Chapter 5: Freak

Normal.

Or ordinary. Or common sense. Or….

“…“

Well, the word doesn’t matter. It’s the meaning that’s important.

…It’s strange..

When did I realize I wasn’t normal?

I think I started to feel a sense of incongruity around the time I entered puberty.

..It’s hot…

That I was different from others. That I was somehow strange.

From the first step in the process of changing from an ignorant child to an adult, the girl who faced her true self, which she had been too young to notice—

….No. It’s not hot. I just…must have caught a cold.

-decided to hide her true self.

The world likes normal.

You can say ordinary or common sense. Anyway, the meaning is similar.

Norms, morals, a cage made of empty words that only sound good.

People want to trap others in that cage. They want them to stay quiet and just chirp, without flapping their wings.

When the girl faced her true self, that tendency was even more severe than it is now.

The girl was born into a wealthy environment…no, an environment that even the word wealthy couldn’t describe.

How many people in Korea are born with such a brilliantly shining spoon? Would it be 1 percent? Would it even exceed 0.5 percent?

She had wealth and honor. Naturally, she also held power. In the right hand of the girl who hoped for normalcy, there was always a dazzling proof that made her hope feel like a deception.

But as a certain superhero comic book in the United States said, with great power comes great responsibility. The girl’s father was a man with great power, and he had a lot of responsibilities.

A person like her father is not someone who can get away with just taking care of himself.

This is because the eyes of hyenas, ready to bite at even the slightest gap, are not necessarily directed only at the prey.

Hyenas always look around the prey. And they look for weaknesses around them, and use them as an excuse to bite the prey. The girl’s father was a tempting prey that attracted the attention of hyenas, and at the same time, he was someone who knew better than anyone how not to be caught by hyenas.

The fact that the girl, who was only fourteen, decided to hide something was greatly influenced by such family history. At least to the girl, that secret was difficult to reveal to others.

And even now that it is no longer a reason for blame, she is still keeping the secret.

No matter how much the world has changed, there are still people who will dislike her secret, and her father is still in a position where he has to minimize the number of people who will dislike him.

That’s why she has always kept her secret, which even her family doesn’t know.

Until he appeared, that is.

Hello, are you Team Leader Cha Hyewon….?

The first thought I had when I saw him was ‘tall’.

My name is Seo Hanbyeol, and I’ve been newly assigned to your team!

He was indeed quite tall. To the point of barely reaching the threshold of the top ranks compared to the countless people I’ve seen in my life. His impression was very gentle and pretty, which was incongruous with his large size. It was slightly dissonant.

I’m new to the company, so I have a lot to learn….but I’ll do my best!

The fact that I didn’t feel intimidated despite his height meant that his impression and atmosphere felt harmless and comfortable.

Maybe I had a premonition from then on, that he would blend into this new environment very quickly.

It won’t do if you have a lot to learn.

Yes..?

Because I’m a very bad boss.

And the future where I would be at odds with him.

As his first impression, Seo Hanbyeol was a good person.

A human receptacle that can be accepted anywhere and blend into any atmosphere. There was no one who disliked him, who was always sincere, always polite, and always positive.

Team Leader Cha, aren’t you being too hard on intern Seo Hanbyeol? He hasn’t even been an intern for long…

The fact that the team leader of the next department said that less than a month after he joined the company shows how friendly he was. Seeing him become so friendly with the company people to the point of making me laugh, I suddenly thought of a capybara.

I didn’t think badly of Seo Hanbyeol either. Rather, I thought well of him.

He’s a bit clumsy, but he’s not lacking in ability, he’s sincere, and he’s enthusiastic about his work. Where can you easily find a new employee like that?

It’s just that my personality, which, according to a subordinate, is like a ‘devil who likes to suck the marrow out of people’, didn’t leave him alone.

Team Leader, have some coffee~.

…I don’t drink coffee.

.Ah. Then iced tea….I bought it for myself, but..

Even so, he didn’t lose his smile or kindness. There were no exceptions to his kindness.

A person you can’t find a reason to hate even if you want to. Who could hate such a person?

Um….Team Leader…W-Would you go out with me!

That’s why when the words I thought I would never hear in my life came out of his mouth.

….Would that be okay.

I couldn’t coldly reject his confession, as he trembled and bit his lower lip, unlike usual.

Seo Hanbyeol as a lover…I think he was definitely a great person.

His considerate personality was no exception even as a lover, and he was also devoted.

He always cared for me and did his best to make me happy.

Actually, the time with him was enjoyable. Although I didn’t show it.

…Seo Hanbyeol.

That was the problem.

He was perfect as a lover. Appearance, personality, nothing was lacking, he was a perfect lover. A normal woman would never have let go of such a person. Maybe they would have gotten married.

But I wasn’t a normal woman.

There was one flaw, a very big flaw, in Seo Hanbyeol, in my eyes, which are difficult to describe simply as eccentric.

A decisive flaw that would never be a flaw to others, but only to me.

Let’s break up.

So I broke up with him.

Because that flaw was something he couldn’t help no matter how hard he tried.

No, it’s ridiculous to call it a flaw in the first place. He did nothing wrong.

The fault lies entirely with me, with me who was born like this.

The best way would have been not to accept his confession in the first place.

But I couldn’t refuse his confession. I didn’t want to see such a kind and gentle person get hurt.

That foolish thought hurt him even more. A scratch that would heal quickly with a little time turned into a deep wound that might leave a scar.

But I didn’t regret telling him to break up. If I hadn’t made a decision then, it wouldn’t have been a wound, but I would have torn his heart to shreds.

I, Cha Hyewon, couldn’t fall in love with Seo Hanbyeol. No matter what happened, I couldn’t love him as a lover.

As the days went by, my affection for him grew deeper, but the direction was never romantic.

Friendship, not affection, affection as a friend, not a lover.

I was sure that if I hadn’t broken up with him knowing that, our relationship would have ended much more tragically.

….Ah, T-Team Leader!

…Who are you..?

It’s me, Seo Hanbyeol! I have my ID card here!

….Yes..???

But the situation changed.

Because one day he, or rather she, appeared. In a state where I couldn’t even guess what happened.

….The Seo Hanbyeol I know is not a woman..

Th-That’s right…! There’s a reason for this….!!

The Seo Hanbyeol I knew was clearly a man. An adult male with a history of serving in the military.

But the stranger who claimed to be Seo Hanbyeol was a woman.

Unlike him, who was a tall man who far exceeded the average height of Korean adult men, she was shorter than me.

Unlike him, who enjoyed exercising and had broad shoulders and visible muscles, there were no muscles on her body.

Nevertheless, I felt that he was the real Seo Hanbyeol.

Because I felt the harmless atmosphere that I felt from him before, from her as well.

In conclusion, he was Seo Hanbyeol. Since the hospital and government agencies recognized that he was Seo Hanbyeol, what part could a mere company employee find fault with?

I silently watched him shed tears of joy as he successfully returned to work.

I know that even thinking this is rude to him and a great discourtesy.

Nevertheless, I inadvertently muttered to myself.

“….The flaw is gone.”

I said.

The reason I couldn’t love Seo Hanbyeol.

It was entirely because of my orientation, my sexual orientation.

Freak.

A taste that was considered monstrous in the past and is still treated as eccentric.

“..I wish I was born normal.”

I, Cha Hyewon, like women.

“If I had, I wouldn’t be 고민ing like this…”

Women, not men.