Chapter 45 : Interview

I lost too much.

Human dignity, pride, things that should be protected.

But I protected the money.

I didn’t get disowned by So-eun or kicked out of the house.

I was able to persuade So-eun to let me continue this ward broadcast.

Yeah, that’s enough………….

Huh? But why the tears?

How am I supposed to live my life after being misunderstood as a pervert by the only girl I’m close to?

It’s just that, making sexual jokes with other men is as natural as breathing! How did I end up being branded as a pervert who gets pleasure from being sexually harassed by men!

I brought this on myself, but at the time, I couldn’t think of any other suitable excuse.

I felt like anything I said would hurt So-eun, so I had no choice but to hurt myself.

The result was good, but the scar on my heart aches a little more than I expected……………

Anyway, in exchange for my scar, the boob-tube plan was to proceed, and I decided to interview the winner of the boob, no, the Mang-tube contest.

The winner was, of course, the video titled ‘(My) Chest Trembles and (Viewers Get Sexually) Very Excited’.

I said it was okay because we were meeting in the middle of Seoul during the day, but So-eun followed me, worried that some sinister and perverted person with sexual desires might show up.

So we arrived at the cafe, the meeting place, and the winner of the Mang-tube contest recognized me first.

It’s natural, since I’ve been exposed on broadcasts a lot, and they haven’t been exposed at all.

“Are you Ruffian?”

But the winner was 180 degrees, no, beyond that, it was hard to describe how much they deviated from my expectations.

No, that person is the winner of the boob-tube, I mean, Mang-tube contest? There’s no way. It doesn’t make sense. There’s no way it’s that person. For real?

“Are you KukuJoa?”

“Yes, I’m KukuJoa. Soyoo Bin. Nice to meet you.”

How can a person who made that kind of bouncing highlight reel be a woman with a small stature of barely 150 cm and a face that looks like a middle school student?

“How old are you?”

“I’m twenty-two.”

Another terrifyingly young person.

A six-year difference? Don’t people usually start thinking about getting a job around the age of 25?

Why is everyone around me so young, yet they’re already established professionals, famous people, or highly skilled individuals?

“I’m Ruffian, Eugene Ah.”

“I’m Kasil, So-eun Shin.”

Introducing ourselves with our nicknames followed by our real names feels like we’ve become professional gamers.

But seriously, that person’s nickname. How can a woman’s nickname be KukuJoa?

As someone who knows what that ‘Kuku’ refers to, I was quite bewildered.

“Ruffian, I’ve been a fan for a long time. I’m truly honored to have this opportunity to work with you!”

“Haha, is that so.”

Even though she’s a bit short, how can such a normal-looking woman be my fan? Why? Really? Why? Why? I don’t understand. Why?

“Your breasts are so firm and soft today, they look like they produce milk very well. May I have the honor of touching them?”

‘What is this crazy woman saying?’

For a moment, the bouncing highlight reel video that won the Mang-tube contest, this person’s nickname ‘KukuJoa’, her middle school student-like face, her very polite attitude, and the unbelievable perverted comment that came out of her mouth all popped into my head, and I froze, buffering, unable to move.

“Ah, is it rude to say such things in real life?”

Of course it is, you crazy woman. Is that even a question?

I barely managed to swallow the curse words that were about to burst out and tried to warn Soyoo Bin verbally.

But I felt a subtle gaze from somewhere, and when I turned my head, So-eun was looking at me with a saint-like expression that seemed to say she understood everything and could embrace it all.

Yeah, if that’s your preference, I’ll respect it.

That’s what her expression seemed to say.

‘Oops’

If I completely denied it here, So-eun might realize that I was lying to get out of the situation.

To deceive the enemy, start with your allies.

Lies beget lies. Is this what that proverb was for?

“I don’t think it’s appropriate to do that in a public place.”

“So it’s okay if it’s not in a public place!”

You, are you planning to go somewhere not public with me? What exactly is going to happen there?

I became very afraid of this woman.

“Let’s look at the contract first.”

I don’t understand at all why a woman would like big breasts, but if she genuinely likes them, it will surely show in the videos and attract popularity.

There’s no better editor for a boob-tube than this.

With that thought, I wanted to quickly sign the contract and leave.

The contract that Health Boy and his editor Kim Heechan reviewed.

If we sign this, the contract will be neatly concluded.

Soyoo Bin, who was diligently reading the contract I handed her, spoke to me hesitantly.

“Um, Ruffian.”

“Yes. Do you have any questions?”

“Can I call you Jin-ah unnie? In private, of course.”

“……Sure.”

I’m already used to being called unnie by So-eun, so it’s a familiar title.

“Hehe, I’m so happy to be working with you, Jin-ah unnie!”

“Yeah, I’m happy to be working with someone who likes me.”

Along with happiness, I also feel a fear of the unknown.

Let’s not say that out loud.

After writing the contract at the cafe, we went to eat Korean BBQ, considering it a get-together after the meeting.

Since I’ve been diligently eating six meals a day while exercising, my stomach has expanded a bit, and I wasn’t struggling to finish even one serving like before.

We chatted and parted ways in a fairly amicable atmosphere.

Soyoo Bin is a really nice person, she was a really nice person.

