When Desire Turns to Fear

“So what I’m trying to say is….”

The corner of Haeyoon’s lips trembled.
Sometimes, Haeyoon imagined what it would have been like to face Oh Jaeyeol and Ahn Seonwoo’s wedding without Jeongha.
The wounds and pain he would have felt that day would probably have left scars that would never fade.
But now, Haeyoon had entirely different memories.
The arms of Baek Jeongha that had firmly protected him when he couldn’t say a word to Seonwoo’s mother.
The gaze of Baek Jeongha that had acted more lovingly than any lover in front of the two who had abandoned him.
Though it may have been a game to Jeongha, those moments, which were nothing short of salvation for Haeyoon, kept his wounds from remaining as just wounds.
“I just wanted to say thank you.”

So in that moment, how could Jeongha have held back any longer?
How could he hold back in front of someone expressing such heavy gratitude to someone who had told him his pain was just a game?

“Thank you so much, Jeon… Mmph…!”

In an instant, Jeongha grabbed the back of Haeyoon’s neck and swallowed his lips.
Feeling the softness of his lips, an intense heat spread through Jeongha’s entire body.
He pulled Haeyoon’s frozen, startled body closer and sucked on his lower lip.
Though what touched his tongue was human skin, it was as sweet as candy.
He couldn’t think straight, as if intoxicated by pheromones.

Pheromones he couldn’t control overflowed like lava, covering Haeyoon’s body.
It was a violent scent that would have made an Omega lose their mind and drool.
The fact that Haeyoon couldn’t smell it at all didn’t matter.
It was the opposite.
That very fact excited him more.
He wanted to drench Seo Haeyoon, who, unaware, couldn’t voluntarily shake off pheromones, in his own scent, so no one would dare touch him.

Pulling the hand around Haeyoon’s neck to tilt his head back, the tip of Jeongha’s tongue continuously traced between Haeyoon’s lips.
It was a gesture akin to begging.
Lips meeting wasn’t enough.
He wanted to go deeper, to taste him.
“Hyung….”

Jeongha’s earnest voice seeped through their joined lips.
The moan-like sound bound Haeyoon like a spell.
Haeyoon’s eyes, wide with surprise, seemed to grow hazy, and then he squeezed them shut tightly.
His sealed lips parted.
It was permission.

* * * *

“Ah…!”

The moment Jeongha, who had been persistently sucking on his neck, bared his teeth and bit down, Haeyoon threw his head back with a sharp cry.
The stimulation, after so long, felt as novel as the first time, delivering a new kind of pleasure.
“S-slowly… Hah…!”

His mind felt like it was going fuzzy; he struggled to escape the onslaught of sensation, but trapped between the sofa and Jeongha’s large body, Haeyoon couldn’t move an inch.
The body settled between his parted legs felt unfamiliar.
Haeyoon’s body had been accustomed to one person, but Baek Jeongha was breaking and tearing apart everything Haeyoon had grown used to.
It felt like being conquered.
“Seo Haeyoon….”

Jeongha called his name intermittently.
Each time, Haeyoon’s body trembled with a thrilling sensation that shot up his spine.
Baek Jeongha’s movements were rough and urgent.
Ironically, that made Haeyoon’s heart race even more.

When they parted, Jaeyeol had told Haeyoon he was boring.
Saying he wanted to have children was a cowardly way to shift the blame for the breakup onto Haeyoon, a Beta.
Haeyoon had thought that was unfair.
It had been Oh Jaeyeol’s choice to be with Haeyoon; it wasn’t his place to say that.
But knowing that didn’t make it hurt any less.
And what about Ahn Seonwoo?
He had sneered, implying the root of all this was Haeyoon’s inability to hold onto Jaeyeol’s heart.
The words piled up during the breakup process had persistently tainted Haeyoon’s heart.
He had often thought that perhaps he was no longer sexually attractive to others, especially Alphas.

But then there was Baek Jeongha.
This Alpha, as if losing his mind, had devoured him, mixing their tongues, aggressively exploring every corner of his mouth.
Though he couldn’t feel the pheromones Jeongha was releasing, he couldn’t miss the scorching heat pouring over him.
“Hah…!”

It was at that moment that Jeongha’s large hand slipped under Haeyoon’s shirt.
His nerves, which had been entirely focused on the sensation of Jeongha’s persistent sucking and biting on his neck, now spread throughout his entire body.
“W-wait… Ah…!”

Jeongha’s hand, which had stroked his heaving stomach a few times, grabbed Haeyoon’s chest fully.
When his fingertip rubbed against the hardened nipple, Haeyoon’s back arched sharply.
“You’re really hard here….”

Jeongha whispered, his lips now at Haeyoon’s ear.
The hot breath seeped into his ear, and Haeyoon’s tightly shut eyes fluttered.
The stimulation was so intense he wanted to run away, yet at the same time, he felt a desire for Jeongha to push him even rougher.
So he couldn’t think of anything.
So that none of those painful memories could resurface.

