Only You

I had been planning to go find him if no reply came, but surprisingly, his reaction was immediate. Even though it was bedtime, I was tossing and turning, unable to sleep, when the door opened. Seeing Kallios enter with a book in hand, I patted the space beside me. He placed the book on the table and came straight to the bed. His face looked haggard again, as if he hadn’t slept properly in days. Stubborn b*stard. I tugged at the hem of his clothes. I grabbed the hand of the guy standing there like a motionless statue. This time, he allowed himself to be pulled down easily.

“Feels like it’s been a while?”

“Yes.”

I chuckled at the blunt response. It felt like a long time for me, but it wasn’t for him. I had heard that he came to see me at least once or twice a week. They said he would arrive after I fell asleep and leave before I woke up. Like a thief. And he’s the Emperor, of all people.

“Why haven’t you visited lately?”

I asked, pretending I hadn’t heard that he’d been coming by. Whether it was a question he didn’t want to answer, he kept his mouth shut, looked at me, and then turned his head toward the window. This damn… no, wait. He shouldn’t be damned. What should I do with this rude fellow? I pulled my pillow toward me, settled back down, and looked up at him.

It’s a bit late for this, but he really does have a handsome face. There isn’t a single flaw from any angle. The fact that his face played a part in why I cared for him—despite knowing he was a villain—was undeniable. He looks like a sun god now, but when I first saw him, I thought he was a doll. When he was delirious with fever, he sometimes looked like an angel.

His hand, which had been resting passively in mine, suddenly squeezed back.

“I have cleared my schedule for tomorrow.”

“Hmm?”

“I heard there is a Siberian chrysanthemum hill not far from here.”

It wasn’t the answer I was looking for, but I liked this news quite a bit.

“Let’s go, just the two of us.”

“…”

“I hope it’s pretty.”

He looked down at me. Perhaps because the room was dark, his dark eyes looked even deeper than usual.

“It will not compare to the Imperial Garden.”

“Is that so? Well, even if it’s not pretty, it’ll be fun. It’s a first, after all.”

It was an outing that might be the first and last I’d ever have with Kallios. We had traveled together on the way back from the ruins, but neither of us was in any state to enjoy it then. Especially since I would burst into tears every time I saw his face… Mm. I shouldn’t have teased Isaac for being a crybaby knight. That was the first time I realized I was such a sentimental person.

Anyway, I hoped we could build some memories and talk a lot this time. A change of scenery might change the mood, and maybe we could exchange words we usually couldn’t. Should I ask tomorrow why he hadn’t come for a while? He covered my eyes with his hand.

“Please sleep.”

“I’m not sleepy.”

“We must leave early.”

I shook my head to dislodge his hand. He was using the agility he’d gained from swordsmanship training for things like this, perfectly blocking my eyes no matter how much I dodged. What am I… a chicken that falls asleep the moment its eyes are covered?

“I’m not going to sleep.”

I finally grabbed his hand and moved it away. I held both of his hands so he wouldn’t cover them again, but dammit. A yawn escaped me. I really wasn’t sleepy. Embarrassed that I had yawned so deeply, I let go of his hands.

“I’m not sleepy.”

“Yes. Please sleep.”

“I told you I’m not…”

Kallios pulled the blanket up to my chin and stood up from his seat.

“What about you?”

“I am fine.”

Fine, my a*s. He was very good at controlling his expression, but he couldn’t hide his complexion, which had worsened from lack of sleep. His face looked like he hadn’t slept properly for at least ten days.

“You probably haven’t been sleeping either.”

I reached out to grab him, and he caught my hand. After tucking my hand back under the covers, Kallios patted the top of the blanket. He was telling me to just sleep. I quickly pulled my hand out again and grabbed his sleeve.

“Sleep with me.”

“…”

“Kallios.”

I hooked my finger into his collar as he tried to pull away.

“I’ll give you an arm pillow.”

“Brother.”

“Yeah?”

His voice was low. I tugged at his clothes, urging him.

“We have to go out tomorrow. If you’re tired, then I’ll…”

He grabbed my wrist. I watched him quietly. He gently placed my hand down on the bed.

“Do you truly have to go?”

He probably knew the reason why I had to leave the capital even better than I did. Unlike me, who was just guessing based on stories overheard in my room, he was experiencing it firsthand. He tucked my hand back into the blanket again. He straightened the covers that had been ruffled by my movement. I simply threw the blanket aside, uncovering myself down to my waist.

“Kallios.”

“If.”

As if he were a man on a mission to keep me trapped under the covers, he pulled the blanket over me once more.

“If ‘he’ were to hold onto you and tell you not to go.”

“Hmm?”

“If ‘he’… said he wanted to be with you. If he said he needed you.”

Kallios brushed my bangs aside. I closed and then opened my eyes as his hand came close. Belatedly, I realized that the “he” he was referring to was ‘Kallios.’

“Would you grant him a place by your side?”

After stroking my hair several times, he withdrew his hand. I sat up and caught him as he tried to turn away.

“What are you talking about?”

He didn’t answer. I pulled his arm as if to hurry him. He reluctantly sat on the edge of the bed but didn’t look at me. I sat close to him while looking at his profile as he stared somewhere between the window and the bedpost. He spoke.

“You are endlessly weak toward weak things, Brother.”

