Chapter 44: Just a Moment

“Yujin, listen. It’s not a bad thing. Just hear me out.”

“No, just get to the point. What exactly happened?”

My mother hesitated for a moment before blurting it out.

“…You had your period.”

“What?”

I hadn’t misheard.

So, it really happened…

I had it.

It was then that I noticed the diaper-like thing I was wearing under my pajamas.

It must have been a pad.

The fact that I only realized this now was astounding in itself.

“What… what’s happening to me?”

Of course, I had vaguely considered the possibility before, but…

This was too much.

Even if my appearance had changed…

I… I’m still a man, right?

“Mom?”

“Yes?”

“What’s happening to me?”

“Well… I don’t know either.”

The realization that even my mother had no answers left me feeling even more deflated.

Then again, how could my mother possibly know what was happening to me right now?

My mind was spinning.

This couldn’t be real, could it?

I knew my body had changed into that of a woman.

I became a woman, started a new life, and even appreciated my exceptional appearance. To say I hated it would have been a lie.

But this… this was something else entirely.

“…It doesn’t feel like me.”

I slowly got up and looked at the mirror on the wall.

The reflection staring back at me felt strangely unfamiliar.

The cascading silver hair,

The reddish-brown eyes tinged with intensity,

The slender frame that looked as fragile as ever—

They were all supposed to be mine, yet they didn’t feel like they belonged to me.

I thought I had gotten used to this.

But apparently, I needed more time.

“Yujin?”

My mother’s voice was filled with worry.

For her sake, I tried to put on a brave face.

But not everything goes the way you want it to.

“…I just need to be alone for a while.”

I didn’t know exactly what was happening to me.

I understood that I needed help from others.

But for some reason, I just wanted to be alone right now.

I needed time.

Time to sort everything out by myself.

“Ah… okay. Call me if you need anything, alright?”

“Okay.”

My mother left the room cautiously, her steps hesitant.

Click.

As the door shut and I was left completely alone, I stared quietly into the darkness.

The darkness stared back.

I felt like it would swallow me whole, pulling me into its abyss, and I curled up under the blanket.

I understood.

It was just a physiological phenomenon.

Maybe, somewhere deep down, I had anticipated this might happen one day.

Even so, I was afraid.

Afraid that even though I was still me, I was also becoming something else.

Afraid of the new possibilities now unfolding before me—possibilities I never had before.

Would I still be me?

If the original pieces of Theseus’s ship were removed and replaced one by one with new planks, would it still be Theseus’s ship?

If it were still Theseus’s ship, then did the original planks mean nothing?

So, is Theseus’s ship defined by Theseus sailing it, or by the planks that make up the ship?

What defines me?

If the parts that made up the original me disappeared one by one, until none remained,

Would I still be me?

I didn’t know.

I had no idea.

And that terrified me.

I was scared because I couldn’t come to any conclusion.

I understood, logically.

This was just a moment of melancholy brought on by hormonal changes.

Given time, I would move past this and get back on my feet.

So…

Maybe it’s okay to cry for a little while.

I didn’t cry out loud.

Even if it was silent crying, I didn’t want anyone to see me like this.

I stayed still, holding my breath, as if I didn’t exist in this space.

Time passed strangely, an odd blur of moments where I couldn’t tell if I was crying or laughing.

Having been in the darkness for so long, my senses grew sharper.

• Whirr.

A strange sound reached my ears.

It wasn’t a hallucination.

It was a familiar sound.

“Ah.”

My gaze fell on the computer tower in the corner of the room.

A faint light was glowing softly.

That subtle noise I’d been hearing—it was the computer, still running.

The custom water-cooling system, though designed to be quiet, wasn’t completely silent.

“Let’s turn it off.”

If I hadn’t noticed it was on, it wouldn’t have bothered me. But now that I had, it felt wrong to leave it running.

Oddly, standing in front of the computer made me feel a little better.

It was ridiculous and yet understandable—proof that I was a hopeless gamer at heart.

“Huh?”

As I moved the mouse to turn off the computer, I noticed the screen was still on and displaying the chat window.

