The Hole in the Quilt

“Haah…….”

She pushed aside the now-meaningless papers.

She picked up the items scattered across the floor.

Even just the things within arm’s reach already filled her hands.

Left alone in the usually quiet semi-basement, everything felt unreal.

It felt like a dream.

What if she had actually fallen asleep long ago and was still trapped inside a long dream?

If the room had not been so thoroughly wrecked, Ju Hayan might have dismissed it as a pointless bad dream.

She had clearly gone far that morning to take the college entrance exam.

After that, she had gotten a ride home in the awkward car of a classmate’s parent.

It was the last essay exam out of the two applications she had submitted.

It was the end of her patience, spent watching Lee Jonghun fool around while she could only endure after finishing the CSAT.

She felt a little dazed.

But she mostly felt relieved.

She had completed the one task assigned to her youth.

Maybe now she could rest a little.

Like any other nineteen-year-old.

Without worries.

That was what she had thought.

“Snff.”

Ju Hayan inhaled sharply as her nose stung.

Her vision kept blurring.

She rubbed her eyes with her sleeve.

Even that hurt.

The skin around her eyes was already chafed and sore.

She crawled around the floor on her knees.

She picked things up one by one.

She shoved the fallen drawer back into place.

She gathered the towel that had been kicked far away.

She stacked it off to one side.

She collected the coins scattered between objects.

She put them into a small accessory case.

She placed the case into the dresser.

They were the bits of change she had saved from grocery shopping.

“Hh… ngh… hhk.”

Tears soaked her cheeks.

Her face became sticky and wet.

Ju Hayan did not bother wiping her face.

Her face was shiny.

Her face was horribly twisted.

Her focus kept slipping.

Her hands reached out to grab things.

Her fingers brushed only against the floor.

It happened again.

It was already the third time.

After roughly clearing away the larger items, she found her phone.

It was buried under the blanket.

[Are you asleep?]

It was a message from Lee Jonghun.

It had likely been sent because she had not replied.

There were no other messages.

She snapped the phone shut with a sharp click.

She set it down.

She lifted the blanket.

Her shoulders shook as her breath came faster and faster.

She turned the heavy blanket over in her hands.

She remembered the cigarette she had stubbed out roughly earlier.

“Shit.”

Near the top of the thick quilt, a hole had been burned through.

It was right at the center.

The embroidery there was especially elaborate.

It was the blanket she loved.

It was the blanket she slept under every day.

Blackened threads clung together around the hole.

“There’s a hole.”

“Hhk.”

“There’s a hole.”

She rubbed the spot with her thumb.

Only soot came off.

The hole did not close.

The burn marks did not disappear.

Her mouth hung open as she cried.

Saliva stuck to her lips.

Ju Hayan collapsed face-first onto the blanket.

She did not care that it had been stepped on.

She did not care that it had been kicked around.

She did not care that it was dirty.

She was simply miserable.

“Why are you doing this to me.”

“I didn’t borrow the money.”

“Why me.”

“Why.”

“Why did you hit me.”

“Why.”

“What did I do for you to hit me.”

“Aaah…….”

“Hhk.”

“Ahh.”

Her sobs sounded like those of a five-year-old child.

The blanket muffled the sound.

The sobs circled inside the narrow room.

It was unfair.

It was so unfair that her chest burned.

Her head felt hot with it.

Why did life look like this only for her.

The person who brought Ju Hayan into this world was the same person who ruined her short life.

That thought made her boil with anger.

In the end, all the consequences fell to Ju Hayan.

When poverty enters through the front door, love escapes through the window.

The moment poverty squeezed its bloated body through the door, love was crushed aside.

Love fled through the open window at the back.

Cold wind spun through the living room.

Only poverty remained beside her.

With no other choice, she tried to hold even that cold thing.

Instead of warmth, it only hollowed her out further.

“Hhk….”

“Ngh.”

She struck the blanket with her fist.

The soft blanket wrapped around her hand like dough.

It did not hurt.

Tears, snot, and saliva soaked into the blanket.

Her face was buried in it.

As her breathing gradually grew strained, she lifted her head from the filthy, damp blanket.

She clenched her hand tightly.

The fabric crumpled with a rustling sound.

‘Let’s run.’

That was the only thought in her mind at that moment.

‘I can still run.’

The person who owed the debt had already run away.

There was no reason she could not do the same.

The debt would be left behind with nowhere to go.

That was none of her concern.

Ju Hayan hesitated and then planted her knees.

Her mind started working fast.

If she was going to run, now was the time.

The loan sharks had already caused one scene.

They would not come back again today.

She had no intention of watching them barge in again, corner her, and wreck the house.

They were pushing responsibility for a debt she never owed onto her.

On top of that, Ju Hayan was still a student.

A debt from a debtor who was not even dead being passed down to a child who was not even legally an adult yet made no sense.

Even to Ju Hayan, who knew nothing about debts or private loans, it was absurd.

