The Inevitable Confrontation

The second room assignment was free of any tricks.

“Oh, Yohan!”

His roommate, determined by drawing lots, was Son Yoonjae. Jio couldn’t decide whether to be happy or sad about the impeccable timing.

“I shouldn’t have underestimated the stamina of someone in their early twenties.”

Son Yoonjae squeezed out every last drop of his energy to dry his hair, then immediately collapsed onto the bed. He looked like a blob of slime melted onto asphalt.

His eyes were already half-closed. Yet, his mouth continued to move diligently, seemingly regretting that after spending the night, they would have to finish filming and return home.

‘He doesn’t want to let today end like this.’

“Perhaps they just have exceptionally good stamina, don’t you think?”

“Right? I didn’t think I was that energetic even when I was their age.”

While his height was roughly similar to theirs, his build was vastly different. Although he had gained more muscle than when he was a paper-thin twenty-year-old, he still couldn’t compare to the HEX members.

No matter how hard he worked out, he simply wasn’t the type to build muscle easily.

“Seon asked if we could work on a song together later… I hope it happens. And I really like your voice, Yohan. I was so moved when I heard your last title track.”

His pronunciation grew increasingly slurred, heavy with sleep. It was quite proactive for Lee Seon, though. After envying his and Han Doyoung’s duet, his ambition was now manifesting in this way.

“It would have been more fun just with the members. Was it uncomfortable with me joining in?”

“Not at all.”

His adaptable personality, which allowed him to blend in effortlessly anywhere, played a significant role. Even the strong-willed and finicky HEX members, with the exception of Yoon Jihyuk, seemed to have opened up to him.

They spoke casually and seemed to have even exchanged numbers.

“That’s a relief.”

Son Yoonjae’s voice, having shed its unnecessary worries, faded away. As silence settled, Jio turned off the light, lay down, and tried to sleep.

Then, a weak murmur came from beside him.

“I miss my kids too…”

Jio froze for a moment, swallowing his breath.

After that, only the soft, regular breathing indicated that he had truly fallen asleep. Jio, however, couldn’t sleep for a long time. His mind was in turmoil, so much so that he couldn’t discern what he wished to reclaim or what he longed to leave behind.

****

When Jio opened his eyes again, brilliant sunlight streamed in through the window.

Son Yoonjae, having slept soundly, was now pulling back the curtains with a refreshed face, preparing to leave. Jio, having failed to get proper rest, sat there blankly, clutching his throbbing head.

“What time is it?”

“It’s ten o’clock.”

Everyone else had woken up much earlier, and it was almost time to depart. With his still-groggy, sleep-deprived mind, Jio barely processed the information and mechanically packed his belongings. After all, he couldn’t afford to disrupt the schedule.

After taking his medicine, his mind seemed to clear a little.

“How are the other members doing these days?”

Son Yoonjae’s busy hands paused. He seemed a little puzzled as to why Jio was asking such a question.

“Donghwi is working hard on variety shows, and Hanbyul is still looking for a new agency.”

“…Didn’t he already have a company lined up?”

“That fell through during negotiations… Did Jio tell you that much? No, that can’t be right. That would have been when you, Yohan, were busy after your debut.”

‘Damn it.’ His heart sank for a moment, but Son Yoonjae didn’t press the question further, seemingly accepting his vague response.

“I told him he could come to our company if things didn’t work out, but he said he wanted to do hip-hop, so he refused.”

He grumbled, yet warmth laced his voice.

“Are the other members generally positive about a re-formation?”

“Hmm, Hanbyul might need some convincing. His idol activities were so difficult that he seems to have completely given up on being an idol. He even said he’d like to erase the past and start anew if he could.”

Once the floodgates opened, Son Yoonjae poured out his unfiltered circumstances and thoughts, as if he had been waiting all this time for a place to confide.

“It’s truly a difficult problem. Our songs were so unique, weren’t they? They hold our memories and our fans’ memories, but… there’s a limit to how well we can package them to bring them back. We’ll have to make compromises and try to lead them somehow.”

He muttered gloomily.

“If Jio were here, we would have reached a conclusion more easily.”

‘Why does he trust Lee Jio so much? He’s just as reckless and immature.’ The absolute trust made him happy, yet it also felt a little suffocating.

To change the subject, Jio asked the question he most wanted to ask.

“…How are Jio’s family doing?”