I didn’t quite understand why this conversation was happening. I was about to call his name, but I stayed quiet and listened to him.

“So if he wished for it, you would listen. You would accept whatever he did.”

If ‘Kallios’ needed me… Yes. I probably would have taken him in. Every time I thought of that child, my heart still ached. It was sad that he had lived with nothing, with no one by his side. If I… I couldn’t fill all the empty spaces, but if I could be even a little help, I think I would be happy. But that child is dead. The only thing I can do for him is remember and mourn.

“Even though you won’t do the same for me.”

I reached out and touched his head. I felt his soft hair.

“Why do you think that?”

But the reason I came to feel pity for ‘that child’ was that I saw him overlapping with Kallios. If he hadn’t been someone with the same face and the same name as my brother, I wouldn’t have cared so much.

“You are cold toward me, Brother.”

“…”

“Because you think that I, at least, will be fine.”

“Kallios.”

“While you still worry for him who is no longer here, for me…”

Kallios grabbed my hand. I watched him silently. He wrapped both of his hands around mine, lowered his head, and closed his eyes just before his face touched my hand. He spoke. His warm breath poured over the back of my hand.

“You think that I, of course, will be able to live without you…”

It was the first time my brother had ever acted spoiled or complained to me.

“You aren’t that child.”

“…”

“That child really had nothing, but you aren’t like that. You have me, you have Sierra, you have people on your side…”

That’s right. Marquis Lomond turned out to be quite capable. I spoke jokingly and stroked his pained-looking cheek.

“Are you jealous of him?”

He nodded slowly. I chuckled and ruffled his hair.

“My only Kallios is you, so why are you jealous of him?”

“If I were him.”

“Fool.”

I cut him off.

I pitied that child, but I didn’t love him. I wanted to save him, but I didn’t want to stay with him forever. Because the place I have to return to is here, where you are.

It’s true to some extent that I’m soft on weak things. That’s why I hate kids. Whenever I see something so fragile it looks like it’ll break if touched, I get all restless. I keep worrying, I get anxious that something might go wrong, and even though I can barely handle myself, my meddlesome personality keeps making me look that way and interfere.

“I… I like you because you are you.”

He looked at me. I smiled as I looked into his dry rose-colored eyes. I meant it. Every time I thought of that child, I only felt sad and pained. I missed him, but even if I were able to see him again, it wouldn’t make me glad or happy. But seeing Kallios was good. I felt at peace when I was with him. I felt relieved.

“Because I can trust you.”

I don’t know when it started. It just happened naturally. When faced with an overwhelming situation, the first person I thought of was him. If it’s you, you’ll protect me.

Just as he fished me out from death. Just as he woke me from that terrible nightmare.

He pressed his lips to the back of my hand. He was someone I didn’t have to wrap in my arms, despite my weak body and my powerlessness. He was also the person I, who could barely take care of myself, could lean on to my heart’s content.

I knew that he would support me while standing tall on his own two feet.

I trusted him.

I hoped for it.

As he said, I might be acting cold. It might seem like I was forcing him to stand alone, telling him not to lean on me. But…

I didn’t want to be his guardian. Taking responsibility, saving, protecting—those things are far too heavy.

“You are… only cold to me, Brother.”

“Yeah.”

Kallios let go of the hand he was holding. I lay down with my head on his lap and wrapped my arms around his waist. I buried my face against his stomach as he let out a sharp breath. His hand rested on top of my head.

“You protect me.”

“Yes.”

“Protect Sierra, too.”

“Yes.”

“And rule this country well.”

“…Yes.”

I smiled as I heard his sigh-filled answer. The sleep that wouldn’t come earlier, no matter how hard I tried, was starting to arrive bit by bit.

“I’m counting on you.”

“Yes.”

“I’m glad you’re here.”

He didn’t answer anymore. I patted his back.

“Let’s sleep.”

I let go of my arms and looked up. He stared at me blankly before moving his lap and placing a pillow under my head. Thinking he might go back to his designated seat, I grabbed his clothes. He sighed again and lay down beside me. I gave him the arm pillow, just as I had promised. Kallios lay flat on his back, looking at the ceiling, and closed his eyes.

He must have taken my words about going just the two of us literally, because he brought a horse. Only one.

“Can this… can two people ride this? Is that okay?”

Won’t the horse find it difficult? When I asked with a serious expression, he replied as if I were asking something obvious.

“Full plate armor is heavier than you, Brother.”

He meant that since the horse carries knights in armor, one more person like me was nothing. I poked my stomach for no reason. I was still skin and bones, but I’d put on a little more weight than before, so being treated as less than a suit of armor felt a bit strange.

After circling the large black horse, I got on with Kallios’s help. He climbed on right behind me.

“Oh.”

I hadn’t felt it when I was ‘Emperor Kaian,’ but being on top of a horse was quite high. Still, I wasn’t anxious because Kallios was behind me.

We set off with Isaac seeing us off. I wobbled on the moving horse and grabbed the arm of the guy holding the reins. At first, I thought about grabbing the mane, but… if the horse gets angry because its hair(?) was pulled, that would be a bit scary. If I fall, I’ll break since I’m lighter and less durable than armor. Perhaps sensing my tension, he wrapped one arm around my waist. I leaned my back against him.