaze turned to his own drinking spot, where he’d been drinking alone without any decent side dishes.

Turning his head, he saw the kitchen still a mess with broken dishes and scattered side dishes on the floor.

He had left it like that deliberately, with no intention of cleaning it himself, but it only made his situation look more pathetic.

When Jaeyeol had stormed out, Seonwoo had wanted to do the same.

He wanted to go out, drink with friends until he was blind drunk, and not come back to this place.

He didn’t want to look at Jaeyeol until he came crawling back on his knees, admitting he was wrong.

But Ahn Seonwoo couldn’t do that.

He couldn’t.

Because he had nowhere to go.

By betraying Seo Haeyoon and taking Oh Jaeyeol, Seonwoo had lost a lot.

Among the things he lost were friends he could call anytime to have a drink.

Most of the friends Seonwoo had been close to had cut ties with him after the wedding.

He didn’t particularly regret it.

He didn’t want those kinds of friends anyway.

But now that the situation had come to this, it suddenly hit him.

There was no one left to share a drink with Ahn Seonwoo and listen to his grievances.

There were still friends who didn’t know the details and occasionally contacted him, but they were all superficial, not the kind he could share his deeper troubles with.

If he told them about this, far from sincerely worrying or comforting him, they would probably mock him inside and spread the word about how pathetic Ahn Seonwoo had become.

He didn’t want to bare his shame to people like that and beg for their company.

“…….”

Quietly surveying the silent house, Seonwoo looked at his phone.

The name that habitually came to mind was always Seo Haeyoon, the one who had always been on “Ahn Seonwoo’s side.”

Seo Haeyoon was the only friend he could call anytime, at three in the morning or four, whining that he missed Baek Jeongha.

Suddenly, Seonwoo thought of Woojin, who had looked at him with hostile eyes at the wedding reception.

He also thought of the twins, who hadn’t been there but had always disapproved of him.

They were probably still hovering protectively around Seo Haeyoon.

And not only them.

Imagining even Baek Jeongha by Haeyoon’s side made his stomach churn, wanting to vomit.

“I’m so pissed, I’m so pissed… I’m so pissed!”

Seonwoo screamed again.

If not for Seo Haeyoon.

If not for that detestable guy, he would have had all of that right now.

Seo Haeyoon, who had used him to steal his friend, who had stolen Baek Jeongha, was now even sowing discord between him and Jaeyeol.

“Thinking I’d just take it….”

Seonwoo fumed, clenching his fist.

The image of Jeongha, whom he’d encountered at Haeyoon’s studio today, filled his mind again.

The wrist Jeongha had grabbed still throbbed.

But what really bothered him was something else.

‘You chose Oh Jaeyeol over me. So go on, try to live well with him.’

That was the problem.

Those words, stuck in his heart like a thorn, kept coming to mind, stirring his emotions.

Didn’t they sound like words of resentment?

As if he wanted Ahn Seonwoo, who had chosen Oh Jaeyeol over him, to regret it.