Seeds of Change

But strangely, the man’s eyes as he said those words were not chiding or rebuking me.

He was asking with a self-deprecating face, as if he had resigned himself.

“Hey, I think you’re misunderstanding something.”

At the man’s strange question, I blinked my eyes in confusion and finally managed to speak.

“I don’t hate you.”

“…Then, you must despise me.”

He muttered, twisting his lips as if he would believe that.

“I told you I don’t! You’re the one who hates me!”

At his cynical and disbelieving gaze, I unconsciously cried out in frustration.

“Of course I know you wouldn’t like me since I’m a Destroyer. Of course you’d hate me. But still!”

I paused for a moment and saw that the eyes I met had hardened, but I couldn’t stop.

“Even a weapon you use is wiped down, cared for, and checked for scratches after a battle. But you, you don’t even tell me anything about yourself…!”

It’s been over a month since I started living in Bahalgras, but I know nothing about the man except his name.

His purpose is to usurp a place called Dowongyeong, avoiding the grim reapers.
Even this, I had only heard from the Sura.
I even know that Mashak had a family, and that Tegen is close to Enya, who manages the mixed bathhouse.
But I know nothing about this man.

I can’t figure him out at all.
What he’s thinking, what he plans to do with me in the future.

We’ve mixed our bodies dozens of times, but the times we’ve exchanged words can be counted on one hand.

“You’ve always neglected me! You only sought me out when you needed to sleep, and you didn’t even keep your promise to tell me…!”

As I was tearfully spitting out my words, my words trailed off at the man’s gaze.

“……”

The golden eyes, tinged with confusion, stared at me intently.

At his gaze, as if he had heard something he couldn’t understand, as if he didn’t know what I was talking about, I lost the will to argue.

“Haa, whatever. Just pretend you didn’t hear it.”

“…If so, then you’re the one who.”

‘I’d rather talk to a wall.’
Thinking that, I let out a deep sigh and was about to stand up, but Karvan grabbed my shoulder and turned me around.

“If you didn’t hate me, why were you so afraid of me?”

He asked, meeting my gaze, which was raw with questions.

“You always avoided me, and you were terrified even if our eyes just met.”

“No, that’s.”

“Even when we were having s*x, your body would welcome it, but your mouth would always say ‘no,’ ‘stop’…”

“That’s because you don’t know moderation! Because you tormented me all! night! long with that club-like thing!”

‘If you used a lighter in front of a beast-kin trying to start a campfire, would they make that kind of face?’

Karvan, who had been looking at me with a strange face for a long time, opened his mouth.

“…Are you saying you did that because the mating was difficult?”

“Yes! You were trying to do it whenever our eyes met! As if to torment me…. And you clearly said it only changes when the full moon is up, but it would become like that every time…!”

The man would always swell his genital lump even though that full moon ceremony was over.
And the amount of semen was so much that my lower abdomen would swell to an ominous degree every time, but I couldn’t move a muscle.

“And you wouldn’t even pull it out…”

The bloated feeling was still so vivid that I shivered, and I heard a hollow laugh.

‘Is he laughing?’
‘I thought I was going to die from the pain!’
I was about to snap at him, but my words were cut short when I met his eyes.

“…So that’s what it was.”

The expression of someone who had finally found the answer to a difficult problem he couldn’t solve.
He looked at me with a gaze as if he had grabbed a lifeline in the middle of the vast ocean and said.

“It wasn’t because you disliked and hated me that you refused me so.”

“Would I give a gift to someone I hate? Did you forget I gave you this?”

I furrowed my brow and shook the pet collar item on my neck.

“I gave it to you to give to a disobedient subordinate!”

‘Then why am I wearing it?’

Thinking about it made me even angrier, and as I was fuming, the man kept chuckling, not knowing my feelings.
He was chuckling at me as if his lungs were filled with air, which I didn’t like at all.

“Stop laughing! Why do you keep laughing!”

No matter how I looked at it, it seemed like he was teasing me, so as I was glaring at him with a furrowed brow, the man held out his hand.

As if asking a dog for its paw, I was about to resist the suddenly outstretched palm, but I saw his rounded, half-moon-shaped nails and meekly clasped his hand.

“The Varg form a deep bond with their mates through the act of mating. One act of copulation is better than a hundred words.”

‘Mate?’
‘Bond?’
As I was listening blankly, wondering what he was talking about, I came to my senses at the touch of his hand brushing away the hair that was stuck to my face because of my tears.

“You were terrified and avoided me even if our eyes just met, so I thought that if we mixed our bodies often, some affection might grow. It was not to give you pain or to torment you.”

“…So, you mean.”

“I thought that since humans are one of the few species that mate based on affection, you would understand the meaning. It was my mistake.”

‘It wasn’t to torment me out of punishment, but because he wanted to get closer to me. Because I kept avoiding him, he tried to create a physical bond, but he was clumsy.’
The wolf was saying that.

“I thought I had restrained myself during the mating as well. It seems you didn’t feel that way.”

I wanted to ask if he knew the meaning of ‘restraint,’ but his unwavering eyes didn’t seem to be lying.
In fact, there could be no lies in Karvan’s words.
Because in this place, his words were the truth and the law.

“…Alright, let’s say that’s true, then what about that thing swelling up? You clearly said it only happens on the full moon.”