[Prisoner: 4390uwpt6yj 20i-5m=] w]

[qq7785dd55: hey]

[qq7785dd55: you okay?]

I had no memory of typing that gibberish; it must have happened when I collapsed on the keyboard.

But what about the other messages?

[qq7785dd55: prisoner?]

[qq7785dd55: hey?]

[qq7785dd55: where are you?]

[qq7785dd55: I’ll go.]

The messages were strange.

It was as if the sender knew I had collapsed.

“Well… that makes sense.”

GRS was the team whose scouting offer I had personally declined.

I’d used my terminal illness as an excuse to explain my refusal, so their concern in this situation wasn’t completely unexpected.

Still, wasn’t this overdoing it? Then again, maybe they were just good people.

As if to prove it, qq7785dd55 was still in the post-game results screen, waiting.

They must have been there for quite some time.

“It wouldn’t hurt to say something.”

Leaving without a word would be rude, so after a long silence, I finally responded.

[Prisoner: I’m fine.]

I’m okay.

So, please don’t worry too much.

Really.

[Prisoner: Bye.]

I just need some time.

Just a little.

Just a little longer.

Prisoner disappeared.

Li Zhixuan realized that Prisoner was gone four days after they made history by becoming the first player in League of Legends to reach 1800 LP.

When Prisoner had reached that milestone, Li Zhixuan didn’t even feel jealousy, despite them breaking the solo queue record he had set himself.

Instead, he felt pure admiration and awe.

Yet, the strongest emotion he felt was regret.

If only I had been able to play with Prisoner on the big stage, even just once…

But that was a distant dream.

A wish that would never come true.

It wasn’t long before Li Zhixuan sensed something was off.

“…I haven’t seen them around lately.”

Another day passed without Prisoner logging in.

It was already the fourth day.

As far as Li Zhixuan knew, Prisoner had never gone three consecutive days without logging into League of Legends.

Sure, there had been times they didn’t queue for games, but they almost always logged into the client.

What’s going on? Did something happen?

Li Zhixuan even checked voice chat programs to see if Prisoner might be playing something else, but there were no recent activity records.

Frustrated, he visited a community forum he rarely used, hoping to find any information about Prisoner.

The forum was abuzz with discussions about Prisoner’s achievement of reaching 1800 LP.

• Breaking News: Prisoner Hits 1800 LP!
• They really did it. 1800. Are they a god?
• This is now the official Prisoner forum!
• List of Pros Destroyed by Prisoner.txt
• Analysis: Prisoner vs. Top Red Cup Junglers in Solo Queue.
• YunGi vs. Prisoner: Vote (Round 3).
• Prisoner’s 1800 LP Deciding Match.GIF.

The post that caught Li Zhixuan’s attention was “Prisoner’s 1800 LP Deciding Match.GIF.”

The thread contained dozens of GIFs, capturing highlights of the match.

“Huh?”

As he watched the GIFs, Li Zhixuan felt something strange.

I need to check this.

To confirm his suspicions, he downloaded the replay of Prisoner’s final match.

[Play]

Once he began watching, it didn’t take long for him to identify the source of his unease.

“What is this?”

It was strange.

The Prisoner in the replay was completely different from the one he knew.

Compared to their recent godlike form, or even their earlier performances, it was clear something was off.

Were they not feeling well?

Lost in thought, Li Zhixuan continued watching the replay, mesmerized.

He didn’t skip a single moment, not even fast-forwarding, as if afraid of missing a fragment of their play.

Something’s wrong…

Li Zhixuan had played alongside Prisoner for a long time.

And that was why he knew.

Prisoner’s current state was far from normal.

No…

Prisoner was rumored to have a rare illness.

If they were unwell, Li Zhixuan knew all too well what that could mean.

This can’t happen.

Li Zhixuan still carried guilt over how his arrogance had exposed Prisoner’s secret to the world.

But now, to lose even the chance to apologize?

He couldn’t accept that.

There was still so much he needed to say to Prisoner.

“Prisoner…

Where are you?”