The Sleepy Hero and the Squabbling Companions

I am the Hero.

I’m so exhausted I could die right now. I knew I shouldn’t have stayed up all night with Helter!

“Are you alright? You look completely drained,” Helter said, shaking his arms as if he wasn’t tired in the slightest.

“Since when did your stamina become so incredible…?” I squinted, almost collapsing where I stood.

“Hm? Liver? What does that mean? Why are we talking about that?”

“Ah… I meant, since when could you stay up so late?”

Helter scratched his scalp. “You just keep staying up, and eventually, you can.”

What…? He developed fatigue resistance just by staying up? I couldn’t shake the feeling that Helter was truly evolving into something inhuman.

“That’s amazing,” I murmured, pushing myself to my feet. I weakly brushed dust from my clothes. “Let’s keep looking for the way…”

Before I could finish, I was so sleepy I nearly toppled over.

“Good morning, Big Sister Hero, Swordsman-dono,” Naya chirped, uncurling her tiny body. She stretched her limbs before slowly opening her eyes.

“Good morning,” Helter greeted, full of vigor.

As for me… I looked like a person on the verge of death. “Morning,” I rasped.

“Big Sister, your dark circles are so heavy! Are you alright?” Naya asked, concern etched on her face.

“It’s nothing… a Hero staying up late is no problem at all, ah~~~”

I let out such a long yawn that I practically lost consciousness.

“Wake up, you Sarcastic Freak! We still need to hurry to the Royal Capital!” Helter gave Aironi two kicks.

“What the hell! What was that for?!” Aironi shot up like a madman. “I barely slept after my shift last night!”

A vein throbbed on my forehead. “Aironi, how many shifts did you even take last night? Helter and I did most of the night watch!”

Aironi took one look at my face. “Ah! What the—Big Sister Hero, what happened to you? Did you sneak out for a tryst last night or something? Your complexion is terrible!”

“Tryst, my foot…” I hadn’t even finished speaking when a wave of dizziness washed over me.

Damn it… I’m so sleepy…

My eyes fluttered shut, plunging me into darkness. In that hazy state, I felt myself lean against something hard and stony, then drifted off to sleep.

I am Helter, the down-on-his-luck swordsman.

For some reason, Lu Ren had fallen asleep, slumped against my chest. Could he really be that tired?

“Hey, wake up, Hero. We agreed to get going…” I gently shook him, but he didn’t stir.

“You big oaf, you’re such a blockhead! Ugh, just thinking about it makes me jealous! God Sein! Why do I never get a chance for her to lean on me like that?!”

What was that Sarcastic Freak blabbering about now?

“Big Sister is asleep, what should we do?” Miss Naya asked me.

“We need to keep moving. We can’t stay here any longer. We still have to deliver the message for the village quickly.”

“Blockhead!”

I flexed my fingers, suppressing the urge to strike him.

“What’s wrong? Why is there a new nickname now, Sarcastic Freak?”

“I said you’re a blockhead! You idiot! You’re from the Royal Capital, for goodness sake! How can you have absolutely no gentlemanly etiquette?!”

‘Gentleman? I found that strange. I didn’t think I was that unreasonable!’

“What’s wrong? Did I say something that annoyed you again?”

“Of course! Annoyed! Extremely annoyed! A girl is this exhausted, and you’re still thinking about rushing? You’re destined to die alone!”

‘A girl? I glanced at Lu Ren.’

“Pfft.” I almost laughed aloud, forgetting that the Sarcastic Freak didn’t know. While the Hero’s appearance was indeed female, that was merely a shell; his true self was a sixteen-year-old adolescent male.

“You’re still laughing? Put her down gently on the ground! No, wait, find a comfortable open-air rock for her to sleep soundly on!”

I shook my head. “No need.”

With that, I hoisted my luggage onto my back and then carefully lifted Lu Ren. “With my strength, carrying my luggage and the Hero is no problem at all. She can sleep perfectly well on my shoulder!”

“Won’t that be uncomfortable on your shoulder?! Never mind, there’s no reasoning with you!”

‘There’s no reasoning with you!’

“I’m asking you, Old Young Girl? Do you agree with me?”

“Minion! Don’t call this one an Old Young Girl!”

“Alright, Old Maid, do you agree?”

“Hmph!!!” Naya puffed out her cheeks in anger; it was clear she was holding back. “Whether I agree or not… we should just keep going as Big Sister Hero said before she fell asleep.”

Aironi slanted his eyes. “That’s your attitude? And here I thought you liked her. So much for same-s*x true love being real.”

“Hmph!!!” Naya stomped her foot. “Mind your own business, you minion!” She turned and walked towards me. “Swordsman-dono! Since Big Sister Hero isn’t in command, I’ll listen to you. If he wants to rest, let him rest by himself! Let’s go!”

Naya extended her small hand, pulling me along.

“Hey! Aren’t we companions?!”

I turned my head with a sigh.

“Only the Hero acknowledges you as a companion.”

‘Those words seemed to hit a little too close to home, piercing the Sarcastic Freak’s heart.’

“Hey, what did you say…?” He furrowed his brows. “Say that again!”

“Only the Hero acknowledges you as a companion!”

‘A spearman who only rode on coattails was daring to challenge me!’

“You! I!” He slung his spear onto his back. “You look down on me, don’t you?! Just wait! One day, you’ll all be proud to have me as a teammate!”

He huffed, following behind us.

‘He still had the nerve to be angry. I couldn’t fathom what went on in that guy’s head.’

Half an hour later, we arrived at a three-way intersection.

“Turn right.”

“Turn left!” the Sarcastic Freak shouted just as I was about to turn right.

“I’m looking at the map! Why are you yelling so excitedly?!”

“How many times have we turned right already?! Even an idiot would know we’re going in circles! Go left, at least that’ll break the cycle.”

“It’s only seemingly going in circles!”

“Seemingly? It is going in circles! You big oaf! Just admit it! You muscle-brained simpleton!”

‘Ah… I should have strongly opposed the Sarcastic Freak joining the party! Now look! With the Hero out of commission, the trouble is only escalating! I really can’t take it anymore!’

I crumpled the map in my hand, clenching it into a fist.

“We are going in circles…” Naya interjected. “We’ve passed this path several times already…”

‘No way… Miss Naya actually…’

“See?! I told you! Even the Old Maid figured it out! Turn left!”

“No, this one believes we should go straight.”

“Eh?!!!” The Sarcastic Freak and I exclaimed, our faces filled with astonishment.

I silently unfurled the crumpled map with one hand.

“Turning right is correct! It’s on the map!”

“Turn left! Break the looping cycle!”

“Go straight~ A woman’s intuition!”

‘That’s it, our team spirit has been devoured by a husky! I’m completely bewildered now…’

Heh, I cast a helpless glance at Lu Ren, who was sleeping peacefully.

‘Until the Hero, our spiritual leader, wakes up, perhaps it’s best not to rush our journey… At least there won’t be too many arguments if we get lost this way.’