“Huh? Ah, you mean that. The damage wasn’t too severe.”

Apparently, his younger sibling had cut them off so sharply that they couldn’t even find an opportunity to help. Whoever he took after, he certainly never let himself be outdone.

“Actually, more than anything else, because I kept visiting, it just made things more…”

The moment Son Yoonjae was about to explain further, a cheerful voice echoed from beyond the door.

“Hyung! What are you doing in here?”

“I came up to find you two.”

The two conversing were Lee Seon and Yoon Jihyuk. Lee Seon, without a hint of question, raised his voice even louder.

“Aha. Kwon Yohan! Yoonjae Hyung! Let’s go!”

Son Yoonjae, whose words had been cut off, silently mouthed them before giving up and asking with a faint smile,

“…Shall we go?”

‘The timing is odd. Was he eavesdropping?’

‘The conversation wasn’t particularly strange. Even if he heard… it should be fine.’

****

Inside the car returning to the dorm, Jio repeatedly organized his thoughts. Along with them came videos of Red Moon that he hadn’t dared to watch before.

Footage from their debut, when they garnered some decent reactions, and especially when they were booed. Moments when they struggled after transitioning from a seven-member to a five-member group. Gradually, the dates approached the present, and videos from their final promotional period played on the screen.

He was so deeply engrossed that it wasn’t until the members, who had already gotten out after the car pulled into the dorm parking lot, called his name repeatedly that he realized they had arrived.

“How loud did you have that playing that you couldn’t hear us calling? Turn it down a bit. We already hear so much loud noise; you’ll ruin your hearing.”

On the way up the elevator, Lee Seon incessantly nagged him. ‘Well, the volume was probably only about half of the maximum.’ Jio merely shrugged, choosing not to argue.

As soon as he entered his room and put down his luggage, he dashed into the bathroom.

“Kwon Yohan.”

The figure, who had been huddled, startled and lifted his head.

-Yes, yes?

“Let’s talk.”

Kwon Yohan, his face taut with tension, straightened his posture.

“I can’t do this anymore.”

-…Do what?

“Living as Kwon Yohan, I can’t keep doing it.”

The boy, who had frozen with a face instantly drained of color, soon began a desperate plea.

-Why? My family is well-off. If you don’t like being an idol, you can just quit and stay home, spending lavishly without a worry for the rest of your life. No one will force you to work.

“It’s strange that you, who hated living that way, believe I’d be fine with it.”

-…You could do everything you want, buy everything you want, and never have to worry about debt. You said you accumulated debt during your Red Moon activities.

“I’ll find a way to resolve that in time.”

Despair instantly flashed across Kwon Yohan’s speechless face.

-Is it because of your body? Because you hate being sick?

“While no one enjoys that… that’s not the main issue right now.”

He hadn’t expected to find empathy from the start. Even if Kwon Yohan and he shared this strange predicament, their circumstances were distinctly different.

“Abandoning memories, family, and all other human relationships isn’t as easy as it sounds. Still, it was bearable to live and forget. As you said, I didn’t have to worry about money, and performing on stages I’d never even imagined was enjoyable.”

‘He might think I’ve enjoyed all the benefits and am now just throwing it all away.’

“But I’m not there.”

Just as Jio couldn’t perfectly understand Kwon Yohan, there was no way Kwon Yohan could perfectly understand him. The sense of loss from not being able to live as ‘Lee Jio’ was a feeling only he could truly comprehend.

Yet, perhaps there was one thing Kwon Yohan could accept.

“Even if it’s messy and bleak, Lee Jio must live as Lee Jio, and Kwon Yohan must live as Kwon Yohan. That’s all there is to it.”

Kwon Yohan mumbled in a hushed voice.

-…There’s no guarantee we can even go back, is there?

“Do you still not understand? It means I’d rather die as Lee Jio.”

****

After that day, an unwelcome cold war persisted for several days due to Kwon Yohan’s unilateral refusal to communicate. While a part of Jio worried he might have pushed his own agenda too hard, he had no intention of retracting his words.

Given their differing desires, this conflict was inevitable. He decided to accept it as such.

‘I can go back.’

He refined his plans for returning, reaffirming his resolve multiple times. Simultaneously, as preparations for the tour began in earnest, HEX became embroiled in a controversy more intense than anything they had experienced before.

[I’m Exposing HEX’s Han Doyoung]

A post on an online community was the catalyst.