But why does she like big breasts on other women?

I don’t understand, and it makes me a little scared……………

Anyway, I succeeded in finding a boob-tube, I mean, a Mang-tube editor.

“Meow.”

Before I became like this, I was a man.

I lived with that body for too long.

So I couldn’t easily discard the deeply ingrained masculine way of thinking in the deepest parts of my mind.

“Meow meow.”

No matter what men said about my chest, no matter how excited they got, I didn’t think of them as the owners of those breasts, but as comrades who also liked breasts.

Men are naturally attracted to breasts, isn’t it strange to say otherwise? That’s how I understood it.

Of course, I have some awareness that this body is my body, so it’s not like I don’t want to show it off or be praised for it.

The subtle gap, a state that’s half a man’s mind and half a woman’s mind, that was me right now.

“Meow!”

So I had an attitude that might seem very incongruous to others.

I wasn’t embarrassed at all to show cleavage or make my boobs bounce, but I was incredibly embarrassed to act cute.

Well, breasts are something only women have, but men can act cute too, right? Of course, if a man acted cute in front of me, I’d punch him first. Anyway, the feeling I get is a bit different.

To put it simply, acting cute was about 500 times more embarrassing than shaking my boobs.

“Meow! Meow meow! Meow meow meow meow!”

In the previous Zero Two broadcast, I exchanged a day of using a cute  for 10 minutes of dance time.

At the time, I thought I could sell my soul to reduce the dance time by 10 minutes, but when the day came to pay off that debt, I was overcome with a burning embarrassment.

-Economics101: Now it’s not even cat sounds, it’s some kind of roar 

-qutymang: Even a tiger is a feline 

-NekoRuffianMeow: Can you please speak human words instead of animal howls 

I really want to speak human words too.

But what can I do when I decided on a penalty of 3 squats every time I speak?

I rolled a ladder game to choose from the top 10 voted  on the Streamer Gallery, and it landed on ‘Cat  meow, no human words allowed meow’, so I was cursed to be unable to speak human words.

“Meow! Meow! Meeeeoooow!”

(‘Look at that fcking btch throwing the game? I really want to stab her with a knife’ in cat language)

Of course, just saying meow makes for a terrible communication broadcast, so I’m playing LoL, but I’m so frustrated because I can only meow even when I’m angry.

[Hatspeemas donated a whopping 5,000 won!]

-Look at her hands trembling in fists  Hey! She’s turning into the Joker, Joker!

“Meow!”

(Shut up, in cat language)

[CatLanguageExpert donated a whopping 5,000 won!]

-Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow

“Meow! Meow!” Meow!

(What are you saying? You fcking btch! Speak human words! in cat language)

[SellingPhotobooksCheaply donated a whopping 5,000 won!]

-If you’re thinking about feeding that cat, upvote!

-qkgdar131: Upvote

-BaseballIsBestAfter3OutsInTheBottomOfThe9th: I want to feed her a sausage 

-PassingByConfucian: You crazy *ssholes, you’re crossing the line again today 

-LeeDongShin : It’s Ruffian’s fault for wearing such a seductive outfit 

If it were just meowing, it wouldn’t make for good YouTube content, so I put some effort into my outfit today too.

A sweater with a cat-head-shaped hole in the cleavage, a short skirt, and the famous cat-shaped cat stockings.

The cat they want to feed is probably the cat-shaped hole in the cleavage.

And wanting to feed it a sausage probably means they want to stick their d*cks in it.

It would be a 100% ban-worthy comment on any other female streamer’s channel.

Come to think of it, it is crossing the line a bit.

‘Is it too weird to let this slide?’

But, well, you know, it’s natural for men to want to do sexual things when they see pretty breasts, right?

Isn’t it too feminist to deny and reject such instincts?

If even a former man like me doesn’t understand that, who will?

Besides, the reason my stream grew so quickly was because I joked around with sexual innuendos.

If I suddenly start banning people for making sexual comments, wouldn’t it be like biting the hand that feeds you?

It would be like killing the goose that lays the golden eggs.

If I suddenly changed my attitude after laughing along with them yesterday, wouldn’t they feel betrayed and resentful?

If I was going to ban them, I should have done it from the start.

‘Hmm.’

Yeah, it’s probably better to keep this atmosphere on my stream.

I don’t want these guys to feel betrayed.

While I was thinking about how to safely finish the meowing broadcast, I suddenly received a text message.

[Another beautiful jiggle today! I want to tie you up and fondle your boobs all day! It’s going to make for a great video! Jin-ah unnie is the best! XD]

So she was watching the live broadcast diligently today too, Yoo Bin-ah.

You have an impeccable attitude as an editor.

But where did you learn such trashy comments?

It was easy to brush off sexual innuendos from men with my former male mind, but it’s really making my head spin to hear this from a 6-year-younger girl!

[Please refrain from sexual harassment]

I was about to send this text, but I ended up deleting it without sending it.

I couldn’t explain why it was okay for viewers to make sexual jokes but not her.

It might make me seem like a loose woman who’s okay with men but not with women!

Even though it’s half true, it’s not because I’m loose, but because I used to be a man!

But there’s no way anyone would understand that!

Anyway, you probably won’t understand me either.