As if responding to that desire, both of Jeongha’s hands went to the button of Haeyoon’s pants.
And just as he was about to unbutton them, to undress him.
“……!”

In an instant, Haeyoon’s eyes, which had been glazed with pleasure, changed color.
Haeyoon blinked, frightened.
He wasn’t dreaming, but in that moment, Haeyoon’s eyes saw another time, not the present.
Two people tangled like beasts, gasping for breath.
Bodies slick with sweat, moving vigorously, intertwined, having called Haeyoon there as if to show off.
His lover and his friend, who had only looked out for each other, ignoring the shocked Haeyoon standing there.
The dirty, repulsive air they had emitted.
“S-stop….”

Tears welled in his unfocused eyes.
Haeyoon’s trembling hands pushed at Jeongha’s shoulders, but the strength was feeble, and Jeongha, too aroused, didn’t catch the whisper that was barely more than a breath.
When Jeongha, not noticing Haeyoon’s change, put more force into his hands to remove his pants, Haeyoon twisted his body almost convulsively.
“No, I don’t… stop, no…! Hic…!”
“Seo Haeyoon…?”

Only then did Jeongha notice Haeyoon’s state.
Startled, he released his hands, which had been trying to remove the pants, and raised his upper body.
There, pale as a sheet, trembling, was Haeyoon, on the verge of tears.
“St-stop… stop… no….”
“Haeyoon. Seo Haeyoon, snap out of it…!”

Flustered by Haeyoon’s sudden reaction at first, Jeongha quickly composed himself.
He wasn’t sure exactly what caused it, but Haeyoon was clearly frightened.
Jeongha relaxed his body as much as possible, carefully cupped Haeyoon’s thrashing cheeks with both hands, and met his eyes.
“Haeyoon. Hyung, look at me. Look at me. It’s okay. It’s okay, so see who I am.”

Haeyoon’s eyes, completely unfocused, didn’t seem to see him.
What nightmare Haeyoon was lost in wasn’t the important thing.
What mattered now was pulling Seo Haeyoon, suffering as he wandered in a vast, hopeless universe, back to his side.
“It’s me. I’m here.”

Even as Haeyoon’s frightened arms flailed and hit him, Jeongha ignored it and continued to soothe him.
Getting hit like that didn’t even hurt.
What hurt Jeongha most right now was the pain Haeyoon was feeling in this moment.
He shouldn’t have done this.
No matter how much he wanted to drive away the sickening Ahn Seonwoo, he shouldn’t have dragged this person into it.
He shouldn’t have thought, spoken, acted so lightly.
If he had known Seo Haeyoon was like this.
If he had known he would hurt this much.
If he had known back then that he would come to care for this person so much.

“Seo Haeyoon….”

A storm of unbearable emotions swept through Jeongha.
Seo Haeyoon didn’t know.
He didn’t know who the truly stranded castaway was, alone in a vast, hopeless universe.
What Baek Jeongha was experiencing now was a true disaster.
An unrecoverable shock.
Taking in this unfamiliar, almost despairing sensation with his entire being, Jeongha called Haeyoon’s name like a prayer, over and over.
“Baek Jeongha…?”

Finally, Haeyoon responded to the call.
Jeongha felt a relief so intense it brought tears to his eyes as he carefully wiped Haeyoon’s wet eyes.
“Yeah. Baek Jeongha. You recognize me?”
“Ah….”

Haeyoon blinked repeatedly, trying to understand the situation.
The memories and sensations—excitement, fluttering, fear, horror—all tangled together, clouding his thoughts.

For Haeyoon’s sake, Jeongha moved first.
He straightened Haeyoon’s disheveled clothes, carefully helped him sit up, then took the blanket lying nearby and draped it over Haeyoon’s shaking shoulders.
Each time Jeongha’s delicate, gentle touch landed, Haeyoon’s emotions calmed a little.
Now focused, Haeyoon’s eyes quietly reflected the image of Jeongha taking care of him without wavering.
“Jeongha….”

As he called his name softly, Haeyoon’s voice was filled with apology.
It was only natural.
Haeyoon was not a child who knew nothing.
When they first kissed, Jeongha had clearly sought Haeyoon’s permission, and it was he who had actively accepted Jeongha’s advances.
And not only that.
He had been so excited by Jeongha’s stimulation that he almost lost his mind.
And yet, suddenly panicking and acting as if he were being assaulted must have felt unfair to Jeongha.
What crime had Jeongha committed, enjoying the heated atmosphere one moment and being struck by lightning the next?

Just as Haeyoon, thinking he should offer a proper apology, was about to speak, still hiding his trembling body, Jeongha spoke first.
“I’m sorry.”