“Where do I go.”

“Where.”

She had never resented the lack of an old computer in the house this much before.

Poverty always grabbed Ju Hayan by the ankle.

In a rush, she drew a map of the neighborhood in her head.

She had been to the nearby intercity bus terminal a few times.

She could not remember the bus numbers clearly.

But she could check the route map at the stop.

She needed to go far away.

Somewhere the loan sharks would have to go through trouble to find.

But it could not be too far either.

“Damn it.”

Ju Hayan bit the inside of her cheek, leaving teeth marks behind.

The school uniform she still had not taken off had never felt this suffocating.

She would run for a week.

No, maybe just three days.

The loan sharks did not even know which school she attended.

The school and this place were far apart.

If she was careful, she might not get caught.

After choosing a suitable place, she stood up immediately.

She washed her sticky, filthy face with water.

Her eyes and nose were red.

She splashed cold water on her face until her cheeks flushed.

She checked her reflection in the small mirror above the sink.

She wiped the water off roughly with a towel.

“One.”

“Two.”

“Three.”

“Four.”

She first pulled out the bankbooks she had hidden around the house.

They were tucked behind the wardrobe and under the sink.

She flinched and glanced toward the front door at every small sound.

After gathering all four bankbooks, she dumped out her school backpack.

Items spilled onto the floor.

Her essay prep book fell heavily and crumpled.

She did not feel any regret.

She put the bankbooks in first.

She packed only the things she needed immediately.

Things I need right now.

Things I need right now.

She repeated it like a spell.

The bag was lighter than she expected.

She had lived here for over three years.

Yet she could not even fill one backpack.

She had never thought of this place as her home.

Compared to the previous places she had lived, where she never stayed longer than half a year to a year, it had been a long time.

Even so, she had only been grateful to have a place to lie her body down.

Now she was about to lose even that.

But it was fine.

Both she and the house were already abandoned.

She did not feel sentimental.

Finally, she tore through the house and pulled out everything she had carefully organized.

Anything that could identify her school or people around her, she ripped or scribbled over.

The house ended up looking like it had been robbed.

“The terminal.”

“The bus to the terminal….”

As soon as she reached the nearest bus stop, she checked the route map on the wall.

She read every route twice.

There was nothing that said intercity bus terminal.

With no other choice, she boarded a bus heading toward downtown.

There would be more buses where there were more people.

Throughout the ride on the small village bus, Ju Hayan anxiously stared out the window.

By the time she finally found a bus number that stopped at the intercity terminal, she did not realize she had been muttering to herself the entire time.

Her heart pounded so hard her chest felt tight.

This stop is the intercity bus terminal.

The next stop is……

It took a full hour to arrive.

She was impatient to get out of the neighborhood as soon as possible.

But a taxi felt like a waste of money.

Riding the bus doubled the time.

“Your fare is 4,200 won.”

“Received 4,200 won.”

Ju Hayan handed over the warm coins and crumpled bills she had been clutching in her hand.

The clerk flinched slightly, as if uncomfortable with her shabby appearance.

Then the clerk slid a palm-sized piece of paper through the narrow window.

It was a stiff bus ticket.

Ju Hayan turned away from the ticket booth and scanned her surroundings.

She chose a destination city that was an hour and a half away by car.

Among the buses about to depart, it had the longest travel time.

The longer it took, the farther away it would go.

It was her own form of rational reasoning.

Kiiik—

The green chairs in the old terminal waiting room let out an unpleasant metallic screech whenever weight was placed on them.

She could not sit still.

Each time she shifted, the chair shrieked.

The man next to her reading a newspaper shot her a glare.

She did not have the leisure to care.

Ju Hayan blankly watched the people facing the television while constantly checking the clock behind her.

16:00.

Departure in twenty minutes.

There was no electronic display in the terminal.

She repeatedly checked the boarding platform outside the glass doors and her ticket.

From her seat, she could not see the platform number printed on the ticket.

She had to crane her neck.

Afraid she might miss it, her anxiety grew.

She kept checking the time.

In less than a minute, she checked the clock three times.

She finally decided it would be better to wait outside.

Even if it was cold, keeping it in sight would be more reassuring than sitting restlessly.

16:10.

Departure in ten minutes.

She pulled the bag from the seat onto her lap.

She took out her phone and checked the time.

She carefully put it back into the front pocket.

She slung the bag over her back.

Bending forward under the thick padding of her coat, Ju Hayan pricked up her ears.

It was instinctive as her field of vision narrowed.

The noise of the weekend afternoon terminal poured in.

A middle-aged man loudly talking on the phone two rows ahead.

The ticket booth microphone.

Footsteps hitting the tiled floor.

And the sound of old metal.

Usang Intercity Bus Terminal was old.

Everything was worn and rusted.

The green chairs in the waiting room screeched with metal at the slightest weight.

Up close, the sound was painful to the ears.

Kiiik—

Just like now.