“It is normal for the bulbus glandis to swell only on the full moon. I have heard that the previous Valta were also like that, but I do not know the reason why it became an exception.”

“It wasn’t something you could control with your will?”

“If that were possible, it wouldn’t have become like this every time.”

The man who had chuckled gestured with his chin towards his lower parts.
Even without looking, it was fully erect and showing its presence.

“Also, you said you wanted to know about me. You can ask me anytime. I will answer without hiding anything. Anything.”

“…Really?”

“Yes. Also, is there anything else you wish for?”

For the first time, there was no shadow in the man’s eyes.

As if it were the overwhelming yet beautiful full moon we had seen together that day, I unconsciously made a wish in a hurry.

“Don’t, kill me.”

“When did I ever say I would kill you.”

“That time…!”

I was about to say it without thinking, but I closed my mouth.

“If I run away, will you help me?”
“Do you think I would let you?”

‘…Come to think of it, that was true.’

Karvan had said he wouldn’t let me run away, but he had never said he would kill me.

My heart began to pound as I looked at the man’s unwavering gaze.

“Th-then. You have no intention of killing me?”

“Now that I’ve imprinted on a Destroyer, do you want me to become a crazy bastard who kills his own mate?”

“…Promise me!”

I quickly held out my finger.
I knew it was useless, but I felt like I would be at ease if I did something like this.

“Promise me you won’t kill me.”

I didn’t even hope that Karvan would protect me.

At least, if I was sure that this man wouldn’t kill me, that was enough.

I was relieved that the place I was hiding in was not a field of reeds that would sway in the wind and expose me at any moment, but an oak tree that would cover me unless it was pulled out.

“Do you distrust me that much?”

‘Yes.’
As I answered with my eyes and held out my pinky finger, the man laughed as if he were at a loss.

But he still meekly held out his own finger.
Though his attitude was quite listless, I held onto it tightly and made a firm promise.

The fingers that had never been able to be linked because of the sharply honed nails were linked for the first time and shook.

“Ugh…”

The next day.
When I woke up, my throat was very sore.

My throat was scratchy, but it didn’t seem like a cold.
It was sore, hot, and tingly, as if it had been scratched.

Should I say it felt like a relapse of the reflux esophagitis I had gotten when I was young from lying down right after eating?
I felt a foreign object, and a sour taste kept coming up.

I was hungry, but since my throat was scratchy, I had no appetite.
As I was just pecking at my fork, I felt the gaze of the man who was eating with an expressionless face on the other side.

The rule of the Varg clan was to eat in the common dining hall in the basement, but I was an exception.
Was it because he was worried that my identity as a Destroyer would be revealed?
I always ate separately in my room.

I never thought it would feel so burdensome as it did today.

The man sitting in front of me tore off the thick meat from the bone in one go.
A piece of meat the size of his forearm disappeared neatly into his mouth.
‘How can he be so elegant even when he’s eating meat with his bare hands like a barbarian.’

“Should I chew it for you.”

As I was watching him blankly, the man wiped his mouth and said.

His indifferent eyes were on the large piece of meat in front of me.
He must have thought I was pecking at it because the meat was big.
I flinched, shook my head, and started to cut it.

The deer meat, which had been marinated in spices, smelled delicious.
It also had a faint smoky smell, as if it had been grilled over charcoal.
I thought the wolf beast-kin would like raw meat for some reason, but that was a prejudice.
‘Well, they live in a place better than a human palace. They would eat in a high-class way too.’

I cut the meat into the smallest and thinnest pieces possible and stuffed them into my mouth.
The juice that oozed out with every chew was quite delicious, but swallowing was a torment.

I had been chewing for a long time, but it wouldn’t go down, so I picked up the porcelain cup next to me.
As I was trying to swallow it with water, I choked.

“Cough, cough…!”

As I was pounding my chest, Karvan held out his own cup of water.

After gulping that down as well, as I was panting with red eyes, he reached out his hand and gently touched my wet lips, as if wiping them.
The drop of water on the man’s long index finger turned into a blue ice bird and flew away.

“……”

‘Is that a reconnaissance-type skill?’
As I was blankly watching the illusion that flew through the gap in the door, my chin was grabbed by the man.
The way he gently pressed my cheeks was a sign to open my mouth.

“Mmm!”

‘I was just eating, how can I open my mouth!’
Saying I definitely couldn’t, I pressed my lips together and expressed my refusal, and he let out a low sigh and let me go.

As I quickly turned around and was compulsively rinsing my mouth with plain water, knock, knock.
I heard a knock.

“Did you call for me, Valta.”

It was Mashak.
He bowed his head, and the man gestured towards me with his chin and said.

“She’s not eating well. Take a look.”

“Shinbi-nim, would you please open your mouth for a moment?”

After hesitating, as I slowly opened my mouth, I heard a chuckle from the other side.
He must have found it ridiculous that I had clamped my mouth shut like a clam to him, but had opened it so readily.

‘…But, that was before I rinsed my mouth. And how can I not listen to a doctor.’

Since my mouth was open, I couldn’t make any excuses, and Mashak took out the penlight that was in his front pocket and shone it into my mouth here and there.

I was happy that he was using the gift I had given him so well.
Thinking that I was glad he liked it, I unconsciously grinned, and then,

“……”

I flinched as my eyes met Karvan’s cold ones and I lowered my gaze.

‘Alright. I get it. I won’t touch your subordinate.’